Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter no matter how much money I offered

One of the Guys

Chapter Thirteen:

Before the 'non-date-like' date

Parvati smiled with satisfaction as she saw Ron Weasley, the champion of bedding women, who usually walked with an arrogant strut that usually screamed 'I'm a confident man whore' now walk as though he just had his red carpet ripped from his feet. She knew everything had gone according to plan when she saw Hannah pull him off for a private conversation before lunch today.

Of course she did feel some sympathy for Hannah but not a lot. In fact, she felt she did Hannah a favor, a favor by saving her from a relationship with Ronald Weasley.

"Oh Hannah," She mumbled to herself when she saw the red headed girl mope towards her in the hall. "You did the right thing."

"Then why do I feel like crap?" She asked softly. "He looked like he was going to cry."

"He'd like you to think that wouldn't he?" Parvati said stiffly. "You've just saved yourself from a lot of heartache and pain. If you kept with him, he would've only slept with you then leave you."

Hannah shook her head before quietly walking off.

"You should thank me," Parvati cried after her, "He'll only break your heart, like he broke my sister's heart," then more quietly, "Like he broke my heart."

"So it's a date?" Lavender asked for the umpteenth time that evening in the girl's dorms (don't ask how Ron got up there…he has his ways.). Both Harry and Ron were sprawled out on separate beds moaning in annoyance. After their classes Harry confessed to his friends of his of what he had done. He asked Mathieu Mondego out—'but it was only to go shopping' he confessed to himself hoping the more he thought it the more he would believe it.

"No," he answered back. The anger had long left him leaving him tired and irritated with Lavender asking that question.

"But you guys are going to sneak in to Hogsmeade to buy cloths when you could just as easily transfigure some," Lavender snapped.

"YEAH! WELL—I didn't think of that," Harry snapped suddenly irritated. "GET OFF MY BACK, WOMAN! I CAN'T THINK UNDER PRESSURE!"

"Cool it, Potter," Ron said. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. Guys disguised as girls ask other guys out all the time."

"Well, that's good," Harry quipped sarcastically. "This won't be awkward at all."

"Right," Ron agreed. "Now onto business—" He pointed his finger at Lavender in exaggeration of his point. "You take him—" He now pointed at Harry, "—to the bathroom and make him look beautiful for his date tonight—"

"Its not a date!"

"Of course not," Lavender mocked bitterly. "C'mon."

She grabbed Harry's hand and rushed him to the bathroom. Where she painted on a light layer of make up on his face and attempted to curl his hair (but Harry swatted her hand away before she could make him too girly). Lavender then chose capri shorts and a white tank top to wear beneath his cloak.

Harry could tell Lavender didn't mean to but she was letting her jealous side seep through as she handled him roughly: combing his hair like she wanted to rip it out, applying eyeliner shakily like it was taking all her will to not poke his eye out, and tying his top tight enough to choke him. She didn't really mean to cause harm (after all, there is nothing better than being manhandled then your best female friend, right?)

"Enjoy your shopping spree!" Lavender snapped with an uncontrolled edginess in her voice.

"Lavender, I'm sorry," Harry apologized to the grieving (authentic) female. "I know you like him, I won't get in your way if you want a relationship with him. I promise," He paused at his awkward apology and found that it was quite hard to say.

In fact, Harry found he wasn't sorry at all for Lavender. Mathieu was as much as his friend as he was to her, in fact he was closer to Matt than anyone else. Harry felt he deserved an equal shot at the French guy but was a little confused at what that meant (A shot at what, exactly?).

" 'Cuz, you know," Harry continued on awkwardly, "I'm not gay and all, we're just friends."

Lavender just stared at Harry in the eyes in that cliché way she did when she wanted to make sure that he (or Ron) was telling the truth, which offended Harry quite a bit.

"YOU THINK I'M GAY?" He cried.

Lavender jumped and stepped back from Harry.

"Oh, Harry, no of course not," She hurriedly went to assure him. "I'm sorry, too. You're my best friend and I know you wouldn't make a move on Mathieu, you're both guys after all."

Harry coughed awkwardly, "Yeah."

"I mean, after all," She continued confidently, "I'm pretty sure he likes me. We had that moment out in the common room."

"Right?"

Lavender nodded, "Have fun shopping," This time she spoke sincerely before the hugged Harry and ran out of the dorms.

Hermione frolicked through her trunk, safely placed at the end of her new bed. She was locked in a desperate search for any article of clothing that would fit her new male body. She had just realized that her only fitting clothes were her pajamas and school uniform, all conveniently brought to her by Professor McGonnagal..

"What are you looking for?" Ginny asked from her spot on Ron's bed. She wasn't watching Hermione but staring rather despondently at the ceiling.

"Clothes, anything to transform into boy clothes," Hermione sighed, "All of mine are conveniently being washed." She closed her trunk with a frustrated sigh, "and I don't want to wear my uniform."

"Borrow something from Ron," Ginny supplied still quite deadpanned, "He's taller but he's least likely to notice that his clothes are gone or being worn by someone else. He's quite dumb in that way."

'Or use to it,' Hermione wanted to say but kept quiet.

Hermione gave Ginny a worried look at her dead personality but did as her friend suggested. She crawled to Ron's trunk which was at the foot of the bed next over, and began to shuffle through it. She found a pair of jeans that she thought would fit but as soon as she pulled them out, tiny brown rocks fell at her feet.

"What is this?" She knelt down and picked up a tiny rock and held it up for Ginny to see.

Her redheaded friend looked her way then squinted as if not believing what she was seeing. As if confirming what her suspicions were she gave gross expression before bursting out into laughter.

Hermione who was quite happy to see her friend smile and laugh grew a little worried at what she was holding.

"Hermione, put that down," Ginny laughed, "It's rat feces from Scabbers when Ron stuffed him in his trunk. Too bad the little guy was eaten by a hawk when we went camping last summer."

"Ewww, gross," Hermione cried and through the pants aside and stared at her hands in horror. "He let his rat defecate on his clothes…what is wrong with him?"

Ginny shrugged, "I've been asking myself that for years."

Next: The Date

Parvati shows her evil side…I wonder if Ron even remembers going out with her (…or maybe it was 'Padme'?) Oh well, hopefully Hermione can find clean clothes…and will Harry get over his temper? I guess we'll find out soon.