Chapter 8

Now they're gone,and you wish you could give them everything

"Clare!" Eli yelled,chasing after her. Clare continued running through the parking lot,as Eli caught up to her. She ran out of breath. Eli held onto his knees,trying to steady his breathing

"Clare,hey what happened in there?" Eli asked. Clare leaned against Morty. "just what I've known deep down all along." Clare said.

"You don't have to run after me,you don't even have to talk to me,you need to find a girl who makes you feel wonderful the way you are,and will give you everything,because you're so sweet and a sarcastic jack ass, if I've ever seen one,but you have these good moments,and shut up Clare!" She yelled,realizing she was ranting.

"I've known you for 2 weeks,this is wishful thinking,this doesn't make any sense. I don't know why you're sticking around." She took a breath,coming off of her little rant. Eli thought to himself. If only she knew,she was that girl.

"Wow,just wow! You're so stubborn." Eli scoffed. "If you're not going to tell me,then I'm going to just have to ask the doctor." Eli warned. Clare grabbed onto his arm,keeping him from entering the building.

"please don't Eli..." She begged. "I want to know" Eli said. Clare caught herself. "I want to know why you care so much!" She retorted,causing Eli to turn around with a near scowl on his face. She knew she hit some kind of nerve.

"My dad died from a heart attack,and during the treatments and everything I shut myself off,cause I didn't want to face him dying,and I regret it,because the day he died, I was somewhere else getting high! Now you walk into my life and I have a chance to make it right." Clare felt tears beginning to sting her eyes. What did you just say,take it back,take it back Eli!

"You can't make up for it this way,Eli. I'm dying,and no matter how sweet or understanding you are of it, I'm still dying! As for your dad, so sorry if you regret it,but don't try to fix it using me!" She fell on her knees in the parking lot.

"I'm just glad you told me this,before I fell for you! You give me a hard time about not opening up to you,yet you keep something from me,that is similar to what I'm going through. Wow,Eli,Wow!" She yelled,and ran as far away from him as possible.

"Clare!" Eli yelled,watching her disappear through a crowd of people downtown.

Eli climbed into his car,and drove away with a cold,hurt stare on his face. His lips trembled as he tried to keep himself from crying. "Damn it!" He screamed,reaching the stoplight. He hit his hand on the dash board.

Clare wondered down town,coming across Adam's apartment. She held back her sobs as she knocked on his door. "Did Eli get tired of you?" He asked through the door,undoing the chain. "You were right,and I'm so sorry,but I can't lose my friends like this,I'm losing everything I love!" She cried out.

Adam clenched his jaw,and opened the door. "Come in" He said softly. "I was really harsh,and rude and completely insensitive,telling you all that. You need support right now..." He trailed on. "And major surgery,Monday morning,and I'm really scared to go through this alone." Clare interrupted him.

Adam stopped a minute,taking a breath. "Wow,I'm sorry Clare. I want to argue and tell you that I'm better for you than Eli is,but I did something really bad,when I was pissed off,and I'm a jack ass." He pulled his beanie over her eyes,like he was trying to avoid her.

Clare looked at him,afraid of what he was going to say. He motioned for her to follow him,as they went out to his car.

"Where are we going?" Clare asked. Adam turned on his directional,turning into Degrassi. Clare gasped,as Adam opened the passengers door and she got out. "I'm really sorry" he said. Clare stopped,her eyes filled with tears,staring at a spray painted window. Clare Edwards is an F-in slut! "You did this?" She yelled. Her face frozen,her heart breaking even more. Adam tried to pull her close to comfort her. She felt sudden rage coming up,as she screamed.

"Get away from me!" She yelled,and then pushed him into his car. "I don't know what's worse,the fact that you would do this,or that you'd say something that isn't true!" She cried loudly,her sobs were interrupted by Eli.

"Hey!" Eli yelled. His voice full of hate. "What the hell we're you thinking?" Eli clenched his fists,trying to keep his temper under control. "I said,I was sorry" Adam mumbled. "Right,yeah well that just makes it better! You're going to get up there,and you're going to scrub every bit of it off!" Eli ordered.

Adam rolled his eyes. "and if I don't?" Eli took a step forwards,bringing his fist up to Adam's face. He decked him hard,causing him to hold his newly broken nose.
"You obviously weren't sorry enough." Eli scoffed. Clare's eyes widened at the site,Eli defending her honor.

"apparently I haven't apologized either. I'm so sorry Clare,it's a horrible coincidence,but I care about you to much to let you die,without getting to know you,and standing by you. I'm sorry I didn't open up about my dad,I guess in some way we both have trust issues." Clare stood stiff,her tears rolling hard down her face. "I get really upset when people upset my friends,especially ones I care about." Clare gulped.

Adam made his way to the school windows. "Give me that spray paint!" Eli yelled. Adam tossed him the canister,and Eli went up to the window. He shook the can,and crossed out the Clare,and put Adam over it.

"I deserved that." Adam muttered.

"Are you okay?" Eli asked,holding onto Clare's face,looking her in the eyes. Clare shut her eyes. "I'm not going to disappear,Edwards." Eli said,and brought her into a hug.

"Monday morning,I'm undergoing major surgery to try to close a hole in my heart." Clare blurted out,between sobs.

"and if it's not effective,I'm going to need a heart transplant." Clare felt relieved to tell someone,anyone. Eli looked at her shocked. "you said you wanted to know."

"Oh God,Clare" Eli said in the most concerned tone,and resumed hugging her. "I didn't even get to do everything I wanted to." She cried.
"Then we'll do it,we'll do it all." Eli said softly.

Clare didn't come home that night till late. Her mother sat worried,her father was not present. "I'm just going to bed." Clare stated,going up the stairs. Her mother didn't press her,she knew her daughter was under enough stress as it was. She sighed relief,that Clare had come home,and wasn't hurt.

Clare picked up her diary,reading over her bucket list. "Dye my hair a crazy color,go to prom and slow dance with a guy,adopt a stray puppy or a kitten,get something pierced (other than my ears),kiss someone on a football field,while its raining out,write a song,learn to drive a car,get married,have sex,have a kid..." She stopped when she realized,she probably wouldn't be able to do that.

"ride a roller coaster,run naked,get drunk,get a tattoo,design a dress or something of my own,be the maid of honor at Ally's wedding,write a novel,watch a bunch of scary movies...paint a picture,see Italy,Paris,Spain,Africa,help children in need...climb a mountain"

She stopped when she heard a tap at her window. She approached the window slowly. "Just the wind" She thought. She noticed something in the window,though,so went to see what it was...

There sat a little black book. "The painful existence of Elijah Goldsworthy." Clare smiled. There on the book was a sticky note. "you said you wanted to read this...you've been warned. ;) She laughed at the smirking smiley face,and started reading the book.

"December 7,2009"

I'm going to start these journal entries,cause well my Dad died tonight. I wasn't there for it,it was sudden. I feel so out of my mind right now,and this joint isn't helping anymore. I'm depressed,thinking about death,wondering about death. Let me just warn you this is going to be a depressing tale.

September 5,2010

I think I' just met the girl I'm going to marry... yeah that sounds creepy,and completely nuts,but it's true. She is beautiful,and she has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen... I crushed her glasses with my car...

Clare gasped,as she finished reading through the entries. "He really is planning on sticking around." She sighed,before turning on her night light,saying her prayers.

"God,just please give me enough time to experience love,true love" She looked at the ring on her fourth finger. "I hope I have enough time to wait,I don't really want to die a virgin" She took a breath,thinking about how everyone would react to her surgery. She dropped her head to her pillow,and fell fast asleep.

to be continued...

I hope you liked it! I wanted to get a comfort scene in there somewhere,and a reason why Eli was taking the news soo well :) make it as realistic as possible. Well review :) xoxo