Disclaimer; I own nothing
A little way down the road, I ran into a cornfield. I mean that literally. One minute I was walking down the road, the next I'm surrounded by ears. No, again, really. Ears of corn that looked like actual human ears. But...bigger.
Loco began to nip at my wrist gently.
"It's vegetables, Loco," I said as small red scratches appeared. She stopped. I giggled and set her down, then looked around me once more. "This place is ridiculous."
"You're tellin' me!" came a voice.
I whipped around.
"Okay! Which one of you Munchkins followed me?"
"Munchkins? Where?" said the voice again.
I spun on my heel, full circle, surveying the field.
"Who are you?" I demanded.
"That depends. Who do you want me to be?"
I rolled my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.
"What is with you people and all of these stupid questions?" I sighed, annoyed. "Where'd the road go?"
"Which road?"
"What do you mean, which road? There's only one!"
"I suppose... Unless you count each side of the fork to be a different road."
I fought through the ears until I caught a glimpse of yellow. I made my way toward it, then was suddenly falling as I realized I'd lost my footing.
I yelled and tumbled, rolling head over heels, until I was on my stomach, cheek pressed against the stones. I groaned and Loco yapped, running up to lick my face.
"Whoa!" came the voice again. "You couldn't find a shorter skirt could you?"
I gasped and jerked up, yanking at my dress.
"Don't worry," the voice assured me. "I didn't see anything besides blue satin."
I flushed pink remembering the color of my underwear and hoped to God that he meant my dress.
I slowly raised my eyes and then gasped again.
There was a man on a pole! Holy hell, there was a man on a pole!
He was wearing jean overalls over a red shirt, working gloves and a wide straw hat. Messy stitching held it all together and his boots were, ridiculously, sewn to his pants. He had a tan, stringy substance poking out of his pockets, shirtsleeves, and hat.
"Holy shit," I whispered. "Joe's a scarecrow!"
"Joe? Who's Joe?" he asked, playing the same game Selena had. I shook my head, not wanting to go through this again and rose to my feet.
"Hello," I said cautiously, coming closer.
"Hi."
"Do you want help?"
"With what?"
"Getting down off that pole."
"You would do that?"
"If I didn't, I'm pretty sure I'd never get home." He looked confused.
"What?"
"Nothing," I replied, shaking my head and moving around to his back. I bent the nail there like in the movie, but nothing happened. "Well, what in same-?"
"You got a pick?" came from the front.
"Uh...no?"
I watched his shoulders raise and then drop as he shrugged.
"Okay. I'll just use my fingers."
"On what?" I asked just before he jumped down, tumbling onto the road as I had and jumping to his feet again in three seconds flat. I walked out to the curb again to see him better. He was holding an electric guitar. "Oh boy."
"I wish I had a brain," he said. "I would've gotten down a lot faster."
"Oh no."
He picked a few notes easily, then began to play a familiar tune, with a bit of an edge to it. Then he opened his mouth.
"I could while away the hours
Confer with the flowers
Consult with the rain..."
"Oh jeez," I said softly, smiling despite myself.
When he finished up, he spun quickly, and the guitar vanished from his hands. I blinked and stepped back. Then laughed and applauded. He bowed.
"Thank you! Thank you! I love you, too!" he said, dramatically, kissing his fingers and waving them at me. I giggled and took his arm.
"Come on." I began to drag him down the road when he started to skip. I pulled him back and he looked at me, questioning. "No."
"Please tell me those trees aren't going to throw apples at us!" I said, as an orchard came into view. Joe, sorry, Scarecrow shrugged.
"They're Granny Smith," he said, simply. "They'll be cranky. Just don't wake 'em."
But, of course, my heels clicked against the stone loudly and Loco began to yip annoyingly, so they roused.
"Git outta my yard!" one screamed in a horrible, hoarse voice. I sped up the pace as another wound up to chuck an apple at us. Scarecrow Joe followed suit and Loco ran as quickly as her little legs could carry her.
I tripped again.
"Ah!" I yelled. "What is it with all these stupid loose stones and slippery hills and raised roots!"
I rose to my hands and knees, then flinched when I hit my head on something. I rubbed where it hurt, stood more carefully, and my eyes widened. I felt my jaw hit the floor and then did a double take, just to make sure.
It was Nick, dammit! His skin was silver and he was dressed like a robot! Minus the buttons, lights and antennas. Even his hair was slicked back and metal looking. That's impressive, that is.
His jaw tensed and a mumble escaped his throat.
"What did he say?" Scarecrow Joe asked, leaning closer to him.
"I have no idea."
Nick made the sound again and Scarecrow Joe looked as if he'd found the cure for cancer.
"He said 'Oil can!'" he shouted, joyfully. He grabbed one and oiled Nick's mouth and jaw. I laughed at his first words.
"No I didn't, you idiot! I said 'Get off my foot!'"
Scarecrow Joe looked down and flushed pink. His boot was on Nick's... well whatever that was. He stepped back and handed me the oil can. I greased him up until he could move with ease, then bit my lip, wondering what he'd say.
I found out within the next couple of seconds.
"Who the hell are you?" he asked, examining me. I sighed.
"I'm Miley. Your-" I stopped myself. He waited. "You're so ungrateful!" I covered. "We relaxed you from that pose and all you can say is 'Get off my foot' and 'Who the hell are you?' God! It's as if you have not heart at all!"
I clapped a hand over my mouth as son as I said it. Nick nodded.
"You're right, I don't. But is that my fault? No!" He motioned for us to sit. We did, my hand still glued to my mouth. He sat on a stump across from us and turned to his left, facing an oddly shaped boulder.
"Oh, shit, it's a piano," I muttered to myself, regretting yelling at him.
"Listen," Nick instructed, having already begun that familiar tune again.
"When a man's an empty kettle
He should be on his mettle
And yet I'm torn apart..."
We walked cautiously through the forest, arm in arm.
"If an ear of corn sprouts out of the ground or a tree starts throwing apples again, I'm gonna scream," I warned. "What do you think lives in this forest?"
"Goats?" Scarecrow Joe asked, shaking.
"Nah," Tin Nick said, clearly not phased at all by this. "Probably just-"
"Lions and tigers and bears?" I guessed. He looked at me as if I were crazy.
"No! Squirrels and chipmunks and ducks!"
"Squirrels and chipmunks?" Scarecrow Joe repeated, trembling.
"And ducks," Tin Nick added.
"Oh my!"
I rolled my eyes.
"Squirrels and chipmunks and ducks are cute, not dangerous!"
"You're crazy!" Scarecrow Joe yelled.
"You just noticed?" Tin Nick said. I glared at him.
"You're sweeter in real life," I spat. He shot me a look and I moved to the other side of Scarecrow Joe, feeling a little hurt, I'll admit. He pat my hand and pulled me to his side.
"It's okay, I won't let them hurt you," he assured me, though he was shaking uncontrollably, himself. I smiled.
"Thanks."
Up ahead I saw a figure crouched on the side of the road. Scarecrow Joe jumped.
"It's a chipmunk!" he screamed, using me as a human shield.
"No it isn't," I assured him, "It's just a lion." It took me a second. "Holy crap, it's a lion!"
I leaped behind Scarecrow Joe and shoved Tin Nick to the front.
"It's just a lion, Miley," they said in unison. We crept closer and then I saw that it was curled up in a ball and weeping.
"What happened to you?" Tin Nick asked, heartless as he was. The lion raised his head.
"Oh, of course it's Kevin. How did I not see this coming?" I said, frustrated with myself. They all looked at me in confusion, then shook their heads, ignoring me.
"I just saw a lion!" Kevin cried, his chin trembling.
"Where?" Scarecrow Joe asked, looking around. Kevin pointed to a nearby stream, his lip quivering, then covered his head with his arms.
"That was your reflection, you bozo!" Tin Nick scoffed. I glared at him, then let Kevin dab his eyes with my handkerchief. He thanked me, then stood, joining our line of linked arms, and began to step in rhythm, the rest of us following suit, as I braced myself for another song.
"It's sad, believe me, Missy
When you're born to be a sissy
Without the vim and verve..."
I kissed his cheek at the end of the song. "Come on, we'll get you some courage," I said, playing my role. He grinned at me and raised his leg to skip. Tin Nick and Scarecrow Joe ran to stop him, eyeing me to see how annoyed I was with this.
I laughed, took their arms again and pointed my toes.
"Ohhhhh," I started. They grinned and joined in. We skipped.
"We're off to see the wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a wiz of a wiz
If ever a wiz there was
If ever oh ever a wiz there was
The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, becaaauuuse
Because of the wonderful things he does
We're off to see the wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"
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