Joker clicked and moved things on the view screen in front of him as Admiral Hackett spoke, "All fleets! The Crucible is armed! Disengage and head to rendezvous point." But he couldn't leave Shepard, not again. Her life signs had disappeared only a few minutes ago. He was searching for something, anything that would tell him where she was. "I repeat: Disengage and get the hell out of here."

Kaidan laid a heavy hand on his shoulder, voice a harsh whisper filled with sadness, "Look, I know… but we have to." And he knew. He knew that they had to leave. But as he looked out at the Citadel and carnage surrounding it, he felt as though he was betraying her.

"Damn it." He said, and began to pilot the ship away from the Citadel, from the battle, and from Shepard. They went into FTL as green light began pulsate out from the Citadel.

Garrus had to be forced down to bed a third time by Chakwas when he refused to stay still for her ministrations over his wounds. "Please, Garrus, lie down. I can't have you running about bleeding everywhere!" she admonished him. But he needed to be up; he needed to get to Shepard. Where was she? He knew she had gotten to the Citadel, but had they picked her up? Was she okay? He supposed if she wasn't then she would be in here with him. Just then, Liara walked into the med-bay, wringing her hands.

"Garrus…" Her voice was soft, and broken, and he couldn't believe what his mind was suggesting. So he asked the only question he had.

"Where's Shepard?" And he heard her sob as she sat on a different bio-bed; he saw Chakwas drop her medi-jel pack. His chest clenched tight, restricting his breathing.

"I'm so sorry, Garrus…" Liara said, her shoulders heaving. Garrus sat up, ignoring his wounds, despite how much they ached.

"We have to go back. We have to—"

"Garrus there's no point!" Liara's voice rose, and then quieted, "She… She's gone, Garrus. Her life signs—we couldn't—" more tears ran down her face, and she swatted them away with her hands.

"No. We have to go back! Shepard can't—she promised me!" He moved to get out of the bed, but a sharp pain in his abdomen made him stop and hiss, "I'm not leaving her to die alone!" And with that he heaved himself up, blood beginning to seep through some of the bandages on his left arm. "Not again…" he whispered as he collapsed back onto the bed, feeling the sadness take him over. Chakwas gathered herself and looked at him, tutting as she redid the wrappings. He saw the tear marks on her face, and wondered if his grief was so obvious without them.

It felt as though a hole had been created in his chest, a chasm that stole his breath and only made him able to think about the past events. It didn't seem real; like he was dreaming or hallucinating and when he woke up Shepard would be there with her cute smile and sparkling eyes. It hurt, so deep that it shook him to his very core. It hurt more than any bullet hole, and rocket, and dead teammate. He tried to bury it as he lied there, breathing slowly, and remembering her.

He remembered meeting a human with the same goal as him. He remembered her storming into Dr. Michel's office to help him save the woman. He remembered her visits to him aboard the SR-1, and how she had helped him hunt down a monster. He remembered watching her with Kaidan as she smiled at the other human when he kissed her forehead, and Garrus felt such a jealousy he was unsure what to do with it. He remembered seeing her coming for him at his hideaway on Omega, and how relieved he had been to see her after two years of loneliness. He remembered seeing her heart be crushed as Kaidan called her a traitor on Horizon, as he walked away with a part of her that Garrus later put back in place. He remembered awkwardly standing in her cabin in uncomfortable clothes as he stuttered through seducing her while she grinned and began to lead for him. He remembered lying with her in bed after they had made love for the first time, brushing a stray lock of brown hair behind her ear as she smiled at him with such adoration that it made his heart flutter. He remembered taking her to one of the high beams on the Citadel for target practice for their first date, laughing as she lost the game but won a loving kiss. He remembered her carrying him to the Normandy as he struggled to stand on his own, and her telling him to leave. He remembered that the last thing he had ever said to her was "I love you," and how much he had meant that.

No matter how hard he tried, he knew he would never move on. Shepard was too special for him to ever forget.

They had crash landed on a planet after the green light had swept through the Normandy. He felt… Different. He looked different too. Green lines and code flashed across his skin, surrounded his pupils. His wounds were healing much faster than normal, and he felt powerful. Everyone and everything had been affected, including EDI, who now seemed much more human.

She had come to visit him, in person, and she was quiet at first. Then she began to speak. "Garrus… I know that we are not close friends, but I wish to offer my condolences. Shepard was…" EDI paused, unsure of herself as she stared into the distance, "She was the person who made me feel alive. She was the one who inspired hope for an entire galaxy. I do not know what you're going through, but I know that she loved you." Garrus' mandibles flared in a small smile, and EDI smiled back. She continued, "We are holding a ceremony, of sorts, to commemorate her honor on the name memorial. We wished… For you to place her name there. You are the only one aboard this ship deserving of that honor, though we understand if you find it—"

"No. I'll do it. Thank you, EDI." He said quickly. Of course he wanted to be the one to place her name. She looked at him with something that he had never seen on her face: emotion. It was a deep sadness, hinted with some bit of sympathy. It was odd to see emotion on a synthetic face, but also found that was not bad.

"If you need anything, Garrus, please do not hesitate to call for me. Or for anyone. We are all feeling the loss, but you most especially. The ship will be ready to go in a few hours, but before we leave we would like to hold the ceremony." With that she stood and left, leaving Garrus alone to stand and put his armor on, piece by piece, just as he would have to put his fragile heart back together, fragment by fragment, until he was able to breathe again.

He stood, holding the long and narrow slate of metal, as the crew gathered behind him. All looked solemn, especially Kaidan, Liara, Joker, and EDI. Though Tali's face was covered by her mask, he could hear her small sniffles and see her small shudders. He looked at where "Commander Shepard" was inscribed, and brushed his fingers along it in reverence. He stepped up to the board, glancing at all the names of their fallen comrades. Were they with Shepard, wherever she was? Were they sitting at the bar, looking down and smiling, silently sending their support? He hoped she was not alone.

He gently pressed the slate to the board, gently caressing her name before stepping back. He felt only slightly better at the act, knowing she would be remembered here forever. He looked to EDI, who looked to him and stepped closer. They embraced, Garrus feeling some of the tension leaving his body. He stepped back and she smiled up at him, squeezing his arms in reassurance. No, she was not his closest friend, but she was a friend none the less, and he appreciated her support. It was decided that each person would be given the chance to say something about Shepard that they wished to share. Garrus would go last.

Joker began, "So, here we all are. Well, not all of us," he coughed, sniffing, "We don't really need to say it, but I'm going to. Shepard was a great woman, and a great friend. We were lucky to be her crew, and I'll never forget her. She is the one who encouraged me to… Be with EDI." He looked at the robot—no, the woman, and smiled. She smiled back at him.

"Jeff… While you gave me the ability to think on my own, I must admit that it was Shepard who helped me feel alive. And now, because her, I am. And I am not alone." She looked around the room at everyone there, "She was my hope for a good ending to this war, and helped me understand myself. I will never forget that."

Tali spoke next, "Oh gosh… Shepard," her voice cracked lightly, and Liara looked at her sadly, patting her hand, "She helped me get my home back. She helped save my people, and she believed in me when I was just a teenager on her pilgrimage. She helped win Rannoch back, but she also gave me a home here. She comforted me when I lost my father… She will always be my inspiration." Liara embraced her, and then began to speak.

"I do not know where to start," Liara said, smiling lightly at a memory perhaps, "Shepard saved me, reunited me with my father, and helped me when I needed her. She was… The best friend I will ever know, for however long I may live. There are no words to convey the friendship I felt for her." She finished, tears streaming down her cheeks.

James spoke, "I didn't know Lola—Shepard—very long, but I always looked up to her. She was my role model, even if she planted me on my ass more than once," everyone chuckled at this, even Garrus, "She was a great woman, a great mentor, and a great friend." Garrus nodded at him when Vega smiled in his direction.

"Shepard was a stupid human," Javik began, but his voice was not mean. "But she was the best hope for every soul ever taken by the Reapers. She may have been a primitive, but I learned much from her about camaraderie and the worth of every species. I am glad to have had the honor of knowing her." He finished, clasping his hands behind his back.

Kaidan was hesitant to speak, looking at Garrus through tears. "I told her, before the final strike, that I had few regrets. I didn't tell her that my biggest regret was my treatment towards her on Horizon, and on Mars. She let me back into her life after I doubted her time and time again, and I'll always be thankful for that second chance. She will always hold a place in my heart." His tears were heavy, brows knitted together. James put a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him, and that is how they stood as the others all looked to Garrus.

"I love her." His voice was quiet, but firm in its intent. He didn't have anything else to say, and didn't use the past tense. He still loved her, would never not love her, and that is all that anyone needed to know. Everything else had already been said.

They all nodded, and as the others mingled, he stepped into the lift and punched in the number for Shepard's cabin.

Garrus sat on the edge of her bed, holding her helmet in his lap as he stared at it and ran his talon over the seams. Her familiar colors of black and blue stared up at him, the blue the same shade as her irises.

There was a knock at the door, and he was uncertain who it would be. To say he was surprised when he opened the door was an understatement. Kaidan stood before him.

"Hey, Garrus. I know you came up here to be alone and I—I shouldn't be here, I'm sorry to have intruded, I should go." He stammered over his words, looking embarrassed, and Garrus felt for him. Things were a bit awkward between them, regardless of being teammates.

"No, it's okay. What did you um, want?" He asked, staring at the human in front of him.

"I just… Wanted to talk. About Shepard. You've known her the best for the past years and I…" He trailed off, than started again, "I just want to know that she was okay after…" Garrus understood now. He felt guilt over his actions towards Shepard. Garrus motioned for him to enter, and they ended up sitting together awkwardly on the couch.

"To answer your question, and I'm not going to sugar coat it, no she was not. You hurt her," Kaidan flinched, "But she forgave you. You know she wasn't the type to hold grudges, Kaidan. I'm sorry that she… That we erm… You know." Garrus didn't look at Kaidan.

"No, it's okay. I'm actually glad that you were there for her. Thank you. For taking care of her. When I couldn't." His sentences were choppy, as he was holding back his emotions. He smiled at Garrus, and Garrus felt his mandibles twitch.

"It was an honor." He said simply, looking at the wall. Then he looked back to Kaidan, "Now, I have a question for you, and you can say it's none of my business, but are you and James…? You know…?" Kaidan blushed furiously, and Garrus actually laughed. Kaidan threw a mock glare at him, smiling a bit when it just caused Garrus to laugh harder.

"Yeah, we are. Why do you ask?" Kaidan said, the blush slowly going away.

"Oh I was just curious after the way he looked at you down there. You two are a good match. I guess now I understand why you didn't mind Shepard and I being together." Garrus teased just a bit, glad that most of the tension between him and the Lieutenant had most disappeared. Kaidan laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, ha-ha. Well, Garrus, I should go back down there. I just wanted to thank you." Kaidan stood and offered his hand, shaking Garrus' firmly before leaving.

Garrus sat on the couch and stared up through the viewpoint on the ceiling. At some point they had taken off, and space streamed by above. It was beautiful, looking out at the billions of stars. He wondered if Shepard was somewhere out there, smile brighter than any star, and wished she was there with him.