A/N: I wanted this chapter to be mostly reflective and it ran a little long but I hope you like it! And as for Joker's implants, I figured since there were bone implants in the game (for upgrades), I decided to integrate those into the crew as well. I mean why not? It's not like Cerberus CAN'T spare the resources (not to mention A LOT of resources were collected by Shepard), considering each crew member was "handpicked" by the Illusive Man. Some people disagree. What do you guys think?

Disclaimer: Completely owned by Bioware and all of its epicness.

JOKER

Sleep never came to him… how could he sleep, when the images haunted him so vividly? Her face, her kisses, the taste of her skin… he shook his head and then looked at his clock as it buzzed. 0400, time to get up… he was clearly not getting any sleep. Besides, he had something he had to do before everyone else got up. He got up, showered and brushed his teeth in the men's room. Steam covered the air as he stood in front of the mirror with wet, messy hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. His limbs were in pain, especially his legs, if it weren't for the implants, he would have most probably broken something… but the pain in his body did not surpass the pain in his heart.

He was disgusted at himself…

If he knew Shepard, and he did, she would regret everything that happened. She would blame alcohol, she would regard him as the mistake that was never supposed to happen… yeah, he had pretty much blown it. In any case, why would she want him? He sighed, shaking off the thoughts and proceeded to get dressed. He noticed his hat was nowhere to be found near his uniform.

Hobbling slower than usual, he made it to the elevator and picked the floor to the CIC. When he made it out, he winced, his knees were in agonizing pain, but he had to keep moving. It took him a few minutes to cross the entire combat center to the cockpit. On the floor laid something that made him stop and forget about the pain for a moment.

"Jeff…" her voice…

He swallowed and picked up his hat from the floor, then sat in the cockpit, flipping on the switch for the panel display. EDI greeted him.

"Good morning Jeff."

"Not quite…" he grumbled under his breath. "Morning, EDI. Could you do me a favor and bring up last night's surveillance vid?" He said as he brought up EDI's monitoring panel.

"Of course."

Just yesterday, things seemed so light and… uncomplicated… today, his head was a mess, and he could only guess at what she was thinking…

EDI had brought up the surveillance vid, showing an empty CIC for a few hours, the time was stated in the upper left corner, he fast forwarded a few hours, until he reached the footage he wanted to recall.

"You underestimate me-" the sound of his own voice made him cringe.

Pause. Rewind.

"EDI, I'm going to make a footage loop and you will replace this footage with the one I'm going to make. I need you to get rid of this."

"Are you asking me to forge my surveillance records?" The AI questioned.

"Yes."

"Impossible Mr. Moreau."

His lips formed a thin line and he glared at the panels before him, then took a deep breath to relax. "EDI, don't start. I'm not in the mood." He started slowly working the panels.

"It's against regulations-"

"We're not exactly working WITHIN regulations anymore EDI! I don't know if you noticed, but regulations are the LEAST of our problems at the moment." He interrupted, clearly irritated. "Please, just do it." He waited for a response, but got none. "If not for me, then for Shepard… please."

A few seconds of silence went by before the AI spoke. "Affirmative. Erasing surveillance records. Stand by for record insertion."

"Thank you." He sighed in relief and in a few seconds he inserted the forged loop.

Now that that was taken care of… he laid back on his seat and looked up as his hat angled to cover his face. What the hell was he going to do? How would he talk to her? How would he even face her? He lifted his hands and pressed his hat down with intertwined fingers. Last night, it all seemed too surreal to think about the consequences and today… it seemed like the scariest shit he'd ever have to face in his life, and he had faced Reapers, the biggest threat in the galaxy! The worst thing about it was that they were on shore leave… it's not like they had pressing matters besides fixing the ship. Not like he had a valid excuse to delay the subject. He felt like screaming… like a coward… like running, y'know… figuratively.

What it all came down to… was guts. Did he have what it took to tell her how he really felt? Would he risk the friendship they had formed? Would he risk… losing her again?

All the while… EDI observed carefully.

SHEPARD

Darkness, complete and utter darkness. She had no dreams that night, and she wanted to keep it that way, the nightmares were getting worse… today there was nothing to wake up to. Except maybe the constant headache... she groaned and rubbed her temple. Her breath still smelled of pure alcohol. Lucky for her to have an AI on the ship…

"EDI." Her voice croaked.

"Yes Commander?"

"Send a message to Gardner. Tell him I need to see him-" she looked at her clock. 1014 hours. "Holy shit!" She kicked off her blanket in frenzy. "EDI what's our status?" Her urgent tone contrasted the AI's monotone as she made her way to the bathroom.

"The repairs on the Normandy have begun today at 0800, the repair crew is currently running diagnostics. Dr. Mordin Solus is overlooking the process while Engineer Tali'Zorah is in charge of providing equipment and supplies. Legion remains unnoticed in the AI console, he has temporarily disabled my outlets in the Engineering Deck for security purposes. Officer Lawson is in her office with various crew members and… I believe Mr. Moreau would like a word with you Commander. The rest of the crew is ashore."

Her eyes widened and she cursed under her breath as she examined herself in the mirror. What the hell had she been thinking last night? A one night stand with Joker, of all people? She could have used alcohol as an excuse… no. He could see through that in a second. But was it a one night stand…? Of course it was! Joker? Genuinely interested in her? Laughable! She thought herself pathetic for even pondering. A sudden burst of rage and frustration blinded her judgment and her brow furrowed beneath her bangs.

"You're beautiful…" his words rang.

"Fuck!" Her fist hit the wall, making a dent… implants. Her head moved from the mirror to the wall with a furious glare. Her anger numbed the pain in her fist, and her prime concern switched to the Normandy. "Cerberus piece of SHIT! Have to spend so much money repairing this giant hunk of JUNK and the walls can't even… goddamn… stupid!" A string of curses was followed by incoherent garble and the sound of a rapid toothbrush.

A dent… great. What the hell was she so angry at anyway! Probably the splitting headache, or the fact that she slept with Joker… she spit and continued at an increased pace. Maybe because she woke up late, or… maybe the fact that she slept with Joker… and liked it. Scratch that! She spit again for the final time and rinsed, splashing her face.

A flash of memories flooded her brain as she covered her face with her wet palms and a few seconds went by before she lifted it and looked in the mirror once again. Her reflection inspired only one word: Idiot. She felt like an idiot for letting herself think someone like him could actually give a shit about her. Jeff "Joker" Moreau, the eternally sarcastic, big shot helmsman who never cares for anything other than his ship…

"EDI! Get Gardner and tell him to meet in mess hall in 10, ASAP!" She barked angrily, grabbing a towel and exiting the bathroom.

"Aye aye Commander."

As she dressed in an unusually accelerated pace, her thoughts raced. How could she have allowed herself to do that? It was irresponsible, unprofessional and he was her FRIEND for fuck's sake! Yes, she knew he cared about her enough… yeah, he cared about something other than the Normandy, yeah, she was wrong about him... but now she had probably just fucked that up… or had she? This was Joker she was talking about… he would probably shrug it off as a "friendly" gesture, right? Yeah, he would… that was a relief. And of course, the reason he wanted to talk was just to make sure that she was… fine with that. And was she fine with that? Of course! Then why was she still furious! It's not like she actually WANTED him to want her, right! Of course not!

She stormed out of her quarters and into the elevator with a death glare and wishing only that she had something to kill as she pressed the button for crew quarters. Feeling confused and out of control, she kept going through various scenarios in her head, scared out of her mind of each one. Then as the elevator went down, she counted backwards from ten, helping her body relax. When she arrived, she counted three crew members in mess hall and two in Miranda's office, Sergeant Gardner included. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to Miranda's office, her rage hidden under a stoic mask. At the sight of her, the officer was the first to stand and salute.

"Good morning." She greeted everyone in the room as they saluted and greeted her back.

"Sorry Commander, I got your message, but I was almost finished with Miranda here. She's helping me track down my son, you see." Gardner spoke up.

Shepard shrugged, her anger subsiding. "It's alright, carry on. I just wanted to see if you had any of your 'remedies' handy."

He knew exactly what she meant. "Oh! Had one too many drinks last night, I see." He quipped weakly, making a small smile appear on her face. "They're on top of the wall cabinet, left side."

"I see, thanks. By the way… I never knew you had a son, sergeant. "

"Yeah… neither did I until recently. I thought the batarians had taken everything…" his voice trailed off in thought, then his eyebrows furrowed. "I got a tip from a friend a few weeks back… said my son was looking for me. I never even imagined he'd be alive… he must be… 19 now." A small smile slowly crept on his lips as he huffed and slightly hung his head.

Shepard put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "We'll find him, don't worry."

"I know we will Commander. Thank you." His smile widened as a tear rolled down his cheek.

She pressed against his shoulder, smiling sympathetically and then walked away toward the kitchen, only to find Garrus already holding what she was looking for while reading intently. It was a clear jar, holding a green powder labeled "amino".

"I thought all of you were ashore… and if you're looking for dextro-compatible ones I suggest you ask Gardner, he's in there." She pointed to Miranda's office with her thumb.

"Oh, Shepard…" he looked up and his mandibles flickered. His way of smiling. "I just got in a few minutes ago. Came to get this for Grunt… he took some this morning, but, heh… yeah, it's not working. He's crankier than usual, and that's saying a lot. Figured he just needs a larger dose." He said before opening the jar and pouring some powder into a large glass of water.

The mixture turned into a revolting goop in an olive green color. Shepard hesitated, but her headache was more powerful than the disgusting feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"You look like you could use some too." Garrus stated as he observed her.

Her eyes diverted from the glass to the large turian with a glare. "Gee, thanks."

He chuckled as he turned to get another glass and repeated the process. "I'm just looking out for you, Shepard." He handed her the glass and she gulped it down without even looking.

Her nose wrinkled and she cringed while groaning in disgust as the gooey substance went down her throat, relieving her nausea as it reached her stomach.

"Nice and disgusting, just the way I like it."

As her headache faded and conversation with Garrus ensued, her mood lightened greatly. She felt ready to face the day… and him. Soon after, Tali came down and greeted them, grabbing Gardner's remedy from the table and a glass.

"That's amino, Tali." Shepard warned.

"I know, it's for Joker. He looks terrible! Snapped at me when I asked him for Dr. Mordin's list of materials." The quarian responded and a knot formed in Shepard's stomach, but she decided to step up and she stilled the quarian's hand.

"I'll take it up to him, don't worry." Shepard assured her.

JOKER

He had the security panel from the Engineering Deck opened in front of him, watching the repair team working inside, patching the hull while they waited for diagnostics to run. Mostly he just monitored if they suspected anything about an AI on board, which they didn't, thanks to Legion's efforts, but he was paranoid for his baby. Paranoid… or was he just looking for a distraction? He shunned his thoughts and concentrated on the task at hand, listening intently into his headset. The workers were mostly perplexed at the origin of the complex composition of the state-of-the-art armoring, and one of them was amazed at the sheer size of the drive core while the other whined about diagnostics taking too long. If they only knew that their AI could have processed everything in mere seconds… but they wouldn't risk it. A three-taloned hand on his shoulder distracted him.

"GAH!" He jumped and turned his seat around, glaring.

Tali giggled. "Relax Joker, it's me." She said, still giggling and covering her mask.

"Is it too much to ask for a little warning next time!" He snapped.

"I called, but you didn't respond… I need Mordin's list." she stopped giggling and her tone switched to concern as she observed genuine anger in his face. "are you alright…?"

His face softened and he turned to the monitors once again. "Yeah, just a bad hangover, that's all."

"Oh! Well, I know just the thing. I'll be back." She walked away, her steps echoing.

He took off his headset and rubbed his eyes. Exhaustion was starting to get to him… his eyes shut and his mind began to wander. Deleting the security vid had helped him take him mind away from the previous night's events. It made him feel a lot better… almost like nothing happened! Yeah right… he knew better than that. When he saw her, it would bring everything back…

He heard steps approaching and turned started turning slowly, while still staring at the panels.

"Sorry Tali, I didn't mean-"

"She knows, don't worry." A familiar voice said.

His head turned as his heart stopped.

"Shepard."