Saturday was here and I didn't want to get out of bed. I was curious to know if the guys were here, but the other half of me was so upset that they got to me and I said so many things.
A little while after I woke up, I finally made my way downstairs and found everyone still here. They were all asleep, spread out everywhere in the family room.
Part of me felt bad, but part of me just wanted to ignore it all.
I walked into the kitchen quietly and started the coffee. They would want it when they woke up.
I went back upstairs to change into some sweats to go running. When I came back down they were all still sleeping and I was beyond happy.
I grabbed some orange juice from the fridge and poured myself a glass. I looked out the window and just stood there in my thoughts.
What happens when they wake up? What am I supposed to say? Will they be gone when I get back?
"Where are you going?" a voice asked.
I turned and saw a tired Paul.
"For a run." I said and put the glass in the sink.
"Sam will kill you when he finds you left while he was sleeping." He warned me.
"I don't care." I said.
"Would you please stop that? Can't you see you how much he loves you and cares for you?"
"Please spare me the lecture ok?" I asked as I grabbed my iPod.
"Bella?" Paul asked, grabbing my arm as I walked to the door. "I know we messed up. Again. But we-….I really need you to just think about trusting us again. I know it's a lot to ask, but I just- I can't go without my sister any longer."
I looked at his hand on my arm and nodded.
He let me go without another word.
"Fresh coffee is in the pot." I said and then walked out the door, shutting it behind me.
I ran three miles and then walked home about 2 miles before running the last mile home.
I walked into the house short of breath and finding everyone still here.
"Bella." Sam said relieved.
I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and looked at him oddly.
"He was about to call a search party after you." Jared said.
"And then kill Paul." Jake added.
I nodded and rolled my eyes a bit.
"I'm off for a shower." I said and then headed for the stairs.
"Bella." Paul said catching my wrist.
"I know Paul; I just…I got to think ok?" I said softly.
He nodded and I went to shower.
When I was out and dressed, I went back down stairs and saw everyone sitting in the family room talking.
The room got silent as I walked into the room and I didn't know what to say or do.
My hands went to my front pockets and I bit my lip.
"You guys don't have to stay here you know." I told them.
"We want to." Seth said, looking to me.
I swallowed hard and let out a deep breath.
"I know you all want answers or to know what I'm thinking or whatever, but I'm not ready for that. I'm just not ready to let you all back in. So you can all go and get back to your lives. I know you all have things to do." I stated.
I waited for everyone to move and get up and leave, but they never did.
"Ok." I said with a nervous breath. I rocked back on my heels and looked at the door.
"Well I'm going out for a little. Make yourselves at home." I told them and walked to get my coat.
"Bella, why can't you talk to us?" Jake said with a sad voice.
"Because you keep expecting me to just jump back in your arms like I first did. And I can't do that. I don't want to do that." I said softly and then slowly left.
I ended up going to Charlie's grave. I picked up some flowers on the way and sat them next to his grave.
"Charlie, gosh, I don't know what I'm doing!" I told him as I sat on the ground leaning against his headstone.
"I love them, I really do, but being around them…it's like I'm suffocating." I whispered.
"I miss you dad. I wish you were here right now to tell me what to do. Or to just say something." I listened to my surroundings and then spoke again.
"You were never good at the advice thing." I laughed while wiping away a tear. "But I really wish you would just tell me some right now. No matter how lame it sounded."
The rest of the visit, I told him about everything. From when I left here and everything that's happened. I told him all my emotions and thoughts. I especially told him about the situation at school on Friday.
"You would have been so proud of me dad." I said while my eyes drooped a little.
"I was so scared. I thought I was going to die." I closed my eyes, and opened them up again. "I can still feel the sun against my head. It still plays in my head Charlie. But I'm strong. I want to be. For you." I whispered as I ran my hand over the engraving of his tombstone. Loving father and husband.
"I love you dad." Was the last thing I said before I fell asleep.
Flash.
Ben running in the classroom.
Flash.
Ben with the gun to my head.
Flash.
Ben shooting the fire alarm.
Flash.
Ben pacing the empty room.
Flash.
Ben pointing the gun at me.
Boom.
I'm shot.
I woke up gasping for breath, putting a hand over my heart.
"Bella!" Sam said running up to me with a pair of cut off shorts and no top.
"Come on, a storms coming. We need to get you out of here." He commanded against the loud thunder. He was standing in the middle of the cemetery close to the woods. I noticed Jared a few feet behind him.
I panted, still shaking myself out of the vivid dream, not moving an inch.
I'm ok, he's not here. Nothing's going to hurt me. I chanted in my head.
"Bella?" he asked coming towards me in a sprint.
I fell asleep, nothing is wrong. I'm safe. I said still ignoring Sam.
"Bella." Sam said squatting down in front of me. He looked me over and took my hand that was over my heart.
"It's ok, you're safe." He said softly.
I swallowed hard and waited for my heart to slow down.
Another clap of thunder and lightning hit above us and Sam's head shot up to the sky.
"Come on, we need to get you out of here. You're freezing and it's not safe." He stated while scooping me up in his arms.
I tried wiggling away from him but he held me tight.
"I know your cold, just let go for now ok? We can fight later." He said looking down at me while walking towards the woods.
I looked into his eyes and relaxed just a little. I was safe. Sam was here.
Sam broke the stare with me and nodded to Jared. Jared ran off and turned into a wolf, guiding us home.
Halfway through the walk home it started to rain a bit. We had a lot of shelter from the woods but it was still pretty damp. Guilt hit me as Sam continued to carry me.
"Sam, I'm heavy, put me down. I'm ok and I can walk now."
He looked down at me and held me to his chest closer.
"You're light as a feather and I don't want to put you down. You can catch a cold or worse from this weather and rain. Just let my body heat keep you warm." He said.
I let out a breath and considered my options. It was wet and cold, that was for sure. But did I really want Sam carrying me the whole way?
Just let it go. Enjoy listening to his strong heartbeat like you once did. My mind told me.
And that's when I gave up. I nodded to him and laid my head back on his chest to listen to his heart.