FINALLY! Fuck.. I was having hard time with this.. for some reason, I haven't had any motivation writing for the last half year, and having these personal issues aren't helping at all.. wanna lie down in fetal position and cry myself to sleep..
Another reason for me completely forgetting about this story, I've gotten sucked into Sherlock, then Doctor Who, then I joined Tumblr (yes, I know.. lucky me!) then I got hooked on Supernatural.. and Avengers isn't helping thank you very much.. yeah, sorry guys, I'm so far off this shit as I can possible get, but I will finish it.. even if it's that last thing I do! It'll just take a while..
I sadly.. don't know when I will update again, but I'll try.. seeing it takes me a month on each page (what? shit.. srsly?) and I enjoy screwing around with Shinichi and Ran's relationship, so here you guys go! HAve some AngstyShinichi, KindKaitou and some more EvilRan :P
Chapter 4.
Trust is Gained And Deserved.
As the week passed, there was no news about Kaitou or a possible heist, but Shinichi knew, and dreaded the coming magic show, because he, unlike many other knew what was going to happen behind the curtain. It was Wednesday, and while the school had passed without him, he had been allowed by Haibara to go outside, and he knew just where to go. That was where Shinichi was now, just outside the detective office of Mouri. He stared at the door, clearly hearing voices behind it. Conan had called, saying he wouldn't come over that day because he was going to hang out with his friends at the park, which was okay with him anyway, but Ran, he hadn't heard from her since that day on the phone. He knew she was inside.
"Well, I guess I'll get over with it." he thought and drew in a breath before he stopped, hearing Sonoko loudly complain through the door and he glared at the door like it was the fault for stopping him.
"What's she doing here? Gah, annoying girl, I should have come later.." he thought, but stopped when he heard his name leaving the lips of that KID-fanatic.
"So, when's Kudou-kun returning? I heard he's back.." Sonoko had asked.
"Tomorrow or Friday, he didn't specify." Ran answered, sounding oddly cool about the whole thing. Shinichi stood where he was, his brain already going through the different scenarios, wherever the worst one was him ending up in a ditch somewhere, anything but alive.
"Oh, I'm guessing his taking you out on a date then, you and that husband of yours?" Sonoko sounded far to smug for her own good. Shinichi just grit his teeth, ignoring his own mind's wish to kick something in her face.
"No, I doubt it." Ran said. Shinichi noted that embarrassment as well as something akin to hesitation, which was always present when Sonoko teased Ran, was absent.
"And the reason for that? He's found someone else?" Sonoko screeched and Shinichi felt like strangling the rich girl like no tomorrow.
"No, nothing like that." Ran answered sharply, but sounded oddly amused as well, like she was thinking of something funny. Shinichi took a breath, having not realized he had been holding it. His mind was serving him one bad scenario after another on silver plates. Oh how he hated his mind whenever something like this was happening. And he hadn't heard what Ran said afterwards, it was too low for him to hear.
"What?" Sonoko seemed to be taken back by something.
"Your.. dating him? But.. what about Kudou-kun?" Shinichi's blood turned to ice, running through his system, chilling everywhere it reached. His heart did a loop before it started hammering against his chest. Through the heavy ringing in his ears, he could hear Ran chuckle, but Shinichi didn't register it at all.
"What do I do when he leaves for more than a year? Not telling anyone where he goes, of course I'll be moving on.." Ran stated casually. Shinichi's hand, which had been resting on the door handle this entire time, fell to his side, limp.
"But, you told me you promised to wait for him.." Sonoko tried.
"Obviously I lied, I thought I'd let him taste some of his own medicine.." Shinichi didn't hear the rest of the conversation as he fled, ears ringing loudly and his chest aching from his racing heart. His eyes stung from tears threatening to fall, but he wouldn't let them. His pride wasn't the cause to that, like he usually tended to tell himself.
"I guess it's good to know then.." he thought as he ran street to street, passing only the dull of the world. Even a bloody crime scene wouldn't stop him now, not even Gin appearing in front of him to shoot him down, he'd just run him down and not look back.
"Don't cry.. damnit.." Shinichi cursed mentally as he skidded across the asphalt, stopping in front of his house, where he stood, slightly bent over, trying to calm down. He lifted a hand, driving his palm into his face to dry the tears trying to fall. He used the jumper he wore, pulling it up to dry what fell. He couldn't make the mistake of showing the world his tears now, not yet. Shinichi opened the gate, before slamming it shut, hearing it rattle long after in protest to his abuse. The door suffered the same fate, creaking at being manhandled. Then he grabbed the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be a vase and flung it into the wall, shattering it. He was angry, not at Ran, never at Ran, but at himself for not seeing the signs, not being able to let go, knowing fully well she suffered from it.
"For God's sake." he muttered, walking past his resent crime, killing one of his mother's vases, the Xing-dynasty vase that cost about three million yen. He didn't bother picking up the shattered pieces that was just laying there, as an outrageous proof of his anger. There was no lacking his anger for hours afterward, just laying on the bed, glaring up into the roof, trying to connect the dots, trying to find out when, and where the signs started. When Ran started dating some guy he'd never met, not even as Conan. She was getting good, too good at hiding, just like he had been.
"Why.. why couldn't you just tell me? As a punishment, even that's low.." he muttered, more than himself, there was no one else in the house anyway, leaving him to brood over this on his own.
"Punishment?" came the question from nowhere and Shinichi gave a startled squeak before he sat up, looking around to find a certain black-clothed thief sitting on his desk.
"W-when did you come in?" Shinichi asked loudly, pointing an accusing finger at the darned thief.
"Just now, oh have I told how much I love these strange powers?" he asked gleefully. Shinichi glared.
"Yes, and I don't care anyway, please leave." his somewhat harsh words seemed to catch the thief's attention in a better way than Shinichi had expected, maybe because he had overheard him just a few seconds ago.
"What happened?" the thief asked, sitting down beside Shinichi, sudden and very close. Shinichi stared right back, then he sighed, having seen the sincere worry and the honest care in his eyes.
"Ran.. happened.." he whispered. Kaitou's eyes widened slightly before he sighed as well, making Shinichi frown.
"Is it bad?" he asked. Shinichi nodded.
"She's moved on.. and yet.. she promised me she'd wait for me.." Kaitou gave him a disbelieving look.
"What? She cheated on you?" he asked. Shinichi glared.
"There never was us to begin with.. she.. I told her, in London, how I felt, I've always known how she.. felt.. about me, and yet, I never saw the signs." he said, lowing his head into his hands. Kaitou placed a hand on his shoulder.
"This might not be the right time, but maybe you should tell her how you feel, it seems to me like you suffered more than she ever did." he said. Shinichi looked up, giving Kaitou and honestly shocked looked.
"What? Tell her what? That I've chased around an internationally wanted murderer and assassin while having to make sure no one saw me, and thought I was dead?!" Kaitou raised an eyebrow at this information, only to see Shinichi hide his face again, groaning.
"Great.. just what I needed.. you knowing this.." he muttered.
"How long?" this question confused Shinichi.
"What?" he asked back, looking up at the magician's face again.
"How long have you been hiding and doing this?" Kaitou asked.
"Since.. well, I guess since that day in the amusement park, well over a year.. I was.. in second year, it was early semester when it happened.." Shinichi said, then he smiled a bit, honestly and sudden. Kaitou raised an eyebrow, but smiled back nevertheless.
"I'm being to honest when it comes to you.." Shinichi commented.
"I noticed." Kaitou said, chuckling.
"And I can't figure out just why.." he muttered and Kaitou just smiled softly, completely different from how he usually smiled, or rather, smirked.
"Maybe it's because I too have had a long time where I've been forced to hide, to pretend?" Kaitou suggested. Shinichi nodded.
"It'd make sense." his face fell as he slowly got depressed again.
"If only I could be as honest with Ran.." he said.
"But you feared for her life didn't you?" Kaitou's question made Shinichi nod sadly, then he turned his head.
"You know that pain... don't you?" he asked back. Kaitou seemed to still for a moment before he nodded.
"All to much.."
"Then I think we have a lot more in common than we both know.." he said.
"Oh? Pray tell, what would that be?" Kaitou smirked despite it.
"Hiding, lying, pretending, most people do all that today anyway, but you, you look like me, have nearly the same voice, the same hair color, we both love have everyone's eyes on us while we do what we like, and we both do something that's a bit outrageous." Shinichi began explaining. Kaitou nodded while smirking.
"And?"
"We both know the pain of losing someone?" Shinichi suggested and Kaitou's face fell.
"It depends.." Kaitou's voice was much lower than usual. Shinichi stared, then he sighed softly, smiling a bit sadly.
"I'm sorry, I touched a soft spot without knowing it.." Kaitou just shook his head.
"It's in the past now, but it still sometimes hurt.." he said.
"I see, I almost forgot you told me about your father.." Kaitou shook his head.
"It get's easier and easier day by day, but it was easier before the truth came before my eyes.." he said. Shinichi nodded.
"So, have you been making plans for the heist then?" he asked. Kaitou nodded.
"Yes, but I probably wont do it yes, I'm going to have one between so there wont be any suspicion as to why I go twice." Shinichi just smiled. Kaitou then tilted his head to the side.
"So, what are you going to do now?" he asked. Shinichi shrugged his shoulders.
"Don't know.. I guess I'll have to return to school anyway, even if it'll hurt seeing Ran, I have no choice, I can of course just go to America and take an undergraduate degree, which isn't actually all that hard, depending on which degree I go for.." he said.
"Really? Don't you have to finish high school for that?" Kaitou asked.
"Well, yes, unless you have the mind of a genius." was Shinichi's answer.
"Oh.. well, I would know if you were, and I'm quite sure you are."
"Me? I'm sure I'm that much of a genius, it's true that my IQ are way above average, but not enough to be called a genius." Shinichi said, smirking now.
"Have you tested it? Like, taken a real IQ test? Not the ones you find on internet.." Kaitou suggested.
"Well, no, I never considered it because I never thought it was necessary."
"You should, considering the fact that you can solve crimes like Sherlock Holmes, rich as Tony Stark and look good while doing anything, I don't think genius is far over your head." Kaitou stated.
"Tony.. Stark?" Shinichi asked, staring in disbelief.
"What? You've never heard of Tony Stark? Iron Man?" Shinichi groaned.
"Of course I have, I grew up reading about him, but we have a huge difference, I'm not a playboy, and I certainly can't make something out of tiny bits and pieces, that's your job." Shinichi stated. Kaitou raised an eyebrow, but smirked nevertheless.
"I can't agree more, well then, I've got things to do, don't kill yourself while I'm away, not that I think it'd work anyway.." he waved a hand over his shoulder after he got up, walking away. Shinichi chuckled.
"You know.." he started and Kaitou stopped, turning his head.
"Hm?" the thief hummed in response.
"I don't find it weird that we're talking like we've known each other for a long time." he said. Kaitou stared wide eyed at him, then he laughed.
"You're the only one who can say that, and do it as well, others either try attack me, or try to arrest me." Shinichi stared back with a deadpan.
"And I don't try to arrest you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Kaitou chuckled.
"Yes, you do, but you are the only one risking to work together with me to get something done." Kaitou stated and the detective could only nod.
"That's because we usually end up working together wherever we like it or not, most of the time anyway." Shinichi stated and Kaitou laughed.
"Yes, we're stuck together."
"Indeed we are."
Shinichi awoke with a startle when the alarm rang. He rose from the bed, staring at the clock like it was something he'd never seen before, then realizing that today was the day he was going back to school. He yawned, slowly getting out of bed, then he stretched. There was no way he'd rush off, knowing that after so long without school, or at least, high school, he'd be having a hell of a boring time once he returned, because, with the lack of better words, school was dull. Maybe because he had IQ higher than college students? Yeah, something like that. The thoughts about Ran was absent until he was standing in front of the toaster, shirt and pants on, tie around his neck, not tied yet. His school jacket hung loosely on one of the chairs. That was the moment when Ran returned to his mind. His hands fell to the surface of the counter, breathing hard.
"Ran.." his voice low with shame and sadness. He turned around, angered and slammed the button on the radio, hoping for something to keep his mind occupied. Instead, his ears received a stupid English song, something strange song from a movie he recognized to be Grease. What the song was named he didn't know, but he felt like the text fit him more than he wanted. The woman sang something about being hopelessly devoted to someone, how the mind wanted to forget, but the heart to keep holding on.
"Fuck.." Shinichi muttered, turning back to the toaster. The song continued to play throughout his entire time in the kitchen, so after the song finished, he shut the radio off, grabbed his jacket of the chair and entered the hall. He grabbed his school bag and put whatever lunch he had made into it. He usually didn't care what he made, because it wasn't really eatable, but he had learned something in these long days of torturous boredom. He put on his shoes and jacket, then grabbed the keys.
"Why do I even bother.." he muttered, his hand on the door handle. There was no way of knowing if he could even face Ran at this point. Shinichi was pretty sure she was unaware of him knowing about her little lie, but that didn't make it any less hard to deal with. He looked in the mirror by the stand near the front door. Why was he cursed to walk alone, fighting the darkness of the world? No, that wasn't exactly right, he had Haibara, Heiji, Conan, even Kaito, and sometimes even some more people, but he couldn't depend on any of them all the time, and there was no way he could drag Conan into more of this mess. He turned away, then opened the door. Come what may, he'd have to face it sooner or later, and he'd rather do it now than to keep suffering from hiding it instead.
"Well, I guess I have no choice.." he murmured and exited the house, locked the door and walked down the path from the house. He knew that this day could only get worse, at least from his point of view. Then he stopped, hooked into the gate, was a tine slip of paper, a letter by the looks of it, and a rose, red as scarlet, and beautiful. Shinichi stopped before it, staring at it like it's alien before he took the letter, taking the rose as well, then opened the letter, reading.
I know this isn't what you usually get from me, but I thought, I'd let you know that I care, even though others may not.
I personally think that we can become good friends, not partners perhaps, we aren't exactly sharing the same side on the law.
But I'm willing to go far to stay by your side.
I hope you will escape from your suffering and that you can someone who can help you get over your heartbreak.
So I guess I'll see you later, and yes, I will send a note when I have the heist ready.
Underneath, was a clover and a single heart drawn. Shinichi couldn't help but stare at the signing, the text and the rose. Who the heck put in a heart on a letter to their friend anyway? Kaitou KID apparently.
"You've got to be kidding with me.." he muttered, but he couldn't help but smile anyway. It wasn't often someone he barely talked to, much less saw on civilian occasions would send this to him, and not in this way. He stared at the rose before shaking his head softly.
"You dummy, I already knew you cared, or else you wouldn't have told me almost everything in the first place.." he murmured before putting the letter into his school bag while gently lifting the rose, examining it with care. He didn't want to get a thorn in his thumb, but he was still fascinated by how fresh and healthy the roses the thief always carried, looked. And of course, where he kept them, but then again, these days, the magician thief could do just about anything. He looked up, his smile now a bit silly, only to stop short when he saw the one person he really didn't want to see and his smile faltered.
"Ran.." he said curtly, awaiting what happened next and also thanked heavens that he hadn't unlocked the gate yet. Ran stared back, she stared right at him, then down at the rose.
"You're getting.. popular again.." she said, sounding oddly cold while saying so. Shinichi raising an eyebrow. He knew jealousy when he saw it, but he couldn't exactly tell her the infamous, internationally wanted Kaitou KID sent this to him to comfort him, that would be the saddest joke and probably the last thing he would ever say again. Shinichi sighed, the shrugged his shoulders before he quickly opened the gate, getting out before locking it. He knew he couldn't just leave the rose to die on his doorstep or inside the hall, because he still hadn't replaced the vase he oh so kindly smashed earlier. Yeah, he needed to tell his mother about that.
"Let's go then." he said, keeping his eyes anywhere but Ran's eyes. Shinichi just couldn't look her in the eyes. He was scared he'd blurt out the truth, that he knew what she was doing, that he wasn't happy about it, but he kept his mouth shut about it. It took them barely any time to reach the gate of the school and while Shinichi kept himself more in the shade now, there was still some teens who stopped, stared and pointing and he felt like glaring in their general directions.
"Look who finally joined us!" he looked up to see that devil girl standing there. Sonoko grinned at him and Ran, but Shinichi easily saw past it. Her eyes wasn't smiling, she was wearing a mask Shinichi had become to comfortable with using these past year. There was no hiding the suffering from that, and he could see that Sonoko wasn't all the indifferent either, but she held back. Then she turned slightly.
"Come on, or we'll be late, and we can't have that now, can we?" she said. Shinichi snorted, not really caring, still keeping his eyes away from Ran and he knew Sonoko had noticed, he could see it in her eyes. So, instead, he turned towards Sonoko, meeting her eyes, an untold conversation going between them, then he shook his head gently before turning away. They entered the school hall and he went to his locker. He switched shoes and closed the locker to see Sonoko standing close to him.
"What?" he asked, careful not to sound to annoyed.
"Are you going to tell her that you know?" she asked, keeping her voice low. Shinichi averted his eyes.
"Yes, eventually I'll have to.. but right now, I just want to.. be left alone.." he said, smiling sadly at her. Ran passed, giving them an odd look.
"We'll be late.." she stated and Sonoko sighed, then loudly complained about school and how it was so annoying, but she still kept her eyes on Shinichi.
"You love her.. don't you?" she asked. Shinichi sighed, then he started walking, passing her, but when doing so, he whispered one word.
"Yes.."
There was no denying the class was happy to see him again. Most of the class remained intact from last year, there was a few who wasn't there, and some new he didn't know, but he didn't care much anymore. Shinichi knew that his situation with the BO and his continuing disappearance kept him from talking with people his own age and interacting with someone sociable. He could never be the same again, he never would be, nor did he want to. The detective turned his head slightly, looking out at the sky, then he sighed silently. He could feel the presence of Ran, literary. Her eyes resting on his neck the entire time and he hated it. Shinichi just wanted to turn around and tell her to stop staring at him. The bell rang and Shinichi let out a sigh of relief before slumping against the desk, already wishing he hadn't returned to school.
"Shinichi." he didn't even look up, he knew whose voice that was.
"What is it?" he muttered, his face faced downwards with his eyes shut as he frowned at the light pain in his head. A headache moving on him wasn't what he needed right now.
"Who gave you that rose?" Ran asked. Shinichi just groaned.
"I don't even want to think at the moment, much less remember the rose, please.." he just said.
"Yeah, who gave it to you?" Sonoko, the rest of the class probably watching, Shinichi know, nor did he care. He didn't even look up.
"A friend.." he muttered, sitting up and rubbing soothing circles on his forehead, trying to lighten the headache that was raging at full force now. Ran just stared at him.
"A friend?" she asked, sounding more annoyed that Shinichi felt.
"Yes, a friend, what's wrong with me having friends?" he asked, keeping his eyes shut tightly as he continued to rub his forehead.
"Nothing.." Ran murmured.
"You having a domestic already?" one of their classmates teased. Shinichi didn't even turn around, he just lifted a hand away from the head, gave the laughing teen the finger, and then returned to rubbing his head.
"We-we weren't." Ran stuttered. Shinichi then opened his eyes, looking directly at Ran like she had somehow changed overnight and become some sort of monster. She acted so innocent, so indifferent to what she had said the other day. She must have noticed him looking at her and when she meet his eyes she just blinked. Shinichi tore his eyes away before getting up.
"Something wrong?" Sonoko asked, having watched the entire time.
"Nothing really.. just a murderer named headache whose out to kill me.." he muttered, flashing a joking grin. Sonoko's lips twitched up into a smile. Shinichi was out of the door before anyone could ask anything else. He didn't care if Ran had noticed how he had looked away when she meet his eyes, he just couldn't handle the suffering pressure. And yet, he was blaming himself for suffering like a fool and letting Ran suffer too.
"Yeah, I'm the smartest on Earth.." he muttered, heading for the nurse's office. He put a hand in his jacket as he knocked, only to stop short and look down. He drew out his hand, but there was no letter. He could remember putting the letter into that pocket, but he never took it out. Shinichi had only once taken the jacket off, and he had let it out of sight for no more than a minute at least.
"Shinichi.." he turned his head, seeing Ran standing there, her hand clutching the letter he had hidden. Shinichi just stared at the letter before raising his hand, holding it out towards Ran.
"Ran, that's mine, why did you take it?" he asked. Ran just pursed her lips.
"Why didn't you tell me you had someone?" she asked suddenly and Shinichi couldn't help it, he laughed. Here he was, with his headache and being questioned for lying while the person who was really lying about having someone close was standing in front of him. Ran just glared, and Shinichi ended his laughter in a cough.
"Look Ran, I don't know how you interpreted that letter, but it's a friendly letter, a friend, a good friend, nothing more, nothing less." he said, steering his eyes away from Ran's.
"You said you'd wait for me.." Ran just said, and Shinichi snapped.
"Yes, yes I did Ran, because I believed that you still love me.." he stated.
"I do.." she mumbled and Shinichi scoffed.
"Yeah, sure looks like it." he said, glaring at her.
"Shinichi.."
"Now give that letter back, I don't really like people taking something from me, you of all people should know that." he stated, sighing and drawing a hand through his neatly combed hair, ruffling it. Shinichi didn't doubt he looked more like Kaitou now and it somehow made his smile a bit.
"Look, Ran, I don't care what reason you had for taking it, and I can easily forgive you for that, now give it back, then I can go see the school nurse, you go back to class and we'll talk later okay?" he asked. Ran just glared at him.
"Why? Why is some random girl more precious to you than me?" she asked.
"W-what?" Shinichi asked, his jaw falling.
"This!" she raised the hand clutching the letter. Shinichi started walking towards her, tearing the letter out of her hands.
"Ran, come on, this isn't a girl's letter, it's from a guy! Geez, I don't play around, you know that, he is a friend, a male friend!" he stated, dragging the other hand down his face.
"What guy draws a heart to a friend?" Ran asked.
"Yeah, I've been asking myself that the entire time, look, he is a joker, trickster if you will, he loves to joke around with people and frankly I don't mind, but he is my friend, and you have no right talking about cheating on the one you love." he snapped. Ran stared back, shock covering her face then she opened her mouth to reply, but Shinichi wasn't finished.
"Yes, I did know, you think I wouldn't realize that suffering I caused you, and myself by doing these jobs? You think I would just let it go? You tricking me into believing you still love me?" he asked, glaring, his teeth clenched. Ran just looked down.
"Good you seems to figured out what you did Ran.. whatever, just walk away, I know deserved it, but even I know I don't deserve being lied to like that! Even I wouldn't sink so low as to pretend to love someone only to reveal such a secret, and I can affirm already that I have a lot of secrets!" Shinichi said loudly.
"Are you finished?" Ran just asked and Shinichi stared back.
"Wha- fine.. have it your way!" he said, raising his hands in frustration.
"If this is how you want it, fine, but remember Ran, I don't easily trust people, and those who gain it, has it for as long as they know to deserve it!" he growled, turning away. He didn't want to be here now, he needed to get out, away. Shinichi didn't want to see Ran cry because of him, didn't want to see her stare at him like he was just another random guy on the street.
"Shinichi." Ran tried, but Shinichi shook his head.
"No Ran.. I can't.. I tried, I thought I would be able to continue staying here, beside you, but as a friend, I guess I was wrong.." and with that, he walked away, hiding the tear threatening to fall.
Ah, finally.. I was awaiting this.. the turn of this story :P
I have something more in stores for Shinichi yet, so please do hold on for a while okay? ^^
Until then! And please review if you have the time, I need feedback D: