Hao tried to get a grip of himself. He wiped his face with the back of his hand and then sniffed. He sighed deeply, trying to take in everything that happened. But it was so painful…
"My…little brother is dead…" he muttered, screwing his eyes tightly. "This is…the most pain I've ever felt in my whole life…"
HoroHoro felt a rush of sympathy come over him for the eldest of the Asakura Twins. He could see just by Hao's expression, just how much he had grown to love his brother.
"I cared for him so much…" whispered Hao, his voice strained and full of sorrow. He read HoroHoro's mind once again. He then started to shake his head. "I'm sorry for everything…HoroHoro. I'm so sorry…" HoroHoro put his arm around him.
"Shhh… Don't be sorry." He soothed.
"I am so scared…"
"Shhh. Don't be scared. I'm here with you." Comforted HoroHoro. Hao's eyes widened.
"Shhh. Don't be scared. I'm here with you."
Hao shook violently, and he began to start attacking the air, he flinched away from HoroHoro, and leant over himself in despair.
"Yoh!" shouted Hao, his voiced seemed full of anger and sadness. He said it so loud, it hurt to hear such a desperate voice. "Yoh!" he screamed again. HoroHoro knelt towards him, his face full of alarm as he tried to calm him down by grasping his shoulders and rocking him gently.
"C'mon Hao. Don't punish your self this –"
"Yoh!" he screamed again, more agonized.
"Shhh…" soothed HoroHoro. Opacho suddenly came running into the room.
"Hao-sama! Hao-sama!" she cried, tears running down her face when she saw him in such pain. "What is wrong Hao-sama?!" she screamed, beginning to shake. HoroHoro looked up at her, a serious look on his face.
"Opacho. I need you to listen to me now." He declared in a voice making Opacho concentrate. "Go and find Ren and the others. They should be around the village somewhere." HoroHoro was saying this for two reasons. He didn't want Opacho to be around while this was happening, and he needed help with Hao, desperately. Opacho still stood, staring at Hao, not sure what to do.
"Now! Opacho! Go now!" pleaded HoroHoro. Opacho took a step back, and then hurried out of the room and out of the house, following what she had been told.
"No! Why? Why Yoh! I don't understand!" shouted Hao, as if he was saying this to his brother, not to HoroHoro. "After what we went through, you still wouldn't listen! After what I did to get you back, you still wouldn't let things be the way they were! Stupid younger brother! You will never learn!" Hao hit the floor hard, extremely hard, his hand made a loud cracking noise, but Hao hit the floor again and again, causing his knuckles to begin to bleed. HoroHoro grasped Hao's arm, trying to stop him, but Hao's over powering fist repeatedly smacked the ground. HoroHoro could now hear sobbing coming from Yoh's room. Anna was crying.
"Anna…" muttered HoroHoro, wanting to tend to her. But he couldn't leave Hao in such a mess.
"C'mon Hao, try to get up…"
"Why…" whispered Hao, beginning to calm down, panting heavily, eyes straining. HoroHoro stood up and helped Hao to his feet too. Hao got up, staring at the ground. "Why…" he whispered again. HoroHoro sadly sighed, leading Hao into the other room where Yoh lay. He wasn't sure if he should be bringing Hao to Yoh, but he had to look after both Hao and Anna. HoroHoro slowly stepped into Yoh's room, finding Anna, lay across Yoh's body, sobbing her heart out into her arms as she lay across his chest. HoroHoro felt like crying himself, but he had to be the stronger one for a change, and take care of those who needed him. Hao lingered at the door, so HoroHoro let go of him and approached Anna's side. He knelt down beside her.
"Hey…" he whispered, trying to smile. "C'mon. Everything will be okay…"
"I love you Yoh…" she whimpered. "I love you so…so much…" HoroHoro lifted his hand to her shoulder. "He's always taken from me…no matter how many times I get him back…he is always taken from me…my Yoh…my innocent Yoh…"
"Anna…" muttered HoroHoro. "He's just so peaceful, let us leave him now – "
"No! I can't leave him. Not now…" she cried. "Not ever…"
"Anna. This is all my fault." said Hao, still staring at the ground. He had approached the bed without HoroHoro's and Anna's knowledge. HoroHoro gazed up at him, shaking his head. Hao's eyes were hidden behind his hair. Anna slowly turned her head, her tear-stained eyes glaring at him through her hair.
"Wh – what?" she whispered, full of heart brake.
"I'm so sorry Anna…"
"What do you mean…this is all your fault…?" she whispered, not wanting to know his answer.
"Nothing Anna. He blames himself. It's only natural. He was here when he passed away in his sleep – " HoroHoro tried to explain, but Hao began to shake his head slowly, stopping HoroHoro's words from being spoken.
"He wanted it so badly…Yoh…he wanted to…" began Hao, now the sadness beginning to appear in his voice and face again. Teardrops fell to the floor. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, only now leaving a blood slash from his fingers across his face, but he left his hands at his sides, now not moving. "He…wanted…me…to…"
"No… No! Tell me it's not true!" screamed Anna, despair in her every word. She knelt up, glaring at Hao.
"I…wish I could. I really wish I could Anna. I'm sorry…" Hao lifted his head, and gazed at her. "He wanted to die…"
The words hit Anna like a bullet to her head. She stopped breathing for a moment, before more tears ran down her face, her eyes fixed on Hao's gaze, she couldn't take it in…
Yoh…
Wanted to die…
"Yoh…" she whispered, now turning her head to look at her beloved fiancé, lay peacefully in bed. She lowered her head, and slowly got to her feet. HoroHoro jumped to his feet and took a step back away from her, not sure what she was going to do. Her hands clenched into fists and she stared at the ground. "You…" she whispered, anger shown in her voice. "Killed him! Murderer!" she swung her arm round with brutal force, aiming for Hao's face directly…
Until he grabbed it…
"Don't push me Anna!" yelled Hao now glaring at her differently, anger and hatred showing in his eyes. "I loved him too!"
"Then why did you kill him?" Anna snapped. "Why?" She asked, desperation in her voice.
"He wanted me to," Hao repeated. "Don't you get it? He asked me to kill him!"
"No! He wouldn't!" Anna cried. Hao looked deeply into Anna's eyes … he felt sick again. He knew Yoh loved Anna. So why didn't he fight back?
"What's going on?"
Ren had barged into the room, holding out his Kwan-Dao to Hao's neck. Hao looked at it, not caring. He sniggered. "Going to try and harm me too, Ren?" He asked, letting go of Anna.
"You – You …!" Ren stuttered. Hao laughed again.
"Don't be a fool." He stepped aside, trying to fight back tears and let Ren examine his younger twin. Exiting the room, HoroHoro followed as the rest of Yoh's friends entered.
"No way … What happened?" Chocolove asked. He turned to Anna, who was still shaking, hair covering her eyes.
"Hao … killed him …" She chocked out. Ryu gasped.
"Again?"
"Yes…"
"But why?" Chocolove persisted. Lyserg sniffed.
"Because all he cares about is power."
"He claims that Yoh wanted this," Anna added in and undertone, only loud enough for Ren to hear. Ren blinked.
"Hah. As if that's really true."
"I don't know," Faust said, a little unsure about the whole thing. "Look at Yoh. He seems to be … happy?"
"Now you mention it, Master Yoh is smiling and does seem very peaceful," Ryu agreed. Lyserg jumped.
"You can't be serious!" He yelled, almost too loudly. "Why would Yoh want this?"
"Think about it," Faust said. "Yoh wouldn't listen to us. Only Hao while he was still with us. And even then, he wanted to be near Hao every moment. So when Hao did come, Yoh was the first to be there next to him."
"Plus," Ryu added, "The young master was acting strangely that one day … Right Manta?"
Manta, however, was knelt beside the bed. He wasn't listening, he was too deep in shock. Lyserg looked at the short boy sympathetically. Manta was Yoh's best friend… This must be hard for him, more than the rest of them – with the exception of Anna, of course.
And Amidamaru.
Come to think of it, Lyserg hadn't seen the samurai lately. But there he was, hovering over Yoh, tears coming out of his eyes. Lyserg never thought Amidamaru to be that type of person. He always seemed so together…
But not now.
None of them were. Even Opacho, who hadn't known, seemed a bit off.
The rest of the day passed, nobody saying much to anyone. Anna never left the side of Yoh, and Hao never leaving his room. Finally, as the sun went down, seeing no other option, Hao lay down in his bed and went to sleep…
"Thank you, Hao. Thank you so much."
"Huh?" Hao opened his eyes, and found himself in a beautiful field – then remembering it was his soul. He looked around, finally setting his eyes on Yoh. Yoh was lying down, eyes closed happily with his hands behind his head. He seemed to be asleep, so Hao walked over and prodded him. "Are you happy?" he asked. Then Yoh surprised him by opening his eyes.
"Hao! Yes, I am. Really happy. I love it here…"
"Good! Because you're making my life hell!"
"How could I?" Yoh asked, looking up and smiling. He picked a flower next to him and sniffed it. "It's so beautiful here … so unlike that other place … filled with hatred and turmoil…" Yoh didn't realize it, but he was causing Hao to become deep in thought. He was having flashbacks of his past… Why he wanted to be Shaman King…
"Cheer up," Yoh said. "In this place we're free to do what we want. This is our soul. Together, we're perfect."
"No, we can't be," Hao said. "One of us is dead."
"One of us? What does that mean? I only see one person here." Yoh replied, referring once more to the fact that he thought he and his twin were the same person.
"Everyone hates me," Hao said. "Especially Anna. I thought you loved her."
"I … I did … I mean, I do. But… this is better this way." Yoh wouldn't be persuaded. He liked it, being Hao. Being whole. He finally felt good about himself.
Yet…
Hao longed for the days before, when Yoh was his 'enemy.' When Hao wanted them to be one. Now everything was turned upside down, everything was wrong…
"How could you do this to everyone…how could you be so cruel…" whispered Hao, his voice lowered, he was beginning to wish he was dead too. Sadness began to creep back onto his soul, which now made the beautiful blue sky become dark and gray, with raging clouds beginning to form above them.
"Cruel? You're not making any sense…"
"You only thought about yourself and not others…didn't you!" shouted Hao glaring at him. Yoh's happy grin suddenly changed to a frown, and thunder boomed in the far distance. Yoh shook his head.
"I…like it this way…"
"You like being dead! Do you? Well good for you! Because everyone else is filled with such misery and sorrow you would never understand! Because the reason they are that way, is because of you!" shouted Hao, getting to his feet and stepping away from him. He started to shake his head. "What am I saying?" he laughed slightly. "This isn't your fault…it's mine!" Hao turned around and stared at him. "You have absolutely no idea what it means to lose somebody close to you! Well I do!" shouted Hao painful memories now beginning to circle his mind.
"I do know what it means! I lost you!" argued Yoh getting to his feet.
"No! You listen to me! If you think you have just the slightest idea, then why the hell have you wished that on everyone else! Well? Explain that! Little Brother!" A strong wind began to blow through the trees around them, forcing its breeze against Yoh and Hao. Rain began to fall from the sky, first it started lightly, but then it changed into a storm.
"Look what you've done! This place is ruined now!" screamed Yoh.
"What the hell were you expecting Yoh? For this 'happy soul' to remain happy now this has happened?" Yoh took a step back.
"I…am…not…Yoh!" yelled Yoh his voice agonized.
"Well I'm sorry what-ever-your-name-is but I am just so sick to death of my life! This is my entire fault; I should have never let myself become so close to you in the first place! I once thought I was strong, but this proves me dead wrong! I am weak! I am weak to allow myself to be consumed by you!" screamed Hao, now falling to his knees. "Why have you wished this on me? Why? I thought you were a good person…you were supposed to be good…" he trailed off now, beginning to sob. Yoh's eyes filled with tears too. "Why didn't you listen to me…?"
"I did listen to you…" whispered Yoh.
"Well you sure have a stupid way of showing it!" shouted Hao lifting his head. "They hate me! Do you know what that word means? Hate? It means they cannot stand me! It means they cannot bare to even look at me. It means I have taken the punishment, of something I was forced to do! And they don't believe me, actually, I know HoroHoro is good friend, but I can tell by looking in his eyes, he regrets to have ever let himself get close to me. You've ruined everything Yoh! Thanks a lot!" he got up and started to run away from Yoh. But Yoh sprinted towards him, grabbing his shoulder yanking him back. Hao screwed his face up in despair; Yoh threw his arms around him, wanting to hold him. But Hao lifted his arms to Yoh's shoulders and threw him away from him. "Get away from me! Do you really expect me to love you now?" Hao didn't move he just glared at Yoh. Yoh gazed back at him, tears streaming down his face, but he still gazed. Like he was confused. Hao took a step back away from him. "I'm never going to see you again…" whispered Hao.
"But you will see me, because I am inside of you, you can always see me here…" muttered Yoh, some of his words hitting a high-pitched sound from the sadness in his voice. Hao began to shake his head.
"You don't understand. I'm not sure, that I do want to see you again." Hao looked at Yoh, to show he was serious. Yoh took a step back.
"But…you can't! You…just can't!"
"Why not? Yoh? Tell me why not? No one else is going to see you again! What's so special about me?"
"Because you're my brother!"
"There is more to life than me!"
"No there isn't!" Hao grabbed Yoh by the shoulders and looked him directly in the face.
"I'm breaking my promise aren't I?" he declared in a serious voice. Yoh nodded.
"Yes you are!" he sobbed.
"Then for god sake Yoh! Why can't you keep yours?!" Hao tossed his hands off Yoh's shoulders, now putting one of his hands on his own forehead. Yoh blinked at him.
"Keep…mine?"
"It was so simple really! I once said it was too hard to keep, but that was I giving into you again! No…no…don't you remember what you promised me?" asked Hao, glaring at him for the truth.
"I…promised…"
"You promised that you would wait for me and not miss me as if I were the only thing in your life. You got the first part down great but what about the most important part Yoh? I am not the only thing in your life!"
"Yes you are!"
"No I am not!" shouted Hao pushing Yoh hard forcing him onto the ground. "Look! Listen to me! For god sake for once in your life just listen to me!" desperately shouted Hao glaring down at him. "The life you had before you got involved with me…was the best life anyone could ever ask for. You had great friends. You had a girl who loved you. You lived in a nice house. You had such an easygoing attitude. You had hobbies. You had places to go. You had dreams. Fantasies. Goals. Everything! But you didn't have me." Hao paused, hoping this was getting through to him. Yoh blinked up at him. "And look at how that all changed, the moment I came into your life. The moment I stole your soul for the first time and pretended to be you. The moment you and I began to get closer. The moment I changed everything…everything just went wrong. Everything turned upside down. Everyone is sad. Everyone is heart broken. So…" Hao paused again, and laughed slightly. "So what the hell do I think I'm saying? This is all your fault? That is one big lie. This is all my fault."
"Then this is our fault!"
"Stop giving me that crap that we are one! Because even if what you keep trying to believe is true, it still doesn't mean that things would be better that way!"
"No! This is my fault too!" screamed Yoh, getting onto his knees and gazing up at him. "You're… right…" he whispered. Hao gasped.
"What did you just say?" he asked, astonished.
"I said…you're right. Everything did change when you interfered for the first time. Everything did go wrong…" Hao sighed nodding, now blaming himself. "But…" Hao lifted his head suddenly. How could there possibly be a 'but'? "That was all sorted out eventually. Kinda… Yeah you did have amnesia and you weren't exactly the same as you used to be, but you were still my brother. And you still mattered to me. You had changed by this time, before you got amnesia, when you experienced friendship with HoroHoro and you felt love and care for me, it changed you a lot. I know this. So you can't blame yourself for everything, because, if I had just left it the way things were, then we wouldn't be in this mess, would we?" Hao smiled. Finally. Yoh was understanding!
"Thank God." Sighed Hao falling to his knees in front of Yoh. "Thank God you are beginning to understand…"
"Don't say my life would have been better without you. I know that if you had allowed me to give you a chance from the very beginning, the very, very beginning. Instead of seeking for the same goal as last time, to become one with me, I would have let you come into my life." Smiled Yoh.
"But…"muttered Hao, he was cut off as Yoh laid his finger across his lips.
"I understand. Back then, you hadn't changed to the person you are now."
"Why are you seeing all of this now? Why couldn't you have seen it all before?" asked Hao. Yoh smiled again, and then gently wrapped his arms round his twin brother. And whispered…
"I thought it was obvious. We see things clearly now…because we're whole…"
Hao gasped and sat up suddenly.
"But you just said…!" he trailed off lowering his voice. He was back in his room. He felt his forehead. He was sweating. But he wasn't hot. It was a bitter cold sweat. Hao sighed, trying to take in the long dream he had just had. He pulled his knees up to his chin, trying to comfort himself, burying his face into his knees.
"Because we're whole…"
"Hao!" HoroHoro yelled, bursting into his room. "I heard you talking in your sleep and yelling! You okay?"
"No…" Hao whispered, still hidden in the safety of his knees. "I'm not…"
"It's okay dude really." HoroHoro put a comforting arm around Hao, but Hao shook him off. "I don't want to be Hao anymore. Yoh had it so good here…" He muttered.
"But dude that really doesn't make sense. You want us to call you Yoh?" HoroHoro suggested, thrown off by Hao's strange behaviour.
"No that's even worse," Hao replied, a strained and afraid look on his face. "Why is he being like this…"
"Who?" HoroHoro asked. "Being like what?"
"Never mind," Hao said. "You think I'm losing my mind don't you?"
"No, Hao. I just think you're upset," HoroHoro said truthfully. That really was what he thought! He only hoped Hao believed him.
"Thanks," Hao said.
"Get a good sleep in." softly said HoroHoro.
"I will, thanks," Hao replied, not sure if he could actually get a good rest without Yoh intruding upon his dreams.