Disclaimer: Warehouse 13 and its characters are the property of Syfy Network.
I'm Brazilian, my first language is Portuguese. All mistakes are mine (and also, I can forget some word), so thanks for all being patient reading this which will be full of mistakes.
Okay, I definitely deserve a slap, or something else, because I just disappeared for... what? 3 months?
OH god, only now I noticed that. Well, the fact is: I can't even apologize for this. But hey, I'm still alive! Life is starting to get pretty hurried, and in two months my crazy life of "pre university" starts, which means I won't have so much time to write, either to translate or even breath (all my weekends in November I have exams, and one weekend in December I'll travel to another city to do the exam for my wanted university). But I sincerely hope I can finish before this crazy time, okay?
Let's read, right?
Ah, before anything: my english may be little rusty.
Helena, when heard the tone of concern in Myka's voice, and realize who was calling, stopped the spoon in the air, looking at Myka, worried. Myka had placed the spoon in the dish, trying to understand what her mother was saying, which turned out to be difficult task, since her mother was speaking so fast, and sometimes, forget to control the sobbing.
"Mom, please, breathe." - Myka said after giving up on understanding what her mother was saying, resting her forehead in her free hand.
Helena realized then that something serious must have happened, because she never would call Myka's cell phone. Usually, she would call their home, and not finding someone, would leave a voice message, knowing one of them would call back when possible. She ate what had in the spoon, placing carefully it in the dish, as Myka did moments before, still observing her.
Helena knew that Myka wasn't hearing good news, it wasn't necessary hear or understand the chat between her and her mother, Myka's facial expressions was enough.
"And why he will need a surgery?" - Myka asked after some moments, drawing Helena's attention.
"Mom, I'll try. Thanks for calling. Just try keep calm, okay?" - Myka soon hung up, after saying the proper goodbye, looking at Helena.
"My dad had a heart attack and a serious fall. Tomorrow he'll do the surgery, to repair the damage from the fall." - It was possible to feel sadness in Myka's words. Myka sighed when finished speaking. Helena took one of Myka's hand, caressing.
"And do you want to go tomorrow?" - Helena knew Myka would do everything to go next day, although she knew she couldn't go alone. Helena noticed the mental discussion of Myka.
"Artie will understand, and I can use some of my off days. Claud and Pete can find a way for some days."
"Thank you." - Myka smiled, almost sadly, while Helena continued to caressing Myka's hand. Words weren't necessary, only the presence of each other was enough.
Myka didn't know how she should feel, since father and daughter had recently been respected and being a family after all. Helena had developed a friendship with him, because of the books, although this friendship wasn't similar to the friendship developed with the mother. Helena would dare to say that they were considered part of her family, though not close as the Warehouse's family.
After few moments, after solving all issues with the restaurant, the couple was in the car, with Helena in the wheel and Myka looking at the night landscape, thoughtfully. Helena put one hand on Myka's thigh, trying to console her, calling Myka's attention and getting a smile. Myka grabbed Helena's hands before look again at the landscape.
"A penny for your thoughts?" - Helena asked breaking the silence and getting a small smile from Myka.
"Just memories."
"And may I ask which ones?"
"Our marriage." - Helena had contemplated others memories, but hadn't contemplated their marriage, - "That day was when my father returned to my life, as the father I always wanted. And so, thanks to you. It brings me to our first meeting."
"Circumstances not very appropriate, I must say." - Myka laughed quietly.
"We were forever destined to meet at gun point." - Now, Helena was laughing.
"At least, we changed the 'forever' for a better one." - Myka smiled, knowing what Helena was talking about.
"Thanks for everything."
"Myka, no matter what happens; I'll always be by your side, and preferably without a gun point. And no need to thank."
Silence settled in the car again, but didn't last long, for soon they were already at home, both packing things they would need for the next day, and eventually extra days. Helena decided to warn Artie next day, not wanting to wake him up because it was fairly late. She would also solve any issue with Pete and Claud after talking with Artie. She knew they would understand the situation, her fear was actually Artie, who could end up being comprehensive or not allowing days off, but everyone knew that the days off had existed only when had pings from artifacts, and they tend to be unpredictable.
Helena knew that Myka would have trouble sleeping because she would be worried about her father, but Helena couldn't do much to help, although he had hoped that Myka's fatigue was enough to sleep necessary.
Myka was already in bed when Helen lay, and it was possible to notice that Myka still thought about memories. Helena chose not to ask anything, giving space and time to Myka, as she settled into position they had adopted. Myka immediately started playing with a few strands of Helena's hair, alternating with caresses, something that had become a habit.
"Hel?" - Myka didn't know if Helena was awake after the moments that had passed.
"Hm?" - Helena's answer came almost immediately, maybe because she was almost asleep.
"How did you receive the news of my accident?" - Myka was afraid of asking, knowing that this was one of issues that Helena didn't like to talk about.
Helena opened her eyes, finding Myka's face, moving a little, though she hadn't changed her position. The memories of the accident were still pretty fresh in Helena's mind, ditto the feelings.
"Claud called me a few minutes after the hospital called her telling of your accident." - Myka at no time stopped playing with Helena's hair in an attempt to console or even to show that she was still there.
"I found strange her calling me late night; her habit was morning call or come by surprise here. And early in the conversation, I had a feeling that something wrong had happened." - Helena continued, and when stopped, closed her eyes, being transported to the memory of that night. Myka watched carefully Helena's face, playing attention to her features.
"She knew she couldn't say without giving too many details, without getting to the point. She had asked me to sit, and she just said all the details she knew at the time, about your accident." - Helena paused, still feeling the soft caresses of Myka. Before proceeding to speak, took a deep breath, feeling Myka's perfume in her nostrils, like a way to remember that past is past, and that Myka was still there beside her.
"The feeling I had at that moment was excruciating. I felt like I had lost my ability to love, that my world had been reduced to a million pieces, and I would never be able to have your presence around, or see your smile when you wake up, or just feel your warmth. And then I thought maybe I was cursed, and that everyone who received my love would die." - As she spoke, she had to fight the lump in her throat, as well as the feelings threatening to erupt again.
She felt one of thumbs of Myka gently drying the tear that had rolled across her face, opening her eyes, finding a pair of green eyes sharing her pain, wanting to simply erase the memory of Helena, as well as feelings.
"And it was when I remembered that life is fragile, and that maybe I had lost you to the fragility of life."
"Hel, I wish I could go back this time and change this night, but none of this is possible. And I know you don't like talking about it, but thanks." - Myka said caressing Helena's face with her thumb. Noticing the look of Helena, Myka smiled as supplemented, - "Thank you for talking and for not giving up on me.".
xxx Next Day xxx
"Mother" - Myka had entered the waiting room and found her mother asleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair. She decided to wake her, with light touches. Helena just watched the interaction between mother and daughter.
"Myka." - Jeannie said moving, as she opened her eyes trying to focus and stretch. And then she noticed the presence of Helena - "Helena. I didn't think you both were coming so soon." - Myka and Helena gave a shy smile but comforting when looking at each other.
"Would you like a coffee?" - Helena asked, feeling that Jeannie could enjoy a cup of coffee after she had spent the night. She also wanted to leave a moment alone to mother and daughter.
"Only if you are going get coffee." - Helena smiled, knowing that Jeannie didn't like people doing tasks for her all the time.
"I think I will get some tea, but I'll be back soon." - Helena said, after giving a peck on Myka, leaving the hospital to go toward the Starbucks that made company to the hospital. She did know that an acceptable tea could be found there than in the hospital cafeteria, something learned months earlier.
Moments later, she returned to the waiting room, seeing Myka hugging her mother. In the eyes of a stranger, the scene just seemed one of those scenes where the family had learned of the death of the familiar or even life-threatening situation. In the eyes of Helena, however, the scene had another connotation: it was just a scene of two people fearing the loss of a family member, who they recovered a short time.
Myka not only recovered, but won the father had always wanted. The mother recovered the person she had fallen in love with, and married all those years ago, then regaining the feeling of having someone as a reason to live. It was a scene that showed the fragility of life, and all the unique details that make life what we know.
There are rare opportunities we have in life to recover or have what we want hard, day after day. Also there are few opportunities where we learn that life is short and we should enjoy it as best as possible as we can.
Helena slowly approached the scene, holding two cups of Starbucks, no longer steaming. Myka noticed her approaching by the corners of the eyes, but didn't move, knowing that her mother needed that moment. A hug that could comfort, words weren't necessary. Helena watched the scene curiously and cautiously, while slowly savoring sips of tea. Myka resigned just do circulatory movements in the mother's back.
They stayed in that position for a few moments, until the mother separated from Myka; to then clean the silent tears. Helena offered the coffee, receiving thanks, and then sitting next to Myka. She did know that Myka would tell what had happened during the time she wasn't there at some point, so there was no need to push or ask.
"Thank you Helen, for being here." - The silence was broken, almost surprising Helena.
"Jeannie, you're Myka's family, something that was added to my life and family when I married your daughter. Not to mention you never judged me, never disrespected me, always tried to be sympathetic. The best I can do is reattributing." - Helena answered after choosing her words carefully, feeling Myka intertwining her hand in her free hand, and feeling Myka supporting her head on her shoulder.
"I could have done more. I should have gone to Univille when Myka had the accident. That was not fair to either of you." - Jeannie said, taking a sip of coffee.
"Jeannie, you did the best you could in the situation. The fault isn't entirely yours. I know that when we are mothers, we want the best for our children, but we also want to protect them from the world. There will always be situations where we will fail, but after all, we are human. We have the right to make mistakes, to fail, but we must also be understanding and always love or at least respect others, and try to give our best to the world." - Helena said, even though the words were chosen to head to a disliked subject, and could head to another subject, drawing Jeannie's attention to the situation of the moment. She just expected it to be able to calm the torments of Jeannie, in one way or another.
"You had children?" - It was possible feel the surprise in the tone used by Jeannie.
"Mom." - Myka used an almost serious tone, warning her. Helena only stroked Myka's hand, assuring her that everything was fine.
"Yes, a daughter." - Helena said, looking away into the distance.
"Sorry for asking this, but what happened?" - Jeannie took a sip of coffee, and realizing that perhaps this was a difficult subject, added, - "If you don't want to talk about it, I'll understand. Just let me know."
"She was murdered when she was eight. And there were a few months since I had started working in the warehouse before the current." - Helena said after a sigh.
"And you lost your common sense." - Jeannie said, taking a sip of coffee.
"I lost more than that, and could have lost more. But before that happened, I stopped." - Helena said, returning her caressing in Myka's hand, with a smile at the corners of the lips.
"So this is why you believe Myka will be a better mother than you, because of your actions in the past." - Helena looked surprised to Jeannie, who added to see the look of Helena, - "I don't know what I would do if Myka had died. Parents are not supposed to see their children die, even if they are young and life ahead. Sorry for your loss, Helena." - Helena had no opportunity to answer, as soon as the Bering surname was being called in the waiting room.
Jeannie signaled to the doctor who was calling by surname. The doctor had apparently left the surgery to give news.
"Good morning Ms. Bering, I'm responsible for giving proper news to you. There were no problems with the surgery, but we'll have to do another in the late afternoon, to perform repairs in the heart." - The doctor said slowly, selecting the words, not wanting to cause precipitation or stress, and didn't want to overload their minds with much information.
"And why there is a requirement to provide reparative surgery in the heart?" - Myka asked, while Jeannie tried to absorb the information from the doctor.
"The heart attack was the result of a heart murmur, which may have been developed recently or even have been complicated recently, and to avoid further problems, or other heart attacks, we need to repair the heart." - Myka nodded, as if trying to absorb the information.
"Thank you." - Jeannie said after a few moments, causing the doctor to give a reassuring smile.
"I can offer a room for you, if deemed necessary, not to mention the discomfort of these chairs. Just tell the nurse, she will take you." - He said before excusing himself to leave and go back to where he was before.
Myka bit her lower lip, thinking about what the doctor had said, just as Jeannie. Helena just merely balances the coffee on her leg, to comfort Myka with a hug.
"Darling, I think it would be interesting to you ask for the room. It will be more helpful to you than to me."- Jeannie said watching Helena embracing Myka.
"Mom, this room is more yours than mine." - Myka said.
"But I'm not pregnant." - Jeannie knew that Myka would suffer if she tried to spend the day in the chair, as she could have privacy with Helena, - "The room is more useful to you than to me." - Jeannie added watching Myka biting her lower lip, thinking.
"Are you sure?" - Myka asked after a few moments, getting a nod of Jeannie.
Jeannie knew she had pains after spending the night and even on the uncomfortable chair, but didn't want Myka had more discomfort, and knew from experience and by reports of Myka and Helena, she was having discomfort enough.
"Thank you." - Myka said at the end, giving up any possible discussion with the mother, already lost.
Helena broke the embrace, again taking the cup from Starbucks, now almost cold, not that bothered. Taking the last sip, signaled to Myka that she would talk to one of the nurses, before getting up kissed softly Myka.
"I don't know what happened to her, but she is and will be an excellent mother." - Jeannie commented observing Helena talking to one of the nurses - "She may have committed acts of war, or may have come close to the madness, but it all just prove her love for her daughter and not hatred for humanity. I'm pretty sure she would sacrifice herself if it would save her loved ones. I just hope it doesn't happen." - Jeannie continued talking while Myka smiled almost sadly, but comforted that she wasn't the only one to understand the basis of the actions of Helena.
"This expression just tells me I'm right, right?" - Jeannie said as she turned to Myka, noticing the expression of Myka, who nodded in response.
"Helena regrets having done what she did, though isn't entirely her fault. She was carried away by the pain of loss, giving in. No matter how much I say that the past does not matter, she will continue to have this view that everything could have been different." - Myka said, confirming what Jeannie had thought about it.
"She has a second chance, and that's when she proves who she really is. And that's all that matters in the end." - Myka just resigned herself to stay muted, knowing that Helena approached, but was grateful for having had the opportunity to hear the views of mother about Helena.
"You sure you'll be okay?" - Helena asked when she approached enough of Jeannie.
"Do not worry about me, if necessary, we will make a round-robin scheme." - Jeannie said, while Myka stood up.
Myka's mother didn't say goodbye because there is no need. Soon the nurse was taking them to a private room at a speed that Myka could follow. There wasn't a room full of luxuries, but also a room that wasn't full of disappointments. Helena thanked the nurse, who soon returned to the counter where she was moments before.
Helena chose to settle on the couch existing in the room, and soon Myka was settling beside her, leaning her head on Helena's shoulder. All they could do now was wait and talk.
"My mother believes that despite your past actions, you have been and continue to be an excellent mother." - Myka broke the silence, making Helena sigh.
"And you really believe that?" - Helena asked, shifting causing Myka to look at her, although Helena wasn't looking at her.
Myka knew the resentments of Helena, and how memories haunted her, and all the pain that the loss of Christina brought. Although she knew this wasn't the ideal time to have any conversation like this, hoping that Helena realized that not only was she who believed that. Myka covered one of Helena's cheeks, forcing her to turn away. Helena sighed as he realized that he was not looking in the eyes.
"Helena, look at me, please." - Myka said, hoping Helena would look into her eyes before continuing, - "I have said and will continue saying: you will be an excellent mother, no matter what has happened in your past. I blindly believe that today, in the past I may not have believed, but you proved me that. And this is your second chance."
Myka said looking into Helena's eyes, realizing tears, which Helena was trying to hold. Myka sighed, hugging Helena, sliding one hand on the back of Helena, trying to comfort. Soon felt the tears wetting her shirt.
"What are you thinking, Helena?" - Myka asked after a few moments, preoccupied with Helena, as she would normally say what I was thinking or bothering her.
"That I will lose my second chance, and I'll back to the Bronze Sector." - Helena said after much hesitation, failing to take the idea of the mind, but need to talk about it.
"Hel, you won't miss your second chance. And you won't come back to the Bronze Sector. You don't realize how you've changed since you came out from there?" - Myka remembered the first encounters with Helena.
At that time, Helena was another. She was still moved by the pain of loss and the desire to avenge the death of Christina, Artie even didn't accepted the idea of having Helena around and as agent, Pete wouldn't talk to her after all she did, Claud... Well, Claud was a special case, being perhaps the only one who could understand the roots of obsession by experience. Today, she was another. Everyone relied on her. She even was seriously wounded in several missions, trying to save a comrade. And she was happy and building new good memories.
Myka felt Helena embrace her, almost strongly, although this doesn't bother her. The hand that was on her back, now made random patterns in the hair of Helena.
"Thank you." - Helena said when she was between sleep and reality.
"For..?" - Myka didn't know for what Helena was thanking.
"For saving me, for taking me out of the madness and darkness when I was out of the Bronze Sector. For haven't given up on me, for showing me that life is worth living, for trying to understand my actions, and eventually, for forgiving me. You're the main reason I have changed in recent months. If not for you, I'd be worse off. So thank you." - Myka smiled.
"No need to thank. Everything is consequence of love."
"Oh and where's the love to thank personally?" - Myka laughed.
"Everywhere. We should sleep while we can."
Myka received no response, noticing by the breath of Helena that she was already asleep, knowing that she was tired after spending hours driving. Myka didn't feel tired since she had been able to sleep during the trip, but couldn't resist and was soon in the arms of Morpheus.
"Myka Bering?" -A man, apparently young anda residentwho had beenresponsible for givingany newsof surgeries thathis superiorsweredoing, so he couldlearnhow to givenewsof all kinds.
Mykaturned his facetowardthevoice thathadcalled,signaling thatshe was.
"I'm theresidentresponsible for informingany newsof the surgerybeing performedon yourfather."-Heexplained, seeing the look ofMyka, who hadwonderedwho he was.
"I'm sorry to inform,but despiteall efforts, the surgerywasn'tsucceeding." -Mykarealizedbyhis tonethatwasn't something hewanted to tell.And she beganto panicas she realized whatit could be.Hesigheddeeplybefore continuing.
"Despite our efforts, the heart of your fatherwas alreadyweakened, we wereunable toreverse the situationthat has developedin the operating roomand he died. I'm sorry."
Hot tearsstreamed downher face, pain grippedher heartlike it was beingcrushedby a hand, and couldn't breathe, breathewas a painthat burned her throat, helping the feeling of burning heartache.She feltthe worldwasdestroyedinside her, like dominoesthatwouldfallone by one, beating each other, causinga chain reaction.
She didn't want to feelthis painthat causeda holein her soul, a hole thatwill never befilledagain, no matterhow hard she tried, because she alwayshadsomeone orsomething missingin life.It was a feelingthatburnwith heruntil the last daysof life.
"No...No, thiscan't be happening. NO!"
"Darling? Please wake up. It's just a nightmare." - The tone was worried.
Slowly she was realizing that it was all just a bad dream, opening her eyes, finding brown eyes worried of Helena. Without thinking, Myka hugged her tightly, feeling the tears flow down her cheeks.
"It seemed so real." - Myka said in a cracking voice, fighting the feeling of lump in her throat.
"You want to talk about it?" - Helena asked, her voice soft, placing a hand on Myka's hair, trying to comfort her and remind her that it was just a nightmare.
"Not now, I just want to stay in this position for a few moments." - Helena said nothing, just continued what she was doing, until she could feel Myka calm down.
She didn't know what had happened in Myka's nightmare, but wouldn't push her to make her feel comfortable and willing to say. For now, she just resigned to embrace Myka, with one hand while playing with her hair; Myka over time began to calm down with the sensation of tranquility and security afforded Helena.
Myka at one time separated from Helena, standing up and starting to walk in circles in the room with a thoughtfully look, biting her lip, her eyes at the mercy of a new crisis of crying as she thought.
"Darling?" - Helena looked worried.
"I had a nightmare in which my father died. Not in my hands, but died. And god! Everything seemed so... real. The pain, the sensations all seemed real, like real life."- Myka began, and as said, more tears threatening to roll down his face.
"That pain is a familiar pain. A pain I never thought I'd feel again. But I felt. And that... panicked me. And it's still panicking." - Myka was still circling, still worrying Helena.
"I don't want to lose my father, I can't. I barely know him! And when I have the opportunity to meet him, it's like trying to pick up some sand with your hands. I don't want to deal with the pain of losing. I don't want to deal with it all over again. I don't know if I can." - Myka was already crying, feeling again the sensations of pain she felt in the nightmare, and allowed all feelings of loss and pain that she had tried to repress all these years, after Denver, to come back with full force.
The pain still felt real. It always was the pain she would pursue day after day, no matter what she did; she would still lurk in her mind, preparing the next trap. And the next trap had been detonated.
"Myka?" - Helena jumped on the couch when noticed Myka stop, and split second, demonstrating dizziness, and then fall.
Helena by little, managed to get Myka avoiding a serious fall. She felt panic again emerge and burn her veins, her cells, remembering when Myka suffered the accident, as she was only a wounded body, which didn't react, didn't smile. She also felt fear burn her veins, while the memories burned her mind. She did the only thing she could do.
Scream.
Yeah, seems I'm such a drama queen. Don't worry, everything will be fine.
Oh, before I forget, two months ago I published a complete fic, called Dangerous, the sinopsis is the following:
I'm the answer to many questions. I'm the essential key of answers to behavior, feelings, questions that plague the mind of Myka about the sacrifice of Helena.
If you want to read it, you can find here: /s/8283868/1/
See ya!
P.S.: If you think I have forgotten the fic, please pass on my twitter or tumblr and yell at me, or whatever else, because sometimes I have the feeling that my fic isn't really much appreciated.