Andy left her bed around five in the morning, kissing her goodbye and telling her he'd see her at work. Brenda had seen him to the door, and with a final kiss, had sent him on his way. She had crawled back in to bed, and caught a little more sleep.
She finally rolled out of bed on Monday morning, nervous about going to work. Although she seemed fine with the way things had went last night, now that it was a work day and she was going to have to face Andy and maintain a professional relationship with him, not giving anything away, she wasn't sure how she was going to do it. She felt like she had a big sign on her saying "Hey, I slept with Flynn!" on her.
She thought back to yesterday, spending the rest of the afternoon and evening relaxing with Flynn on the couch. And then, when she'd been doing the dishes, she felt like he'd seduced her. She hadn't thought she'd wanted to have round 2 with Flynn, but his close proximity had changed her mind. Never would she have imagined that she'd ever be doing that with him. Yes, she knew he'd been extraordinarily kind and friendly the few months since her split with Fritz, but when things had changed on Saturday, it had taken her by surprise. A relationship with him was not something she'd considered, and she still felt conflicted over it. What kind of relationship was it to have to keep it hidden? Was it fair to either of them? The man had turned out to be such a gentleman, not something she would have ever thought, hearing him talk about women like he did with Provenza. Good god, this was the same man who picked up a flight attendant last year. That was the kind of man she thought he was, not this kind, attentive, good man. She was having trouble wrapping her head around the difference in him.
Brenda sighed, padding out to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat and pour herself a cup of coffee. She put out food for Joel, grabbed her coffee and sat at the table. How did life get so complicated?, she thought to herself. A year ago, she thought she was happily married, loved her job, liked her life. Now? Getting a divorce, having an affair with a co-worker and unsure how she was going to do her job without cluing every other team member in on the fact she was sleeping with one of them. She needed chocolate and it was only 7 in the morning.
She put down her coffee and went to shower and get ready for work. Work helped her to relax, to focus, and she needed that right now, regardless of the reason for her confusion being there. She arrived at work long before anyone else and settled in to her office, closing the blinds. Going over some files, she threw herself into reading them, trying to just think about work. Pretty soon, she heard the stirrings in the outer office of her team arriving and tensed up. She felt like a teenager, wondering if the boy she liked was out there and thinking of her. She got up from her desk and positioned herself behind the blinds to sneak a peek out at the murder room, see if Flynn was there. She seen him putting his coffee cup down on his desk and sighed.
Brenda let the blind go and went and sat at her desk. She hoped that no one had seen her peeking. She wasn't feeling like herself today, that was for sure. Awkward and unsure of herself, yes. Confidant and in control like she normally was, no. She needed coffee, but didn't want to go through the murder room. So, like a sneak, she went out her other door and took the back way around to the break room. She felt nervous and on edge, and with her back to the door, she didn't see the object of her worry come in to the room.
"Are you hiding from me?" Flynn asked.
Brenda jumped and dropped her coffee cup. It shattered and coffee went everywhere. She looked at him, mouth agape, looking at the mess, before grabbing some paper towels. He moved towards her, concerned she'd cut or burned herself. He took the paper towels from her and began to clean the mess. She grabbed some more and bent down to help him.
"No, I'm not hiding from you." she said unconvincingly. "How did you know I was in here?"
"Went to your office. Seen your purse. Figured you might be in for the coffee." He threw the first set of paper towels away and grabbed some more. "So, what is it then?"
Brenda cleaned up some of the broken cup, putting the pieces in the garbage, her voice low. "I don't know, Andy. I'm just nervous. I feel like everybody will be able to tell what we've been doing."
"What are you two up to? We got a call out, Chief." Provenza's voice interrupted them, both of them looked up to his questioning eyes.
"Chief dropped her coffee, and I'm just helping to clean up. Perhaps you would like to lend a hand?" Flynn handed Provenza some paper towels, while Brenda washed her hands. She found another cup and poured herself one without incident this time.
"Are you okay, Chief? You don't seem yourself today." Provenza asked, observing the state the Chief appeared to be in.
Brenda put down her coffee cup, and did that little nervous habit she'd acquired sometime in the last few years. Her hands flew up to her face and neck, patting them, and saying "I'm fine, Lt., just fine. Nothings wrong. Nothing. Thanks for your concern." She picked her cup back up and tried to make a quick exit from the room.
Provenza and Flynn looked at one another, confused, albeit for different reasons. When Flynn had left her that morning, Brenda had been fine, so he thought. Now, she was a mess. That's what concerned him. Provenza, on the other hand, turned to Flynn and asked "Is she acting stranger than usual? That woman is a bundle of nerves. What did you do to make her drop her coffee?"
"I said hi and the cup went flying. And yeah, she's acting stranger than usual. Maybe it has to do with the ex. He flew into town this weekend."
"And how do you know that, oh psychic one?" Provenza said mockingly.
"Because he phoned while I was dropping her off the other night, smart ass. She didn't look happy that he'd appeared out of the blue."
"I suppose that could be it. You don't think they got back together, do you?" Provenza questioned him.
Flynn looked down. He knew the truth, but he was still bothered by the fact that Brenda was out of sorts and wondered what doubts had entered her mind in the few short hours they'd been apart. He had to talk to her, but they had a call out and needed to get going.
"No, I don't think so. But I guess she'll tell us when she's ready. Til then, we better finish cleaning this up and get going."
The two quickly finished up, and followed back to the murder room. The Chief was standing with Gabriel, looking over what sparse information they had, and getting ready to roll. She wouldn't look at Flynn, and they took their usual pairings to ride out to the site. Flynn could almost feel the relief from the Chief that she was going with Gabriel.
Flynn's good mood that he'd come in with this morning was rapidly deteriorating. As he listened to Provenza prattle on about the Chief, he rolled his eyes, glad his sunglasses were hiding them. This thing with the Chief was going to be much tougher than he thought. They pulled up to the scene behind Brenda and Gabriel, exiting the car and joining them.
Brenda's mind focused on the case at hand, taking in the scene and assigning everyone to their respective jobs. Work helps her to focus, and it becomes clear to her that she needed to stop avoiding Flynn. She had seen the confused look in his eyes several times, almost a hurt reflected in them, and realized she put it there. She decided she needed to get a hold of herself, contain the feelings of being watched by everyone. It was just her imagination.
The morning passed quickly, the team going about their jobs with proficiency. And when they broke up to go about their tasks after the coroner arrived, Brenda sent Gabriel with Tao to deliver the news to the family of the death. She'd trained him well and knew he could handle it. She sent Provenza with Sanchez to the victim's apartment, and told them they'd be right behind them. This left her alone with Flynn, where she could finally talk to him.
As they climbed into the car, she put a hand on his arm before he could start it up. "I'm sorry, Andy." she said softly.
"What did I do wrong? What happened? It's like you're closing off from me." He peered into her eyes, looking for some explanation.
"I don't know, to tell you the truth. Somewhere this morning I just got thinking that it was wrong for you to be in a relationship with anyone and not be able to say it. I just felt guilty. And then, I got thinking that if anyone sees us together, they'll be able to tell what we did this weekend." Brenda admitted, surprised at her honesty with him.
"Look, don't close me off. No one can tell what happened between us, but if you keep acting so nervous, they will know something is up. So please, for our sakes, go back to insulting me, do something, or Provenza will catch on. If it means being near you, being with you, I will do anything. If that includes never revealing to anyone that we're together, so be it. Just as long as we're together."
Andy clutched her hand, hoping no one would see it that still remained at the crime scene. Brenda looked at him, realizing he meant every word he said. She smiled at him, seeing how earnest he was.
"Okay, then, Lt., I think I can do that. We better get going, Provenza and Sanchez will be wondering where we are."
Flynn started the car and they drove off. Once they were out of sight of the crime scene, however, he parked at the side of the road, turned to Brenda and kissed her. It took her breath away, and ended too soon as he pulled away and put the car in drive again.