We hadn't made it out the door when I started to have second thoughts. Who was I kidding? I couldn't talk about what they'd done to me in front of that many people! I wasn't even sure how I'd talked to Him five minutes ago! I could tell Tom didn't want me to either.
"Tom," I said weakly as hr drove us home, "I don't know if I can do this."
His knuckles were white on the steering wheel and he had tension written all over his face.
"I know; I have my own doubts."
"What does that mean?" I asked incredulously. You don't think I can?"
He was silent but his thoughts were written across his expression.
"Why is it so hard to believe that I might be able to do this?"
"Because I've seen how you react to loud noises and sudden sounds and—the smell of booze; I know you want to take a stand and put this behind you, but maybe this is one thing you don't have to do yourself."
"But I won't be by myself; will I?
"No, the rest of us will be telling our stories as well," he said hesitantly.
"Then why can't I?"
It was silent in the car for the next several kilometers. Tom kept his eyes on the road and wore a look of frustration. The closer we got to home, though, the more his face softened.
"I just don't want you to get hurt," he said quietly.
"I'm not going to; there's nothing they can do to me now that can possibly hurt me."
"I'm being way too overprotective, aren't I?"
"Just a bit."
We pulled into the parking lot in front of the apartment. He sighed as he tuned off the car.
"I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's just-" he stared off into space trying to find the right words, "I'm so afraid of losing you again. All I dreamed about when you were gone was them taking you from me. Seeing you in the same room as Him terrifies me. You should testify against them, if you really think you should."
"I can, and I will," I said firmly.
He nodded slowly.
"We should both brush up on our facts, then."
We walked inside and went straight to the living room. Tom picked up the manila folder and sat next to me on the couch. He opened the file and we began to read;
Date: April 27, 2008
Name: Tom Kaulitz
Case Description:
My friends and I were abducted four days ago by a group of men in Italy. They were out for revenge for the death of their leader's wife and daughter. They physically and mentally abused us everyday. The hardest part was watching them hurt my girlfriend. On the fourth day they let four of us go. They kept my girlfriend. I'm really worried about her.
"That was the first report I wrote when we were found," Tom said.
"You didn't write much," I observed.
"I was still in shock and under very heavy medication," he said matter–of–factly. "I didn't start filling in actual details until a few weeks later."
Date: May 18, 2008
Name: Tom Kaulitz
Case Description:
I have seven fractures and four bruised muscles. I had to get a total of 59 stitches over my entire body. I can't sleep because every part of me is sore. I have horrible nightmares every night that also prevent me from sleeping. I'm supposed to be writing about what specifically happened, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it yet. We started seeing a shrink, Dr. Ozera. She's nice, but I hate when she makes me talk about things that happened.
The next few were much more descriptive.
Date: June 8, 2008
Name: Tom Kaulitz
Case Description:
The officer says I have to start writing about what happened now. I still don't like talking about it, but here it goes:
On April 23rd, 2008, my brother Bill, our two friends Georg Listing and Gustav Schafer, and my girlfriend Veronica Oswell were abducted from an interview in Genoa, Italy. They spiked our coffee and used chloroform on Veronica and threw us in separate vans. When the drugs wore off, we were in an old warehouse bound and gagged on the floor. The leader of the group told us about how his wife had been killed on a trip to Germany and his daughter killed herself while listening to one of our songs; he blamed us for their deaths. We all were forced to watch as he beat Veronica to a pulp. She was so terrified. When he was done with her, he moved on to my brother and me. He ordered her to tell him which of us was younger, but she refused to tell him in order to protect us. We both insisted we were the older brother, and he ended up pulling me out. Bill charged at him as I was about to be struck in the head with a thick pipe. He first struck my brother with it, then he beat me around my chest and back with it. Never in my life have I been so terrified.
Each report went on to describe every agonizing day in full detail. Some of them almost made me sick to my stomach. The one from our last day in their captivity was really heart-wrenching.
Date: September 19, 2009
Name: Tom Kaulitz
Case Description:
Dr. Ozera says I can't put off talking about the last night any more. That was the night Veronica was raped. The Ringleader made her choose between having one of us killed or Him raping her. She said she could never sentence anyone to die, so he grabbed her. He hit her with her belt and told her to be quiet before he started. He told us that if we made any noise he'd kill us. It was so hard to sit there and watch him take her while she looked so afraid and helpless. She was a virgin; she had wanted to wait to have sex which was why we were waiting. Just to torment us, He made her look at us when he was done. She looked so humiliated. I wanted nothing more than to tear Him apart and give him a taste of his own medicine ten fold. Not a day goes by when I don't think about that night and what I should've done to stop that from happening.
"Can I even count the number of times I've told you there's nothing you could've done to change that night?" I asked.
"I doubt it; but you know I'll always think there was. I'm just glad I still have you, knowing what could've happened." He countered.
We continued reading the files, some from the other guys, until we'd gone over every detail of the past two years. It was hard, but we pushed our way through it. We also wrote out what we planned to say in court and continuously revising them until they said exactly what we wanted to say. We weren't done until late at night, but we finally felt ready to face them. All there was left to do was wait for our day in court.