I realise this is a lot later than mid December... but... late is better than never, right? :$
Anyway, enjoy ;D
"You know," said Alec, driving the wrecked remained of his father's car, "everyone says Raphael is such a bad ass, but, I think he's kind of a sweetheart."
"I think he's mean," said Eric, from the backseat.
"All right," said Jace from the passenger seat. "I think it's officially time we call Isabelle."
"Hallelujah!" Cried Alec. "Finally, Jace says something that makes sense!"
"I mean, we don't have much of a choice." Jace ignored Alec; he was used to his irrational behaviour. "And who knows, maybe she's heard from Simon."
"That's what I've been saying this whole time!" Alec liked being the voice of sense.
"We just need to be completely honest," Jace said as they stopped at a red light. "We need to tell her everything."
"We don't have to tell her everything," Alec said. "I mean, we can leave out the stuff about me marrying a warlock hooker. Just stay focused on Simon."
"What are we gonna tell your dad about his car, Alec?" Eric panicked.
"Eric, relax," said Jace. "It's just the inside, come on. I got a guy in LA who's great with interiors." He didn't really. Jace didn't even know anyone who lived in LA.
They screamed in terror as a massive gas guzzling four by four zoomed into the side of their car, slamming them off the road and into a sign for a porn shop on the pavement, completely destroying the exterior of the car, but surprisingly, none of them were hurt.
Just as they thought that all damage was finished, one of the suggestive lighting up girls of the sign crashed through the soft top, almost bonking Eric on the head.
"For the love of the Angel!"
The black car reversed smoothly onto the side of the road, and the two familiar figures of Clary and Jonathan emerged from the car, along with their gracious father, Valentine, this time fully clothed in a black coat white trouser broad suit. Slowly, he paced over to look at the trio from the front of their car.
"I know that guy!" exclaimed Eric. "That's the guy from the trunk!"
Alec and Jace knew this more than too well.
"Get out of the car," Valentine's deep timbre shook them. "Please." Valentine always believed in being polite.
They hesitated; Valentine had no time for hesitation.
"Removed them if they cannot remove themselves," Valentine said calmy.
"Let's go!" Said Jonathan, grabbing Jace by the shoulders through the broken window.
"Okay," said Jace with a lack of defence, as he allowed Jonathan to pull him through the window. "Okay, all right!"
"Let's go," said Clary, dragging Alec out the same window once Jace was out.
"Hey, relax!" Yelled Alec. "Ouch!"
"Get the fat boy." Said Valentine, pointing at Eric indifferently.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Screamed Eric as they both pulled him out the window.
"All right, all right!" Jace stepped in, as Eric tried to take a swing at them both.
"Take it easy," said Alec. "Take it easy!"
"I want my purse back, assholes," Valentine roared, his voice taking on a deep crescendo.
"What?" said Jace, leaning on the side of the car to help alleviate the pain in his side.
"That's not a purse, it's a satchel!" Eric panted really quickly.
"It's a purse," Valentine spat, "okay? And you stole it from the wrong guy."
"Wait a second, wait a second," said Jace. "We stole from you?"
"Okay, you know what?" said Alec, finally reaching breaking point. He was surprised he had lasted this long. "We don't remember anything that happened last night, so help us out a little here!"
"Well, apparently," said Clary, "you guys met at a craps table late last night. Yeah, you were on a real heater," she pointed to Eric. She was actually surprised he didn't recognise her, after knowing her for most of her life. "And he played your hot streak. He ended up winning just under eighty grand."
"No shit," Jace said automatically. Ever since growing up, all he ever cared about was money. "Eighty grand is nice!"
"Okay, that's good," Alec said, failing to see how they could be in all this shit.
"He put the chips in his purse, then you guys took off with it!"
"That doesn't sound like us," Alec shook his head; he was the responsible one of the group.
"Mine had eighty thousand dollars inside," Valentine gripped the purse angrily. "And this one? Nothing!" He threw it on the ground, and stomped all over it.
"Hey!" Yelled Eric. "There are skittles in there!"
"Ow!" he yelped as Clary punched him in the stomach forcefully. "Oh, not again!" He hid behind Alec.
Valentine chuckled gleefully.
"Don't let the beard fool you!" Alec yelled. "He's a child!"
"It's funny because he's fat!" Valentine was nearly keeling over with intense laughter.
"Now look," said Alec. "This was obviously a very simple misunderstanding. Eric picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal!"
"Okay," said Valentine, "if it's 'no big deal', why, when I come after you guys, he," he pointed to Jace, "starts screaming like crazy and throws me in the trunk?"
"What?" Jace was secretly pleased with himself; he hadn't felt so powerful in years. "I did that?"
"Yeah," Clary pointed her finger at him accusingly. "You said he was your lucky charm and you wanted to take him home with you."
Jace and Alec laughed nervously.
"Lucky charm!"
"It's just funny!"
Valentine laughed along with them, and somehow slipped the words "fuck you" onto the end of it. You had to admire the man.
"If you want to see your friend again," Valentine said seriously, "you get me my eighty grand."
"What?"
"Our friend?"
"You have Simon?" Screamed Alec.
"You know about our friend?" said Jace.
Jonathan chapped on the side of the car. From the inside, there was an indistinct muffled voice.
"Simon!" They yelled, seeing a masked figure in the back of the car.
"Simon's in the car!" They yelled, as Clary and Jonathan fought to hold them back from the car.
"You, chill out, ginger!" Jace screamed as Clary pushed him back to Alec and Eric. "Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands in the air, "all right, fine."
"What do you want?" Alec asked.
"Not so good now, douche bag," Valentine smiled.
"Look, we're very sorry," said Jace, "but this is an easy fix. Eric, where's his purse?"
"I don't know!" he cried.
"It's in the hotel room, right?" Alec said, logically putting things together.
"Yeah, we can get it," Jace pleaded.
"We can get you the purse; we can even write you a check right now!"
"No chance," Valentine was incredibly untrustworthy. "Cash only."
"There's a person in there!" Alec screamed.
Valentine pretended to yawn. "Boring. I'm going to nap," he said. "Let's go," he motioned to Clary and Jonathan to follow him.
"Wait!" said Jace. "I'm sorry we're boring you!"
"Simon, it's okay!" Alec yelled. "You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!"
"Wait!" Jace screamed, as the began to drive away. "You're not going anywhere!" They tried to hold the car down, but, of course, they couldn't. The car easily brushed them off, and their attempts were futile. But, the car did stop.
Valentine rolled down his black tinted window. "Bring the money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn."
"What?"
"Toodle-oo, motherfucker!" Valentine screamed as the car drove away full speed.
Alec checked the cupboard, checking under the spare sheets. Eric tried looking in the suggestively filled drawers for the satchel. Jace even helped to look by sweeping the chicken off the counter top and checking in the kitchen.
"Guys, I'm telling you I looked for it everywhere this morning before we left," Eric said, accepting that the satchel was not in the hotel room. "It's not anywhere."
"Fuck!" Jace threw his hands in the air. "Alec, how much you got in the bank?"
"About ten grand, maybe," he said. "I was gonna use it for the wedding."
"Well, you're already married, so you're good there." Jace said, joining Alec and Eric in the living room area. "Besides, enough with Maia, she's the worst."
"Yeah," said Eric. "Simon told me she had sex with a pilot or something like that."
"It was a bartender on a cruise!" Said Alec. "What is wrong with you people?"
Eric looked under a cushion of a chair, found a piece of pizza, and took a bite.
"Eww, Eric, did you just eat sofa pizza?" Asked Alec.
"Yes." Eric said with no shame.
"What are we going to do?" said Jace. "We are so fucked."
"Hey, guys?" said Eric.
"Did you find it?" Alec asked.
"Nope," said Eric. "But check this out." He showed them a copy of The World's Greatest Blackjack Book.
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