Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter no matter how much money I offered.

One of the Guys

Chapter Two

The Break up (Edit 2/6/09)

Harry sat across from Ron in the Great Hall. Ron was bragging about how he was finally able to snag a date with Padma Patil, the Indian girl in the Ravenclaw house.

"So I'm walking to class and she's in front of me talking to some chick," Ron said, "And she's all hung up on her break up with some 7th year-,"

"Michael Carmichael," Harry interrupted. "He's head boy."

Harry heard about their break up…more like who hasn't. If the public separation wasn't being talked about during class or whispered at while staring at the separated teens (on who's going after who, much like Ron right now), than it was carved into the bathroom stalls.

"Yeah that's the guy, anyway, so I go up—"

"Ron," Harry interrupted quite bored by now; "I know this story. You told me six times already. You 'maturely', as the 'gentleman' you are, walk up behind her and politely ask her for a date," Harry said laughing at the face Ron made at Harry's crude impersonation of him.

In truth, Ron was far from a gentleman what with his sloppy way of dressing, crude language and promiscuous behavior, and even though he wasn't the best looking boy in their year, Ron had always charmed his women with a reckless smile then took his dates out for a long snog session. Understandably, His longest relationship lasted about a week.

"God, man, I was trying to tell a story," Ron said in an annoyed voice. "You never let me tell any stories."

"I'm sorry," Harry smiled. "Go right ahead."

Ron scowled the n said in a sad voice, "Now I don't wanna."

"Wanna what?" Lavender Brown a girl in their year asked. She was a classic beauty with golden blonde hair that ran silkily down her back. She also had brown eyes clouded over with mystery. She smiled sweetly at them as she sat down next to Ron.

"Ron was just telling me his story of how he wooed the intellectual Miss Patil into a date with him," Harry said sarcastically.

"Oh…Hey, wait," Lavender said. "I thought Parvati said she would never go out with Ron even if he was the last sperm-carrying male on the universe and she was the last egg-bearing woman in the universe and the survival of the human race depended on them having sex together because she knows oh-so well that's what dates with Ronald Weasley means. Sex!"

Ron smirked at Lavender as she grabbed an apple and chuckled. "I'll give you points on details but, actually, I've got a date with the other one…um…"

"Padma," Harry filled in. Honestly. He wasn't all that surprised by Ron's behavior, he did love women, but to not even remember the girl's name, especially since it is the most talked about gossip at the moment, was just shameful. He shook his head at his friend's idiocy.

"Padma, that's right…And not the other one, Padme-,"

"Parvati."

Ron blushed, while Lavender looked at him with a disgusted look. "Didn't Padma just break up with that one guy?"

"Yeah no one knows his name," Ron joked.

"Michael Carmichael," Harry said. "I told you a few moments ago."

"Yeah, yeah," Ron said.

"Aww," She giggled, "Poor guy." She gave a motherly pout before she burst out laughing. "Let me have him, and I'm sure no one will forget his name because I'll be screaming it all night long."

"Eww, Lav," Ron cried childishly, "You with a sex life is so gross."

Harry stared at his friends awkwardly. A few people had already turned to them form the noise they were making.

"Wait a minute," Lavender heaved as her laughter died off, "If she's into Head boys, which infers, I'm sure, a mature smart boy then why is she going on a date with you?"

"Because why get your heart broken by a smart boy," Ron answered, "When you can have the time of your life with me."

Lavender smiled before frowning. "It kills me when I hear about people breaking up and yet it pisses me off when they are happy with each other, also, but…." She said quietly before looking up at both Harry and Ron, "Jeff broke up with me, yesterday." Jeff was also a 7th year but in the Hufflepuff house.

"Why?" Harry asked, "You two were so happy together."

"I don't know and I lost my virginity to him!" Lavender raised her voice slightly and Ron smiled while Harry blushed; now knowing he was the only one of his friends who was still a virgin. Lavender always joked about boys, but she never confirmed or denied her virginity until now

"Could you say it any louder? I don't think the Slytherins heard you," Ron said.

Lavender looked around herself shocked and blushed. She then lowered her head. Harry and Ron did the same.

"I mean I kept trying to talk to him after that but he always kept disappearing. I just keep expecting people to start whispering around me in the hallways."

"That's different, Lav," Ron said, "No one cares enough about you to gossip."

"Thanks for the bleeding sensitivity. Lighten up a bit, you're drowning me in it," She said deadpanned. "Honestly, Ron, could you be a bigger asshole? Here I am spilling my heart out—"

"Look, I never dump my shit on you so don't do it to me, especially at lunch," Ron said. Harry frowned at him before glancing back at Lavender who looked very offended.

"It's ok, Lavender," He said. "You can come to me. Ron's just an asshole." He hoped Lavender would end the heated discussion with Ron before it turned into a full out fight.

"Not just an asshole," Lavender said, "But a man too," Lavender said coldly not even realizing she was asking the obvious.

"Wow," Harry said raising his eyebrows and laughing "Nothing gets passed you, Lavender."

"Well, I am pretty manly," Ron said, "Even she can't miss that."

"Another stupid male," Lavender responded. "But not you Harry. You are the sweetest boy I've ever met. All the rest are just jerks."

Harry blushed, but he was not flattered. He was actually insulted that Lavender thought he was sweet. Why couldn't he be an asshole like other normal boys his age? Must be because he's still a virgin. Once he has sex, he was sure he would gain that asshole aspect of the personality.

"So, my specimen," She gazed level with Ron, "answer me this. Why are men such Jerks?"

Harry raised his eyebrows higher and glanced at Ron. "Well it's in our genetic gene pool and as I am not a scientist, but I'm sure there is something in there dealing with dormant and dominant—"

"Seriously, guys," Lavender said, "Is your life goal to have as much sex as possible before you die?"

Ron nodded, "Yeah that's pretty much it."

Lavender stared at him with pity, "You do realize you're running on the same agenda as a rabbit." She smiled.

—

At the end of the day, Hermione sat in the 6th year girls' room on Ginny's bed. Her friend was lying on the floor with a magazine. She flipped through a couple of pages before stopping on one advertising lip-gloss. Hermione ran a hand through her hair getting it knotted in her messy curls.

"Ow!" She cried so violently that Ginny gave a small jump.

Ginny looked up at her friend and laughed at her ridiculous expression. "What did you do?" She asked.

"I was thinking and I got my hand knotted in my hair," Hermione answered. Ginny leaned over the bed and grabbed Hermione's hand and began to untangle the hair twisted around it.

"What were you thinking about?" She asked. She finished with her hair and raised her self up so she was also sitting on her bed.

"McGonagall told me I shouldn't quit the paper. She said I just needed something more exciting to write about."

"Like what?" Ginny asked.

"I don't know," Hermione, said, "Something that would attract attention."

Ginny was quiet. She lay back on her bed her head only inches above her pillow but being supported by her elbows. "Write about that Patil girl and the Head boy….something or another….I don't remember his name."

Hermione gasped and stared at Ginny as if the other girl had just said books were stupid.
"Michael Carmichael! How can you not know who he is? He's in my ancient ruins class and he's—"

"Ok, I get it," Ginny sighed. "But he's hot gossip right now."

"I couldn't do that," Hermione cried indignantly. "He's so nice and smart."

"As if that gives him immunity," Ginny cried, "Everyone is waiting to dig their claws into this story. Be the reporter who delivers the straight up juicy details."

"No, I can't do that to Michael," Hermione sighed.

"Then what do you suggest?" Ginny said, "since you're not going to take my advice."

"I—I don't know, I just don't want to gossip," Hermione said. "I want this paper to be respected. Something I can be proud of."

"Here's an idea," Ginny said sarcastically, "Why don't you go under cover as someone cool and write your big article on that."

"You're cruel," Hermione said as she threw a pillow at the read head.

"Undercover, huh?" She sighed. "As a slytherine? SSSSSsssssSSSSSssss!"

"No, a HUFFLEPUFF!" Ginny said as she hopped on the bed, "Better yet, a guy!"

"What?" Hermione cried laughing. "Gosh, no! I'd be horrible as a Hufflepuff and as a guy. I don't understand either."

"No…wait," Ginny said thoughtfully, "That's actually a—an interesting idea."

"What, the guy disguise or the Hufflepuff one?" Hermione asked.

"The guy one!" Ginny cried and stared at Hermione with wide eyes. "No, take me serious. Listen! Guys, they do stuff differently. They sure as hell act different. Take Ron as an example."

"I wouldn't take Ron as an example of the human race," Hermione said.

"Ok, take Michael," Ginny said. "He and Padma broke up because he was best friends with Lillian Talner and Padma didn't like that. Padma thought he was cheating on her and Michael thought she was too clingy. So going under cover as a guy would give you a firsthand look at 'guy mind'."

"Oh, Merlin," Hermione mumbled, "I don't know."

"Do it," Ginny encouraged as if it was the greatest plan in her life.

"Ginny," Hermione said slowly, "Not only is that weird but what would it accomplish? I don't know if genders should be invaded like that. It could cause release an evil or something archaic like that."

"Not everything you do has to have an accomplishment," she smiled again, "Anyway you could write an article from a girl's point of view as a guy. Find out why they're so horny or why they do the things they do. Like I said different point of views."

"I really don't know," Hermione said. No matter how much she spun the angle, she couldn't warm up to it.

"Oh come on, Hermione. I know twenty girls who would read it. And that's only from my year."

"I don't know…. I'll give it a shot," She consented slowly, "But have you noticed I don't look like a guy."

"Oh," She looked Hermione up and down. "We'll, have to fix that. Go get changed into your pajamas and come back."

—

Lavender walked into the Gryffindor common room and spotted her two best friends sitting on some of the couches. Harry was quickly finishing his homework while Ron played solitary with a deck of cards.

Lavender walked behind them and gently placed her hands on Harry's eyes. She watched as his shoulders relaxed. "Guess who?" She asked.

"Seamus," Harry said jokingly, sounding as if he actually believed it was the Irish boy.

Lavender dropped her hands immediately and smacked Harry's shoulder. "You think my hands look like Seamus's?" She asked in mock hurt.

"Hey, Lavender," He said craning his neck to smile up at her.

"What are you doing?" she asked as she leaned over his shoulder to look at his text books.

"My homework for potions. Snape is having me write the specific reasons for each ingredient in 'Guislah potion'. As if I've ever heard of it."

"Ew! Potions! And what are you doing, Ron?" She asked turning to her least favorite friend. Ron only grunted, clearly not listening.

"Ron has been playing solitary. Poorly, mind you. He's been staring at the cards for little over a half hour. I personally think he's going over sex moves in his mind to prepare himself for his date tomorrow."

"Harry!" Lavender cried eyes wide at him, "You guys are completely barbaric."

Harry only shrugged, "So says the girl who wants to molest Michael Carmichael." Lavender laughed lightly and winked at him.

"Oh you know me," She joked.

Their conversation was only disturbed by Ron who grunted at his cards.

"Ron. Ron. RON!" Lavender cried as she glared at the redhead.

"What!?" He yelled back equally as loud.

"Are you even listening to us?" She asked.

"No," He answered and flipped a card over before groaning, "I just hate this game."

"You're all such horny dicks, you know that?" she said. Ron stuck his tongue out at her. Lavender moved and sat between the two boys on the couch. "I would love to see you guys know how it feels to be in the girls shoes every once in a while."

Ron made a face of disgust at her, "Is this a challenge?"

"Yeah it is," Lavender smiled smug at his horrified expression.

"I think I'll pass," Ron sighed.

"You know," Harry said, "Lav's right."

Ron stared at Harry with his mouth open. "Not you too? Please don't tell me you're going all girl power on me. Where's your man pride?"

"No. But that will be pretty entertaining to see you going around as a girl and getting hit on. You know, see how the other half lives."

"That's gross." Ron said. He gathered his cards up and began to shuffle them.

"No, Harry's right, Ron. You should go under cover and keep a diary too and… and we could send it into the Hogwarts Daily." Lavender squealed gathering attention from around the room while Ron groaned. Harry chuckled softly.

"I'm not doing shit for Granger's paper," Ron said.

"Oh let's do this," Lavender stood up ignoring Ron's complaints. Harry on the other hand smiled at Ron and laughed at the other's glare.

"Go meet me up in your room and I'll get some cloths," She commanded.

"Ay, ay, captain," Harry saluted then grabbed Ron's hand and dragged him up to their dorm.

—

Lavender entered the seventh year dorm just in time to see Hermione exit the bathroom wearing her pajamas. She glanced at Lavender just before leaving. Lavender smiled weakly back at her.

She always felt awkward around Hermione especially with Ron always complaining about her, but she pushed the thoughts into the back of her head as she went towards her bed and gathered some cloths and makeup.

—

Hermione reentered the sixth year dorm and saw her friend going through her trunk. Hermione walked over and sat on the bed. Ginny looked up and smiled. She pulled out some cloths and tossed them onto her bed.

"Ok," she said, pulling Hermione and standing her next to the bed. She then raised a t-shirt. "Put this over your shirt."

Hermione nodded and did as she was told letting out a long sigh.

"This is going to be so much fun," Ginny giggled. Hermione let her arms fall casually at her sides as she warily watched Ginny. Ginny then raised up a sock. It was stuffed with other socks and looking long and stiff like a…

"MERLIN! Is that a… well you know what?" Hermione yelled stepping back with a mix between disgust, horror, and wonder on her face.

"It's a sock," Ginny said as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe but her tone took a sudden change, "Stuffed with other socks." She handed it to Hermione who took it reluctantly from her.

"What am I suppose to do now?" She asked looking at the socks.

"Well," Ginny raised her hand and made a motion of stuffing something inside of something, "Stick it in there." She then pointed to Hermione's pants.

"Ewww!" Hermione squealed, "That is so nasty. I'm not doing that."

"Oh come on no one will know it's you," She glared at Hermione.

"Fine," She said reluctantly. She took the sock and pulled her pants out. She stuffed the sock at the cross of her pants. "This feels so weird," She said uncomfortably.

Ginny was blushing now, "Now stick your hand down there and move some things around, you know? Get some air in there down. You don't want to smell like you have crotch rot, do you?"

"What are you two doing in here?" Germaine another Gryffindor Prefect asked as she opened the door.

Hermione quickly turned around her back to the door and pulled the sock out and. She dropped it onto the bed then pulled the t-shirt off and threw it on top of the sock. She then turned back to Germaine and Ginny.

"I'm gonna turn into bed early," She said. "Goodnight, Ginny, Germaine," She said as she walked by.

As Hermione closed the door she heard Germaine begin questioning Ginny and quickly ran up to her dorm.

—

Harry and lavender both waited outside the seventh year boy's bathroom and waited impatiently for Ron to come out.

As soon as lavender returned from her dorm room she instantly started tossing skirts and dresses and one of the spare girl uniforms at Ron. After a few complaints and her testing skin tones on him she finally shoved him into the bathroom and sat in front of the door refusing him to exit as he tried. After a while he relented and the sound of clothing removal was heard.

Harry smiled as he waited for Ron to exit. He and Lavender both shared a look. She then stood up and moved on to Dean's empty bed. Luckily for the trio, Seamus was on a date with his Girlfriend Elaine Staringcrow, a fifth year Gryffindor, and Dean had taken Neville to the Library to study.

The two waited For Ron to come out. They waited, and waited, and waited, and waited.

"Ron!" Lavender shouted. "Are you coming out?"

"NO!" He replied stubbornly.

"Ron, open the door." She walked over to it and began to jingle the handle.

"Come on, Ron," Harry called.

"No," was the muffled reply.

"That's it," Lavender pulled out her wand and pointed it at the bathroom door. "Allohamora!" She called.

"The lock on the door glowed before dieing down. She then grabbed the knob and swung it open. She grabbed Ron's hand and pulled him out. Harry gasped.

Ron was wearing a wig, which Harry had expertly transformed into red, longhair. He was also wearing a tank top with a with a jean jacket over it. Under his shirt was a stuffed bra meant to give him a woman's curve (also of which Harry had also transfigured from one of Dean's dirty boxers, but Ron didn't need to know). His eyes and lips were lined with Lavender's makeup, which she had expertly applied to him.

Lavender stared too and as Ron entered fully into their view Harry had to admit that Ron made the ugliest girl he had ever seen. His big nose and tall figure made his wide shoulders look inadequate when in a skirt.

Ron started to walk over to Harry and as he did that Harry broke out laughing. "What?" Ron asked, agitated.

Harry smiled, "What was that?" He asked referring to his walk, "It was horrible!"

"Hey, you think this looks so easy, why don't you try it," Snapped Ron.

"Fine," Harry stood up and walked next to Ron. He looked over at Lavender who smiled encouragingly. "Girls are more graceful. They don t stomp like you do." Harry said, "You looked like you had a hip problem." Harry then walked over to the bathroom and back to his bed very gracefully, the complete opposite of Ron.

Ron and Lavender shared a glance with each other than smiled evilly at Harry.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Harry, my dear boy," Lavender cooed, "It appears our plans have changed."

—

This is it! Another Edit. If you feel like it, tell me what you think.