Authors Note: This chapter is a little shorter than the previous ones. I'm also pretty unsure about it. I don't think it's THAT great honestly. But I hope you all enjoy it anyway. Thank you so much for the reviews and feedback! I appreciate them greatly. Hearing your opinions and agreements are encouragement to pump these chapters out faster so keep doing it. I love hearing everyone's thoughts. Enjoy!

When Rachel thinks of Jesse she thinks of not only eggs but also broken promises.

She remembers various happy moments in their short but doomed relationship. There was one time after the roller skating party with April Rhodes and they sat outside her house in his car and made out for what seemed like hours. He told her how beautiful her smile was at one point and she felt like an actual teenager for the first time in her life. When he kissed her it was with urgency, like he was trying to suck the life out of her and it felt like desire and lust every single time. She was wanted, she was sought after.

She would dream at night that after a rousing performance of West Side Story she would meet up with him in their favorite bar in the city and they would drink wine and discuss their days. People would pass by them and ask for autographs from the both of them, citing how their love story was so inspirational for their own life. They would also clamor for a wonderful duet from the two of them, and of course they would oblige. Then they'd return to their penthouse on the Upper East Side and she would fall asleep in their bed with his warmth and love surrounding her. He'd kiss her on the forehead and murmur, "Goodnight angel," before they fall asleep.

This was their epic romance. She had the life she deserved-and it was with him.

But it didn't work that way.

"Rachel? Rachel did you hear what I just asked?"

Her thoughts are pulled from hopeless daydreams to the present of a plain office and Dr. Damon staring at her.

"We're supposed to be talking about Jesse right?" she asks.

"Yes. I asked what your thoughts on Jesse were and-"

"Do you know…when Vocal Adrenaline threw those eggs at me he said he loved me before he broke the egg over my face. Loved. As in past tense. Apparently he loved me before that happened."

"Do you think he loved you Rachel?"

"I don't…I don't know. I would like to think that…every moment we had together was out of love but I can't say that. And I can't be sure. But what did he mean by loved…I never understood. What did I do to make him fall out-"

She can't even finish the sentence at this point because of the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. She doubles over on the couch and sobs loudly hiding her face in her hands. This is a strange moment for her. She usually doesn't cry about Jesse to be honest. She gets angry, sad, and pensive but she never cries because she doesn't know what to cry about. She's just never sure about Jesse.

She feels Dr. Damon's hand on her shoulder and a box of tissues appears in front of her face. She grabs a few quickly and wipes away the tears, embarrassed that she broke down like this.

"I'm sorry," she croaks out. "I didn't mean to just start crying like that. I never cry about Jesse."

Dr. Damon returns to his seat across from her. "Did you ever talk to Jesse after you two broke up?"

"No. No we never spoke. The last time I saw him was Regionals when Vocal Adrenaline beat us. But…he sent me a postcard some time ago. It was the Hollywood sign on the front and all he wrote were a few lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody."

"That's…odd. Is there any special significance to that song? Does it mean something to the two of you?"

"He sang it at Regionals. And it made me so angry when I saw it. I mean he beat us with that song. Do you know we didn't even place at Regionals? We weren't supposed to get another year of glee club because of that but somehow we did. Glee club was everything then and he almost took it away with that song. I don't understand why he would use that song to contact me after everything he did."

Her words and speech seemed frantic at this point and she doesn't know how Dr. Damon is even understanding her at this point.

"Rachel it seems when it comes to Jesse…you don't know anything. You two didn't get closure. You don't have any answers. All you're left with is your interpretation of the situation. So I want to know what that is. Why do you think Jesse stopped loving you? Do you think he ever loved you?"

She's quiet for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts. It's a lot to think about honestly.

"I just…I don't know Dr. Damon. I don't know why he would say he loved me like I did something wrong. I don't know if I was too clingy or called him too many times about my theories of Patti LuPone being my mother. I was…I was the best girlfriend I knew how to be. And it all just makes me so angry. I want to throw something every time I think about him or the humiliation I felt when that egg dripped down my face. It gave me nightmares for so long. I couldn't sleep without seeing people like Finn and Shelby throwing eggs at me too. He said I deserved epic romance when you know? And I felt so special…but then he went and ruined everything. So what is that supposed to mean? What kind of love do I deserve then if my first real boyfriend goes and does something like that?"

"Did you love Jesse?"

At that question she remembers the first time she met Jesse, singing Hello with him and thinking that she finally met someone that understood her. His voice was perfect next to hers. It was like fate. They fit together.

She could only nod. She could only nod and start a fresh batch of tears.

Dr. Damon looks at her sympathetically. "I think that might be enough for today hm?"

After the stress of her session with Dr. Damon she doesn't feel like baking for a couple days. She goes to school empty handed and ignores Puck and Artie's inquiring and concerned looks when they pass by her in the morning. It's probably because she looks and feels like death since she hasn't slept much. When she does sleep she dreams of a life with Jesse and wakes up with tears on her face, a wet pillow, and an aching heart.

She hardly pays attention in most of her classes and Spanish is even more tiresome than usual. Mr. Schuester calls on her a couple times but she has to actively ignore him in order for him to get the message. She's not budging and she's not participating.

At lunch she quickly gets her food and makes her way to the bathroom to eat and be alone. On her way she sees Santana.

She can honestly say she hasn't seen Santana since that first day she came back to school. She doesn't know if that's by Santana's doing though. She hasn't made any changes to her route in order to avoid her.

They make eye contact as they pass and Santana's eyes narrow at her. Usually she would be afraid of this but she's too tired today to care about anything.

"Berry. Long time no see. You're looking like death warmed over…I bet you wouldn't mind that though."

She can't even find the energy to respond to that. It's a good insult though she'll give her that.

"If you think all this angst you're going through is going to make Finn crawl back to you then think twice Berry. He may feel guilty but that doesn't mean he wants you back. He doesn't. Wanna know why? Because he has me to supply his needs all the time…and I mean all his needs."

She knows exactly what she means by this and she has had nightmares about it too. She tries to move around Santana to escape this conversation but the cruel Latina blocks her from walking past.

"I never thought you would be pathetic enough to kill yourself Rachel. I always thought you loved yourself too much to do something like that. I mean wouldn't it be a waste of your "talent"? You might want to think about that. You might want to contemplate just how much of a loser you've become. It's sad. Really."

With that she shoves past her and flounces down the hall with her curly ponytail swinging alluringly in her wake.

But suddenly her triumphant march is stopped because Puck is in her way. They're too far away for her to hear anything but Puck takes a look at her and then Santana and it's like he already knows what just happened. His face is grave and he towers over Santana menacingly as he speaks to her. She can't see her face from her position but her body is stiff and still and she seems to be cowering under the force of Puck's fury.

Once he's done talking he stalks away from Santana and towards her. As he comes nearer, his facial expression is less severe.

"You alright Rach?"

No. No she's not. She kind of wants to go home and swallow a bottle of pills again so she doesn't have to think about all the things that hurt anymore. But she'll resist the urge.

"Sure. I'm not feeling so well though. I'm tired and I just want to go home."

He looks at her suspiciously and it's a good thing Puck knows her well enough by now. She should not go to her empty house right now. They both know this.

"Do you want me to drive you home?"

She nods, thankful that he knows what she needs but she's certain he's not going to leave her alone once they get there.

They stop by her locker so she can drop off her books and proceed out the school building. Once they're in his truck and on their way to her house, she settles into her seat more and feels the weight of the day close her eyes. Now that she's still and relaxed she can't even stay awake. So she goes to sleep.

When she wakes up she's tucked safely in her bed and warm under the covers. It's dark except for the lamp on her desk and the time says that it's 7:13pm.

She gets out of bed and groggily makes her way downstairs. She can smell food cooking the closer she gets to kitchen and she finds her dads making dinner quietly. They greet her with warm smiles.

"How'd you sleep dear? You've been out for awhile," her daddy says.

"I feel ok. It was a good nap. Have I been here alone the whole time?"

"No…no when we got home we found your friend Noah in the living room watching tv. He said you weren't feeling well at school so he brought you home but he didn't want you to be in the house alone."

She scowls at the fact that everyone has to baby her so much. It is necessary but that doesn't mean she likes it. "He didn't have to do that I was fine on my own."

Her dad raises his eyebrow at that statement. "No you weren't Rachel. Dr. Damon called us after your appointment and said that your session this week was…difficult for you. He advised we keep a close watch on you and try to not have you in the house…alone. So yes it is necessary."

Dr. Damon really is smart isn't he? "I'm not a child dad it's just…whatever. Call me when dinners ready."

She goes back upstairs to her room and doesn't come back down for dinner. She watches some of her old MySpace videos instead.

The next day at school she sees Santana but the girl completely avoids her gaze and doesn't say a word.

The same can't be said for Noah. When she goes to her locker for lunch he's waiting for her at her locker.

"Do you think your sleep schedule is messed up or something Rach cause all that sleeping during the day can't be healthy," he says lightheartedly.

She ignores him and gets into her locker, switching out books and getting the Tupperware full of leftover eggplant Parmesan.

"Wanna have lunch with me today?"

She closes the locker with force and looks at him. "No. I told you I can't handle anything or anyone right now. I can't. So please leave me alone. I appreciate what you do for me but this is too much right now Noah."

His jaw tightens and he pulls back from her. "I'm just trying to be nice."

"Yeah well nothing good comes out of you being nice to me. One time it happened and I cheated on my boyfriend and now i'm a depressed shell of a person so there you go."

He nods, crossing his arms and backing away from her.

"Fine. I told Santana not to bother you anymore or I'd make life hell for her. I guess I'll stop bothering you too."

He walks away from her and she has a feeling he won't watch over her as much.

She spends the rest of the week in school alone in school. She doesn't make eye contact with anyone, hardly speaks in her classes, and does her best to avoid Puck.

She spends most of her time at home in her room attempting to do her homework, but generally she's sleeping.

She doesn't bake.

She doesn't mean to be like this. And she doesn't want to be.

She remembers how she used to feel whenever she sang by herself in the auditorium sometimes. It wasn't about honing her talent or preparing for some ludicrous assignment Mr. Schue had given, but doing what she loved.

She used to be ambitious and she used to have determination and passion. She wants that back.

It occurs to her how bad things have gotten when she stumbles upon her daddy crying in dining room with her dad rubbing his back sympathetically.

"I just want her to be happy. I mean are we such bad parents that we let this happen? We let her get like this?"

Her dad doesn't know what to say but she wants to say it's not their fault. Because it's not. They're the only ones who have loved her, never failed her, or supported her unconditionally. They never made her feel like she was less than anything. If it weren't for them she would have done what she did a long time ago.

She makes a decision to make a better effort at her therapy. She can't do to them what so many have done to her.

She goes to her appointment with Dr. Damon more determined than she's ever been.

"Rachel how have you been this week? Your dads called me a couple days ago and they were quite worried about you. They said you haven't been very active. Mostly sleeping."

"Yes it wasn't a very good week. I don't think I dealt with our session last week very well. Thinking about Jesse is…very hard. But I want to deal with it this week. I really want to get better Dr. Damon."

"Ok. Well why do you think it's hard for you to think about Jesse? Why do you think it shut you down so much this week?"

"I-I think…I think because I did love Jesse. I loved him and I thought he loved me. But then everything happened and now I'm not sure about anything in our relationship. That's why it hurts me so much. I…I have to know where I stand with people. I need to know these things. And I usually know. I do. But…everyone in my life right now…I don't know where I stand with them. I don't know if Finn still loves me…I don't know if Jesse ever loved me. It makes me so unsure of myself. It was never like this until…them."

She can feel tears in her eyes and she bites her lip and takes deep breaths.

She will not cry today.

"So…ultimately the problem with Jesse is a lack of closure."

"Yes! Precisely! I just want to know why he did what he did. I need to know the reasons behind it instead of speculating about all the things I did wrong-"

"Why do you think it's something you did wrong?"

"Because…well it's nothing he did. He was great. And I…I'm just…I'm always too much, I'm too crazy."

"So Jesse is perfect?"

"Well…not necessarily-"

"So why is the demise of the relationship your fault and yours alone? Isn't it a two way street? Do you think you deserved that egging Rachel?"

"No! No I didn't deserve it but I think…I don't…I don't why it happened! And I don't know why he broke up with me and if it's my fault or his. I'll never know unless he tells me but I don't know if that will ever happen. I don't think I'll ever be over this until I get some answers."

"I think you're right. And I think we'll have to move on from here. Tell me about your week…any interactions you want to talk about?"

"Well..I kept to myself a lot this week. I ran into Santana and that was eventful. She has this constant need to berate me in any way she can. I don't understand. I'm not even with Finn anymore and she still won't leave me alone!"

"Do you think her bullying is going to be a reoccurring theme in your day? Enough to start talking to an authority figure?"

"I don't think so. Noah said something to her. I think she'll leave me alone from now on."

"Noah? The boy who found you after you took the pills right?"

"Yes. He's been very nice to me. We've gotten along well but I…I think I burned that bridge. I was very mean to him when I was highly depressed."

"Why were you mean to him?"

"Because he frustrates me!"

"But you said you two get along and he's nice to you, I don't understand-"

"Because!" she cries as she stands up and begins pacing, "he doesn't leave things alone! He talks to me like he knows everything. One minute he's nice and it's fine but then he opens his big mouth and tries to talk about why I killed myself and why Finn isn't good for me and I can't handle it. I can't handle him!"

Dr. Damon follows her pacing amused. "So he frustrates you because he tells you the truth?"

She stops and looks at him. Puck does tell her the truth but she's never ready to hear it and that's the problem. "Yeah. I'd rather stay in my bubble of self-pity than hear the truth from him sometimes. It hurts."

Dr. Damon chuckles. "That's why they say the truth hurts Rachel."

She smiles a little at this statement and returns to her seat. "I suppose I'll have to apologize but I think I really hurt him. So I should leave it alone for awhile. Plus…I value his friendship, I do, but I have to do this alone Dr. Damon. I have to figure these things out on my own and I think he cares too much sometimes to let me do that. I think I depend on people too much. I need to remember how to depend on myself."

"It's your choice Rachel. I think that's all the time we have for today though. But one question before you go."

"What?"

"What are you baking me for next week?"

She laughs lightly and shakes her head at her therapist. There is that Mexican chocolate recipe she'd been eying…