Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter no matter how much money I offered

A/N: Goodness, There's so much stuff going on. 'Who was Ron in love with? Wait—Parvati's in this?' Its such a pain to reread stuff I've been writing and reading repeatedly. Anyway, this was gonna be part of chapter 18, but I just decided to make a new chapter out of it.

One of the Guys

Chapter Nineteen

The One with the Lesbian Vampires

"Holiday season has started but I'm feeling more miserable than ever," Ron sighed. He, Harry, and Lavender were squeezed onto a couch in the commons area. They sat in dejection, their heads resting on their palms, and their elbows on their knees. They looked like the perfect sight of depression, they even sighed in synchronization.

"Tell me about it," Harry moaned.

"Boy troubles?" Ron asked, still gazing straight head, not even trying to make an effort to care.

"No! I'm not even gay, Ron," He snapped.

"Oh shut up, Harry," Lavender moaned next to him. "At least you have a boy to be troubled about."

"I do not!"

"They spent hours together the other day, 'studying'," Lavender explained to Ron.

"Yeah and we just studied," Harry moaned.

"First comes studying than comes marriage and baby carriage."

"And death, I know. Where do you come up with these things?" Harry asked. Lavender was always saying stupid things.

"No, it's true, mate," Ron said from Harry's side. "That's why I never study with any girls. They'll tie you down."

"Oh shush, you never study at all," Lavender laughed. "It's a wonder you're still in the same year as us."

"Oh very funny, and I do too study."

Harry sighed as his friends went at it. At least they weren't staring off into space anymore. He took their distraction as a chance to sneak away. He didn't want to have to listen to them argue over make-believe issues or Lavender's love for Mathieu, or whatever was bothering Ron…wait, what was bothering Ron?

Maybe he should help his friend find a new girl to cheer him up. Parvati had been looking interested.

Ginny collapsed next Hermione on the lake shore. Since it was winter, both were wrapped up in their winter cloaks and scarves. The poor girl—or boy—was staring off into the distance. Ginny had never seen her friend like this. Even Terry, her actual boyfriend, had never brought out this type of emotion out of Hermione.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Ginny asked. She was a bit nervous to whatever gale-force issues Hermione might unleash. "Let me guess, not only are you a lesbian but you're only attracted to lesbian vampires who sneak into your room at night and kidnap you to-"

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked. "Vampires? You've been reading too many smut novels."

"So no vampires?" Ginny asked.

"No," Hermione sighed.

"Just lesbians?"

"No!" Hermione cried and blushed. She loosened her scarf and tore off her trapper hat. In her male form, the tiny revealing of skin made a few surrounding girls turn and stare. They could sense a partially nude boy like a pack of hungry wolves.

"Then…?" Ginny asked. "If you're not going to complain, can I?"

Hermione shrugged. "You've listened to me gripe enough. I'll let you have your turn."

"Thank you, you're too kind," Ginny said than turned serious. "Do you …think Neville and I go well together?" Ginny had spoken slowly. The level of seriousness in her voice made Hermione look at her.

She took the question in and pondered Neville and Ginny. "I guess so…" She answered. "Do you not think so?"

Ginny shrugged. "I did at first. He was my friend but I didn't know how I felt, but now…"

"You like him a lot more," Hermione mused.

"Yes, but I think he's losing interest," Ginny closed her eyes and then her head fell forward into her arms, red hair displayed around her shoulders. Hermione's eyes widened. Was Ginny crying? She reached out and embraced her friend in a side hug.

"Oh, Ginny," She signed. "I guess it should be expected that us two girls would have so much drama."

Ginny nodded. "So what do we do?"

Hermione shrugged. "I wanted to ask you about that. I want to do something for Evie for Christmas."

"I don't know," Ginny shrugged Hermione off. "I tease you about this, Hermione, because I'm cool with it. You are my best friend, after all. But Evie? She doesn't know you. She thinks you're an actual guy. She had no clue that you're Hermione Granger."

"You think I haven't thought about that?" Hermione sighed. "I'm tortured by it. She's so cool and she's crazy as hell, but I like her a lot."

"Don't pursue it," Ginny advised. "You already have a boyfriend, remember?" When this spell comes off, you'll have him to deal with as well. How do you think he'll take it that his girlfriend plays for the same team as him?"

"Well…" Hermione sighed. "I'm not so sure anymore…"

"What?" Ginny cried and then hushed quickly but her wide eyes were on Hermione with confusion. "Make up your mind. Gay? Straight?"

"I don't know," Hermione shrugged. "I like Evie, but not really anyone else."

"What about Lavender?" Ginny asked, "Nothing for her?"

"Obviously," Hermione glared. "That one is mental."

Ginny snorted. "Okay, I was just asking. She's the only other girl besides me and Evie who you really talk to…you don't feel anything for me, do you?"

Hermione made a face. "Of course not. That would be gross."

"What?" Ginny cried, wide-eyed again. "But I'm cute and pocket size, and I have pretty red hair. Who doesn't like redheads?"

"No offense," Hermione laughed, "But we're like sisters. It would just be too weird."

"Better response, I suppose."

Hermione let the subject drop but it didn't slip away from her mind. Christmas was coming up and she wanted to do something special for Evie.

Harry left the castle in need of some fresh air. He spotted other students about despite the cold. He even recognized Ginny's famed Weasley hair off in the distance. She was sitting with another male who harry guessed could only be Mathieu or Neville. He believed it was Mathieu since the French boy wasn't bothering him at the moment. The two seemed to be preparing to return to the castle.

Harry turned away and sighed. At the world. At Lavender. At Mathieu. He quickly departed for the quidittch pitch before they could notice him. He grabbed broom from the quidditch shed and took to the air. Lavender had warned him from using anything made infamous by him, like his Firebolt, which was 10 times smoother than the Cleansweep he was riding. He did a few loops and felt invigorated. Being Evie was exhausting. He had half a mind to call off this scam. He did another flip as he thought of why he was undercover to begin with. Was it for Lavender's sake? The suffering of women? He hadn't even kept up with his journals.

Harry stayed on the pitch for another hour before the Ravenclaw quidditch team kicked him off. The captain, Terry Boot had sneered at him viciously.

Harry tossed the broom back in the shed before stomping back to the common room.

Ron and Lavender were still on the couch looking as if they'd never moved. Both looked very grumpy.

"Harry!" Lavender cried, "Why did you leave?"

Harry shrugged and collapsed on the couch between his friends.

"I needed air," He sighed.

"Well Mathieu was looking for you," Lavender sighed still silently bitter but surprisingly supportive. One would think she was a closet fag-hag. "He wanted to do some more 'studying,' if you know what I mean." And with that she winked at him.

Ron who had been silent suddenly laughed. "Hey, Mate, this could be the opportunity to lose your virginity."

"Leave it alone!" Harry growled. "You guys are jerks. After this, our friendship is through."

"Nah, you'd miss us too much," Ron smirked. "Now your man is in the boy's dorm probably sulking that you're not with him. Or masturbating…You should go cheer him up."

"Yeah, good luck…'studying'," Lavender called as Harry Moved away. His friends were idiots he silently decided.

"I thought you liked him and now you're encouraging me to 'study' with him?" Harry asked his blonde friend.

"Is that what we're calling it these days?" Someone not Ron or Lavender joked before she could respond.

"Hey, Neville," Lavender giggled and Harry got his answer. He and Ron shared a look as Neville sat down beside the blonde.

"Neville!"

Harry and everyone else turned to clearly edgy voice of Ginny Weasley.

She stormed briskly over to the clumsy boy. Lavender scowled but stayed silent. Harry would've thought the flirty girl would've spoken. She had been rather clingy when it came to Neville. Maybe not as bad as she was with Mathieu…

Harry trailed off with surprise. Despite how vocal and aggressive Lavender was when it came to Mathieu she had latched on to the idea of Harry and Mathieu (he blushed) rather quickly. But with Neville she seemed so different. She must really like him.

Ginny whispered something into Neville's ear and for a boy who's been carrying on something akin to an emotional affair with another girl while his girlfriend was behaving distantly he suddenly gave Ginny such an adoring look.

He nodded at whatever she whispered and the two went to a private corner in the common room and cuddled.

Harry quickly glanced to Lavender who was watching Neville and Ginny before she caught his eye and glared.

Harry took it as his cue to go up to the boy's dorms.

Mathieu was sitting on Harry's old bed and he assumed that he had been assigned to sleep there since Harry potter was studying in another country. Harry idly wondered if his bed in the girl's dorm belonged to Hermione Granger. Both thoughts were uncomfortable.

"Hey, Matt," He said from the door. "Lav said you wanted to study?"

Mathieu who had been lying on the bed with his eyes closed suddenly squeaked.

Harry grinned at the adorableness. Mathieu was awkward with girls, which was surprising to Harry. You would think a boy that cute and French would be more comfortable. Confidence wasn't an issue. Harry knew Mathieu had been the aggressor so far.

Mathieu nodded. He kicked his feet off the bed, messing the covers but he ignored that as he grabbed books from his bed stand.

"Transfiguration notes," Mathieu said. He glanced at Harry and patted the spot beside him. "I don't have any uh..." Mathieu searched for a word, appearing so out of sorts. "Reptiles, yes so it's all theory." He seemed to go awkward again.

"Great," Harry said and sat on the bed. He grabbed the notes and five seconds later he was already bored.

It's been a long time, but here's another chapter. This one was somewhat fun. I have a lot of ideas for upcoming events and hopefully they'll be entertaining. Thanks everyone for reviewing. They mean a lot and they truthfully keep me coming back to this story. So every update is dedicated to all of you.