A/N: Thank you guys for the feedback and reviews! I encourage you to leave more because I love hearing your opinions and they're a big encouragement/fuel. Honestly. More reviews encourages me to write this more and lets me know what i'm doing wrong or right! Also if you're interested I wrote a future piece to this story that's on my profile called Marilyn Manson Ate My Girlfriend. It was written for a prompt on the puckrachel drabble meme over at LJ. As soon as I saw the prompt I couldn't get this story out of my head so there you go. Let me know how you like that too because i'm highly considering writing a sequel to this story since it's almost done. Enjoy everyone!

Disclaimer: Don't own of course.

1 month later

Its been a long time since she stepped foot into this auditorium but it seemed like a good time as any to do so. No one in the glee club would be around and other than that it was usually vacant.

She took a slow walk around the big room, taking in memories from all the time she spent in here. She remembers being in here with Finn, teaching him notes and scales and then kissing him. It was the first time a boy had taken such interest in her and her voice. Then he kissed her. She thought everything that happened in the past wouldn't matter anymore-the drawings in the bathroom stalls, slushee facials, hateful comments on her myspace. It wouldn't matter because one person in this school would understand and come to maybe love her. She had so much hope.

But then he ran.

Thinking about this Rachel realizes that Finn has done a lot of running from her. A lot of running that she never deserved.

You see, she doesn't understand how she's gone so long in this place without doing what she did. But the thing is Rachel Berry knew who she was. She knew she was talented and she refused to compromise herself for anyone no matter how much they didn't like it. Because one day it would all be worth when she was up on stage on the Broadway doing what she loved.

And then she met Finn. Now she wasn't completely sure of who she was anymore.

She walked towards the stage and piano holding a few papers in her hands. Dr. Damon asked her at their most recent session if she had been singing lately. She hadn't. To be honest she hasn't sang very much since her suicide attempt because there has been no reason to. He wants her to find a reason to sing again. Find songs that describe what she's feeling, what she went through before.

She poured over lyrics on the internet stumbling upon songs from artists she'd never even heard before. She even found the song she heard the day of her suicide attempt when she was driving home. It still makes her tear up a little.

She sits down on the piano bench and puts the papers on the staff. She lightly traces the keys and begins playing notes, feeling the music and letting it take her over. She stares at the paper and begins to sing.

Her voice in some ways seems strained and raw from months of not being used. But this is ok. She sings the song softly at first but it's when she gets to a particular verse that her voice finds strength and reason.

Wish you thought that I was dead

So rather than me

You'd be depressed instead

And before arriving at my grave

You'd come to the conclusion

You've loved me all your days

But it's too late

Too late for you to say

She lets her voice carry out the rest of the song, losing herself in her thoughts. There were times in the past month that she wonders whether or not she ever meant for herself to die or if this was just a cry for attention. She and Dr. Damon talked about this extensively. While he never expressed his actual opinions, he helped her come to the conclusion that her suicide attempt would be a matter of guilt for people. She wanted things to change and she wanted everyone to really look at her. She wasn't just Rachel Berry: future star who had too much confidence, not enough friends, but a big voice. She was also a very lonely girl who was miserable and depressed because no one cared to notice her or like her. She wanted people to notice her sadness so maybe it would change.

The problem is that while people knew she was…sad…they didn't necessarily do anything about it. Things went about the same for her at McKinley High. After a few weeks of odd looks and whispering she went back to being invisible. And without glee club she flew even more under the radar. She didn't see Noah as much anymore because everytime he saw her he went the other way. She feels bad about this. She didn't want to burn that bridge because he has been so good to her.

She comes to the last words of the song and lets the note drop slowly. Looking around the empty seats of the auditorium she lets herself imagine it being full of people not only admiring her talent but also the emotions behind her lyrics. She baring herself for these people to see, and instead of being mocked for it she is understood and embraced. There are people just like her out there who are lonely and miserable thinking people don't care. She wants them to know they're not alone. She wants her voice to touch people.

She gathers up the pages and puts them in her bookbag. Her free period is almost over and she has to be getting to her next class.

She walks out of the auditorium and sees that no one is in the hallway except for Azimio. She pays no mind to this considering the boy hasn't acknowledged her presence in quite awhile. She walks slowly down the hallway thinking about the homework she had to do for her English class when she hears a voice call her name. She looks in the direction of the voice and an onslaught of cold hits her face.

When you haven't received a slushie facial in quite some time you forget how shocking they are to the system. They were still always cold when she got them on a regular basis but she knew what to expect and saw it coming. This was completely unexpected.

She stood stunned with her eyes closed and could feel the slushie dripping down not only her face but her neck into the V of her tshirt. The goosebumps on her body were probably innumerable.

She heard Azimio's laugh in the distance and harsh call of "What a freak" but it was drowned out by the sound of the bell ringing. She quickly opened her eyes and wiped the frozen substance off her face as best she could. She could hardly see anything due to the burn of not only the slushee in her eyes but the tears starting to form.

She didn't even realize she was crying.

She heard doors opening, numerous footsteps, and sure enough she heard the laughter. This was always the worst part. You would think human decency still existed in the world but getting a slushee facial always reminded you that it kind of didn't.

People were getting a laugh out of her humiliation as usual.

She looks around at the crowd starting to form and immediately sees Finn and Tina standing together stunned at the outskirts but they don't say a word or make a move. Not that she expected them to. She then feels two hands pull at her and take her attention away from her former boyfriend and teammate.

It's Lauren Zizes.

Together they push through the crowd and she faintly hears Puck yelling at people to "Move it along! Don't you people have anything else better to do?" but she can't be sure because she's mostly just shocked at everything that has just happened. Lauren continues to march determinedly down the hallway, pulling Rachel all the way until they reach the girl's locker room.

There's no one there and Lauren immediately goes to her locker and begins to pull things out.

"Do you have any spare clothes?" Lauren asks.

She shakes her head no. She hasn't needed them in a long time.

"You can have some of mine. They'll be pretty big on you but it looks like he only got your face and shirt so you can keep you skirt."

Lauren hands her a bright yellow tshirt that would usually repulse her but under the circumstances its one of the most precious things she has ever been given. She takes it from her and smiles gratefully.

"Thank you Lauren. I…I really appreciate this."

"It's no problem," she says nonchalantly. "People at this school are so stupid anyway. I mean what have you ever done to any of them?"

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Lauren also hands her a washcloth so she can wash her face and she goes into one of the shower stalls to clean up. When she gets in there she hears a door open and a male voice.

"She in here still?" It's Puck.

"Yeah she's cleaning up in the shower. I gave her a shirt." Rachel wonders why Lauren always seems to sound bored when she talks.

"Ok. Good. I'm going to go finish taking care of Azimio. Stupid fucker needs to learn his manners…she doesn't need this. Just make sure she gets to where she needs to go safe ok? Text me if you need me. And thanks Zizes."

"No problem Puckerman."

Rachel hears the door open and close once again and it's silent. She cleans up quickly and puts on the new shirt.

She quietly makes her way back to Lauren and thanks her again for her help. "I don't know if I should go to class. I think…I think I might just go home."

Lauren raises her eyebrow at her. "You sure you'll be ok?"

Rachel scowls, figuring that Puck told her to not leave her alone or something. "Yes. Yes I'll be fine. I'll even text Noah since it's probably him so worried about me. Thank you again Lauren I really appreciate your help. There aren't that many nice people left in this place."

She exits the locker room and makes her way to her locker to get her backpack. While putting her wet clothes into the bag she feels a presence next to her and looks up to see Puck.

"You alright?" he asks.

She nods. "Yes I'll be fine. I think I'm just going to go home though."

His face is immediately concerned. "You sure about that? Do you need a ride?"

"I'm not a child Noah!" she cries exasperated. "I've been doing much better! Dr. Damon says my progress so far has been really great. I've been realizing so much about myself and my relationships. So I don't need you to treat me like a child Noah I'm not going to go home and try and kill myself again or something!"

He stares at her for a minute before cracking a smile and chuckling to himself. "There's the Rachel Berry we all know. Look I don't want to babysit you or whatever because I'm not a babysitter. You wanna get out of here though? This place blows today. I need to go before I try and beat up Azimio more than I already have."

She thinks for a moment that going home is really just going to result in boredom so she would rather do something productive or fun. Plus this will give her the opportunity to actually apologize to Puck. She does owe him that.

"Sure…let's just get out of here," she says smiling at him.

They end up having ice cream and milkshakes at the diner a couple blocks away at the high school because Puck convinces her that she needs to "lighten up and get some dairy in her system." He's probably right and she can afford to eat ice cream. It's not like she's been maintaining her old regimen and vegan diet lately.

He gets a hot fudge sundae while she gets a chocolate milkshake and they sit contentedly in silence enjoying their treats. She feels a little like a normal teenager at that moment, sitting with a friend at a diner because they skipped class. It's a nice, normal feeling.

She decides to break the silence at one point, because there's really something she has to and should say to Puck.

"Hey Noah I just wanted to say…I'm sorry for that one day. When we fought. I shouldn't have said those things. Nothing that happened to me is your fault. It has nothing to do with you. You just…you've been very nice to me when no one else has been and I really appreciate that. You're just…so honest and sometimes I couldn't handle that because I didn't want to see the truth in some things. But you're very right…and I shouldn't punish you for being right."

He stared at her for what seemed like a minute and she shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his gaze. While she knew Puck understood her on some levels, it didn't mean that she felt foreign in this situation. She had never really had this serious of a conversation with him.

"It's ok Rach. You're um…under a lot of stress. I'm just sorry I added to it and-"

"No!" she exclaims while reaching out for his hand. "You didn't I promise. You know I'm just not myself. But I'm getting better and I realize what you were trying to do and I thank you for that. You're the only one at this school that cares in any way Noah and that means something."

He gives her a small smile and nods. "Apology accepted."

She gives him one of her signature Rachel Berry smiles and for once it doesn't feel plastered on.

Puck settles into his seat more and cocks his head while staring at Rachel. "So how are you…really? No bull shit."

She sighs. "Better. I'm understanding some things more. And…you're probably right about Finn. He hasn't made an effort to talk to me this entire month and I know I told him I wasn't allowed to talk to him but…don't you think if he really cared about me he'd do something…more? It's just…it's so hard with him. And it doesn't have to be. It shouldn't make me feel this bad to be with him. To try and change myself. I knew who I was before all this Noah. Even when you and everyone else in this school threw slushie facials I knew who I was and I knew who I wanted to be. I don't know why a boy changed that."

"Because you thought you loved him…or you did. It was part of the fantasy. School loser meets popular quarterback and they fall in love against all odds. Sounds perfect and shit right? It would be if Finn had a backbone but he doesn't. He was my boy for years and I knew that."

"Yeah well…I guess I'll have to actually talk to him sometime. Dr. Damon says I'm doing so well that he might lift the ban on talking to certain people soon so…"

Her voice dies down and the two of them continue eating their ice creams in silence. Their gazes shift around the diner, noticing the various patrons in there. When Rachel looks back at Puck she notices that he's itching to say something. She raises her eyebrow at him in a sort of challenge. He sighs.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you ever…do you ever hear from Shelby? At all?"

Her body stiffens at this question. "No…I haven't talked to Shelby since Regionals. I didn't hear from her after my suicide attempt either. She might not even know about it. Why?"

He shifts in his seat uncomfortably. "I'm just wondering. You know…because of Beth. Thought you might know how she is."

While she's annoyed that he asked her about Shelly, his concern about the daughter he gave away replaces that.

"No I don't," she starts softly. "I'm sorry Noah."

"It's ok. I was just wondering it's no big deal. Sucks you never hear from Shelby though. Shits not right. Dismissing the kid you made n all. I know how that feels."

He does know. She forgets sometimes how alike she and Noah are.

"How do you deal with that Noah? How do you deal with the fact that someone who is supposed to love you or…someone who made you doesn't even want you? Doesn't want to know you?"

He looks down at his sundae, swirling the now melted ice cream around with his spoon.

"It sucks. It sucks because they have to care about you and stuff but they don't. And you think it's something about you. You did something wrong or something….but you didn't. I didn't. My sister didn't. My little sister was too young to piss anyone off but my old man still left. Thing is he abandoned us long before he was actually gone. He went off to be rocker with his band and when he was home he was too drunk to care about me being excited to learn my abc's or whatever that shit was. But my mom did whatever she could. She did everything for us. And your dads do everything for you Rachel. Shit you should've seen how hard they hugged me when they got to the hospital and found out I saved you. I'd kill to have one dad let alone two. I guess you have to realize that the people in your life do love you for a reason. Our parents don't have to love us you know…my mom could have abandoned me and Sarah too…but she didn't. Your dads didn't have to have you…but they did."

She nods. He's right…sometimes she feels selfish for wanting Shelby's approval so badly when she has two loving parents that would do anything for her and support her in everything she does. They're so patient with her even now.

"You're right. You are. But with Shelby it's just…she looked so much like me. I always felt that I was…strange and weird for who I was but to find someone that not only looked like me but had the same kind of personality…and then for her to reject me? It's jarring Noah. I felt like it said so much. And then she replaces me with a baby. I didn't understand…she didn't have to be my mom necessarily. I just needed a friend. Someone to understand-"

"Hey! You don't need Shelby. You never did. You became who you were without her and that Rachel Berry was awesome even if I never said it. She didn't care what anyone else thought and she didn't change herself even when I threw a slushee in her face everyday. You can't say that much for anyone else in that fucking school. Everyone else would do whatever they could to be top of the food chain and sell anyone out to do it. You didn't. You had the chances to do it but you never did. Instead you did what you wanted and that was glee club and sing even though everyone thought you were a loser for that. Shelby didn't do that for you and neither did Finn. You don't need them Rachel. And they sure as hell don't deserve you. Besides…you have a friend now. I'm your friend. And I can be a fucking awesome friend," he finishes while giving her a wide smirk.

She chuckles to herself because 1. She's interested in seeing Puck actually be a good friend and 2. These are the most words she's ever heard come out of his mouth. It's kind of refreshing because when Puck talks sometimes he does have intelligent things to say…at least to her.

"Thank you Puck. You're…you're right. I guess I just didn't consider myself to be a good person before her. And I'm glad you consider me your friend…I guess you're mine too?"

He scoffs. "Fuck right I'm your friend midget."

"Hey! I'm not a midget thank you…I'm petite!"

Rachel walks into Dr. Damon's office a couple days later with a plate of brownies and a smile on her face. She feels better than she has in a very long time. For once she wasn't forced to eat lunch outside or in a bathroom stall in an effort to escape human interaction. Instead she ate lunch with Puck and Lauren Zizes.

They sat off to the side of the cafeteria and even she will admit that they made an odd trio, but it was certainly entertaining. Lauren and Puck had a rapport that was comfortable but also very witty. She figures that developed during Lauren's time in glee club. Noah also loved the story of how Rachel and Lauren bugged the choir room. "Fucking badass girls I hang out with," he murmured after they finished.

Azimio didn't bother her and neither did any of the football players. In fact he had a huge black eye and a swollen lip when she saw him at school the day after the slushie incident. While she doesn't usually condone violence she feels a certain sense of satisfaction when she sees his face.

She sits down on her usual armchair and gets comfortable, waiting for Dr. Damon to finish whatever he's doing.

When he comes to sit down across from her they smile at each other and say hello.

"How are you this week Rachel? Anything new?" he asks.

She sighs. "Oh you know nothing out of the ordinary. I sang a song in the auditorium, found that great brownie recipe, Noah and I are friends again, and Igotslushied."

His eyes burrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry what? You got slushied?"

"Um…yes…a couple days ago."

"What…what does getting slushied mean?" she had never seen Dr. Damon so confused. It was almost entertaining.

"It's when someone throws a slushee in your face. You know…like the slushees from 7-11," she replies quietly.

His eyebrows furrow even more. "That's what you kids do these days? Seriously? That's cruel."

She nods. "Yes well..I'm pretty used to them. I was walking down the hall the other day when one of the football players did it. It was pretty embarrassing. But a girl from the glee club helped me out…Lauren Zizes. She was very new when I left but she has always been pretty nice to me."

"Wait you're used to them? Does this happen often?"

"Well…yes they did. A lot more before I joined glee club and when I first started but then they stopped. They used to happen almost everyday."

Dr. Damon shifts in his seat. He looks concerned. "Rachel…what other kinds of bullying do you or did you experience? I want you to be honest with me."

"Well…I've had pornographic pictures drawn of me on the bathroom stalls. Um…I got called names a lot by the popular kids. Man hands…hobbit…treasure trail. There were others. But the slushees were the most consistent. And whenever I posted videos on MySpace of me singing they got a lot of cruel comments."

"So would you consider this bullying…extreme?"

She hesitates to answer that. On some level she doesn't really know. "I don't…I don't know."

Dr. Damon doesn't say anything for the next few minutes and he looks contemplative. In fact this is the most serious she has ever seen him before. "Rachel," he finally says, "did you drive here yourself today? Or did your dads bring you?"

She shakes her head. "My dads dropped me off. They wanted us to go to dinner after my session."

"Good. Ok. I want you to call them and tell them to come in when they get here. We all need to talk."

She's thoroughly confused. Her dads never have to come in for her sessions. "Why Dr. Damon?"

"Because your school situation needs to be seriously evaluated," he says sternly. "I question the value of a school that lets a student get bullied that much. I question it greatly."

A/N: The song used in this chapter is called Faking My Own Suicide by Relient K. While most of the song isn't as relevant to the situation as I would like, I was too in love with that verse to let it go.