IT'S A REAL UPDATE!!! lol
I'm sorry its short and its been awhile, but I hope you guys like.
By the way, I have pretty much lost myself here, so pay attention to this little pretty list.
Bella – 18, senior
Edward – 18 senior
Alice and Emmett (twins) – 16 going on 17
Rosalie and Jasper (adopted) – 16 going on 17
And for any pervious mistakes, its around November.
It was Monday and the morning passed in the same fashion as many, and very quickly, and before I knew it I was off to school. I knew I had apologizing to do but I just couldn't bring myself to say Yes! I will talk to him when I get to school. Because, really...I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to admit what I did wrong.
Risking the chance at being late, I sat in the car and waited the time out.
I made it to my first class, only a few seconds off, and took my seat quickly. I forgot about all the problems I created and focused on my classes, willing the day to go by faster and faster.
My first two classes swung by fast. It wasn't that I was thinking or anything, but I wasn't paying any attention. By lunch I couldn't even remember a single thought I'd had during those two periods. But I had one reminder that my mind had strayed and I hadn't been mentally present during that class; the homework pilled in my bag proved just this. When I would get to it, I didn't know, but hopefully it wouldn't be a pain in my butt. It felt like everyone was staring at me during class or as I was walking the hall.
When the bell rang for lunch I headed out to my car. I wasn't hungry by any means today, and needed time to think instead of being a target for hard ridicule and laughs. In fact, that was the last thing I needed.
I sat in the driver's side with the heat and radio on.
This was an opportunity to think, which I didn't want. I really wasn't in the mood to think at all. I opened up my textbook, glanced once at my unfinished paper and shoved it back inside. I wasn't in the mood for that either. I checked my cell phone, buying time, and found nineteen missed calls. I frowned at my mom's flashing number, a bitter reminder of the pain she's put her family through. I redialled quickly.
A breathless voice answered. "Hello?" my mom panted. There was a rustling noise in the background and I just knew what she was up to. I dry heaved into the passenger seat. "Hello?"
"Uh, Renee, you called me?" I said uneasily.
"Ooohhhh..." She drew out the word and I knew it wasn't meant for me. It was plain encouragement for Charlie to keep doing things to her. "Right, what do you need, Bella? I'm busy."
"You called me," I said firmly, making gestures to myself though she couldn't see me. "I just called to ask what was so urgent that you couldn't just leave a message at home to put it all to rest." I was bitter, and I knew it. This kind of thing made me feel bitter. Talking to Renee, especially while she was at work at another child to hand over... I was more bitter than any teenager cold have been.
"Right, I have some good"—she said the word like a purr—"news. I'm pregnant! Isn't that awesome?" She sounded happy, excited even, but it faded into a voice that dripped of raunchy sex. "Oooh, Charlie, keep going! Faster! Faster!"
I flipped the phone closed and open my door in time to throw up. This whole situation was making me sick. Renee is expecting again, and in other words, I am pregnant again, not to mention this whole situation with Caitlyn and Charlie and...and Edward. I made a stupid mistake! I thought, taking out that self-critical feeling on myself again.
But right now, that whole problem with the pedophile living in my house was the last of my issues. "I'm going to fail," I said to myself as I wiped my mouth on a Kleenex. I brought my knees to my chest after closing the door again. Not just fail in school, but fail at life. There's four girls already, under my wing as my own little children and I couldn't afford another. The situation started to weight on me – I started feeling what this baby will do to me.
I'll have to take time of school, care for it, and I won't be able to finish high school. And then...it would be more expenses and more running around; I would need a new vehicle to fit everyone in. I couldn't complete school, go on to college or university, start a life with all this going on – I would always have one of those girls with me. It was one of my worst nightmares that Renee would get pregnant again, and here it is, bitter reality. More responsibilities for me to take on and figure out how to do it all.
I'm a senior. Next year I should be going to college, maybe meeting a guy and starting from there. But I would be taking a little kids with me, children that required more attention that I couldn't split and divide to give to certain priorities.
In other words, I was screwed. Completely screwed.
By the time the bell rang for next period, my eyes were red and my nose was runny. I walked to class, concealing my face with my sweater's hood and my hands in my pockets. Time for biology.
Another tear fell down my face. No, I couldn't go to class in this state. I turned around, almost getting caught in the sea of kids as I headed back for the car. I didn't need this kind of burden, to see Edward's wrongly accused face and know what I did.
I curled up in the back seat of the car and closed my eyes, willing the images of my family's and Edward's faces away.
Tap, tap, tap!
My bones locked together and my heart started racing. A teacher, maybe? Or was it the principle knocking on my window? My eyes squeezed shut, hoping this was some kind of weird dream. Did it matter if I slept through third and hopefully fourth period? I mean, I was doing perfectly fine in both, so there was no reason for anyone to get a little angry that I was skipping for a nap.
But who would realize that I was absent? No one paid me attention on a daily basis; I was like the background setting to everyone's perfect little lives.
The tapping continued, a little louder and quicker now. I peeked under my arm and barely opening my eyes so I could at least fake sleep, giving the chance for this person to leave. I peeked under the sleeve that covered my face from the sun to see the culprit drawling me from my sleep.
When I wondered of the people who would notice if I was absent, I only knew one person who would, but not necessarily care. After everything I accused him of – and it was quite a wide spread of things – he was the one to notice I wasn't in class and come find me. Had he seen me this morning? I wondered. Or was he skipping too, to avoid me? I closed my eyes and pretended like I hadn't seen him, or anyone, standing there.
The tapping didn't stop.
Soon a tired voice broke through. "Seriously, Bella, just open the door. Seriously."
I stayed still, frozen by his voice muffled by the glass. I didn't want to wake up and I didn't want to go to class, but more importantly, I didn't want to talk.
All my life I've been right. From the very beginning when Caitlyn was welcomed home, I've been right. Caitlyn had a diaper rash; I was right. Melly needs to sleep with her teddy bear or she can't sleep at all; I was right. The twins were preemies so they wouldn't properly be able to breastfeed like the average children; I was right. I thought Edward molested Caitlyn; huh. Guess who wasn't right? And now here was my chance to admit, full force, that I was wrong.
Edward hadn't stopped that inclusive tapping, and I sat up without looking at him, placing my feet flat on the ground and taking a deep breath. I felt sick.
If he didn't take a step back, it would be his own fault for getting sacked with the door. I opened the back door and swung my feet out to the ground, resting my elbows on my knees. I heard his shoes running against the pavement, but there were no voices at all.
It was nearly silent, only my breathing echoed.
It was probably on my shoulders to say something first, or maybe he should have said something sense he initiated the conversation. But beats passed by and nothing was said. I closed my eyes for a second, before opening them and staring down at the pavement. In the right side of my perpetual vision, I could see what I brought up early, and quickly averted my eyes before I repeated that all over Edward's shoes.
"I'm sorry." It felt like I was talking to the ground. "I was wrong," I admitted reluctantly. "Really wrong." What else was there to say? Oh, yeah, Edward, I'm so sorry for accusing you of molesting my little sister because I never clued in that my abusive father could have been behind it? Right.
"Why didn't you believe me?" he asked, sounding confused. "Did you really think I would lie?"
"Well," I struggled. "I wanted to believe that it wasn't someone that as already disappointed me, past, present, and future... I guess I just wasn't thinking. I'm sorry," I told the ground again.
He was quite for a moment. "Then who was it that...you know?"
Edward didn't seem like the type of guy who would like little girls, much less children, period.
I wondered how I could answer that inconspicuously. I couldn't admit that the Chief of Police would do this kind of thing, but I couldn't say that I didn't know because I'd already let on to it. "I can't say," I admitted finally.
"You don't trust me now?" he asked.
Again, I struggled. "Its not that. I just...Caitlyn wouldn't want anyone to know." I wouldn't want anyone to know. "And its not really a big deal," I added, "because it is going to stop."
On some level we were made up again, but I felt like I owed him more, like we couldn't just go back to being what we were before; whatever we were. I hoped we could go back to that special acquaintance we have before. Sure he was new here, but he couldn't have a hard time making friends – I mean, the little confrontation with Jessica that first day proved that he could be in That Crowd without fault. His family could follow through with that too.
But on some other level I wanted to know that he would prefer me over Jessica Stanley. Maybe it was conceded, but how many kids in Forks High School even acknowledged me on any basis? Right. Next to none. I suffered under that. And then I meet this one boy who does do one thing or another to throw stuff back in my face, taunt or tease me. Maybe, from wherever the Cullens came from, that place have more respect for human life. In Forks, it didn't quite happen that way: The students fed off each other and the pain of the ones lower on the food chain.
"Bella, I have something for you," Edward said suddenly.
My throat got this weird thickness, and I finally looked up at him for the first time. Despite the chill in the air, the sun was out and backlit Edward to near perfection. "What?"
Swinging his backpack around to the front he dug in. I looked down for a second, on the edge of surprise and shock, and back up. He gave a large smile, which I returned in a lesser fashion, as he held up a cherry lollipop.
*grins* I'm officially Team Lolliward!
On the other hand....
*runs and hides* what did you think? Good, bad? Reviews?