Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter no matter how much money I offered.

A/N: SORRY GUYZZZ! LATE CHAPTER IS LAAAATE! This was such a tough chapter to write. I honestly didn't know what to write even though I have notes and plans for plot points.

One of the Guys

Chapter Twenty

Humpty Dumpty

Christmas was in the air as all students got mentally prepared to begin ignoring their teachers in favor of Christmas cheer. The Christmas trees were decorated with the traditional fairy ornaments and the house elves wore Christmas hats much to their horror but Dumbledore had promised to take the hats back and let the elves burn them in the kitchens. He also told the students, if the y smell smoke near the kitchens, to just ignore it and in the meantime to freshen up on their aqua spells.

And along with the holiday cheer, came the relief that the students of Hagrid's 7th year care of Magical creatures class could turn in their eggs finally. Harry couldn't be happier. Karen was heavy and Harry was getting tired of carrying it.

For the most part, Harry let Mathieu do most of the heavy lifting. Mathieu had a strong sense of Paternity, Harry observed. Whereas Harry had sometimes thrown Karen onto the sofa or his bed as he did something else, he noticed that Mathieu cradled Karen in his lap as they studied. After all, it was Mathieu who initiated the shopping date ('Karen couldn't be naked, after all'). Harry also noticed that once the Christmas decorations went up, Karen was wearing a Santa costume.

"Where'd this come from?" He asked as Mathieu and Karen (who was tucked in a muggle baby carrier that was strapped to Mathieu's chest). Karen was even wearing a little red hat with a fuzz ball tip.

"I thought it was fitting what with the festive cheer and all," Mathieu said shrugging. "And maybe we'll get bonus points if it looks like we took the time to dress her and all.

"And the baby carrier?" Harry asked.

"I owled my mom for it a few days ago, she used this with me apparently," Mathieu explained.

Harry nodded and suddenly finally the situation felt sweet instead of weird. Mathieu would probably make a good father.

They trekked down to Hagrid's class and sat on the ground like everyone else. Despite the strangeness in Mathieu's apparel, and the choice company of a large egg, the two who had made for a ridiculous sight now fit in with the addition of their fellow classmates. A few eggs that belonged to one or two muggleborn "parents" had googly eyes glued onto them. "Oh," Harry whispered to Mathieu, "That would've been good for bonus points."

Another egg even had a wig on. Harry looked down at the bald-headed Karen in the baby carrier and wondered if a few dark-haired curls would give them extra credit. Despite the shenanigans that Karen brought into Harry's life, he was happy to be rid of her. Taking care of an egg wasn't fun, and despite being immobile, she still managed to cause so much drama in his life. He snuck a glance at Mathieu and then looked away. A lot of drama.

"Hey," Mathieu leaned into Harry, the other boy moved Karen to the grass beside him. "I don't see Lavender and Neville?"

Harry Looked around and saw that Mathieu was right. The two were not here while the rest of the class had showed up in eager droves to get rid of their kids—eggs.

"I wonder where they are," Harry pondered. "Well there's Ron and Hannah."

Ron was actually cowering as his female companion yelled at him.

"I can't believe you ate our egg!" She was screaming. The entire class sat watching. "We'll get an F for sure. F for cannibalism!"

"I was just so hungry," Ron defended

"Then eat something else, not our project…I mean child, I mean egg, whatever."

"Alfonso was delicious; he would've wanted me to eat him."

"I'm assuming you didn't eat him raw. You had to have gone to the kitchens and have a house elf whip you something together. And you still thought Alfonso was the best option to eat."

"At least we didn't eat Karen." Evie said to Mathieu as Ron and Hannah continued to duke it out.

"Yeah, all things considered we actually took pretty good care of Karen—"

CRACK

"Oops," A familiar voice drawled. Harry and Mathieu turned and saw Draco Malfoy carrying a particularly rotting egg (or maybe it was just painted slytherine green) with his boot poised above Karen's opened-cracked body, her clear and yellow innards oozing out like a wasted breakfast opportunity.

"Malfoy, you prat!" Harry cried as he stared at the broken egg. "You just killed our egg!"

"Karen!" Mathieu cried, "My grade!"

Harry stood up and faced Mathieu ready to defend Matt's honor when Mathieu let out an insane growl and tackled Malfoy. Malfoy's hideous green egg (green, really?) flew into the air, much to the horror or his partner, Pansy.

"Baby!" She cried. The egg eventually hit Seamus on the head and cracked its yoke all over him.

"Aw hell," He mumbled. "Egg Fight!"

The entire class screamed and soon eggs were flying everywhere. Harry barely had time to dodge the googly-eyed one. Mathieu was still wrestling with Malfoy. In a particularly vicious move, he had picked up a handful of yoke and smeared it across Malfoy's face.

"I'm so glad that's over with," Evie said to Hermione as they made their way back to the castle.

Hermione's first plan of action once back at the Gryffindor tower was a shower, forget about lunch. Plus once you've pulled egg out of your ear, your appetite begins to quiet.

Truthfully, Hagrid had been heartbroken when he saw everyone's destroyed project but than overjoyed when wild pygmy puffs swarmed from the Forbidden forest and ate what was left of everyone's projects. Hagrid had suddenly become overjoyed and had an impromptu lesson on pygmy puffs. This class also helped explain what happened to the pygmy puffs that always disappear when a student brings one to school.

Hermione finished her shower and changed into her uniform from the tower window she could make out kids enjoying the beginning of their winter break. Classes had ended and tomorrow, most of the students would leave for home. She wondered if Evie would leave or if she would stay. Hermione planned on staying. Ginny and her brother were leaving and so were Neville, Lavender, and Parvati.

If Evie stayed, they would have plenty of alone time. Hermione blushed at that and fell back on her bed.

Ron was frustrated. Hannah had been furious with him. He didn't truly understand why. Upset sure, he had eaten their project, but she looked ready to curse him. He was truly fortunate that Malfoy stuck his foot in Harry's egg or Hannah might have killed him.

Ron truly didn't like Hannah angry at him. He had already disappointed her enough. She had stomped away from him the moment Hagrid had dismissed him and she hadn't looked back. In fact, she had her arms crossed. Girls crossing their arms never meant anything good.

Ron needed to blow off steam. In fact, he needed to forget about Hannah. She had broken up with him. She was the one who hadn't wanted to give him a chance, so he should get over her.

He needed a girl. Only a girl would help him get over another girl.

"Hey Ron," A sultry voice asked.

"What a coincidence," He murmured and turned to the voice. "Hi Parvati."

"Whats with that smile?" She asked. She raised an eyebrow at him. She had thought he'd be more frustrated with her than happy but his face told her otherwise.

"I'm ready," He said magnanimously . "You can be my girlfriend."

Parvati laughed aloud. "You're kidding, right?"

"No," Ron snapped. "Didn't you want to be my girlfriend."

"…" Parvati just stared at him. "Yes, actually. I just didn't think it would be so easy."

She honestly had a list written out to torture Ron sexually before going in for the killing blow. Ron was not suppose to come around this soon.

She twisted her neck and gazed calculatingly at him. She could still work with this.

"Okay," She said slowly and a new plan began to unfold in her mind. "If I'm your girlfriend, what do you want to do now?" She leaned into him and gazed at his face. She blinked her long lashes at him, and put a hand on his shoulder. "You're tense."

Ron shivered. "Yeah. Actually, I think we could head up to my dorm and," He gulped. "'study.'"

"I can start with a massage."

Harry finally found Lavender sitting in an empty classroom. She had lights off and was staring despondently at a wall. Harry sighed.

"I've been looking for you everywhere…" He noticed her strange body language. Boy trouble, but for the sake of decorum—"Okay, what now?"

Lavender sighed loudly. "I hate men!"

And he was right on the dot.

"Okay," Harry said and sat beside her. "But does that really warrant sitting in a dark classroom by yourself like a crazy person?"

"Yes it does," Lavender moaned. "I need to separate myself from other people lest they break my heart as well."

"I don't think you need to be so dramatic. I mean, if this is about Mathieu—"

"Oh don't remind me!" Lavender bemoaned. She grabbed Harry by his shirt. "You stole the token hotty! And now I'm in love with a married man!"

"Whoa," Harry cried and jumped away from Lavender. "Married? Since when are Matt and I married? Who told you this?"

"Oh not you two, I mean Neville!" Lavender cried and slumped on her seat.

"Neville isn't married either," Harry said cautiously.

"He might as well be," Lavender said. "He barely paid me any attention as soon as that red-haired harpy enters a room."

'Oh boy,' Harry thought. "That's because Ginny Weasely's his girlfriend."

"But why?" Lavender sighed. "Everyone is having such successful relationships but me. Why do I fall for taken men?"

"In case you haven't noticed, my love life is kind of non-existent, and Ron's? Well, his is a mess."

"That does make me feel better, actually," Lavender said.

"Good for you. Now where were you today?" Harry asked. "We turned our eggs in but then Malfoy started an egg fight and they all got destroyed."

"Yeah…I ditched," Lavender shrugged. "I asked Ron to babysit my egg and he lost it."

Harry thought back to Ron confession to eating his egg. "Maybe he got hungry?"

"Are you suggesting he ate my egg? He told me he took it out to the quidditch pitch and some suspicious person was hanging around."

"Well he ate his egg, but we shouldn't put out egg-napping," Harry said

"Great," Lavender sighed still sounding depressed. "So how did Hagrid grade everyone?"

"…" Harry thought for a moment. "I have no idea, actually. I don't think he has a grading curriculum….may I ask where Neville was? He wasn't at class either."

Lavender shrugged and turned away.

"Neville?" Lavender knocked on the boy's dorm door. "Come on we have magical creature class."

"I'm not going!" Neville's muffled voice cried through the door.

"Why because our egg was eggnapped?" Lavender asked.

"Yes!"

"Well…okay," Lavender said and shrugged. "Seems like a good enough reason to me."

Lavender turned to leave, knowing Neville wouldn't open the door. She might as well do something fun with her new free time.

"How will I ever be a good father if I can't even take care of an egg!?" Neville cried.

"Neville," Lavender sighed. "It wasn't you. You were a great father to our egg. And it wasn't your fault. Not at all. It was my fault."

Neville was quiet on the other side. "You were great with Petey," he whispered.

Lavender smiled softly and leaned against the door. She thought back to the egg, Petey, who Neville treated like a real baby. He sang to it at night. "I should have paid him better attention. I just gave him to Ron."She felt so stupid now. She was aware of how much effort Neville put into their egg and she didn't take that into consideration when she asked Ron to egg-sit.

Neville opened the door and the two stared at each other.

"You're friends with him," He said. "I'm sorry; I'm being silly about an egg."

"No you're not," Lavender whispered. They were leaning very close to each other.

Neville stared at her face and did his eyes dip to her lips. Lavender licked her lips.

"Neville?" She asked and leaned closer.

The kiss lasted a moment…

"I haven't see him at all," Lavender said, unable to meet Harry's eyes.

Duh Duh Duh!

A new chapter. Something completely different was suppose to happen at the end of this chapter; Two different characters were suppose to kiss. Any guesses on who?

Side note, I was on Hannah Abbot's wiki page and she apparently marries Neville! I was not aware Neville married anyone, so you go Neville. This is why Jk Rowling needs to publish an encyclopedia that is not Pottermore.