Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rated M for language, sexuality, graphic violence.

"Once riding in old Baltimore,
Heart-filled, head-filled with glee;
I saw a Baltimorean
Keep looking straight at me.

Now I was eight and very small,
And he was no whit bigger,
And so I smiled, but he poked out
His tongue, and called me, "Nigger."

I saw the whole of Baltimore
From May until December;
Of all the things that happened there
That's all that I remember."

- Countée Cullen, "Incident"

Chapter 14 – All That I Remember

EPOV

Everything hurt, and everything was too bright. My head felt like it was going to explode. I tried to sit up and gasped as knives cut through my chest. I lay back down. I tried to move my arm but it was caught on something. I heard the sound of someone stirring next to me, but I didn't want to turn my head to see who it was; it hurt too much to move.

"Edward?" My mom's voice spoke. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I answered. God, it even hurt to talk. "Where am I?" I asked. This wasn't my room.

"You're in the hospital, honey. You were attacked. Do you remember?"

Images floated through my mind. Jasper and I at dinner, his beautiful eyes shining as we kissed outside the restaurant. His gorgeous smile. Two men following me, a voice calling, "What's your hurry, faggot?" Rounding the corner and finding two more men waiting. Being shoved to the ground… a fist in my face… pain… Things were fuzzy after that.

"Yeah, I remember." God, I was tired. And my head hurt. A thought suddenly struck me and I tried to sit up again, too fast. I cried out as the knives cut through me once more and my head pounded. A wave of nausea crashed over me and I lay back down in defeat. God, my head hurt. I didn't know it was possible for anything to feel this bad.

"Where's Jasper," I choked out frantically, terrified of what the answer would be.

"Shhh, shhh," my mom's voice soothed me and I felt her fingers squeezing my hand. "Jasper's fine. He wasn't hurt."

Relief rushed through me. Jasper was safe. I lay there trying to piece together what happened, but I could barely concentrate. My head hurt too much.

"My head hurts," I whimpered. I just wanted to go back to sleep and escape from this pain.

"Let me call the nurse."

After a few minutes I heard someone else enter the room and move around. A voice said, "I've increased the dosage for your pain. You should rest now."

"Thank you," I whispered, hoping the drugs would kick in soon.

"Try and go back to sleep, sweetheart. I'll be right here," my mom said.

#####

"Mom?" I croaked out.

"Yes, honey? I'm right here." She squeezed my hand.

"I'm thirsty."

"Let me get you some water. I'll be right back."

After a few minutes I heard the sound of ice sloshing in a container, then my mom's voice again.

"Can you try and turn your head, honey? You may have to sit up a bit." I felt her beside my head. I turned my head towards her and groaned. God, my head hurt. A straw was at my mouth and I sipped. My lips hurt. The cold water felt good as I swallowed, though.

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome. How are you feeling, honey?" she asked.

"My head hurts," I answered. "A lot."

"Okay, I'll be right back, honey. I'm going to get the nurse."

They returned a few minutes later. I could hear someone messing with the equipment near the bed then something was placed in my hand.

"This is a morphine drip. You can control how much medication you need. Press the button and it will administer a dose. You won't be able to take too much. If you've gone over the allowable dose, it won't administer more until enough time has passed. Hopefully, that will help with your pain."

I pressed the button. Then I pressed it again. And again. I hoped the drugs kicked in soon. Everything hurt.

#####

"Mom?"

"Right here, honey."

"My head hurts," I said. Everything hurt, but my head felt like it was going to split open.

"Here you go, sweetheart," she said, pressing something into my hand. "It's a morphine drip. Just press the button whenever you need," she explained. "Do you remember the nurse telling you about it?"

It was hard to think. My head hurt. Then I remembered I was in the hospital. I had been attacked. I struggled to sit up. Knives cut through my chest and I cried out.

"Jasper?" I gasped.

My mother made soothing noises and I felt her arm around my shoulder, supporting me.

"Shhh. Lie back down. Jasper's fine, honey. He wasn't hurt."

I relaxed back into the bed. Jasper was safe.

"Do you think you can stay awake for a little bit?" Mom asked. "Dr. Cullen wanted to check on you next time you woke up."

"Yeah, I'm awake," I answered.

"Let me go tell the nurse."

She was back in a few minutes.

I heard Dr. Cullen's voice: "Why don't you go get some coffee or grab something to eat and we can talk afterwards. This won't take too long."

"I'll be back in a little bit, honey," Mom said. "Dr. Cullen's jut going to check on how you're doing."

"Okay," I answered. I heard her leave the room.

"Hi Edward. It's Carlisle Cullen. Can you open your eyes for me?"

I cracked my eyes open slowly. It was so bright, even though the shades were drawn and the light was off. God, my head hurt.

"Now I'm going to shine a light into your eyes to watch your pupils react, okay?"

"Okay." He shone a light into first one eye, then the other. It was really bright.

"Good. Now I'm going to ask you some questions. All right?"

"Yes, okay."

"What's your full name?"

"Edward Anthony Masen."

"How old are you, Edward?"

"Eighteen."

"Where do you live?"

I answered with my address and he continued with a few more simple question, such as my birth day, where I went to school, what year I was in, and so forth. Once those were out of the way, and I assume I had answered satisfactorily, he started asking questions about that night.

"Do you know where you are?" he asked.

"I'm in the hospital."

"That's right. Do you know why you're here?"

"What's your hurry, faggot?"

"I was attacked by some men who followed me to my car."

"Can you tell me what happened? Just whatever you remember. I'm sorry to tell you that you'll have to talk the police later and let them know all the details—when you're feeling up to it of course—but for now, I'm just trying to get an idea of the extent of your head injury. Okay? Take your time."

"Um, Jasper and I had dinner at that Italian restaurant. We were walking back to the car and remembered we were supposed to get desserts for Bella and Alice. Jasper went to get the desserts and I was getting the car. Some men saw us… uh… kissing outside the restaurant..." I was a little embarrassed talking about kissing Jasper to his dad, but I didn't open my eyes to see his reaction. "They followed me and called me a… faggot. Two of them went ahead and were waiting for me. Then they started talking smack and pushing me around, and I tried to run, but they tripped me, then started hitting me…"

I felt detached as I was telling Dr. Cullen what happened. Almost as if it had happened to someone else. I couldn't really remember what happened next.

"I'm sorry. I don't really remember what happened next."

"That's okay. You did great. It's very common to not remember the details of a traumatic event. You may remember more one day, or you might never recall the actual incident. Do you remember anything else after that? Jasper arriving, or the ambulance?"

Jasper had been there? "Jasper was there? He's okay, right? My mom said he was okay."

"Yes, Jasper found you when you didn't return with the car. He wasn't hurt. What's the first thing you remember following the attack?"

"Waking up here. My mom was in the room."

"Okay. You're doing great, Edward. I just have a few more things to go through with you. I'll need you to open your eyes again."

I opened my eyes and winced at the light. He was holding a small spiral bound book with laminated pages.

"I'm going to show you some pictures and I want you to identify them, okay?"

He went through the little book with me, asking me questions from each page. I had to try and remember a series of words. There was some other stuff too with words and numbers and some more pictures. My head was really hurting. I hoped we were almost through.

"Okay, we're almost finished. Do you remember any of the pictures I first showed you from this book?"

I thought for a minute. My head was really killing me. There was a duck, I think. And a table? I couldn't really remember. "Um, a duck, and maybe a table?" I asked.

"Okay, you did great, Edward. You took a pretty hard hit to your head, so I imagine it's going to give you trouble for a while. We can talk about that more once you're feeling a little better. You've got several broken ribs and a broken leg. We had to do surgery on the leg, but there should be no long term issues with it. You're probably going to be in a lot of pain for a while, but overall, I'm pleased with how you're doing." He paused for a minute. "How are you feeling, son?" he asked in a soft voice.

I opened my eyes to look at him. My head hurt too much to try and figure out what his expression meant. "My head really hurts," I told him. "Should it hurt this much?"

"Unfortunately, it may be like that for a while. Do they have the morphine drip set up for you?"

"Yeah, but it just makes me tired. My head still hurts."

"I'm sorry, son. It will get better. It's just going to take some time."

"Okay." My eyes were shut again. "Jasper's really okay?" I asked him, wanting the reassurance again.

He paused. For so long that I opened my eyes again. "Jasper wasn't injured," he finally said. "He's been very worried about you."

"You'll tell him I'm okay, won't you? Can he come visit me?" I really wanted to see him.

"He was here last night. You were asleep."

"Oh. Well, make sure he knows I'm okay." I shut my eyes, not wanting to see Dr. Cullen's face when I said it. "And tell him I love him, please."

"I'll do that," he responded and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I could hear my mom's voice out in the hall.

"I'm going to go update your mother. I'll see you soon, Edward."

"Okay, thank you."

#####

"Mom?" God, my head hurt. I fumbled for the drip button which I must have dropped while I was sleeping.

"She's gone home for a little bit," a voice said as the mechanism was pressed into my hand. "It's Rosalie."

"Rosalie?" I asked pressing the button. What was Rosalie doing here?

"Yes."

"Where's Jasper? Is he okay?"

"Jasper's fine. Try and go back to sleep."

I pressed the button again. "Okay."

#####

"Mom?"

"Right here, honey. Do you need anything?"

"I dropped the button thing again."

I heard her moving then I felt it pressed into my hand. "Here you go. How are you feeling, baby?"

My head was killing me. And I ached all over. I felt like shit.

"My head hurts," I said.

"Hey, Edward," a deeper voice said. "It's Dad. How are you doing, kiddo?"

I opened my eyes. "Hi Dad."

He looked like shit. Had he been crying? I don't know if I had ever seen my dad cry before. I must look pretty bad.

"I'll be okay, Dad. Dr. Cullen said so," I reassured him.

"Of course you…" he started to say, then his voice got all tight and he turned his back to me. His shoulders were tense and his hands were in fists at his sides. My mom went over to him and held his arm with one hand, rubbing his back with the other.

"Maybe you can to get me some coffee from the cafeteria, Ed?" she asked him.

He nodded, leaving the room without speaking again.

After a few minutes I heard his angry voice out in the hall. I could only make out bits and pieces of what he was saying.

"…haven't been arrested...my son…bullshit and you know it…my kid in the hospital…my son's boyfriend…fucking do something...animals who attacked him…don't give a fuck…"

"What's going on Mom?" I asked. "Who's he talking to? What's he saying about Jasper?"

"Shhhh," she said. "Don't worry about it right now. He's just upset. The police haven't pressed charges against the men who hurt you yet, but they will; I'm sure. Your dad's feeling a little helpless right now."

"Oh." I hadn't really given much thought to anything so far. Except my head. Which hurt. A lot. I didn't really want to think about the men who attacked me right now.

"What's your hurry, faggot?"

"Do you think Jasper could come visit me?" I asked.

"I'll check with his parents."

"Okay. Thanks." I pressed the button again. I hoped the drugs would kick in soon.

#####

"Mom?" I cracked my eyes open then shut them again. It looked like it was night time.

"We sent her home to get some sleep. It's Rosalie."

"Rosalie? What are you doing here?"

I heard someone entering the room just as I spoke. "Oh my God. Are we really going to have this entire conversation again? Can I have a head injury too?" I recognized that voice. God, he was loud.

"Hey, Emmett. What do you mean?"

"You asked her the exact same question the last time you woke up. And the time before. And the time before." He was laughing.

"I did? Are you sure?"

"Yes, Edward. I'm quite sure."

"Oh." Was he serious? I didn't remember that at all. I guess my head really was kind of fucked up. No wonder it hurt so fucking much.

"Well, what are you doing here, Rosalie?" I vaguely remembered her being here before, now that I thought about it.

"Your mom needed to go home and get some sleep and take care of a few things. I offered to stay with you while she was gone."

"But why?" I blurted out. "You don't even like me." God, I had no filter.

"Because Jasper does, and he's my brother. And if you're important to Jasper, you're important to me."

I wasn't expecting that answer.

"How is Jasper? Do you think he can come visit me?"

"I'm sure he'd like to. But in the meantime, we promised him one of us would stay with you, so you wouldn't have to be alone while you're in here."

"Oh." I thought about that for a few minutes. Maybe Rosalie wasn't so bad, after all.

"Thanks, Rosalie."

"You're welcome."

#####

"Mom?"

"I'm right here, honey?"

"When can I go home?"

"Probably in another day or two. How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I guess. My head hurts."

"Are you up for talking to the police? They've been waiting to talk to you about what happened."

"Yeah, I guess. Might as well get it over with."

"Okay, I'll let them know." She paused and then asked in a soft voice, "Do you want to talk about it with me first, honey?"

"What your hurry, faggot?"

I didn't want to talk about it all. I didn't even want to think about it. "No, not really."

"Okay, honey. I love you. You know I'm here anytime you want to talk."

"Yeah, I know. I love you too."

"Let me go call the police station and let the detective know it's all right to come by later."

She left for a few minutes then came back to sit by my bed again.

"Did you find out when Jasper could come visit?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, honey." She paused then took my hand as she started speaking again. "I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, but before the police get here, I think there's something you need to know. About Jasper..."

"What? What's wrong?" I asked in alarm. I tried to sit up. Knives cut through my chest and I gasped as I lay back down. "You said he wasn't hurt. He's all right, isn't he?"

"Yes, he's fine, honey. But…one of the men who attacked you isn't. Jasper found him trying to…" she stopped speaking and her hand gripped mine tightly. I looked at her and found her eyes tightly shut, a pained expression on her face.

"Mom?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm sorry, honey. I need a minute." She let go of my hand and stood up to take a tissue from a box on a nearby table. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose then came back to sit next to me.

She cleared her throat and started speaking again. "Jasper found one of the men attempting to rape you." Her voice was steady and held a matter of fact tone. "They fought and the man was killed. The police were holding Jasper for questioning, but he was able to go home with his parents until they decide what to do. They may bring charges against him, although Charlie Swan thinks there's a good possibility that won't happen. You boys were only defending yourselves, after all."

I was stunned. This was a lot to try to take in and understand. God, my head hurt. "Did the man…" I began hesitantly.

"Oh, no honey. No. Jasper got there in time. Your father and I are very grateful to Jasper, for stopping him and for getting help for you so quickly. Your lung was punctured and you could have…" Her voice broke again and I shut my eyes. I hated seeing my mom cry. She cleared her throat. "You could have died without such fast medical intervention."

"Is that why the police want to talk to me? They want to ask me about Jasper? Because I don't remember anything at all about that."

"I don't think so. I think they're trying to decide on charges for the men who attacked you. Your father has been on the phone with the mayor—you know they're friends—to see if there's anything he can do for Jasper. And Charlie's doing what he can to help. Try not to worry about that right now. Just tell them what you remember. I'm sure everything's going to work out fine."

"But Jasper could go to jail, couldn't he?"

She paused again. "Yes, honey, he could. But no one thinks that's going to happen. Let us worry about that for now. You just concentrate on getting well, okay baby?"

As if I could stop worrying, now that I knew more about what was going on. Jasper must be feeling awful about what had happened. He was always so hard on himself and this… this was beyond anything I could imagine having to deal with. I wished I could talk to him.

"Will you still ask his parents if he can come visit me? Please?" I needed to see that he was okay.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll ask them. Why don't you try and rest until the police get here."

"Okay." I said, squeezing the button on my drip. I had a feeling I wouldn't be falling asleep from it this time.

#####

Someone was gently shaking me. "Edward? Can you wake up, honey?"

"Mom?"

"The police are here to talk to you about what happened. Are you awake enough?"

I opened my eyes. God, the room was bright. My head hurt. "Yeah, I'm awake."

"Okay, I'll be right back."

The door opened and my mom came back into the room with a police officer. "Hi Edward, I'm Detective Stevens. I'm here to ask you a few questions about the other night."

"What's your hurry, faggot?"

"Honey, I'm just going to be waiting outside. Officer Stevens will come get me when he's done talking to you, okay?"

"Okay, Mom."

"I love you, honey."

"I love you too."

"I'm going to be recording our conversation, if that's okay with you, Edward."

"Um, sure."

He spoke into the recorder for a minute then addressed me again.

"Please state your full name."

"Edward Anthony Masen."

From there he went on to ask me to describe the events of the evening and I told him everything I could remember. He asked many follow-up questions, about the time, what exactly they had said to me, if I could describe what any of the men looked like or if I had caught their names. I had pretty good recall of everything up until they started hitting me, but going over it all was exhausting.

After he was finished and putting his things away getting ready to leave, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "What's going to happen to Jasper?"

"That still has to be determined." He continued, "I'm sure you're going to have a lot of questions as things progress. There will be a representative from the victim's assistance program getting in touch with you who will help you stay informed about what's going on with the case. You've been a big help today. I'm going to leave my card with my direct number in case you remember anything else you think may be important."

He stood up and placed his card on the table next to the bed then, for a minute, dropped his businesslike attitude. "You take care of yourself and feel better, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you."

"I'm just going to let your mother know we're through here. Good bye, Edward. Thanks again for all your help."

"You're welcome."

My mom came back into the room a few minutes later. "Hey, honey. He said you did a really great job. You gave him a lot of details that will be very helpful with their case against those men. I'm really proud of you."

"That's good. I'm going to go back to sleep now, okay?" I didn't want to think about it anymore. Didn't want to remember what they had said to me, or done to me, or tried to do to me. I didn't want to think about what Jasper did, or what might happen to him because of it. I wanted it to all disappear and for me to wake up in my own bed and for none of this to have happened. My head hurt.

And I really wanted Jasper.

"Do you think Jasper could maybe come visit me soon?" I asked her.

"I'll check with his parents, okay honey?"

"Okay. Thanks."

#####

"Mom?"

"It's Alice. How are you feeling, Edward?"

"Alice? Is Jasper with you?"

"No, he's not. It's just me."

"Oh. Well… hi."

She gave a small laugh. "Hi, Edward."

"Do you know when Jasper's coming to visit?"

"I don't. I'm sorry."

"Okay. Tell him I… really miss him." I felt like crying. My head hurt. Everything hurt. And everything was too bright, and too loud, and I wanted to go home.

And I really missed Jasper.

"I'll tell him. I promise."

"Thanks, Alice."

After a few minutes I asked, "Is he okay?" How could he be, really? I wished I could see him.

She didn't answer right away. Then she said, "He really misses you too."

"He does?" I felt like crying again.

"Yes. He does."

"Make sure you tell him I love him, okay?"

"I'll tell him. I promise."

"Thanks, Alice."

#####

The next time I woke up I heard my dad's angry voice out in the hall again.

"…know I asked you to do something, but I didn't mean…outed him to the entire fucking world…boys are still in high school…your own fucking political agenda…don't tell me to calm down…in the hospital while those animals…can't deal with this right now…"

His ranting suddenly stopped. A few minutes later my mom came into my room.

"What's going on, Mom? Why is Dad so upset?"

"There was a newspaper article about the attack."

"What did it say?"

"I don't think you need to worry about that right now. You should be focusing on getting better. The doctors say you can probably go home soon."

"Dad seemed pretty upset."

"He is. We can talk about it later. Why don't you rest now, okay?"

"You'll tell me, though, right? Is it Jasper? Did they decide anything?"

"No, they haven't made a decision about Jasper yet."

"When is he coming to visit me?

"I don't know, honey. That's up to the Cullens."

"Can you get Dr. Cullen for me? So I can ask him?"

"I'll let him know you want to see him. He'll probably be by anyway to see how you're doing."

My head hurt. Why wasn't anyone telling me anything? Were they lying about Jasper? I really wanted to see him. I missed him.

A lot.

#####

I opened my eyes to find Bella sitting in the chair my mom usually occupied, reading the newspaper.

"Hey Bella."

Her head jerked up. "Edward! You're awake!" She quickly put the newspaper down then stood up to stand close to the bed. She took my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"How are you doing?"

"I've been better."

"Not gonna lie; you've looked better too."

I laughed, then winced at the daggers that shot through my chest.

"No doubt."

"So how are you, really?" she asked in a more serious tone.

"Pretty fucked up. My head feels like it's going to split open. But everyone says I'll be all right eventually."

"Good. That's good." She sounded relieved. Then she clarified: "The eventually part. Not the fucked up part."

"Yeah, I figured."

"Did you see the paper?"

"No, but I know there's some article about everything. Nobody will tell me what's in it."

"Do you want me to read it to you?"

"You've got it?"

"Yeah, I've got it."

"Yes, please read it to me. Don't let my mom see it, though. She doesn't want me to worry, whatever it is."

"Okay. You're sure? It will probably upset you."

"What's your hurry, faggot?"

"I'm already fucking upset. I'm in the hospital after being beaten for being a faggot, aren't I? And my boyfriend might be thrown in jail for killing my would-be rapist. Yes, I'm fucking sure." I practically spat the words at her.

She looked at me with a shocked expression.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, Bella." I felt like crying. "I told you I was fucked up." I tried to lift my hands to rub them over my face, but they were still attached to all kinds of tubes. I wanted to rip them out and throw them across the room. My emotions were all over the place.

I tried to calm down, knowing I was probably scaring Bella. I really did want to know what was in the paper. I wished Jasper was here.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "Will you please read it to me?" I asked in a more controlled tone.

"Okay." She agreed, picking the newspaper up off the chair as she sat down again.

"The community of Port Angeles was stunned this past weekend when two young men were brutally attacked. Edward Masen and his boyfriend Jasper Whitlock had just finished dinner at Bella Italia…" she began.

"Did you like the restaurant?" she asked, interrupting her reading.

I guessed she was trying to distract me from the fact that the newspaper had just outed me and Jasper to the entire fucking world. I now understood a little bit of what my Dad had been ranting about earlier.

"So everybody knows, I guess."

"Yeah. Everyone at school would have known anyway. Jessica was with us at the movies when Alice talked to Jasper, after all." She gave a little laugh. I loved Jessica to death, but she certainly could talk.

"Yeah, okay."

"Do you want me to continue?"

"Yeah."

The article went on to describe the increase in hate crimes in the Pacific Northwest over the past ten years and the steps the legislature had taken to combat it. There was a brief description of the attack and then information about my "alleged" attackers, including the arrest history and background of the man who tried to rape me. There were quotations from the mayor who had been interviewed for the article, emphasizing how hard he had worked to make Port Angeles a safe community with a thriving tourist business and that he'd be working with law enforcement to make sure those responsible were prosecuted to the full extent of the law, that he had a zero tolerance for hate crimes in his community.

There was more information about me and Jasper, sons of "prominent business man, Edward Masen and respected surgeon, Carlisle Cullen." It talked about how long Jasper and I had been dating, our extracurricular activities, where we had applied to college, and even our grade point averages. Jesus. The article went on to list the extent of my injuries and the fact that Jasper was being investigated for the death of my attacker, citing outrage from the mayor that these "poor boys were being further punished for having defended themselves against someone who clearly intended to seriously harm them, or even kill them." How he intended to do everything he could to make sure that the right kind of justice prevailed. It wrapped up with some stuff from the Anti-Defamation League and some community resources.

Bella put the paper down when she was finished and looked at me.

I didn't really know what to say. That was a lot to take in. I felt violated, like my whole life was on display for everyone, and angry and I didn't know what else. I wished Jasper was here.

"That stuff from the mayor. My dad was really pissed about it. I could hear him yelling in the hall."

"Yeah, I can see that. But…it could probably really help Jasper. My dad says that if the prosecutor's office thinks public opinion is behind it being self defense, they won't press charges because they wouldn't get a conviction anyway."

"That makes sense." I guess I could put aside my anger at the article if it actually kept Jasper from going to jail. "Have you seen Jasper? Do you know how he's doing?"

"No, I haven't seen him. But I've talked to Alice about him. He's… not doing so great."

My heart sunk.

"It's been really hard on him. She says he feels guilty that he didn't protect you, and, you know…he killed someone. Even though that guy was complete scum, that's… a lot to deal with. Alice said it was bringing up a lot of stuff from his past and he's having a really hard time with it."

I could feel my eyes starting to burn and my throat tightening up. Bella looked at me and her eyes started tearing up too. She stood up and took my hand and just held it. Tears started to slide down her cheeks.

After a few minutes, she said, "I'm really glad you're going to be okay, Edward."

I squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Bella."

#####

I woke up later and found Mom sitting by the bed again.

"Hey, honey. How's your head?"

"It hurts."

"Do you want me to get the nurse?"

"No, that's okay."

"We've got some good news, sweetheart. The police have finished their investigation and they've decided not to press any charges against Jasper. The men who attacked you have all been arrested and formally charged."

"That's good." I felt a huge swell of relief. "Do you think Jasper can come see me now?" I asked.

"Dr. Cullen's going to be by a little later to check on you and see if you can go home tomorrow, okay, baby? You can ask him then."

"Okay."

"Mike called. He wants to come by to see you later if you're up for it. Can you handle another visitor today?"

"Yeah, sure." I felt guilty that the visitor I wanted was Jasper, not Mike. I wasn't really sure I was up to facing Mike, but I guess I had to get it over with sooner or later.

#####

"Hi Edward, how are you feeling today?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"My head really hurts. Is it supposed to hurt this much for so long?"

"It's not unusual, unfortunately. We'll give you some medication for the pain to take home with you. It's probably going to be several weeks before we can assess what kinds of issues we might be dealing with from the head injury. I'm going to refer you to a neurologist for follow up."

He looked through a file for a minute. "Do you remember us talking about your injuries when we spoke the other day?"

"Um, sort of?"

"I'm going to take a few minutes and explain your injuries to you again, the treatment we've done and what you can expect next."

"Okay. Thanks."

I listened as best as I could with my head pounding as he went over everything with me again. It sounded like baseball was going to be a no go for me this season. And I'd be out of school for a while still. And my brain was fucked up. When he was finished talking, I asked him about what I was really interested in knowing.

"Dr. Cullen, now that Jasper's been cleared, do you think he could come visit me?"

"I'll let him know you'd like to see him, Edward. That's the best I can do. He's having a pretty tough time with the situation and I need to let him work through things in his own way."

"Did…" I paused. I was a little thrown off realizing that the Cullens weren't stopping Jasper from seeing me. That it was his own decision. "Did you give him my message?"

Dr. Cullen smile. "Yes, I gave him your message. I know he appreciated hearing it. You might not remember me telling you this, but he came to see you the first night you were here, while you were still asleep."

"He did?"

"Yes. He did."

"Oh." I felt a little better hearing that. "Would you please tell him that I'd really like to see him? While I'm awake this time"

"I'll tell him, Edward," he said, smiling.

"Thank you."

#####

I opened my eyes and saw Mike standing in the doorway, as if he were unsure whether he should come in.

"Hey, Mike," I said. "My mom told me you'd be coming by."

"Yeah," he said, walking over to the bed. "Whoa. Bella warned me, but you look like shit, dude."

"You should see the other guy," I joked, then grimaced, remembering just what happened to the other guy.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. There was a long silence as neither of us spoke. So it was going to be like this now, was it?

"So I'm guessing you read the paper," I finally said.

He cleared his throat again. "Yeah." He wouldn't look me in the eye. I felt sad.

"I'm still me, Mike," I said softly, determined I wasn't going to cry again.

"I don't even know who that is anymore." He sounded bitter.

I didn't know how to respond to that. God, my head hurt.

"So…you and Jasper?"

"Yeah."

He shifted from foot to foot by my bed, still refusing to look at me. It really hurt.

"I'm sorry that you're uncomfortable about me being gay," I finally said when the silence stretched on too long.

That got his attention. His eyes snapped to mine.

"You think I'm upset because you're gay?" he asked.

"Well… yeah?" He wasn't?

"I'm not upset you're gay; I'm upset that you never told me! I thought you were my best friend." Now he looked like he was going to cry. "Jesus. Bella knew. And Alice knew. And obviously Jasper knew. But you thought you couldn't tell me? Didn't you trust me?"

I could see how hurt he was and I felt terrible. I guess I really hadn't trusted him, although a lot of it was because of the feelings I had had for him for so long.

"It wasn't like that, Mike," I began. "I… couldn't tell you."

"Why not?"

Now I cleared my throat in discomfort.

"I just couldn't."

"That's not good enough."

"Well, it's going to have to be."

"Screw you, Eddie. I'm sorry you're hurt and I'm sorry for what happened, but that's just not good enough. You were my best friend…" his voice broke and he stopped speaking. I felt sick to my stomach when I registered his use of the past tense.

We were both silent again and atmosphere in the room was tense. I felt awful. After a few minutes Mike said, "Well, I guess I'm going to take off. I hope you feel better, Eddie."

He was back to not looking at me and even with my fucked up head I knew that I had to fucking fix this or I was going to lose Mike.

As he turned and was walking out the door I blurted out, "I couldn't tell you because I had a crush on you, okay? Are you happy now?"

He stopped dead in his tracks and a big smile broke out over his face. He turned back around and walked over the bed, not avoiding my eyes anymore.

"Oh, so you had a crush on me, did you?" he was grinning that stupid big Mike grin.

I rolled my eyes then resolved not to do that again any time soon. That fucking hurt my head. "Yes, I had a fucking crush on you." I knew it was going to be a long time before I lived this one down.

"Wait, but you're over it now, right? Cause you and Jasper are together, right?"

"Yes, I'm over it," I snapped. "And right now, it's hard for me to believe I ever had a crush on you in the first place."

"Aw, don't be like that Eddie. Anyone can see you have awesome taste in guys."

"Screw you, Mike," I sneered.

"Oh, so you're not over it?"

I knew we were going to be okay.

#####

I had fallen asleep again after Mike left. It had been an exhausting day with so many visitors and too much to think about.

I woke to the feel of cool lips on my forehead. I breathed in that unmistakable delicious scent as my eyes fluttered open. Gorgeous golden eyes met mine.

"You're here," I sighed.

"I'm here," Jasper answered softly.

"I really missed you."

"I missed you too."

My eyes struggled to stay open. I wanted to drink in the sight of him, but I was so fucking tired. And my head hurt.

"Go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"You promise?" I asked. My eyes drifted closed again.

"I promise."

A/N: As always, I have to say thank you to my incredible readers. Your love for my story—even, as one reader said, "the awful parts"—really makes me smile. I'm very appreciative of all the reviews, recs, PMs, alerts and favorites. Special thanks to my wonderful friend, OnTheTurningAway, who provides incredible support and feedback and catches those little mistakes I don't see even after staring at the page for hours! Thanks also to my Twilighted(dot)net validation beta, Beautiful_Distraction; I can't wait to meet you in person and dish fic with you.

Voting is open for The Vampies! I Wept Not was nominated in three categories: Bloody Brilliant (Best Overall—the only slash story to be nominated in this category!); The Rainbow Connection (Best Slash); and It's So Wrong, It Has to be Right (Best Non-Canon Pairing)! Thank you so much! You can go support your favorite vamp stories here: http:/twificpics(dot)com/vampawards.

Nominations are also open for the TwiSlash Awards. You can nominate your favorite slash stories here: http:/community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/twislashawards/.