*insert surprised, shocked face* Holy effing shit! You guys...damn you all, I'm so speechless. I didn't think you'd get me there so I'm sitting on my bed at the Great Wolf Lodge. Er, please excuse length/typo. It should have been out yesterday, actually the day before, and I'm sorry, but even writers have lives.
This chapter is going to focus solely on Bella and Edward's relationship and the kissing issue.
Two reviewers mentioned a Caitlyn's POV but I don't think I could do that. She's just so young that it would be way too difficult for me to do, so.
Edward's eyes widened, snapping out of his haze, and when they settled on me, I had to look away. Only seconds ago I felt unbelievingly comfortable being so close and intimate with him, but now it was awkward. He hated it, my mind raced. He didn't actually want to kiss me, it was a spur of the moment thing.
Edward regretted it.
I looked away for the fear he would see the pain in my eyes, working down to twist my heart. "I, uh, need to go see what the girls are up to?" The way I saw it was that Edward hurt me so I didn't hesitate to push him off. He fell back and hit into the table, but I didn't give a care and instead jumped up.
Walking away, it took everything I had not to cry. Rejection is nothing like you read in books. That heart wrenching feeling cannot even begin to compare to any pain, not even the knowledge that someone doesn't want you, which seems especially hurtful after you've shared something so special with that person. A single tear fell but I wiped it away quickly.
Hadn't I known this would happen? Edward would walk in, walk out as he pleased, taking advantage of a weak family to get his boost in Forks. I shouldn't have – I'm so stupid!
The words rang through while I fought all tears. I heard a round of little girlish giggles and made my way toward them. It felt wrong to ask for one of the Cullens to drive the girls and I back home, plus it felt weird to arrive and then just leave. I considered going back in to Edward, request a ride home, but that even felt weird.
My emotions were going haywire along with my thoughts.
"Oh, Bella!"
I looked up at Alice, struggling to keep my eyes open from the blurriness that started to build up. I blinked once. A tear fell.
Alice's face pulled into a frown. "Bella, I'm so sorry! Does your head hurt?" Her hand reached up to touch my cheek. "I bet me have some Tylenol or Advil in the cupboard, I'll go get you some." She grabbed my hand and started to pull me to the kitchen.
I quickly shrugged her hand off. "No, Alice, I'm fine," I said quickly, giving her a reassuring smile. Well, what I hoped to be reassuring. "I'm just...tired. But its okay, Alice, the whole hug thing. I know it was an accident."
She hugged me again but there was a huge contrast to our last embrace. This time she was completely gentle. I hugged her back, resting my chin on shoulder, my hands clasped on her lower back. The embrace was somewhat tight and applying uncomfortable pressure on what I'm sure is a bruise on my back, but I didn't dare complain or pull away, because the emotional aspect of this was building, pushing out a few tears.
"Bella, can I ask you something?" Alice asked as she pulled away with a complex look on her pretty face. I wiped the tears away and I noticed that she didn't question why I was crying.
"Um, I guess. Sure," I said hesitantly, voice rough with the need to shed more tears.
"Where's Caitlyn?" she asked in a small voice.
The burning in my eyes intensified and a half-sob broke from my chest. I struggled to clear my throat. "She's on a v-vacation," I said carefully.
Her eyebrows crinkled before they completely smoothed out. "But Bella...your parents left. They took Caitlyn, didn't they? Oh, Bella..."
This time it was my eyebrows that pushed into confusion. "Wh...what are you talking about, Alice?" I asked nervously. Edward. He had a big mouth. Really, really, really big. Hearing this only fuelled that new resentment I was feeling toward him for everything that he's contributed to the mess. Maybe if he hadn't gotten involved...
"Bella, Edward and I are really close. Like...scarily close. He told me that they left. Your parents, I mean. Are you ok—"
"I don't want to have this conversation," I interrupted, looking down at my feet. Before she could speak, I took a deep breath and added, "Could you please go watch the girls. I...I think Edward and I need to talk."
Her eyes widened and a look of worry came over her face. Maybe even a little guilt. "Please be easy on him. He really likes you."
I didn't hesitate to roll my eyes. At first I had hoped, made myself believe, that Edward did like me on a more-than-friends basis, but I was naive enough to make myself hang on my hope. After that kiss, the afterwards guilt, I didn't believe he liked me at all. Not even as friends. "Whatever," I mumbled, turning away and backtracking to the living room. I didn't check to see if Alice left and wasn't eavesdropping.
"Edward?" I called, not intending for my voice to be so icy and sharp. I sounded like my mother.
The thought made me drop into the nearest chair.
I've thought of this many times but always came to the same conclusion: Don't allow it. Except with every passing event as little as a single ignorant sentence, I remember the possibility of becoming like her. If I made it through this torrent, started community college perhaps and kept the girls with me, would I suddenly disown them? Would I start abusing them for some unknown reason, though I felt like it was right? What would I resort to? Would I just leave them? Would I let them starve, make them sleep on the floor like animals, allow them to live in fear of their own sister...?
And what would I do to my own kids? If things went somewhat smoothly and the girls went on to high school, college without a glitch, and I made a career, found a man, got married and had kids...would we turn out as my parents did? Would I even attract a man just like my father? If I did, I probably would be more prone to abusing and breeding like the generation before me.
"Bella?" No, no, no, no. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to get these thoughts out, have my cry before I had to put on a brave face and face everyone. A hand pried my hand away from my face, forcing my face up with rough hands. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Why do you care? I wanted to say, but found it hard to get the words out. He used me as a stepping stool. Bent my back until he was balanced out enough that he didn't need me. He probably has Jessica Stanely's number on speed dial.
I pushed his hands off of me and stood up, wiping my eyes of tears. "Why did you tell, Alice?"
His face dropped from concerned and moulded into a hard mask of defence. "She's my sister, Bella, I know I can trust her. Don't even try to cross me here, I did nothing wrong."
"Oh hell no, you did a lot wrong," I contradicted, my voice rising. Usually I hated to raise my voice but this felt good. "You told Alice that my parents abandoned me and that they took Caitlyn. You just strode into Forks like you were the wind and just messed with my head. Its your fault that things are falling apart!"
Edward's face dropped completely. He looked...hurt. And confused. "Are you blaming me for your parents leaving?" he asked, shocked.
As I opened my mouth to fire back that yes I was in fact blaming him for this, I shut my mouth. I realized how stupid I sounded. "No," I whispered, dejected. "I...I didn't mean to..." He stared at me for a few seconds and eventually I just dropped my eyes, overwhelming embarrassed by my runaway words.
"What's wrong?" he finally asked, soft and gentle.
I drew in a deep breath before releasing the word vomit. "I'm so confused about the present and the future because I don't know where its going to lead, and I'm hanging on here by a string. I don't know how I'm going to continue school, I don't know how I'll get into college, I don't know how I'm going to keep taking care of them without a job and very little money in the bank, so I'm pretty much screwed. At the same time that I want help, I want everyone to stay away to protect them, the girls, I don't want them to grow up and have to be explained why they're not with their real family; it would be so much easier coming from me, but I don't know what's going to happen.
"I don't want people knowing everything my parents have done, I don't want your family even knowing but its like you don't even care about me and you told them... Now they know all about this mess and its so embarrassing for me and all I want is my little sister back! And then you kiss me and turn away and look so damn guilty...and that just..."
I broke off to take a few breaths, soothing the burn in my lungs. His breathing was all I could hear among my own and he wasn't looking at me anymore. His eyes held even more guilt than before. More tears stung my eyes.
Why couldn't I just have a normal life?
On that note...Why can't I have a normal life? Yeah. More family issues at RideTheGlitterDick's home. Anyway, I feel horrible about the delay. Now, depending on the reviews about this chap, as well as the number, there will be an update later this week. I start school in a week, so. Scary shit.
I still want to thank for all the reviews, you guys rock my world. Literally.
315 reviews total?
Love Glitter 3