Echo Fright

by Leon XIII

Can Richard Osmond solve the mystery of the Orpheus and find his missing father? Probably not.Parody of Echo Night.Rated M to be safe contains bad jokes,violence and poor Plot techniques.

4. Chapter 4:Creepy Book

Chapter 4:The Creepy Book

Disclaimer:I do not own Echo Night,Silent Hill,Fatal Frame,Star Wars,Dinobabies,Halo,Cryostasis

A dark and scary ship comes into view...

Richard found himself on the side deck of the ship.

Richard:"What the Fuck?"

?(Deep scary voice):"Who are you?"

Richard:"Darth Vader?"

Richard turned around and saw a silhouette of a man. He shrieked.

?:"Why are you here?"

Richard:"To tell you the truth I was looking at this stupid painting,then I woke up here."

?:"Come with me."

Richard:"I ain't going with you."

The silhouette grabbed Richard by the neck and drug him into a nearby room. Inside,the silhouette (which,by now you probably figure,is a ghost) threw Richard on the floor.

?:"You can never leave."

Richard:"What?"

?:"You must not leave this room,is that understood?"

Richard:"I guess..."

The ghost turned to leave.

Richard:"What if I have to use the restroom?"

?:"There's a restroom beyond that door."

The ghost walked through the door at the opposite side of the room. Richard looked at a desk.

Richard:"There might be some cash in there!"

Richard pulled out both of the drawers and only found a bottle. As he examined it, the option to pick it up appeared on screen.

Richard:"Yes,dammit."

He put it in his vest pocket and went into the back room. He saw a Leather organizer (a journal) in a cubby.

Richard:"Cool,now I have something to write on about those freaks I've been seeing."

He looked at a dresser that had a metal wire holding it shut.

Richard:"Nothing can withstand my handgun!"

He pulled out his M92F and shot the wire,the bullet then ricocheted around the room. He retreated to the previous room. Afterwards,he played with a paddle board,tried calling a pizza guy...

Richard:"Just ignore the body of the dead policeman,go into the bedroom,crawl through the little opening.."

...and doing stuff I can't even say or else I would be banned. Then Richard just said-

Richard:"AWww FUCK this! I'm going outside. At least it's interesting out there."

Richard went through the door the ghost exited,and came in front of a set of stairs. He heard a creepy giggle and turned around,to see a ghost of a little girl in a red dress.

Richard:"A ghost Girl? Am I in Silent Hill or Fatal Frame?"

The girl used her telekinetic powers to pick Richard up.

Richard:"What the Barack Obama?"

She then slammed him against the staircase,damaging his life meter.

Richard:"OOOWWW!DAMN-IT!"

The girl then vanished and reappeared in front of Richard.

Richard:"AHHHHHHH! DON'T HURT ME!"

Suddenly,a light came on and the girl disappeared.

?:"The Light! They are afraid of the light!"

Richard:"WHO SAID THAT?"

?:"You mustn't go down there,this is my affair."

Richard:"Is the light talking to me?"

?:"I shall come for you when I am finished,is that understood Richard?"

Richard:"Yes Mr. Light."

Richard got up and climbed the stairs. He entered the bridge. Inside,he went over to the captain's wheel,and gave it a spin.

Richard:"Look at me,I'm the guy from Pirates of dark water."

Richard got bored,so he went over to the cabinet,opened it,and grabbed 2 more healing potions. Then he inspected the relief on the far wall,with a sun carved into it.

Richard:"I wouldn't pay 2 bucks for this place mat."

Richard saw something shiny under the table,so he got on his knees,and crawled towards it. It was a handle.

Richard:"I wonder what this goes to?"

Suddenly,Rintoo from Ni Hao Kai Lan appeared and started singing this stupid song that was focused on the handle,with Richard watching confusingly.

Rintoo:"I got it! I got it! It's really really true! I got it! I got it! I know just what to do!"

Rintoo was about to sing some more,until Richard grabbed him,and held him against the wall.

Richard:"Enough singing! Where do I use this handle?"

Rintoo:"On the hatch in this room that's a slightly different color from the other boards."

Richard:"That's all I needed to know." he then pulled out his M92F and put a bullet in Rintoo's face.

Richard then opened the floor hatch and found a map of the ship.

Richard:"A map? They use this secret storage area for a map? I was expecting gold!"

But there was something else in there too,a can of diet Pepsi.

Richard:"Good,I could use a drink."

Richard opened the can,and a swirling purple vortex emerged,knocking him at the back of the room. The vortex began to fade away,revealing a Beautiful White Dragoness,with angel-like wings,yellow chest,4 gold horns,and a purple stripe,that was the size of a large dog.

Richard:"Who are you?"

Dragoness:"I am Layer,the daughter of Spyro and Cynder,whom was supposed to be executed,but escaped and joined the shadow Dragons. I was then imprisoned in this Pepsi can,until you released me."

Richard:"okay? Well,I'm Richard Osmond,My dad disappeared after his house caught fire,yet when I examined this book, I went back in time and saw him get shot and fall off a train,then I examined this painting,and woke up on this cruise ship and this dead guy told me not to leave this room,but I did,then the ghost of Alyessa from Silent Hill attacked me,but this magic light saved me,then I came up here,found a map,and your Pepsi can."

While Richard was Babbling on,Layer was feasting on the corpse of Rintoo. She licked the blood from her mouth.

Layer:"That is a very confusing story. Well,I best be going."

Richard:"Wait,can't you stay here and help me unravel the mystery surrounding this ship?"

Layer:"Oh what the hell. My mate may have been imprisoned here too."

The two of them left the room and entered the one near the back of the ship. Inside there was a single ghost and a red phone.

Richard:"Hey buddy what's wrong?"

Ghost:"That girl...She'll be coming for me soon...light...need light.."

Suddenly both Richard and Layer whited out again,and found themselves on a dock.

?:"Hey,out of my way!"

Richard got shoved to the ground by some guy carrying a crate. Richard quickly got up and socked him in the back if the head,knocking him out. Layer grabbed this rubber glove hanging on this post.

Man:"uggh,what happened?"

Suddenly the box shook,and the creepy little girl popped out. The man shrieked and even pissed himself. Then Richard and Layer whited out again. Then they were back on the ship.

Richard:"So you just need some light?"

Richard walked over to the light switch and flicked it,nothing came on. Richard repeated this process several times before Layer intervened.

Layer:"Richard,I don't think doing it continuously will help."

Richard punched the switch then examined the phone. He picked it up and saved his game(which he had no idea what the hell it meant)then they left. They came across another ghost who was leaning on the railing.

Ghost:"Cristina,why did I leave you?"

Richard:"Look buddy,I have my own problems to worry about."

Unfortunately,Richard and Layer were whited out again. This time they were in some kind of plaza,with a young woman.

Woman:"I want to see him,but I lost his ring,probably by the "

Layer:"Cover your mouth at least,we don't want to catch it."

The duo proceeded further into the square,they saw a young man pacing around.

Man:"Where is she? I must leave in a few minutes."

Richard:"You mean that Woman? She's all sad because she lost someone's ring."

The man ignored Richard and continued pacing.

Richard:"HEY! Did you hear me?"

Layer:"Richard,he's obviously too stupid to listen,let's just go."

The duo went through this gate and saw a merry-go-round.

Richard:"OHHH,I love these things!Let's ride!"

Layer:"Richard,we don't have time for-" as Richard grabbed her and threw her on this red horse,then he got on a green one.

The ride started and Richard started bouncing up and down on his horse like a complete retard. Layer was very angry that she was on such a ridiculous contraption. However,she saw something sparkle in the corner of the square. After the ride ended,she went over and grabbed an engagement ring.

Richard:"Sweet! That could be worth a shitload of cash on eBay!"

Layer:"This must belong to that sick woman we saw,we should return it."

Richard:"Can't we just keep it?"

Layer growled at Richard,which shut him up. They returned to the plaza and showed the woman the ring. She did a back-flip and a cartwheel with happiness.

meanwhile the man looked at the big clock.

Man:"It's time. It's not like she's going to just show up and ask me to marry her. I'll be back,as long as there isn't a tempest that kills everyone and turns them into ghost."He then departed for the ship. The woman,Richard,and Layer went over by the clock.

Woman:"I was too late"

Richard:"Too bad." he started to walk away.

Woman:"Wait."

Richard:"WILL YOU GET OFF MY BACK LADY! I FOUND YOUR DAMN RING SO WILL YOU JUST LET ME GO HOME AND WATCH 'FANTASTIC MAX'?"

Woman:"I know it's odd to ask a stranger this,but should you see that man again could you give him this ring?"

The option to pick up the ring appeared on screen. Richard wanted to say no,but for some reason he couldn't select the 'no' option,so he had to select 'yes'.After that,they whited out again and found themselves standing in front of that ghost.

Richard:"Hey. Are you a Jeweler? How much is this worth?"He gave him the ring.

Ghost:"...Christina! How could I have forgotten her?I'll will return to her now."

Richard:"Hey,give that back!"

Richard tried to tackle the ghost,but it faded away before he could.

Richard:"Damn it! He stole my shit!"

Layer:"She wanted him to have that ring."

Richard:"Well I wanted a snoopy doll for Christmas,and that didn't happen."

Layer:"Besides,he left something behind."

She was right,there was a shiny,purple orb in the place of the ghost.

Richard:"OOOHHH,that must be worth even more!"

Richard pocketed it,then he and Layer entered the door on the middle deck. Inside,Richard saw the little girl,he pulled out his M92F.

Richard:"DIE LITTLE DEMON BRAT!"

Richard emptied his remaining ammo at the ghost,and it just went through her. She vanished.

Layer:"What in the dragon realms was that?"

Richard:"That's the little ghost girl I told you about. She's scared of the light."

Richard flipped on the light switch and examined the circuit box.

Richard:"Ohhh,that's why the light in that room didn't work,it's not connected."

Richard reached for the connected circuits.

Layer:"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Richard:"Why not?"

Richard touched the circuit and received a powerful electric shock,which damaged his life gauge.

Richard:"Shit bricks!"

Layer:"Why don't you try that rubber glove I gave you.?"

Richard:"Why didn't you tell me that 3 sentences ago?"

Layer:"I just wanted to see you get hurt."

Richard got up,put on the glove,and tried to pull the bridge between the circuits out.

Layer:"Perhaps it's welded on."

Richard:"Good thought."

Richard pulled out a welder and tried to weld it off,but it didn't work.

Richard:"Is this thing protected by a magic spell?"

Layer:"Perhaps we should find another bridge."

Richard:"Good idea,there might be one in this room across from me."

Richard entered the room behind him. It was very dark,and the little girl was in there.

Richard:"Ahha!Say hello to my little friend!"

Richard flipped the light switch,but nothing happened.

Richard:"Ahhh,fuck."

The girl picked up Richard with her-

Richard:"Telekinetic powers.I know douchebag."

I start to cry and run off. Parker appears at my computer.

Parker:"Nice job Richard! You just scared off the author!"

Richard:"Hey,it's not my fault he doesn't give me the ability to escape from this bitches grasp!"

Parker:"If he gave you that ability,it wouldn't be as funny."

Richard:"He gave me a gun,and that makes it funny."

Parker:"Duh,guns make anything funny!"

Richard:"You diaper-wearing freaks think your so smart,but your just big babies!"

Parker:"You know,everyone talks trash about us because of that,but in real life,Leon doesn't wear diapers,only his dino alter ego,So you can just cram it up your ASS!"

Little Girl:"Can we move on?"

Parker:"Leon,you o.k?"

Me:"sniff Yeah,as long as Richy Rich keeps his mouth shut!"

Anyway Richard took some more damage to his life meter (entering wounded status),then fled the room. Outside,Richard gulped down one of them healing potions.

Richard:"EEEEECCCCHHHH! This taste like goat piss!"

Layer:"Was there anything useful in that room?"

Richard:"I couldn't tell,the ghost was in there"

Layer:"Then there must be something in there."

Richard:"Why?"

Layer:"The cause of players fearing the room is usually a ruse to hide useful things,one time when Leon was Playing Haunting Ground ,He avoided a hole in the wall because he thought it would kill him,but it was actually a Alchemy room."

Richard:"Alright!Alright! I'll go back in the damn room!"

Richard re-entered the room,and quickly looked around. Though it was dark,he easily spotted a pair of Wire Cutters from the cheap background. He quickly grabbed them and fled.

Richard:"I got some cutters!"

Layer:"Richard,this is no time to go emo."

Richard:"No,I mean Wire Cutters."

Richard walked down one set of stairs and examined a wooden door.

Richard:"Locked."

Richard walked down the other set of stairs and examined a big steel door.

Richard:"Somethings blocking it."

The duo returned to the room with the locked cabinet.

Richard:"Now I can see what's in this cabinet!"

He used the Wire Cutters and the Wire came off. The doors swung open and revealed a little book with a comet on it.

Book:"I see you."

Richard:"HOLY FUCKING SHIT OBAMA!"

Book:"Come here." the book floated up and into Richard's inventory. Then everything whited out.

The scene fades at an observatory,surrounded by wolves. Richard and Layer found themselves in some kind of lobby,with a spinning globe and several black display cases.

Richard:"Where the fuck are we now!" as he kicked the globe over.

Richard:"Why do they put these cases in the game if we can't even see whats in them?"

The duo got on an elevator at the back,they gazed out the window.

Richard:"Are those wolves?"

Layer:"Hey look! It's Balto!"

A group of sled dogs ran by.

Richard:"Lets go to the 3rd floor."

Layer:"Why not the second floor?"

Richard:"The button to the second floor doesn't work,I wonder what's down there?"

Meanwhile,on the second floor...

Truman (From the Dinobabies cartoon series) is tied down to a walks over to him,with an axe.

Parker:"With you gone,no-one will think that Leon just based his alter ego on you,even though he didn't."

Meanwhile,on the 3rd floor.

Richard and Layer hear a child-like scream that ends abruptly.

Richard:"Well at least we know it's not pleasant on the second floor."

He went over and looked through this massive telescope. He saw a ring-shaped planet,which suddenly exploded.

Layer examined the chalkboard,it had a picture of a comet colliding with the sun and a keyhole.

Richard:"That reminds me,I forgot to look through this creepy book."

He pulled out the book and began to read.

Book:"Comets and suns oh my! This is cooler than Cinna-Bons! To enter the next part of this area,press this book against the sun relief,you shithead!"

Richard did this action and whited out again. This time,they appeared in this marble covered room with this creepy black dude in a purple coat,sitting at a table.

Man:"Welcome,hehe."

Richard:"AAAAAAHHHHHHH,It's the ghost of Micheal Jackson!"

Man:"No,I',m a medium,I possess an alien power."

Richard:"You mean like in Cryostasis?"

Layer:"What do Aliens have to do with Cryostasis?"

Medium:"I can see the world through that book you carry."

Richard:"Why not see through your eyes?"

Medium:"I'm blind-wait what's this? You have something interesting."

Richard:"If it's the phone or the gun,get your it's one of these nasty healing potions,be my guest."

Medium:"I'm talking about that sphere you possess."

Richard:"You mean this thing? What is it? What's it worth?"

Medium:"In lamen's terms,it's another type of energy. I have a goal I am trying to achieve,I need that Sphere."

Richard:"Aaaaannnnndddd?"

Medium:"Of course,I could repay you if you did,do we have a deal?"

Richard:"Repay is the money word. You got a deal."

Richard gave the Medium the Sphere (which is called an Astral Piece).

Medium:"Thank you,here take this with you. This is a special potion I made,it may be weak but it has the power to cure you when you are possessed. I believe this will be very useful to you heheh."

Richard:"What the fuck? No dough?"

Medium:"With that book,you can come here anytime you wish. Come again,I'll be waiting."

Richard:"Why you..."

They were about to leave,but then..

Medium:"Oh,I almost forgot,this stone holds your destiny. Take good care of it."

He gave Richard this blue stone that was missing half.

Richard:"Hey,this things damaged!I never get a full price now!"

Everything whited out,the duo were back in that one room. Layer picked up the cut wire.

Layer:"We can use this to repair the circuit."

Richard:"Good,this chapter seems like it never ends."

The duo went back upstairs and Richard placed the wire between the circuit,fixing the lights. Then they went back to that room with the broken light,and turned it on.

Ghost:"Oh thank god...she won't bother me anymore."

The ghost faded away,leaving behind An Astral Piece,which Richard picked up. When the duo left,Richard saw the first ghost he met.

Richard:"AW shit! Not you again."

Ghost:"Everyone on this ship is dead,all during that horrible tempest. Please help them."

That ghost then faded away,leaving an Astral Piece and a Key. The Duo went back downstairs and Unlocked the wooden door,and continued...

End

Will Layer Find her mate?Will Richard free all the Spirits,and rescue his dad?Or will he just run away like a complete idiot?

A/N:I'm sorry if you found the diaper thing disturbing,I will not speak of it again. Lots of the dialog is identical to that in the game,that's why most of it isn't funny.