Hey! We're back on track! Let's hope we can keep it this way. I'm in a wicked writing more right now, so I hope you like this chapter. For this one I just totally got into the mode. When I write, the story writes itself. I go into some strange kind of autopilot and what comes out comes out, it's weird. It's like I'm in the story, but I really have no control over what the final outcome is. This was finished at almost 11, so we'll see.

Disclaimer: We were not Victorious in owning Victorious. Bet you never heard that one before :)

I sped through the road well aware of the fact that I was going far over the speed limit. For once I thought why not get in trouble? Anything would be better than this. A tiny voice in the back of my mind was telling me 'why not end it, then? If your life is that bad, what do you have left to live for?' I was shocked. Not once in my life had I thought I'd ever be in this position. In a speeding car on my way to the hospital while a voice in my mind was telling me to…well, commit suicide. I certainly never considered it, either. But now, when everything was falling apart, when my son was missing and my friend's daughter was dying as I drove down the winding, tree lined road in pitch black, it wasn't looking so bad.

My head was clouding as I pulled my car over. Thankfully, the street was abandoned; no houses around, just woods and road. I turned the car off and rested my head against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath and trying to sort through my disarrayed thoughts. Strangely, I began to have a conversation with myself.

What could be so bad, so horrible that taking your own life is even a solution?

It's hard, it's just too hard.

Oh, so you're going to give up.

Well, no, I was just-

Giving up. Cat, pull yourself together. You have so much going for yourself. You have a wonderful husband, a nice house. You have two beautiful children. Aiden is still your child, and how do you think it will make him feel if he comes home to a house without you? You wouldn't do that to Robbie, Cat. I know you. You are me, I am you…we're one person. Think of Tori, of Beck. They haven't given up on Evelyn, and they have to watch their daughter inch closer to death every day. Think of Jade, your best friend. Think of what she's gone through. And you just left her, yelling at her. Would you want to leave her in this world with nobody, and on that note? You think you have it so hard? Look around, Cat. The world isn't what it used to be, is it? But through the pain, through the hardships, that's where the best moments come from. The sun is even more beautiful when it follows a storm, Cat.

My phone interrupted my introspection, and I wiped the fresh salt from my eyes and reached toward my bag.

"Cat, where are you?" It was Tori, she was sobbing, her voice shaky and incredibly weak. I knew then what I had to do.

I was greeted by a multitude of white. It was supposed to be calming, uniform, but at that moment I discovered that white was a color that I had had too much of; The tile of the supermarket, the stone outside the police station, missing child reports, and now the walls of the hospital yet again. I was taken to the room I had visited so many times by a fragile looking blonde, and before she opened the door she put her hand on my shoulder, looking right into my eyes.

"I'm so sorry about everything." She said, and then she opened the door and I was immediately hit by the sound of crying. I took a deep breath. Be strong for them, Cat. They need you. I walked over to Tori, who was sitting next to the incubator, Evelyn holding her finger through the hand hole. Beck was behind her, a hand on her shoulder, looking down. I saw a tear escape his eye, too, and almost broke down right there. I cautiously approached the couple, not knowing what to say. Beck was the first to turn around, and his eyes were empty. He was numb. He moved against Tori which made her turn around as well. Her eyes met mine and I could tell that the reality of whatever situation they were in had hit her first, and hard.

She was a mess. Her hair lay in a pile atop her head, and she was wearing sweatpants and an oversize shirt. Bags were on top of the bags on her eyes, and she looked lost, hopeless.

"Tori, what's wrong? I thought they told you everything would be fine." A flash of anger replaced her sorrow, and I was truly scared of the face I saw. This was not the Tori I knew.

"They lied. They all did. She's getting worse, I can tell. Her monitors aren't working for her anymore. They won't do anything to help her. They say she'll be fine. I know better, Cat. I'm her mother. I'm supposed to know these things, aren't I? So why can't I figure out why she's so sick? Why can't I take her home, to her crib in the nursery that's still empty? It kills me, you know. Every night I have to come home from the hospital to an empty crib. I have to lie awake and think; was that the last time I'll see my daughter?" She bent over in her chair, and I heard her suppress a sob "They won't even let me hold her, Cat. I can't even hold my own daughter. I just have to look at her. It's like a bad dream. She's right in front of me, and they're taunting me. I can hold her hand, I can stroke her head, but I can't hold her. I didn't even get to hold her when I first had her. She's been in here since birth. Do you know how it feels to look at your child every day and not be able to hold them?" She pauses, and then turns back to Evelyn, rubbing her tiny hand again. "I didn't think so."

"You think I don't know how it feels, Tori? Well let me tell you something. Yesterday was supposed to be Aiden's first day of preschool. I watched my neighbor, my friend Haley bring her son to school. I've had to watch kids playing in their yards, mothers pushing strollers. I've stayed up late at night wondering exactly what I did to deserve this. Before I came here I considered suicide. Do you want to know why I'm here? Life sucks, Tori. All of the bad things happen to the good people. People get hurt, people die, Tori. But do you want to know something? You can't let anything get between you and the people you love. If you love them, you need to know that they'll be there for you. I made a mistake with a good friend of mine the other day. I didn't realize that she was trying to help me. I yelled at her, Tori. I lost my temper because I have problems in my life. Turns out I'm not the only one with problems, and neither are you. I understand why you're so upset, but don't shut everyone out. You need us more than you think. And you know what, Tori? We need you. Robbie and I need you, Beck needs you, Evelyn needs you. You need to stay strong for her, Tori. You're her only hope." By now I was crying. I had no idea what to do, so I crossed to the other side of the incubator and grabbed Evelyn's other hand. She turned her tiny pink head and looked at me, responding to my touch by trying to grab my whole hand. Smiling, I gave her my pinky. Her little fingers barely wrapped around my smallest, but she didn't seem to care. She just kept looking at me through the glass, innocent eyes wide with curiosity. Her chest moved rapidly as she tried to receive the oxygen she craved. I looked over to her heart monitor, curious of what Tori was talking about. The monitor kept a steady beat, along with Evelyn's heart. I stood there, puzzled as I tried to understand what Tori was saying about Evelyn. Then, I met eyes with Tori across the incubator. Her face was flush from her outburst of anger, and she just looked at me, desperation lingering with her features. She whispered,

"Help me."

So yeah, what I said about the writing just coming out? I don't want to know what goes on in my mind. All of my chapters lately have been really strange and angsty like this one. Oh well, I guess it's better for the story, huh?

I know you'll like reviewin' if you give it a chance now!

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Love, Hollywood :)