It hurt. It physically hurt to look at her. As we stared at each other in the house I grew up in, I thought about all the times that I had hurt her. All the times that I had made her life miserable. All the times I called her, lying in a drunken stupor. Her lip quivered as realisation hit. She knew when I lied, she always knew when I lied.
"Why?" She wailed. "Sherlock, why?"
I felt the pain in her voice. I shook my head. "I'm sorry mum," I said. "I'm so sorry mum,"
"Get out!" She shrieked. "Get out you murderous treacherous swine!" Mum screamed, picking up the fire poker.
"Mum, please," I said. "He was in pain-"
"I don't care!" She screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don't care! He was you father!" She lunged at me. I managed to dodge and hit the poker to the ground.
"Mum, please," I tried, grabbing her wrists. She began to batter my chest, screaming bloody murder. She collapsed into uncontrollable sobs. Unable to hold it together anymore, I collapsed to, holding her close. Tears pouring down my face, I sobbed too.
"I'm sorry mum," I cried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Get out," Mum wailed.
"No." I replied. "I can't. I need to know you forgive me."
"How dare you!" Mum wept into my shoulder. "How could I ever forgive?"
"Mum, I'm sorry," I said. "Please, mum, I'm so sorry,"
"You have no heart," She whispered.
"I do, please mum." I said. "Please."
"Get out," She repeated, tears trailing down her wrinkled cheeks. "Get out, Sherlock."
"No, I can't do that mum," I said.
"Just get out." She whispered. "Just leave me alone,"
"Mum-"
"GET OUT!" She screamed, trying to push me off.
"I can't!" I cried. "Mum, I am sorry." I sighed. "I'm sorry for everything."
"Leave me alone," She whispered, still trying to pull away from me.
"No, mum, please-"
"No, you listen. You don't belong to me. You're not the son I knew."
"Mum-"
"Get out!"
I blinked, tears falling thick and fast. Emotion choked my throat. Something that had never usually happened. I breathed heavily wishing for strength. "Mum," I whispered kindly.
She pulled away, standing up and edging towards the fire. "Just go," She said.
And then I broke down completely.