A/N: Well, I'm sitting here at school with absolutely nothing to do for the next hour, so I figured I'd write this up for you guys. I really don't know how far this is gonna go, but I'm hoping it will be about 10 chapters. So halfway there! And I hate happy endings, so…. Just kiddin' I could never leave Leo miserable. But things have to get worse before they can get better, so hold onto your hats (or ninja masks) and get ready for the ride.

I do not own TMNT

The lair was dark and cold. It was nearly dawn as Leo and Don made their way into the sewers. Don had slept nearly the entire way, but he still felt tired, so he went to his room the moment they walked in. Leo made sure he was alright before he gathered the last of their things from the van and scouted the nearby sewer tunnels for intruders. So far no one had been murdered in or near their home, but that barely made Leo's worry less.

Feelings of restlessness and anger roiled through Leo's veins, so he couldn't find the will power to even walk to his room. Instead he settled on tidying the lair, but he found that seeing their home the way it usually was, messy and dirty, he left it, finding it too painful to remind himself that Mikey would never move his skateboard, or Raph would never touch his punching bag again. He settled instead on meditating in the dojo, and surrounding himself with the familiar feel and scent of his brothers. He quickly lit a few candles and settled in the corner nearest to Don's bedroom. Trying to push away the feelings of despair and anger, he settled into a meditative state, and let his senses expand.

"Leo,"

"Leo,"

"Leo,"

Images of his brothers and father passed through his mind. Memories kept dear, and some that had been thought forgotten. The day they first went to the surface and Mikey was enthralled with seeing the sky. Don had been anxious and nervous, but the moment they touched the surface, he had started analyzing every little detail, drinking in the new discoveries. Raph had kept to the shadows, trying to act like it was no big deal that they were above ground for the first time since their mutation, but eventually he had given in and become fascinated with everything around him.

The first time they had eaten pizza.

Or the day they had first fought the Foot.

The day the Mousers had destroyed their home.

The day they had lost their Sensei, and the day they had rescued him.

The day they had chosen their weapons.

The day he almost died after being attacked by the Elite.

Leo cringed at that memory. He remembered the endless pain, the writhing agony, then the haunting blackness that had nearly taken him from his family.

The day they found Leatherhead.

The countless arguments with Raph.

The endless pranks Mikey had pulled.

The numerous days Don had stayed up late working on some new project that would help them.

The day Splinter had appointed him leader.

The day he had failed that role. Anger flared in his gut as he remembered being on that ship, with no other option to destroy their sworn enemy, the Shredder, then to destroy themselves as well. The Utroms had arrived just in time and saved their lives, but if they had not…Leo hated to think what would have happened. But the weeks following had been his biggest failure. He had pushed himself to hard, turned into a rock, become his own worst enemy.

And now he was doing the same thing.

He couldn't help but realize the similarities of the situations, except that now his family was dying, one by one. There were no Utroms to save them. And this time Leo just wasn't good enough to stop the destruction. He had tried to use the training that the Ancient one had taught him, but he felt that wall of strength crumbling as each of his family members' faces crossed his mind.

Casey.

April.

Mikey.

Raph.

Master Splinter.

Don.

"LEO!"

The scream echoed through the dojo. Leo shot up and flew to his brother's room. Without thinking, he slammed open the door and drew a katana. The adrenaline rush coursed through his veins, his senses revealing no intruder. After making sure no one was present, Leo cautiously stepped inside. He sighed when he saw Don leaned over his desk, his lamped lighting the small span of his desk, his head resting on his forearms. Leo stepped forward, tugging a blanket off of the bed as he did so. He gently laid it around his brother's shoulders. A ragged looking piece of paper beneath his brother's forehead caught his eye, and he gently removed it. His brother's handwriting looked rushed and sloppy.

Leo,

I'm so sorry. If you have found this letter, I am already gone. I couldn't do it Leo. I know that you will be alone now, but I couldn't do it. I can't live without them. You can, I know you can. Like Mikey said, we'll wait up for you.

Don

Leo's heart raced faster with each word, and as he finished he looked at his seemingly sleeping brother. He placed a hand on his shoulder, and pushed Don back into a sitting position.

The sight of a knife hilt sticking out of his brother's plastron suddenly gave Leo a feeling to throw up. Once his stomach was completely empty, and the stinging taste of bile filled his mouth, he stood up. He took one last look at his brother, then ran to the dojo, tripping on the stairs and nearly crashing through the doors. He clumsily knocked over the rack of weight and the candles he had used earlier. He headed to the far end of the wall with one thing in mind.

The wall held several shelves of various weapons and training supplies, but Leo's eyes took in only one item. On the very top shelf, laying in a decorative case, was Master Yoshi's sword. The wicked blade glimmered with temptation. Leo leapt up and smoothly grabbed the hilt. He slowly walked to the middle of the floor. He gazed at the delicate carving in Japanese on the blade, and affectionately rubbed the clothed hilt. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before raising the sword, the tip of the blade resting against his plastron.

His arms tensed, ready to shove the blade through his chest, but he froze when he heard the latch on the sewer door click, and the soft whoosh as the lair's main door opened.