I met Seth inside the Diner. He was waiting for me at a booth by the window. I walked in from the parking lot and opened the front door, hearing the little bell ring signaling I was here.
I took a sharp breath. The last time I was here, I was the enemy.
You weren't really the enemy Bella, get a grip of yourself. The voice told me.
I took a deep breath and walked over to where Seth was.
"Hey." I said as I slid into the booth.
"Hey, you ok?" he asked slightly confused.
"Yup." I said and took a menu which sat on the table.
"Bella?" Seth asked me, still staring at me.
I let out a breath and looked at him.
"It's just…the last time I've been here…-"
"-Oh." Seth said. "We can go; I mean we don't have to stay if you don't want to…."
"No, I want to stay. Don't worry about it. It's just kind of a weird feeling being here with you again."
He nodded and looked at me again as I stared at my menu.
"Stop that Seth. I can feel you watching me. I'm fine."
He let out a small sigh and then looked at his menu. We both ordered soon after the small silence and waited to break the ice.
"What's up Seth?" I asked not being able to take the silence.
"Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you."
"Like old times." I said suspiciously.
He bit his lip guilty.
"Seth, I meant what I said. I want to go back to the way things were…I just don't know if I can."
"I know." He said sullenly. "I just thought I would try."
Guilt hit me hard and I felt massively bad. So I decided to do something I thought I would never do anymore.
"Skrew it." I whispered to myself.
I let go of all my harsh feelings and just opened up. I tried my hardest to look at Seth like I did before- with no anger or hatred. Just my best friend who I loved till the worlds end.
We talked for hours, sitting there eating and laughing.
He learned all about my college life and career, and I learned about all his wolf duties and activities. The only thing he didn't know would probably be Bex. I didn't know if I really wanted to tell any members of the pack about me trying to adopt a kid. I mean, it sounds silly…or kind of ridiculous. I'm not married, I didn't have a true house at the time and I had no idea how to be a parent…apparently it was stupid of me to think I could be a mom.
"Bella?" Seth asked.
"What? Oh, Sorry, kind of zoned out there." I said with a nervous chuckle.
He looked at me suspiciously. "What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing." I said. I looked down at my watch and found it had been two hours already.
"Hey, I have to go. Sam and I made some plans." I smiled.
Seth looked at me and shook his head smiling. "Alright, well thanks for coming Bella." He told me after we both slid out of the booth.
"Anytime Seth." I told him with a smile.
He smiled right back and I grabbed our hands, letting them swing between us as we began walking out of the dinner. I could feel how hesitant he was at first, but I kept a tight grip and dragged us outside. As we walked to our cars in the parking lot Seth twirled me around and we both laughed.
He opened my door for me and waited for me to get in.
"Seth?" I asked still keeping our hands together.
He looked at me and our hands.
"What's up?" he asked softly.
I looked up and met his eyes. "Don't let Paul and his words get to you ok? I don't care what he says, you were my everything first. And just because things have changed doesn't mean that that is going to change anything. Got it?" I asked.
He looked at me and swallowed hard. "Bella, I know that we both have something that nobody can understand but…."
"No." I said strongly. "Sam understands. He gets…whatever we have." I said frustrated.
"And even if he didn't, he would have to because you are the one that made me me before any of them did." I said referring to the rest of the pack.
"I'm not going to lose you just because not everyone can understand Seth." I whispered sadly.
Seth walked closer and kissed the top of my head.
"You will never lose me, but by choosing me Bella, you are losing your brother."
"No, I'm not. He is going to have to understand it one way or another or he is going to lose ME." I said forcefully.
"Bella, just think about this." He said carefully.
"I have Seth. And I'm tired of looking for someone's approval. I want to do what makes me happy. And for once I can have that WITH Sam's approval."
Seth nodded and kissed my head again.
"I love you Seth." I whispered to him.
"I know." He whispered back. "And I love you too…no matter what."
We let go after staring at each other for a little. I started my car and Seth watched me drive away.
When I got home I was tired and not the happiest.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam asked when I came in and walked upstairs.
"Nothing." I said and plopped on the bed.
"Bella?" Sam asked concerned.
"Sam, I just…I don't want to talk about it right now ok?" I asked him still looking up at the ceiling.
The bed dipped beside me and a warm body lay next to me.
"Ok, but I will be here when you do." He said softly.
My eyes fluttered closed and I tried hard not to let the tears fall.
Unfortunately they did and Sam's concern grew.
"What happened Bella?" Sam asked.
I let out a shaky breath and tried to wipe away the tears.
"I don't want to choose." I whispered.
Sam sat up and looked at me confused.
"I thought I could…and I pretty much did, but then when I was coming home I just-…"
"Bella. What are you talking about?"
"Seth….he just doesn't…he doesn't want me to-…and ugh, Paul he is being such a-…."
More tears rolled down my cheeks and Sam cuddled with me.
"Sam, what am I going to do?" I asked him as I buried my face in his hard muscular chest.
"Bella." He sighed and hugged me. "You can't please everyone. You have to do what's right for you. And if being with Seth is what you really want and need, then you should stay with him. Paul is Paul, he will come around."
I closed my eyes and just hugged Sam closer. After a few minutes of thinking, I spoke again.
"How was the station?" I asked.
"Good." He replied with a sigh.
"Did you talk with Jared?" I asked again.
"yes." He said.
"…and did you read it?" I questioned, referring to my statement.
"no." he whispered. I moved my head to look up at him. I was surprised. He wanted to know what happened that day. I know he did. I could feel it.
"Why not?" I questioned.
He looked down at me. "Because I want you to tell me when you're ready. I don't want to read some file about it or hear the recording of your voice. I want you to tell me when you feel it's right."
I put a hand on his cheek and gazed into his eyes.
"Then can I tell you?" I asked softly.
He moved his head down to kiss my lips softly and then broke away. "Whenever you're ready." He encouraged.
I told him what I told Jared but with Sam, it was more of an emotional story than with Jared. After I was done all Sam could do was kiss me.
"Sam, I don't-…I don't want Ben to go to jail." I whispered.
"What?" he asked.
"I don't want him to go to jail. I know-…I know what he did was wrong, but I can't help but feel like it was partly my fault."
"Bella, this was not your fault." He growled.
My heart raced a little and Sam immediately calmed down.
"Bella, you can't think that. What he did was…unacceptable. He could have hurt someone."
"But if I didn't give him that grade-…"
"Then you wouldn't have been the teacher doing her job." He filled in.
I let out a breath and just listened to his heart.
"Come on, let's get to bed." He said pulling me up.
We both quickly changed and got under the cold covers. I laid with my back against his chest and his arm around my waist.
"Sam?" I asked after a few minutes.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore." I whispered.
Sam got up a little and turned me so my back was on the bed.
"What do you mean?"
"This morning…. I had another nightmare of him…and I know I lied to you and I'm so sorry about that. But it's just every time I close my eyes or try to fall asleep all I can think about is him. I just-…"
"I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You got that?" he told me.
I let out a shaky breath. "Yea."
He kissed me hard and held on to me tight.
"Close your eyes." He commanded.
I look hesitantly at him.
"Trust me alright? I promise nothing is going to happen to you as long as I'm here."
I nodded and slowly closed my eyes.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you too." I whispered and fell asleep.