an: yeeeeee hello there, dudes:) disclaimed. and secret: devon hayes is back to rock your world. or, for this chapter, at least. :D read on, read on. :)

"You're a loser, Massie, no one's going to like you. An LBR is what you are. We've taken Claire, your best friend, and soon enough, we'll have Josh, Kristen, Derrick and Cam licking out of the palm of our hands. 'Cause we're just that kind of awesome," Skye Hamilton taunted near her head, whispering it just so Massie could hear.

Dylan Marvil's red curls bounced next to Massie's next. "Yes, Mah-see, we're going to destroy you, one by one. And you betcha, babe, it's going to be easy."

Massie's eyes were shut, her bottom lip trembling. Why wasn't anyone helping her? She tried hard not to listen to them. Don't listen, Massie, they're just trying to bring you down. You know these types of girls. They're mean and cruel. But they took Claire away from me... They could do it to Kristen, hell, I don't even know where she is at this moment. And what about Derrick? He's a manwhore who won't even admit it. And Cam and Josh and I aren't that close, why would I bother them? Ugh... I haven't even seen Devon in forever, where's he? I hope he's not hurt. I hope he's having a good Thanksgiving. 'Cause he deserves that. A good Thanksgiving.

"What are you thinkin' 'bout, Maaaah-seeee?" Olivia Ryan breathed into Massie's ear. She let out a ragged breath and tried her best not to curl into a tight ball and push the heels of her hands into her ears.

Massie instead pursed her lips, pushed herself off the bench she situated herself onto and sauntered off, confidence emitting from her outside. But on the inside, she was crumbling. Inside, everything was closing in on her, suffocating her of her liveliness. There was no hope for her. There was nothing she could do anymore. It was dark.

_whereitallbegins_

Massie had forgotten all about the annual Thanksgiving Benefit that her family hosted. A combination of an auction and a dinner, it was the one gathering Massie detested because of the snobby families and the obnoxious children who would think they were better than anyone in the world. She sighed as her mom rushed her into the colossal hotel, leading her down into a room where Massie would change from her wanted t-shirt and jeans into an unwanted Ella Moss dress.

She slowly made her way down to the crowd of people dressed in fancy gowns and tuxedos. She raised an eyebrow and internally mocked a group of teenagers in a huddle. She shook her head, her curls bouncing, and made her way through the throngs of various people. She peeked her head out from behind a stout, balding man, only to see that Cam Fisher was the only one on the guest list who even bothered to come.

"Massie, Massie!" a little boy's voice cried. She turned around, and there, standing in a classic black tuxedo and his hair tousled from the run. "Massie, I missed you!" Devon called excitedly. Massie laughed out of utter happiness and lifted him into her arms. She hadn't seen him for over two months, and she had wondered about his doings for many restless nights. He giggled with her and tapped her forehead. "How've you been doing? Any good news? And how's Derrick? Did you tell him you miss 'im yet?" He fired off into different topics, telling her about his current infatuation with Oreo Cakesters, how his older sister had a new "smokin'" boyfriend, how he found a stray dog that lounged around his front yard and how he named him Columbo, and how his dad was going off to Australia for a business trip, and they were all going to go with him.

"I'm sorry, Massie, I just really missed you," he said as they strolled down the sidewalk, away from the goings-on inside the hotel.

Massie chuckled and shook her head. "It's fine, Devon, it's fine, really. I missed you, too." She grinned down at him and he smiled back.

"So, Massie, really, though, how are you? What are you up to nowadays? Hopefully, over the guy who made someone as beautiful as you cry?" He smiled up at her again, his front teeth still not having grown.

Massie chuckled, tears springing into her eyes. "Oh, little Devon, no, no, no. I'm over him, yeah, and I'm fine, really. Just... Peachy." She forced a smile and rolled her eyes back into her head subtly, thinking that if her eyes went back, so would her tears.

Devon nodded and tugged on her hand, sitting them on a cement bench. The chilly air nipped at Massie's bare shoulders and her already rosy cheeks. The light wind blew at all things, the leaves on the vines tumbled over each other, the hoots of the late night animals being carried away. Devon looked up at Massie and frowned. He unbuttoned his jacket and handed it to her. Massie giggled and shook her head. Devon's grimace deepened and he shoved it to her. "Massie, I don't want you freeeeeeeeezing to death." He stuck his tongue out and again pushed it to her.

Massie laughed and shook her head. "No, Dev, that's really sweet, but no, I don't want you freezing to death."

"And neither do I," Cam's voice appeared, him draping his jacket over her shoulders. Massie looked up and smiled.

"Hey there," she said into the night.

Devon giggled to himself and hopped off the bench, waving good-bye at Massie and winking at Cam. "G'luck Derrick," he giggled, running off.

Cam shot Massie a did-he-just-call-me-Derrick? Look, and Massie giggled to herself and nodded. Her insides, as she had pictured it, had numbed over and what was left was the remains of tiny, painful scars. She patted the space next to her, the cold feeling of the bench seeping into her flesh. Cam clucked his tongue and sat down, his hands stuffed in his pockets. Massie sighed, her breathing heavier than it used to be. She stared up at the moon, it's fullness and it's glare on the world. It shone down brightly, reflecting itself in the oceans, the lakes, the ponds, the puddles. Massie wished she was the moon sometimes. It was big, it was bright, it was there. But no one ever bothered it.

"What are you thinking about?" Cam murmured, playing with the loose string on his shirt.

Massie pondered that question for a moment, digging deep to feed Cam an answer. She bit her bottom lip and quietly said, "What it'd be like if Derrick Harrington never came into our lives." She closed her eyes, anticipating the nasty jab she'd receive and then a smack, maybe.

Cam chuckled under his breath and nodded. "Good thing to think 'bout. But you shouldn't keep hurting about him, Massie. Look, I kind of already know you like him. Like, a lot. Maybe even more. But, I see that you're hurt. And see, Massie, we're all kind of hurting right now. But, at the same time, you don't want to keep being the quiet girl in a corner, waiting for everyone to pass by and to leave you alone." He turned his head to her direction and smiled, the sides of his eyes crinkling up child-like. "You're the kind of girl that would leave her mark anywhere, Massie. You're the kind of girl who usually wouldn't be afraid to speak her mind or to do anything drastic. You're the type of girl, Massie, to be strong for others moreover than yourself."

Massie pursed her lips, her voice quavering. "But I don't want to be strong anymore, Cam. I'm tired of it all. I'm done with it. Derrick obviously doesn't want to be with me. Claire, like, left for no good reason. Kristen's with Derrick... I can't exactly go to you and Josh, can I?"

"What?" Cam burst hysterically. "Of course you can, Mass. Who said not?"

Massie simply shrugged and turned away. Cam let out a sullen breath and scooted closer, closer, until his arms were around her, trapping her to his chest. She sniffled and broke down in front of Cam, letting it all out in one big jumbled mess. "I just, I just don't know what to do anymore, Cam. I've lost my best friend ever, I've lost Derrick, the one person who promised never to leave, I've lost Chris, the guy who told me he loved me. I've lost so much, Cam. Why the hell am I going through this? Who the hell is up there in space watching me suffocate? Who's trying to break me? Who is hurdling all of these things at me without giving me a chance to breathe and live? I'm only sixteen, Cam. I can't handle any of this."

The light pitter-patter of rain began to descend onto the earth, dampening the greens and browns of the world and once again filling up the oceans and lakes. The rain mixed in with Massie's tears; soaked into the pair's hair; ran through tumbling tides; fell onto and into Massie and Cam.

"But Massie... I need you to be strong," Cam whispered into her ear quietly.

Massie shook her head. "Why, Cam, why?"

It was stillness that entered the conversation, before he could ever reply to a question such as that. And then, "Because sometimes being strong is the only option we have left."

The silence of the world began to dawn onto the two. It left a strange, lonely mark. And yet, it was one of the happiest feelings that Massie endured. There was so much left to be said, but there wasn't much time to say it. All the feelings that could ever be bottled up were being said, at the moment, at any moment in time.

Their lips pressed into each other's with so much force, it left both of them bruised. Their hands worked themselves into each other's hair, finding each other, being each other. It was a game of dishonesty; of faith; of love. Cam kissed Massie to see if he really was over Claire. Massie kissed Cam because, well, he was there, bluntly enough.

She pulled away first, staring into his multi-colored eyes. It was one of the best kisses she had ever shared with anyone. But his kisses weren't for her. Tears once again sprung into her eyes and she ran, ran far away. She kicked her expensive Jimmy Choos off and let her legs lead her back into the hotel, dripping wet. Mascara running, hair frizzing and her heart beating louder than any Slipknot song, she fell to her knees.

What Cam said to her opened up something new in her heart. It opened up hope, it opened up a new beginning. That's what she needed. A new beginning.

She was strong again.

an: mmm...

secret: i'm married to josh duhamel but i'm sharing a secret, very passionate affair with charlie st. cloud, and-and-and, i'm screwing around with sean foreman :D but my heart really belongs to cam fisher [although, i'm also being very flirtatious with logan henderson] siiigh, if only, i know, i know. xD

tell me 'bout your crazy fantasies xD aaaaanywaaaay, this story's just about to end, very soon. :) and thanks to everyone who's kept up with me and my crazy disappearing acts, although they were irritating. you guys are just some of the most amazing people in the world. like, seriously. xD you all deserve free hugs. :)

so, i'll leave this off, telling you all that this story is going to be finished exactly on january 23, the day that i posted this up. it would be 356 days of excitement, disappointment, disappearances, reappearances, and everything else that would end this story. :)

review?

ericka