AN: So sorry for how long it took me to post ths chapter! Life seems to be catching up with me, and trying to handle a toddler while applying for college is ridiculously time consuming. Fair warning, my story is NOT for the faint of heart. I'm not sugarcoating or apologizing for anything; if you don't like it, don't read it. That being said, if you like it, review! Adding me to your story alerts is great, but reviews are like Sexward: makes you hurry the hell up and get naked! I'll try to update every week. Recommend my story and maybe Sexward will make an appearence next chapter?
Disclaimer: If I were SM I wouldn't be here.
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. - Robert Frost
"Now? But Bella, love… Are you sure we're ready for this? We only just got married a few months ago."
"Edward, trust me. I'm sure."
"Are you sure it has nothing to do with… Well, you know." He looked away from me then, our mutual avoidance of a certain topic bringing us both to an impasse.
"Babe, that was a long time ago. I'm over it."
"I just don't want you to regret anything. We're young, we have plenty of time to decide whether or not we want children yet."
"Edward, I know what I want!" I was getting frustrated. "Why is this so complicated for you to understand? I know that what happened with James was hard, but I've dealt with it. I've had almost ten years to deal with it. I want a child! Damn it, Edward…" I was angry, my emotions taking over any last rational thought that I had. I stormed off in the direction of our bedroom, passing the empty guest room on my way. 'Another empty hole in my life I can't fill.' I slammed our door open and went outside to the balcony. The bleak gray Seattle sky greeted me with icy raindrops, covering everything in a fine mist. It was around that same time of year again. March always seemed to get me feeling just a little more on edge than usual.
I hadn't been feeling quite myself lately, which is why I went back for an unscheduled appointment with my psychologist, Dr. Newton. He was a simple and patient man, in his late 40's with a picket fence life. The same life I always wanted. 'You know you can never be normal. You can never be average. He made sure of that.'
Yes, I suppose he did.
Flashback: Age 13
Only one more month until high school! I was so excited. I had called up Rose and Alice to have a huge sleepover at Rose's place this weekend. Charlie and Renee were too busy celebrating their 14th anniversary to remember me. I called Alice excitedly over the phone later that night.
"Oh my god, Alice! You will never believe who just IM'ed me!" I screeched into the phone, glued to our desktop, clicking furiously away on the keyboard.
"Who? Oh, don't tell me it's Eric! No way!"
"Yes! He said he wants to go watch a movie before we start high school, so we don't 'lose touch'."
"Bella, you are so lucky. I'm jealous! Rose has Royce hanging on to her every word and I'm stuck with creepy Tyler trying to get to first base." I could practically see Alice's famous pout gracing her perfectly pixie-like face.
"Well, Rose's rents are seriously out all day right? Because we need a final girls night together before we get all split up in high school."
"You mean, you want a final chance to ogle James before he leaves for college right? "Shut up Alice!"
"See you in a few, Bella baby!" With a muted click, she hung up the phone. I couldn't lie, Rosalie's older brother James was gorgeous. He had the same blond hair as Rose, except his was wavy and curled around his face. Varsity football player, swimmer, gymnast and exceptionally smart, James Hale was the epitome of perfection to me. I'd has a crush on him for years now. Missing one last opportunity to see him before he went off to Princeton was not something I intended on giving up.
I packed quickly and walked over to Alice's house, only a few streets down from mine. Her mom, Maria, was waiting in the car, Alice already in the back seat waiting. I threw my stuff in the trunk and said my hellos. We pulled up to Rosalie's house and practically ran inside. She was already waiting for us in her room, blasting the Backstreet Boys while brushing her hair.
"Rosie!" Alice screamed and ran up to hug her, ignoring Rosalie's dead panned face.
"You know I hate that nickname, Mary Alice." She said, smirking as she used her full name.
"Okay, point taken. I brought all my nail polishes, and of course Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and The Beast, and The Little Mermaid. Which first, queridas?" Alice pulled out each set of items and flopped onto the bed. After agreeing, Rosalie ran downstairs and said she's be back. With her I am up to no good smile on, she came back up with a bottle of vodka.
"Rosalie Lillian Hale, what do you think you're doing with that?" I screeched.
"Relax, Jingle Bells. Lighten up. We're gonna be high school kids in less than a month! It's time to grow up and play the part."
"Rose, this isn't a good idea…" It surprised me to hear Alice say that. Rose was getting pissed, though.
"Do I have to enact the code?" She said, eyebrow raised. Alice and I groaned collectively, remembering the mischief code we made after reading the 4th Harry Potter book. Sighing, Alice held out her hand, pinkie finger extended. I linked mine through hers, the other hand meeting Rosalie's.
"We solemnly swear that we're up to no good." With that, she passed us each a shot glass and filled them to the brim. "To high school, girls." We lifted them to our lips at the same time, tentatively staring at each other. The smell burned my nostrils, so I held my breath and swallowed as fast as possible. It burned terribly, making me hack and cough violently. All three of us were nearly knocked over from the horrible taste. I was the first one to laugh at our situation, the other two joining me after a bit.
A pizza, two movies, three bags of popcorn and half a bottle later, we were all laughing and rolling around, thoroughly drunk. Not too long after that, I went to use the bathroom. A summer in Forks meant a humidity so thick you could swim down the street, so I was wearing shorts and a tank top. I still had a slight fit of the giggles, and it took me longer than usual to get to the bathroom. Once I was done with my business and washed my hands, I opened the door and ran into something hard.
"Oomph!"
"Oh, sorry Bell." James said, helping me back up to my feet. I couldn't stop staring at him. He had on only a pair of shorts, his chest bare and defined for my viewing pleasure…
"Bell?"
"Oh, uhm, yes?" I had zoned out and stared at his chest. I couldn't stop the giggle that made its way out.
"You seem different." He bent down to study my face and got a whiff of just what was different about me. "You're drunk?" He said, with an odd smirk on his face.
"Maybe? Probably. Okay yes." I found this amazingly funny and laughed out loud. He smiled wide, and seemed to be looking at my breasts, which had thankfully started growing sometime in the last year. I silently thanked whatever god was up there, hoping that James would keep looking at me.. Well, like he wanted me.
"You shouldn't be wandering around the house drunk, Bell. Come back to my room, we can hang out." I could've swore I misheard him. Somehow I managed to squeak out my assent, and he held my hand to keep me steady on the way to his room. I was on cloud nine the whole way there. He told me to lay down on the bed while he went to get me some water. He came back pretty fast, and handed me a small glass.
"Drink up, Bell." He was the only one who called me that and I loved it. The water tasted kind of funny, but I figured it was probably just tap. He sat down next to me and put a strand of hair back into place. "You know, I always thought you were hot, Bell. Have you ever kissed anyone before?" The question caught me off guard.
"Well, uhm, yeah. I have."
"Have you ever been kissed by a man, Isabella?" He said, inching closer to me until his lips were just an inch away.
"I don't feel good..." Suddenly, my vision became blurry and my head started spinning. I heard James' voice far away. The last thing I saw was him smiling before everything went black.