HPATMR - Chapter 1: The Prologue
I don't own Harry Potter, or anything related to him. Nor do I own any copyrighted material in this story. Enjoy!
Trying to upload a new chapter once per week!
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"So what's the plan?" the cat asked.
A dark shape appears against the background, almost invisible. "What I'm saying is that we should dump this retard at his uncle's house, have him eat sh*t for 11 years, then take him to Hogwart. I am not taking care of his son-of-a-bish." the figure said.
The cat nodded. "Very well then." it said before disappearing.
30 minutes later
It was a dark and cloudy night in the neighborhood. A dark figure sprinted off into the distance.
It was this moment that Mr. Dursley came home to Number 4, Privet Drive. The figure approached. It was a cat.
"What in the world is a cat doing next to my house?" he wondered aloud. Suddenly, the cat transformed into an old lady! No way!
"Yeah, you're going to be taking this kid who's apparently your nephew under your care for a good 10 years. Ok? Good!" the cat-lady rambled on. "Oh yeah, feel free to treat him as badly as you wish! Nobody cares of course. Also, continue to lie to him until he's 11 about his parent's death, and don't bother saying anything about Hogwarts. M'kay?"
Mr. Dursley just stared. He wasn't used to cats talking, even if they transformed into people. And it sounded like she was sprouting nonsense.
"Ah, here he is!" she said as a large, very chubby man came to Earth on a flying motorcycle. Also, a strange man with a pointed hat appeared.
"***********" Mr. Dursley said. "Punch me, I must be dreaming."
"If you say so," the cat-lady said and punched him in his face.
"Ouch!" Mr. Dursley exclaimed. "Well, I guess I'm not dreaming."
"Nope," the cat-lady said. She took the baby from the man on the motorcycle and gave it to him. "Good luck! You'll need it." With that, she disappeared.
The man with the hat walked up to him. "Yo Yo Yo!" he exclaimed. "Yeah, like, raise him, like, well. He's, like, going to grow up and, like, defeat an evil sorcerer. Got it? Peace!" Then he disappeared, leaving only Mr. Dursley and a strange child with a lightning-bolt zit to prove it really happened.
Nearly 11 years later
Harry Potter awoke at the sound of his Aunt Petunia rapping on his cupboard door.
"Wake up! NOW!" she screamed through the door. "I don't have all day! And I'm hungry!"
Poor Harry groaned and pulled himself out of his old mattress. It was going to be a long day…
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For the beginning, I tried to bring back my writing skills, but… It didn't quite work… And I think my randomness is gone too… All the cows outside my window are gone as well… If they were even there in the first place…