Chapter 3:

This is my decision, ok:

Aaron watched Adam walk away from him and towards the pub, his head reeling from the last few minutes. Adam knew he didn't want to be a bit on the side but Adam couldn't or wouldn't drop Scarlett for him. He could kind of see why. Adam did love her he supposed. Maybe it's not as easy to give up on people and relationships when you really loved someone. He'd never felt like that though, even his mam had left him. No one loved him or put him before anyone else, why would Adam be any different. Maybe he should just let Adam go and not do anything more but even though he hated the thought of being the 'other man' he hated the thought of never being with Adam even more. Maybe he was falling for Adam or maybe he'd already fallen. No matter how fucked up it might be he was pretty sure that he was going to keep 'this', whatever 'this' turned into, going. With that decision made he made his way back home slowly deciding he'd talk to Adam tomorrow about his decision considering Adam said it was up to him. He wanted to sleep on it to make sure he was actually making the right decision. This was the most grown up thing he'd ever done and he was damned if he was going to mess it up by rushing in a messing up a brilliant friendship.

Walking in to smithy cottage he was met by Paddy coming in to the kitchen from the TV room.

'Hey lad, ya all right? Ya look like you've the weight of the world on your shoulders. If you need to talk I'm always here, ya know that right?'

'Yeah Paddy, I know. Thanks. I've just a lot on my mind at the minute. When I've figured out everything in my head I'll let you know' Aaron replied quietly.

'I won't go holding my breath then will I lad?' Paddy asked with laughter in his voice.

'Yeah, maybe don't. I like ya being around' Aaron admitted with a chuckle 'I'm off up to bed, I'm in early tomorrow. Night Pads.'

With that Aaron trundled up the stairs and into his bedroom. Lying down on his bed still fully clothed his mind was racing. Thoughts of Adam, fears about being outed because of their relationship or whatever 'this' was going to turn in to, worry about hiding this from Paddy. He really didn't like hiding things from Paddy, he could always see through Aarons lies and he needed Paddy more then he realised.

Finally stripping down and getting ready for bed Aaron slid under the covers and fell into a fitful sleep with dreams filled with images of Adam and Scarlett and people pointing and laughing. By the time Aaron's alarm clock went off in the morning Aaron felt like he'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. He wearily made his way to the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead. Paddy wouldn't be up for about half an hour so he could take his time. Standing under the shower he put his hands against the wall and dropped his head down into his chest. Sighing as the water cascaded down his face and back the last vestiges of sleep and the weary night he'd had were finally leaving him. Feeling better then he did upon waking he dressed for the day ahead, wondering when he would get a chance to talk to Adam. He knew Adam would be up from 5am so he sent off a quick text asking Adam to meet up with him after knocking off time to talk. He'd left the text vague as he hadn't quite figured out what he was going to say to him yet.

Making his way to work his mind was preoccupied as he'd expected but work somehow managed to take his mind off things as they were quite busy and Cain was in one of those moods that you just did what you were told and left it at that. The day flew and soon knocking off time came around. As he was finishing tidying up he heard a deep cough behind him. Turning around slowly he saw Adam standing only feet away.

'I'm nearly done, just give me 5 and I'll be with you' Aaron said before turning back around to complete his tidy up. Once this was finished he said bye to Cain and left work for the day.

'c'mon Adam' Aaron motioned to Adam to follow him to Smithy cottage as Paddy was out at some farm all day and shouldn't be back til 8 at the earliest.

Walking in to smithy Aaron turned to Adam and kissed him as the door closed behind them.

'I've made my decision, can you guess what it is?' he asked Adam with a twinkle in his eye.

'eh, yeah, yeah I think I can' replied Adam as he leant back into the kiss deepening it minutely before pulling away.

'What do I do about Scarlett?'

'I don't know Adam, that's up to you I suppose. I know that I'm not comfortable with the thoughts of being 'out' and that's not what I want from us. I don't want to be tripping the light fantastic in pink hot pants and dancing on floats. I'm not like that. Do you understand?' Aaron asked in all sincerity.

Adam tried not to laugh but the image of Aaron in pink hot pants was too much and he burst out laughing. 'Sorry Aaron, I just had a mental image of you in pink hot pants! They really wouldn't do anything for you ya know!'

Laughing at the image now too, Aaron relented but slapped Adam on the arm .

'I just want to be with you and I'm happy to keep it between us Aaron, if that's what you really want.' Adam replied seriously.

'it is, maybe that'll change in the future but for now can it just be between us?' Aaron replied.

'just between us' replied Adam with a smile and he leant in to capture Aaron's lips once more.

For the next few months the boys met up whenever they could. Their relationship was ridiculously chaste in comparison to Adam's relationship with Scarlett but he couldn't bring himself to dump her or to start a second sexual relationship no matter how much he wanted it. He knew he was cheating on her but if he started sleeping with Aaron too he'd feel like too much of a cheap shit to live with it and he liked being with them both. He knew Aaron was getting frustrated but he just couldn't give up being with Scarlett. It was like he was in love with the two sides of the one relationship, the physical one with Scarlett and the amazingly passionate and chaste one with Aaron. He'd hate to give up wither but he knew that Aaron was starting to get sick of never going past kissing. They'd gone so far as the go down on each other but Adam felt guilty the next time Scarlett did it cos all he was thinking was of Aaron's mouth in exactly the same position and even though Aaron was by far the more novice of the two his technique had Adam coming in seconds while sometimes it felt like a chore with Scarlett. He hated himself for comparing them but he couldn't help it.

Aaron was getting frustrated with the lack of intimacy between himself and Adam. He desperately wanted to sleep with him but he could feel Adam's resistance. He knew Adam was still sleeping with Scarlett, less often then before they got together but they were still doing it. He was getting so frustrated that he was starting to snap at Paddy for no good reason and Paddy was starting to get fed up with him. He hated when Paddy got annoyed at him cos it was so difficult to upset Paddy you knew you'd pushed his buttons when he shouted and so far this week he'd shouted at Aaron twice. This was not good. Aaron needed to do something before they both went mental. He decided that he was going to tell Paddy, maybe not about Adam but about being with a guy. Once he'd decided this it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was going to do it tonight.