Authors Note- The reviews last chapter blew me away and we are getting somewhat close to a thousand reviews. I know we can do it! I appreciated every single review, and read each one. I love hearing what you guys think!

This was a hard one to write, because capturing the feelings is so hard. I'm trying, but these are actually my favorite chapters I've written, ones with them apart. Surprising right.

Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter Song- Set the Fire to the Third Bar by: Snow Patrol

June 9th, '07

Six days after

EPOV

I don't know what had possessed me to get up in the middle of the night, from my warm bed, to sneak into Bella's room and sleep in her room, which was bathed in her essence of vanilla. My salty tears soaked into her pillow case, and onto her pillow. The coldness of the room reminded me that Bella's warmth wasn't here, it was all the way in London, far away from me.

At the moment, while everything was happening, I wasn't able to proccess the situation fully. The state of shock I had been in had been utterly paralyzing, I was surprised I could even get out a full sentence to her, and while I wanted to run after her when she left, I couldn't.

I have to let her go in order for her to come back.

She loves me.

And I love her, but not in a way that I thought I could love her. Being in a romantic relationship with Bella had never really crossed my mind, she was my buddy, my best friend, my confidant and go-to-person. I poured my entire being into our relationship so that I would be a great friend like she deserved.

But it had never crossed my mind to be her lover. We've kissed three times in our friendship. Our first kiss, New Years and the night of Graduation, and I had absolutely no idea why I kissed her that night. We were standing close, and a feeling had washed over me that just ruled my body, I had to kiss her.

I had felt something that night when I kissed her. I could feel electric sparks running haywire through my body. I felt comfortable being that close to her. And I didn't know why I felt like that; I pulled away because it was the only thing I could come up at the time.

I didn't expect her to tell me that she liked me. Let alone liked me when she was thirteen and now loved me. I could only imagine the gut wrenching pain she felt when she saw me with Tanya, and that only opened new doors.

The emotional turmoil she must of went through must of been horrible for her to handle, she should of never had to deal with the pain that she felt about the whole situation, but it wasn't like I could do anything because I had no clue in the world that she had feelings other then friendship towards me.

" Esme, believe me, I love Edward and I have no problem with him being here, but he hasn't left her bedroom. At all."

" I know. I've been taking to Claire a bit about everything. She's said that Isabella had completely fallen apart when she got there, and she hasn't stopped crying. She doesn't eat and when she sleeps, she's woken up screaming bloody murder. I heard it when we were talking. Renee, it's horrible."

" She'll be okay. I'm sure of it. I'm a little worried about Edward though."

" Renee, you need to concern yourself with your daughter. The one who ran off to London to get away from here, away from all the hurt."

I let out a broken sob into the pillow.

I did that to Bella.

" Exactly, Esme, and she needs to be left alone."

" She ISN'T eating and barely sleeping, that could kill her!"

I'm killing Bella... I reached into my pocket, grabbing my phone and dialing her number once again, it went straight to her stupid voicemail that I had heard already. When I heard the beep after her voice, I took a deep breath.

" Bella, please...Please answer the god damn phone before I kill something. I need to hear your voice, I need you to tell me that everything is going to be okay between us. Just come back home to us..to me. Your the best friend I've always needed and always wanted. Please call me."

I hung up my phone, tossing it carelessly on the floor.

The door in the bedroom suddenly opened, my mother stepping through and sitting on the side of the bed. She rubbed my jaw, where I was in the makings of growing a beard.

" Honey, Edward...You've must get up from this bedroom and out of this room. It's not going to make anything better."

" I want her back. It's been almost a week and I feel as if more then half of myself has just been ripped apart." I whispered.

She sighed " I think you were caught off guard by her feelings. I think because you were so shocked, you had no time to think. But she's going to be coming back soon, she has to set up for college. Then I guess it's up to you whether or not your both more then friends."

I could either make Bella very happy, or break her. What would happen if I got married someday? Would she go on living her life in sadness? Would I go on in life not knowing what it would be like to give it a try? I never thought kissing Bella was gross like most would with friends, but I never thought more of it until I kissed her that night.

That time, it wasn't because others encouraged us to do it, or because we were curious, it was a real kiss for us. I felt so stuck and confused as to what I was going to do about it. I couldn't break Bella's heart, I couldn't break her. It would be like throwing a eight week old puppy off a cliff.

" Edward, don't cry."

" She's having nightmares?" I asked, sniffing once.

She shook her head " I won't get into that. When she comes back, if she choose's to tell you what had gone on, she will."

" You told Renee."

" It's her daughter."

I scowled " I'm more closer to Bella then any of you are."

Gently she patted my arm, standing up " I think that being here isn't making it better."

I buried my face in Bella's pillow and hugged it tightly to my chest. " It smells like her."

The bedroom door shut and I sighed, taking a deep breath. My mother didn't understand anything, she didn't have to go through all this to get my dad, she never felt this way because she didn't wait for my dad while he ran away from her. After all this was over, I didn't know what would happen.

BPOV

" I made you a sandwich, honey."

" I'm not hungry." I stated dryly, wiping the tears.

" Isabella, you have to eat. All you do is lay in this bed and your getting skinny that it's scaring me. When was the last time you took a hot shower. Hm?"

My eyes gazed out of the window, seeing the annoying sun brightly shining through the window, flooding the room with it's light. I cleared my raspy throat and sniffed, my nose completely stuffy and clogged up.

" I'm fine."

" Your weak, I can see it. And you barely sleep. Do you realize these kinds of things kill a person?"

Now my grandma just sounded plain old pissed. I sat up and reached out for the plate, my body was so weak I could barely even lift the plate. Setting it down in my lap, I bit into the sandwich, there was alot of things in this sandwich, but I couldn't even taste it.

" I have some homemade chicken soup, and I am making you eat a great big bowl of that. Then you can shower up and then lay back down if you want to."

" Thanks, Grandma."

She nodded " Of course, darling. Now eat."

I never really thought I was that hungry, but I scarfed the sandwich down in only five minutes, eating every single last bite and crumb. She came up with the soup, warmed up from the microwave with a spoon, also holding a glass of water in her hand.

I ate it slowly, drinking in the broth and chewing the carrots, celery and chicken. She made sure that I ate the whole entire bowl before letting me get up to shower. For the first time, I opened my suitcase, seeing my phone which was dead and my clothes that were wrinkled.

Finding a pair of sweatpants, I threw them on the bed along with a tanktop. There was already hair and body stuff in the shower for me to use, so I cleaned up with all of that. The hair on my legs was gross and stubbly to the extreme. I shaved quickly and bathed, washing my hair and body thoroughly.

The first three days were the worst, and things still are bad now. I knew that I was the one that ran, but I did it so I wouldn't hurt anymore, and now I am here and I hurt more then ever before. I miss him so much, we've never been more then a house away, or an hour away. We saw eachother daily no matter what. Even when we fought we always saw eachother that day.

I wondered how he was. Probably just going on like I was never even gone, it would be easy with his friends around. Or maybe he was just as broken up as I was. Did he miss me as much as I missed him?

A loud sob broke through my mouth and I turned off the shower, drying off quickly and swiftly.

I felt like I was being rejected by the love of my life, and I had to leave because I knew that if I stayed, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Not that I was handling being here very well.

Later that Night.

Dream.

" It's wrong."

" We can't be together."

Rejection.

Pain.

Edward stood infront of me, only wearing a pair of jeans, his chest smudged with a little bit of dried on dirt. I looked at him, my expression very confused. I stepped towards him, a wet towel in my hand. He took one step back.

" Edward, you have mud on you."

" I was cleaning out the pond."

I quirked my brow " Okay, well let me take this off."

" No. Don't touch me."

" But...But why?"

I started towards him, and he turned around and started walking away from me. When I had stopped walking, he turned back around to face me. His eyes looking at my face with an odd expression, unexplainable.

" Just let me get it off, and then we can be together."

" No, Bella. I don't want you." he spat.

Tears leaked from the corner of my eyes. " Why not? I'll be good, Edward. I swear."

" We could never work out, your not good enough for me."

" NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" a shrill voice screeched.

End Dream.

" Isabella, sweetheart. Wake up!"

I struggled for a moment, then coming to my grips and realizing I was awake. I sat up, startled by the sudden awakening. The nightmares I had been having were on and off, but the ones where he said he didn't want me were the worst.

Tears streamed down my face and my throat was raw from the screaming. Grandpa Allen walked in, holding a glass of water. I drank it down and thanked him as Grandpa Claire ran her fingers through my hair as I laid back down.

" It will be okay. Give it time."

June 13th

EPOV

I ran the razor over my jaw, the hair falling into the sink along with chunks of shaving cream. The bronze beard was really getting old, and I knew that it was time for me to get up, go home and shower so I didn't look like a bum off the street.

I missed Bella even more if that was possible, but I knew that I couldn't just stop everything, even though I wanted to lock myself into her bedroom and cry all day like a fucking girl. Renee had talked me into going home to shower and eat, so I figured that I would just listen because I was doing no good.

I thought more about the idea of us being together. The fact that we were raised acting like brother and sister. I'd said that it wasn't weird being close and kissing Bella, and doing that is most definately not brotherly. I didn't think of her as a sister, she was Bella, more then just the stereotypical best friend.

At around noon as I was eating in the kitchen, I heard the doorbell going off. Slowly I stood, walking down the hall and to the foyer to open the door. Alice was standing, a confused look on her face.

" I was looking for Bella, she doesn't seem to be home or answering her phone. And what the hell happened to you. Haven't slept lately?" she rambled, bouncing into the house.

" Bella's gone...She went to London."

" And her parents right?"

I shook my head. Now she looked even more confused. This wasn't just about Bella, so I figured that I could give Alice a watered down version of everything that had gone on. I led her to the kitchen and sat down at the table, she sat across from me; tapping her fingernails on the table.

" What happened?"

I took a deep breath " After graduation a few things happened and Bella had told me that she...that she liked me more then a friend. I said a few things and she got a upset...She went to London for awhile to get herself together."

Then Alice punched my arm, and fuck did she punch hard.

" What the hell?"

" You hurt my best friend, you realize that."

I stood up " You think I don't know that? I hear about it everyday. I deal with it everyday. I'm confused okay. I spent years and years thinking of her as just a friend, nothing further. And since she was thirteen she's been in fucking love with me. Forgive me if it's a little much for me to handle at the moment."

Alice backed up " I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't..."

I let out a long sigh " It's hard. I've been trying to wrap my head around it all because when she gets back; I have to tell her how it is. And its enough pressure whether or not I am going to break her heart or make it better. Ontop of that, if I do pursue a romantic relationship with her, what the hell are the others going to think? Especially Jasper and Rosalie who are very close with Tanya. I mean, if this is fixed with them, there is no doubt she won't come around and Bella won't take Tanya's shit anymore."

" Your in a hard place, Edward. But just listen to your heart okay. Don't listen to your head because it thinks of all the wrongs. Your heart will never lead you in the wrong direction...As for Jasper, well, I don't think he'd be too bad. Of course Rose would flip her shit, but if your with Bella, then it won't matter."

" What do you think about it?"

She bit her lip and looked at me " Okay, I will admit it...It would be just a little weird, but I also think that it would be really cute. I mean if you look at it this way; you and her don't need to take all the time to get to know eachother because you know every centimeter of eachothers life."

" I like how we are only talking about the stuff what occurs if Bella and I are together."

" Well, there are negative's Edward. What happens if you fight or something happens and you break up with eachother? You would be losing one hell of a friend."

I nodded in understanding " That's what I am so worried about. I can't deal losing Bella. She's everything to me."

Alice hugged me tightly, squeezing me as tightly as her tiny arms would allow. After talking a little bit longer she left the house with a carefree smile, telling me that everything would work out just fine either way.

I was glad that I had a good friend besides Bella.

June 17th

BPOV

It was the first time that I left the damn bedroom that day, and I dressed in actual day clothes. The pain in my heart still ached, but I knew that I was the only one keeping myself here. My mother called today and I talked to her a little bit about the nightmares and a few others things around here. She told me that an envelope for Columbia was there waiting for me.

I asked her to open it for me and she did.

I got accepted into the University of Columbia. I had been making long distance preparations for all of my classes and for room and board. There was a decision that I had made awhile ago when it came for where I would be staying, and I had decided to get an apartment close to the University so that I could have my space, get a job outside campus and do fine that way.

There was alot of excitement when I found out I got accepted, it was the light in the current darkness of my life. The charger for my phone was left home, so I had a dead phone and probably several missed calls and messages.

Slowly I felt myself getting better each day, because I felt confindent that everything would work out great in the end. It was June 15th when I recieved a letter in the mail from him.

Edward had sent me a letter. I made my way upstairs to the bedroom that I was currently taking place in and sat on the bed, opening the envelope and reading his elegant script. My hands were shaking, but I knew that I had to read it.

Dearest Bella,

I don't know how I got through the first couple of days, I probably had similar ones to you, which may make you either think I am lying, or being truthful. One night, at midnight, I snuck into your home and slept in your bed because I felt like I needed to be with you and that was the only way I knew how. But the room doesn't hold the warmth, it was cold, and the flowers on your desk are starting to wilt, making the room even more depressing then it already is.

You don't answer your phone so I figured that a letter was best, maybe your not reading this, but I sincerely hope that you. Even if your not, it's still worth writing.

Bella, you have to know that I didn't mean to hurt you in anyway. I was shocked to say the least because I had only thought of you in a certain way, and yet you had been thinking of me differently for many years. It was alot to take in at the moment and I didn't know how to handle it without rejecting the whole entire thing. Everything was just spilling out infront of me, it was too much and I didn't know what to do.

But I can't lose you because of this, your my best friend. We've grown up together, played together, shared experiences and secrets together. We know everything about eachother, how can I live without a person that I know so well, and care for so much. I can't stand not seeing you everyday, it tears me apart.

The emotional turmoil that you have endured opens new doors. I never realized how much it hurt you when I was with Tanya, but thinking back to the beginning, the way you looked when I was around her. I'd never paid any attention to it, because I thought you were only upset about the fact that you didn't have a boyfriend. I tried though, Bella. You can't tell me I didn't try to get you to talk because I did, and you said that you nor I was ready to hear it. I knew you were hiding something, but I never imagined it to be something like that. I knew it was important by the way you cried about it, but I would of never thought in a million years it was your feelings that you had been hiding.

I'm getting by somehow without you. It's difficult. I've never really gone a day without seeing you. Even if it was just a pass in the hallway at school, or seeing you get the mail. Just seeing you makes everything better, it makes me smile.

Right now, I'm confused and my feelings are mixed. I needed to tell you that because I won't lie and say that I am perfectly clear in my thoughts, it's crazy inside my head, and I have no idea what to do.

When you come back, I will have my shit together, I promise you.

Li manco. Venga a casa, per favore.

Sincerely,

Edward

EPOV

After I had sent her the first letter, it became a regular rountine to send a letter. I wrote two every week for her to read. Bella never wrote back, but it was okay. All I wanted was for her to know that I was still thinking about her.

I didn't talk about the situation at hand, but I told her at the end of each letter to come home and that I missed her. I told her about my day, how her parents were and how my parents were doing. But I rarely talked about how I felt.

Day after day passed in June and I still hadn't heard a word, but I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to stop sending her the letters because if I did, then I wouldn't be doing so great. Yes, some of them had smudged ink where I got over emotional about my feelings and cried, not about what I said, but just about thinking that she wasn't hear.

I hoped she was reading the letters, but if she wasn't, it was okay. She just needed to know that I missed her, and was thinking about her.

Alice and I had started spending time together, she was a really big help with all this because she helped keep my spirits up. Emmett also came around every once in awhile, but Rosalie was holding him on a tight leash these days so it was maybe an hour or two on the weekends.

I talked to my dad the first time today about the situation, and man did I look like the biggest sissy when I started crying again...right infront of my father. He said that he didn't understand what I was going through, but I was the one who was going to make things better or worse, and it was completely up to me. Whether or not Bella acts the way she does at my decision, is hers to deal with as he said.

My mother had been really quiet since all of this happened, I knew she talked to Grandma Claire, who talked about Bella and her condition. I'd heard them talk a little, from what it sounded like things were getting a little better each day.

I was happy for her.

BPOV

I'd been walking down the streets towards the organic fruit and vegetable stand that they had outside of a store, my grandma insisted on my getting up and going out because it was a beautiful day and I needed air. After handing me some pound, she shuffled me out of the door eagerly.

In the small crowd, I saw a familar head of dark blonde hair looking through the tomatoes. Slowly I walked up next to him.

" Hey, fancy seeing you aroung here."

He turned around, a shocked expression on his face as he looked at me. A smile spread across his face and I gave him a tiny smile.

" What are you doing here?" he asked.

" Just missed home." I lied. " How's everything been going for you? New country, new school..."

James laughed " Good, I really love it here. It's very different, but it's easy to get into the swing. Where's Edward, I'd figure he'd be with you."

" Back in the states. It's just me." I said quietly, gravitating towards the grapefruit.

It was like he knew me just as well as Edward did, or my face was a complete open book for him to read freely.

" Things with him didn't work out as planned, am I right?"

" I told him night of graduation. He immediatly thought it was wrong. But he'd kissed me before... It's confusing so I just left. He's sending me letters though, his way of letting me know he is still thinking about me is what I think."

" Are you trying to forget him?"

I gasped " God, no. I could never...Even if he doesn't want to, I still want to be his friend."

" Crazy you are."

" It's not easy, James."

He sighed " I understand...Take your time and think it all over, and in the end; I hope your happy with life, Bella."

" Thanks."

I dropped the food onto the counter, grandma smiling brightly at my choice of fruits and vegetables as she unloaded then from the bag. I sighed and plopped down in the chair with a long sigh. The heat was a little tiring, but I'd finally gotten out of the house for the first time.

" How is everything today?" she asked.

" I'm okay." I answered quietly.

I wasn't completely okay, I was on edge and still upset, but I knew that going on with my day would make me feel better. Wallowing is a sign of weakness, and I am definately not weak after everything that I have been through over the past month.

I was going to be strong about all of it because I knew that I could get through it no matter what choice Edward made. No matter how much I wanted him to be with me, I wanted him to be happy with me, not forced.

Who would want a boyfriend that felt forced into the relationship. I wanted him to be intuned with me, able to have fun with me like he is when were friends. Not weirding out and feeling awkward.

If it all ended badly though, what would I do about it? Would be stop being friends, of course it would be incredibly awkward and everything, but I also had a part inside of me that didn't want to risk our loss of friendship.

Not seeing Edward is similar to not breathing without air. For now, I could be okay, but I knew that soon I would go back because I had college to get to. Registration was the ninth of August, and I had to get things together, buy things for my apartment, FIND an apartment. I'd bailed Jamba Juice and they understood everything when I had called them to let them know that I had left.

My bank account was steady as of now. I can get what I need for college and then when I get to New York, I can get a job and take everything from there. Attend school, work and act like an adult like I have for many years.

This time, I'll just be on my own with nobody to help me financially, but I could handle it because I had to. Mooching off my parents wouldn't teach me anything. I needed to branch out from my life in Chicago and move on to good things, and hopefully, Edward will be by my side, as my lover, my best friend, though all of it.

Authors Note- I hope you liked it. I tried my best with the emotions and shit, but yeah. Follow me on Twitter to read teasers, see what I am doing writing wise, and drabble about things that piss me off or make me incredibly happy.

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