Disclaimer: Yeah, you know…
Shepard had arrived on the Normandy with a triumphant look in her eyes after shaking off her uneasy thoughts. Even if they hadn't found all the materials they needed, the ship would be in optimum travel conditions in a short while. Joker greeted her formally and she approached the cockpit, her eyes fixated on the security monitors.
"How are we doing?" She asked.
"Finally making some progress. They're done with diagnostics and they cleaned out the scrap… luckily the hull damage wasn't too extensive. We'll have some damage on the inside of the ship, but nothing we can't do without... oh and I don't suggest going into the lab."
"Why not?"
"Tali's kinetic barriers were weakened after the attack, so she's working on that, but I don't think it's going too well."
A loud thump came from the direction of the lab and she winced.
"Oh… well I'll try to see if I can help and not be completely useless. See if you can't help out the guys outside. They're putting up some panels in the hull, if anything… it should be fun to watch." She tapped his shoulder.
"Right." He nodded and activated the outside surveillance.
She was about to retire to the lab, when he spoke up. "So… Alenko huh?" He asked casually but with a hint of disdain.
Shepard picked up on his tone and turned, recalling her thoughtful state. The way he said it aroused suspicion… "Yeah…"
"What did he want?"
"He just wanted to talk." She raised an eyebrow and walked closer.
"What about?" His hand raised as he slid a panel down, his eyes were focused on what he was doing.
"Horizon…" her head lowered as she looked to the side, she couldn't read him... "He wanted to apologize. Said to meet him later tonight, but I told him no."
He gave her a thoughtful hum, but remained focused. After a few seconds, he turned away from what he was doing and faced her. "You know, not that it's any of my business, of course…" the words stabbed at her, but she remained cool. "But he walked out on us, on you once already, what makes you think he won't do it again?"
She scoffed. "Did you not hear when I said that I told him no?"
"Just saying, Commander. Wouldn't want to hear you whining about it afterwards…" he turned back to what he was doing.
Her eyes narrowed into slits and she walked away without one more word.
Who the hell did he think he was, talking to her like that! She didn't need this crap, much less from him! If he wasn't such an irritable bastard all the time, she might have thought he was jealous… but seeing as he still was, regardless of making her think otherwise before, it was impossible. It took her a lot less time to cross the empty CIC than she thought. In seconds, she was in the Normandy's tech lab, seething unwillingly. Tali looked up at her from the mass effect accelerator in the corner of the room with a frustrated sigh.
The quarian's glowing eyes softened noticeably behind her mask when she saw the furious woman standing by the door. "I suppose it didn't go very well with Alenko…"
"I don't want to talk about it." The commander waved her off and walked toward her. The issue would have to wait…
"Understood." She nodded and returned to what she was doing while Shepard observed. "The kinetic emitters are damaged and this accelerator won't work properly so I can repair them."
"Probably a power surge or something… EDI, get me the fusion plant status." She ordered.
"There was a fire that damaged one of the auxiliary lines during the attack. It needs to be replaced before fusion plant function is completely restored. Mr. Moreau has the full report."
Shepard heaved a sigh. The mere mention of his last name irked her, but now wasn't the time. "At least it's not affecting primary systems… I'll go fix it." She indicated Tali and turned to walk away.
"Uh, I'd better come with you…" the young quarian's voice sounded nervous as she caught up with Shepard. The commander raised an eyebrow at her. "No offense Shepard but your technical expertise should only be limited to ordnance …"
"What's that supposed to mean?" She inquired as they walked alongside each other.
"It means you're not very good when it comes to not blowing up something, which would be very counterproductive…" Tali quipped.
"What?" Her eyebrows furrowed in mock anger as she elongated the vowel. "For your information, I am very good at fixing things!"
The quarian chuckled. "Depends on what you mean by fixing…" they got to the elevator and called it. Tali then stopped chuckling and looked toward the bridge, then at the commander.
"Don't we need the report first?" Tali questioned.
Shepard had her arms crossed and was looking intently at the elevator. She hesitated and her body stiffened. "Nope." She said dryly.
"Then how are we supposed to know which line is it?" Now Tali was crossing her arms as well as she shifted her weight.
"It's auxiliary."
"There's dozens of auxiliary lines down there."
"Look for the one that's burnt." She shrugged.
"That could take hours!"
Hours she could spend away from him… but time they couldn't afford to waste. "You're right, you go get the report, I'll… wait down there." The elevator arrived and Shepard got on immediately, selecting the lowest level of the ship.
The door closed in Tali's face as the quarian's look shifted from puzzled to suspicious. Shepard exhaled and leaned to the back of the elevator. She took her helmet off and then ran her armored hand through her hair. This unexpected behavior on Joker's behalf was clouding her thoughts, contaminating them with images of his face, hurting her with memories of his words… she was caring too much about what he thought.
Meanwhile, Tali meditated on the commander's sudden behavior. There was a look of distance in her eyes… was she distraught over Kaidan? Probably… she didn't blame her. She walked over to the cockpit and saw Joker looking idly at the security monitors with a hand beneath his chin.
"Joker, can I have the diagnostics report on the fusion plant? The commander needs them." Tali asked.
He straightened up and swiftly operated his keyboard before going back to his comfortable position.
"There." He didn't even flinch at the sound of her voice.
Same distant look. Maybe Kaidan wasn't the problem after all… she hesitated before leaving. "Did something happen…?" She asked as her eyebrow arched.
"Nope." His face was stoic, but his tone was far from it, he sounded… peeved.
"Right… well, thanks." She decided against poking the matter and turned to leave.
As he heard her steps fade, his tension eased. It had been a difficult day… he needed time. But in that time, he risked compromising his relationship with… his CO, his best friend… the love of his life? Whatever, her! He wasn't angry, or so he kept telling himself. He wasn't angry at all… The sluggish hours passed and the busy day turned to restful night. His eyes would allow him to stay awake no longer and the lights dimmed as his consciousness slipped away.
The whole crew had had a tiring day, but progress was already ahead of schedule. At this, she was pleased. Her wet hair from the shower soaked her pillow as she laid on her bed, wrapped in a towel. Vera's body welcomed sleep, but her mind was restless…
Everything was a mess… everything felt out of her hands… she was losing control. She smirked at the irony. Control, the one thing she never had a problem obtaining, but the last thing on her mind when Joker was around. And Joker was the one person she could never figure out… why? Was it because she never bothered to try? Was it because she never saw him as a threat to her control? Was it both? Come to think of it, she never needed to keep control over him… because she had always trusted him.
Memories of Ilos emerged…
"Picking up some strange readings from the planet's surface." Navigator Pressly's voice rang in.
She looked at her helmsman. "Take us in Joker. Lock in on the coordinates." He looked at her and nodded.
"Negative on that Commander, the nearest landing zone is two clicks away." The navigator stated.
"We'll never make it in time on foot. Get us something closer!" Kaidan protested from behind her.
"There is nowhere closer, I've looked!" Pressly barked back.
She rolled her eyes. "Drop us in the Mako." She said, exploring her options.
"You need at least a hundred meters of open terrain to pull off a drop like that. The most I can find near Saren is twenty." Pressly said, his voice reflected a nervous vibe. She turned to look at him, finding signs of perspiration on his forehead, the tension had a hold on him.
Her eyes then shifted to the pilot once again… determination was his dominant feature and her muscles seemed to relax.
"Twenty meters? We'll never get close enough for a drop." Kaidan protested once again. The man was doing a lousy job at inspiring morale…
"We have to try!" Liara chimed in, clearly annoyed.
Kaidan ignored her and turned to the navigator. "Find another landing zone!"
"There is no other landing zone!" Pressly retorted.
"The descent angle's too steep." Apparently Kaidan's pessimism was contagious as Tali voiced her thoughts.
"It's our only option." Liara affirmed.
Kaidan's voice was filled with concern and reason… two things she didn't need right now. She rubbed her temple and closed her eyes as she listened to her crew.
"It's not an option! It's a suicide run! We don't-" Kaidan began…
"I can do it." Her eyes flew open and she turned to Joker. His voiced saved her from desperation.
"Joker…?" She asked, pleasantly surprised with his outburst.
His eyes narrowed as he operated the panels vigorously. "I can do it." He repeated.
She smirked unconsciously. Those four words were all she needed for morale for she believed them passionately… she believed in him.
"Gear up and head down to the Mako!" She commanded her ground team. "Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard." She turned to leave, when she felt a hand grabbing her wrist gently.
He smiled brightly as she turned to face him, a smile she returned, leaning to close the distance between them. Slipping one hand under her jaw and another around her waist, he pulled her closer and their lips touched.
Her eyes opened as the sound of her own moan awakened her and she felt her smile fading slowly. She was smiling while sleeping? Shaking off the thought, she looked at the clock… still early night. She only dozed off for a few minutes.
She lifted herself off the bed with newfound determination and hung the towel in the bathroom, feeding her fish on the way. If the dream had told her anything, it was that not all things were out of her control. Her civvies were set on her bed and she looked at them disapprovingly. Civvies were inappropriate for the occasion. After all, Kaidan would get to see her tonight…
The clacking sound of shoes pulled him out of his dream. Joker awoke and rotated his seat only to see his commanding officer approaching him in a short, black dress and black pumps. The dress was formal, hugged her curves and showed off a little cleavage… he was in awe of her body, but he would not let it show this time. Normally, he would have said something inappropriate and made her blush, but he swallowed his thoughts as he remembered the "Kaidan" conversation and it hit him like a brick: she was going to see him. He rotated his seat again, facing away from her and pretended to do something other than be inwardly furious and then deny it incessantly.
She opened the airlock without a word, and stood there, looking down at the floor. He sensed her hesitation.
"You're going to see him, aren't you?" He asked, not facing her.
"Yes. But not that it's any of your business, right?" She replied, lifting her head.
"That's right, Commander." He enunciated that last word in his head after he said it.
Her right hand tightened into a fist and she walked out.
His breathing accelerated, his heartbeat became stronger and his lips tightened and he slammed his fist on the panel in anger. He felt his little finger metacarpal bone crack on impact and groaned inwardly in pain. Measuring strength was hard with fragile bones, but he was sure he had it figured out, until now… his anger melted away with the pain as his hand grew before his eyes. Looked like he was spending the night in Med Bay… he paged Dr. Chakwas and the pain managed to put Shepard out of his mind.
Neither of them had noticed watchful blue eyes from the armory as Miranda had witnessed the entire scene by accident. She closed the door and hid behind it as a distraught Joker went into the elevator. She went back into the Armory, ignoring a startled Jacob and stood before the blue orb next to another door leading to the tech lab. "EDI, I need access to security surveillance…"