Disclaimer: I do not own Bones and never will, but I am obsessed!
Author's note: Here is part two, Brennan's POV. I spent 14 hours in a car this weekend and got this and Booth's POV typed up. I hope that they live up to expectations. Enjoy the angst.
Brennan sips a cold cup of coffee. She made the pot the previous evening, but she is too hungover to care. She had gotten drunk with Hannah the night before. They had laughed about Booth and had given Reader's Digest versions of their most harrowing adventures. Brennan reminisces as she swallows two aspirin with the bitter ancient coffee and gets ready for the day.
There is no FBI case right now so she devotes her day to Limbo and has lunch with Angela. She describes the evening before in such a positive way that Angela is skeptical that the two women could get along so well. Wasn't there jealousy on either end? Didn't Brennan feel hurt at all? Brennan waves away the concern and Angela drops the subject when she has to run to the bathroom with a bout of nausea. Brennan follows her and helps her recover and is able to change the subject to all of the plans for the baby. Brennan sighs in relief when she returns to her solitude and is able to find closure for a fallen soldier.
The truth that she can't tell Angela is that she had stupidly panicked the previous year and that she had told Booth to move on. And she has convinced herself that Hannah is a worthy person as a replacement. Hannah isn't threatened by Brennan and Booth's work partnership. She is friendly with the lab while recognizing that Brennan is the alpha-female and respects that distinction. Hannah is open and loving in a way that Brennan doesn't believe that she is personally capable of. But mostly Hannah makes Booth happy and Brennan wants that for him. He had once wished for her happiness on a silly stick figure and she is trying to return the favor.
She continues to see Hannah for girls' nights. Angela, Cam, and even Daisy join on occasion and are amused and shocked at how well the two get along. One night, Daisy suggests a surprise shower for Angela and Hannah jumps in and even offers to make a cake when Brennan admits that she has no idea what is appropriate for such an event. The party is a success and Brennan is secretly pleased to win the games and is confused that Hannah is not bothered by coming in second. She is even more perplexed when Booth is prouder of Hannah for losing than he is of Brennan for winning.
Brennan is annoyed one day when Booth forgets about lunch plans that they had made. She accepts his sheepish explanation that something came up with Hannah and gives him an update on the case. He stands her up again the very next day arriving at an important briefing late with a stupid grin on his face. Her phone calls had gone straight to voice-mail and her text messages had been ignored. She suspects where he has been and she becomes angry. She enjoys Hannah's in social settings, but now her presence is interfering with Brennan's professional life and it is unacceptable. Hannah is replacing Brennan in all aspects of Booth's life and Brennan feels stupid for not realizing it before now. She gets through the meeting by giving a report using her most clinical jargon and escapes without taking any questions, citing another appointment for her hasty exit. She leaves Booth alone in a room full of lawyers and agents to attempt to translate and apologize for the scientist.
She ignores his phone calls and messages through the rest of the day and makes an unscheduled appearance at her father's place because she doesn't want to be at home or at the lab. She doesn't want to be anywhere where Booth can find her. She and Max play card games and cook dinner together, although she never gets around to eating much of the food. Max notices that she keeps ignoring the constant beeping and vibrating of her phone and sneaks away once to text Booth. Max keeps the conversation light and avoids all sensitive topics for once realizing exactly what his daughter needs. He kisses her forehead good night and welcomes her presence anytime. She accepts the offer with a small smile and hugs him goodbye, clinging longer than she has since she was a little girl.
The next morning, Brennan and Booth apologize for their respective wrongs the previous day. Brennan notices that he appears more tired than usual, but he offers no explanation and she leaves the subject alone. A few days later, Hannah calls and invites Brennan to dinner along with Booth and it somehow becomes a tradition. Brennan is assured that she had made the right decision at accepting these invitations because Booth seems happy that the three can get along so well. She is able to relax a bit. If he is happy then she can be happy, or try to be anyway. He begins to act the way that he used to, their non verbal communication a running commentary of inside jokes and shared experiences. She realizes how much she had been missing this behavior. It takes her a little to realize that even though the actions are familiar, they are not exactly identical to a time before their separation, a time before Hannah.
She isn't sure how it happens, but she lunch is no longer hers and Booth's. They still pick food off of each others plates and talk about work and life, but now they have at least a third presence. She feels like she is being chaperoned. She realizes that even the seating arrangements have changed, the babysitter sits directly across from her and Booth sits next to him, as the babysitter is usually Sweets. On the rare occasion that the tables are taken and they are forced to sit at the counter, the chaperon sits in the middle. Booth seems more relaxed with the new arrangement and she accepts it, because it seems to relax him. But she misses discussing work and life in the intimate way that they used to.
She suggests that Sweets come with them more often into the field. Somehow Sweets has entered into their way of life. It is Sweets who is able to keep the tension out of the lunch table, and she thinks that it will help any lingering tension out in the field. Strangely,, Booth seems to like the idea and so the new arrangement continues. And she still misses the way things used to be and she can't help wishing that things could go back to the way they were, the way they were before she had ever read Sweets' book. And she slowly comes to realize that it is her own fault, her considerable intelligence has failed her. Old feelings begin to return and she is forced to rebuild some of her walls on a shaky foundation. She wonders how long they will remain stable.
On an occasion when Sweets is unable to get away, the partners travel to interrogate a suspect just the two of them. Something goes wrong and suddenly a few shots are fired. Something bites her in the leg and she cries out. Booth is by her side in an instant and a dead criminal is on the floor. It is a ricocheting bullet that has caught a piece of her calf and only requires three stitches and some aspirin, but Booth seems to panic about it. The concern makes her heart flutter and she is forced to suppress the emotion because he is about to have a panic attack. She is able to calm him down, but the whole way home he involuntarily shudders and is unable to speak a word. One week later, Hannah calls and says that she has a friend she wants Brennan to meet.
Brennan does her best impersonation of Angela when she is introduced to Anthony. She is frothy and funny and spontaneous. He agrees to take things slowly because it has been her first relationship in a long time. He is a lot starstruck and she can't help liking the attention. He follows her around like a puppy and shows her off when he can and then somehow convinces her that it would be fun to hang out with Hannah and Booth.
She pretends that she isn't hesitant about the double date. She is a scientist and has collected plenty of evidence on how Booth acts when she is dating someone. Her hypothesis is supported over three awkward experiments. She knows that it doesn't help that Anthony has taken to resting his hand on her back, a spot just above where Booth's hand used to rest. She can't recall the last time that his hand had rested their or the last time that he has touched her in anyway, and once again she is filled with a sadness over what she can never have because she made a wrong decision over a year ago. She may not be able to explain the emotion behind each of Booth's expressions but she has seen this face on him before. She is relieved when Hannah has a work deadline that postpones the next double date.
Instead of canceling plans with Anthony she tries a different experiment. She brings him to her apartment on the Wednesday of the delayed outing. She surprises him by kissing him with more passion than she has ever shown before. He is ecstatic when she leads him to the bedroom. He is lying on top of her when he whispers in her ear for her to open her eyes. They flicker open. Brennan looks into his adoring gaze and although the shape is wrong, the color is identical to a different Tony, the cocky boxer that she was once engaged to be engaged to. She pushes Anthony off of her nearly naked body, murmuring apologies. He kicks himself later that evening, regretting his seemingly simple request and it's unforeseen consequences. He sadly deletes her number from his phone and isn't surprised to never hear from her again.
Anthony disappears without any explanation and Brennan is relieved that it seems to fix Booth a bit. She doesn't speculate as to what that might mean, she just enjoys the relative normality, because it is over too soon.
She is surprised when Booth invites her out for a drink just the two of them. They go to the bar where he had first fired her and they order a drink and ask the bartender to leave the bottle. Several shots in she asks him what the occasion is, but he will not open up, he just looks at her with those eyes. The look on his face is one she has only seen once before on steps outside of Sweets' office. But this time he isn't saying anything.
And suddenly she snaps. It's her turn to gamble. She grabs his lapels and kisses him. It is like kissing a stone. He is unyielding, unresponsive and somehow cold. She pulls away quickly. He stares at her as the dam bursts and begins to spill her secrets.
"Booth, I'm sorry. I've been so stupid. I love you and not in an 'atta girl' kind of way. I broke up with Anthony because I realized that if I can't be with you, I don't want to be with anyone." She wants to continue her confession, she has so much to say, so much that she has suppressed these many months, but he cuts her off.
"Damn it, Bones. I told you how I felt and you shot me down. You agreed that I should move on and I did. I'm trying to do that everyday. I'm with Hannah. I love Hannah. Don't you dare put that on me. Damn you, Bones." He turns from her and pours a quick shot. She uses his momentary distraction to slip from the stool and flee the bar, cursing her stupidity.
Everything changes again after that night. Entropy is as it ever was, an unstoppable force. The next time Brennan and Booth see each other they agree that their relationship will only be professional. Work and nothing else, not even coffee. It is unspoken, but Brennan knows that her friendship with Hannah is over. She knows little about friendships, but she knows that much. She doesn't know how to talk to Hannah anymore so she uses the cool indifference of text messaging to avoid her.
Trying to keep sane, Brennan keeps Sweets as their chaperon. She is determined to never be alone with Booth and she is successful in her attempts as it really doesn't require much effort on her part.
Sweets corners her one day shortly after her drunken confession and tired of denying emotions and keeping everything bottled up she tells him everything. He looks at her with both pride and horror. He refrains from lectures and just gives her a hug, it is then that Brennan realizes that Booth has never given her a "guy hug" in his life, and she isn't sure if it hurts or relieves her. Sweets is the one to celebrate with her when the team clears a case. She isn't sure why he is the one who is always around, but she appreciates the effort.
Some semblance of life goes on. She solves cases, she gets to be an "aunt", but she eats lunch alone, when she remembers to eat. When she does remember, she sits at a table in the diner and munches on a plate of fries. They taste like sawdust in her mouth.
Brennan sits on the couch and looks through a two day old newspaper. Things are blowing up halfway around the globe and everyone takes notice, but her life is imploding right here in DC and the world ignores it. She throws the paper down in disgust. She continues to sit on the couch and sip her cup of now cold coffee not really tasting it. It is a typical occurrence these days. She rises from her couch determined to dump the coffee in the sink and go to bed. She really needs to try and sleep, the lack of it is really starting to get to her. So she moves from the couch to the kitchen and scrubs her mug, scouring it needlessly.
She is pulled from her cleaning by the quiet knock on her door. She walks slowly to answer the summons, her steps heavy. She peers through the peep hole and when she sees who is standing there she wonders if it would be stupid of her to answer the door or more stupid to ignore the knock.
She takes a steadying breath and slowly opens her door.