Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter no matter how much money I offered. This story is based on the Boy Meets World episode "Chick like me" (4x15) and the movie "One of the guys." I recommend checking those out.
Also I just watched the movie 'Just one of the girls' (1993) starring Corey Haim and now I wish I could rewrite this whole story and do something a little different with Harry's experiences—to me he doesn't feel like a guy. Oh well, no point in ret-conning anything now. But I recommend that movie as well. I watched it on youtube so catch it soon, in case it gets taken down. Corey Haim was pretty adorable as a girl, by the way, if not a little perverted.
One of the Guys
Chapter Twenty-One
New Roads
It was weird, Ron thought when he woke up the next morning. Parvati was tucked under his arm and snuggled up against his chest. He lifted the blanket up and then quickly dropped it. Oh boy. Where were his clothes?
"So, there I was, I was sitting on a whale…but it was really like a giant turtle, but I didn't realize that until like the middle part—Anyway! I was sitting there in the middle of the ocean on what I thought was a whale and a mist came over me and a voice calls to me. 'Lav, you will find your truth one day'. At first I thought it was God, then I realized it was Elton John. And remember that turtle part, well Elton John was the turtle." Lavender finished. "Then I woke up. What do you think it all means?"
Harry couldn't even finish his breakfast. "That you shouldn't eat cheese cake before bed?"
"This is important, Harry." Lavender snapped. "I mean 'Evie'. That dream kicked me off center. How am I supposed to hold myself together today without my zen?"
Harry shrugged. "If it's that important to you, you could always ask Trelawney."
"I could, but then she'll wonder why I haven't figured it out myself, I don't want her to become disappointed in me."
"No, we wouldn't want that."
"Where's Parvati when I need her? She wouldn't laugh at me," Lavender sighed.
Harry rolled his eyes and then briefly wondered where Ron was. He and Lavender had waited for him for about 20 minutes before deciding to catch breakfast before class began.
"Ron's not here, either," Harry pointed out.
"I know," Lavender sighed. "It's been wonderful, hasn't it?"
Harry chuckled and the two collected their books and headed off to transfiguration.
"Sphhshhh!" a voice whispered as they walked passed a knight's armor. Suddenly a quill hit the back of Harry's neck.
"Ow," Harry grabbed the back of his neck. He had been hit by the pointy end.
"Sphshh!" the voice whispered again.
The two turned towards the armor and saw Ron's face pop out from behind it.
"Ron," Lavender hissed. "Where have you been?"
"Hiding," He scowled.
Lavender and Harry stared at him. "And?" Lavender snapped.
"From…" Ron made a face and then confessed. "From Parvati!"
Lavender and Harry shared a look, knowing there were only so many reasons that would cause Ron to want to hide from a girl.
"Parvati, Ron?" Lavender asked. "Your ex? Didn't you already sleep with her? Weren't you after the Hufflepuff?"
Ron glared at Lavender. "I think I want to talk to Harry."
"Fine by me," Lavender huffed and stomped away.
"What crawled up her butt?" Ron snapped.
"Lavender hates men, right now." Harry explained.
Ron sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I know the feeling…sort of. I messed up big time last night."
Harry didn't say anything, but raised an eyebrow at his friend.
"Bloody hell, Harry, don't do that! I'm grieving here."
"Do what?" Harry asked, "And call me 'Evie.'"
"Sorry," Ron sighed, "but the eyebrow thing, don't do that. It's sexy as hell, and I'm trying to air my grievances about my girl problems."
"Ew, Ron," Harry snapped and looked away. "Maybe I should leave too."
"Not you," Ron cried out and then quieted. "I need you."
"What's going on?" Harry asked and stepped closer. "What happened between you and Parvati?"
"I think it's pretty obvious." Ron sighed. "I've been avoiding her this morning. I made a mistake."
"She wasn't at breakfast," Harry said.
"Ugh," Ron groaned. "That means I could've gotten food."
Harry shrugged.
"Well, I'm avoiding her so I can't go to class today; can you pick up my homework?" He asked
Harry nodded and Ron went back to hide behind his armor. Harry shook his head and ran after Lavender.
Class went by fast and so Lavender and Harry collected Ron's homework.
"I can't believe that man," Lavender grumbled. She and Harry carried their assignments down the hall and saw Ron hiding in an alcove. He waved at them and was about to step out of his shadowy-hideout when Parvati walked by from the opposite direction. She didn't notice Ron and so it was pretty amusing to see him rock his body backwards to avoid her.
"Hey, Lavender," Parvati waved. She was walking with her twin sister and the two girls swept by Harry and Lavender.
"Smooth," Lavender cooed at Ron. "I can see why all the ladies love you."
"Oh shut up, Lavender," Ron muttered. "Is this all my homework?"
"Oh yeah," Harry unloaded in Ron's arms. "Good luck."
"Ew," Ron said. "Well I'm off to the common's room. Don't forget to bring me back some lunch."
The two nodded and said goodbye.
The next morning, Ron lay in bed. He felt embarrassed about the hoops he jumped through to avoid Parvati when she didn't seem to miss his presence at all. Was he just a lay for her? Did she even care that he was avoiding her? Furthermore, should he be insulted?
There were too many thoughts rambling through Ron's head and he figured he should just turn his brain off and let the chips fall into place.
Terry who had spent the first few months of school with girlfriend on the continent had finally decided to break the silence of no interaction with his girlfriend. Hermione had simply vanished, no goodbye or letters about her experience. To be fair, they were both busy with their own lives. She obsessed over school and her failed paper, and he had prefect duties and quidditch.
When he had heard that she was going to study in France, he had been happy for her, a little disappointed that she had not written him but their relationship was like that; A little casual, a little open.
He had found company in other girls when he needed it, but Hermione was still his main girl. She was smart and therefore a perfect match for him. He decided with Christmas in the air, that he'd write her a letter, maybe plan a weekend together over break. It has been months after all since he last saw her. Maybe she'd have a cute accent also.
He pondered those exciting thoughts as he conjured some parchment paper. He jotted down a quick note inviting her to visit Hogwarts over the break and conjured a holiday card with a snowman on the front. If she could stay a few nights, he'd let her stay in the Ravenclaw Tower also now that he had his own room as a prefect and she'd be only essentially visiting before she went back to Beaubaxton.
"I had another dream about Elton John but this time he was accompanied by Ringo Starr," Lavender explained.
"Were they whale-turtle creatures again?" Harry asked as he took a bite of toast.
"No, actually… they were rabbits this time," Lavender sighed.
"Stop with the late night cheesecake, why won't you?" Harry said. "Maybe the dreams will stop, as well."
Lavender sighed. She looked down the table to see Neville eating breakfast with Dean and Seamus. Across from them was Ginny and Mathieu. Lavender let her eyes roam over Mathieu. He was still handsome but then her eyes roamed to Neville and she couldn't remove them. Neville wasn't stereotypically handsome but he was a great companion. He was funny, kind, and actually quite smart. Neville laughed at something Ginny had said, and Lavender scowled. She turned back to Harry and grabbed his toast out of his hands and took a vicious bite.
Harry just froze as his delicious breakfast was hijacked by a seemingly bipolar woman. "You're welcome," He mumbled.
Lavender just glared at him and continued eating. Harry sighed and grabbed himself some more toast. He looked over to the group that had Lavender so heartbroken. He met Mathieu's eyes. Mathieu sent him a smile and nodded. Harry let a small smile stretch across his face. And maybe he was blushing a little. He looked away back to Lavender only to see her glaring at him with the evil eye look.
"What?" He asked. "I'm not allowed to acknowledge my other friends."
Lavender shook her head. "You two make me sick. Being all lovey-dovey and blushing and smiling and waving with the nodding. UGH! Stop it. I don't need you to shove your relationship down my throat. It shouldn't be that easy for you to get a boyfriend. That's not even fair!"
"B-boyfriend?" Harry sputtered. "Are you drunk?" He reached for her pumpkin juice and smelled it.
"Just go over there and make out with him, already, why don't you," She snapped and grabbed her drink back. "You know, you could stand to be a little more like Ron. He's and idiot but he's not coy."
"What did I do to deserve this attack?" Harry asked a little offended. "Just because you're stressed about Neville doesn't mean you have to take it out on me. I'm out. I'm going to class."
He got up and left the Great hall.
Hermione watched as Evie and Lavender got into a heated argument. Lavender was looking like hell. Evie looked very perplexed and once again Ron was nowhere to be seen. Hermione had noticed that that particular trio was looking pretty tense lately. Maybe it was the holiday spirit and they missed Harry. Hermione had wondered if something would ever develop between Lavender and Harry. She had thought, once maybe Lavender and Ron had some sexual tension between them, but Ron had proven to be a somewhat Dud when it came to Lavender.
Hermione debated going after Evie, but sometimes she felt like she crowded Evie. She watched as the short haired girl reached the doors. Evie turned her head and shot Hermione a pleading look before slipping away. Hermione sat up straighter and took the expression for what it was worth. Evie was inviting her along.
"Hey, I'll see you guys in class.
Hermione wasn't the only one watching Evie and Lavender. Neville had been watching too and his heart broke when he saw how destroyed Lavender looked as she attacked Harry's toast with her mouth. He couldn't take his eyes off of her but then he felt a hand rest on his wrist and he looked up and saw a wide-eyed Ginny. There was something desperate in her eyes and he swallowed. He hoped she didn't realize his feelings or the potential for feelings he had for Lavender. He truly liked Ginny and he didn't want to hurt her, but he could say the same for Lavender and he didn't want to hurt her either.
Neville didn't know what to do.
Harry had been wondering aimlessly through the hallways feeling a little emotionally lost. He felt minor betrayal at Lavender's words, but then again the friendship between him, Lavender, and Ron had always been a little volatile. But these last few weeks, Lavender had been saying little comments here and there about Harry and Mathieu, and while he had tried to take them as friendly jabs, her words could be entirely bitter and honestly cruel.
He shook his head and wondered if maybe there was any truth to her words or was she just taking her relationship frustrations out on him. Could there be something to his friendship with Mathieu. Mathieu was another boy, but then again he wasn't quiet at all about his feelings for Harry or actually "Evie".
What was Harry supposed to do about that? He couldn't exactly tell Mathieu the truth. That would be humiliating but then again he couldn't continue to lead the poor guy on. Harry didn't like guys. He really didn't. He liked Mathieu as a friend but not romantically. Harry liked women. He had a little crush on Lavender a few years ago but he had always been too shy to act on it. Lavender was so filled with life and she was fast moving, sometimes Harry felt that she was out of his league.
He sighed and scuffed his shoes on the stone ground. His life felt a little pathetic. Here he was bemoaning his lack of sex-life or never having a girlfriend, when he was stuck in a girl's body. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to, unsurprisingly, find Mathieu walking towards him.
He smiled weakly at the French boy who for all intents and purposes was his friend but also made Harry feel inadequate. What a realization to have about your friend. Harry admired him. Harry kind of wished he was him. He had girls like Lavender and even Ginny hanging off his arm and he seemed fully capable of getting even a 'straight' guy to become attracted to him. Yeah, even though Harry wanted to be like Mathieu he also kind of wanted to be with him. Ugh.
He frowned and turned away from Mathieu and kept on walking. Yeah, he needed to clear his head.
"Where are you going? Wait up, won't you?" Mathieu called and jogged to catch up with Harry.
Harry felt Mathieu's hand on his shoulder and glanced at him quickly. Mathieu smiled at him and Harry fought a shiver.
"Wow, everyone seems so tense lately," Mathieu said conversationally. "I saw Lavender yelling at you earlier."
Harry grunted. "It was nothing, don't worry about it."
Mathieu fell into a steady pace beside harry and shoved his hands in his front pockets casually. "I can't help it," He said in a low voice. "I don't like seeing you upset."
Harry sent a quick look at Mathieu, hating him for making him feel…gay, but also loving how someone could feel so attuned to him. "What do you care if I'm upset?"
"You're my friend," Mathieu said. "I don't like seeing my friends upset. Not if I can help it."
"You should hang out with girls less, than," Harry shrugged.
Mathieu held out a hand for Harry to take. He stared at for a moment before accepting it. He gave in a little and accepted the warmth that Mathieu's hand seemed to seep out of his body into Harry's heart.
"Let's go outside for a walk," Mathieu said. "We have sometime before class starts."
Harry chuckled at that and the two walked out of the castle. It wasn't snowing, not quite cold enough yet, but their breaths came out in puffs.
"Hey, What's that?" Harry squinted into the white sky and pointed at a black dot in the sky coming from the castle. Mathieu followed his gaze and figured it was an owl.
"I guess we missed the post?" Mathieu suggested.
The dot came closer and the shape of an owl formed. It came and swooped around the two before landing on Mathieu's shoulder and sticking out its foot which held an envelope and a scroll.
Mathieu took the items dutifully and watched as the bird took off. Harry watched as Mathieu opened the envelope and pulled out a Christmas card with a snowman on it.
"I wonder who this is from," Mathieu mumbled.
"I forgot Christmas is coming," Harry said and sighed. With all the drama of his friends, he wondered how much he'd be able to enjoy the holiday.
"Don't sound so sad about it," Mathieu chuckled. "We can celebrate it together? Unless, are you going home?"
Harry shook his head. "I'm staying over break."
"Great, we'll celebrate it together," Mathieu smiled. He wrapped an arm around Harry and began to lead them back to the school. "I have to admit, I'm pleased you're not going home. I wanted to spend Christmas with you most of all."
"Why?" Harry asked. They stopped right outside the school doors and Mathieu glanced up before meeting Harry's eyes.
"Because then I wouldn't get to do this as often," Mathieu bit his lip before leaning into Harry and kissed him.
Mathieu's warm hands were on Harry's shoulder and while the low level functioning of his brain suggested that he was currently kissing another guy, he ignored it and accepted Mathieu's lips on his. For once he decided to follow his instincts instead of letting his discomfort dictate his actions. 'This is nice,' were his last thoughts before giving in completely.
A/N: Hey guys, I've been posting this story supposedly since 2005, which has been about 8 years now. I remember being a kid and writing this story. Anyway, it's been a while since I've updated and yet somehow, I'm still getting emails about people having 'favorited' this story, left a review, or added an alert. So thank you guys for leaving reviews and reminding me that people still want to read this story. It's when I get those emails that I'm the most inspired to write because I know people care.
I actually found the end of this chapter really difficult to write and I had almost put it off again to the NEXT chapter which would've been ridiculous since it was all supposed to happen in the previous chapter. I feel like this story is really slow paced but when I get to the big plot/relationship points, I tend to get shy and rush a little. Let me know what you think. I'm hoping to do a lot more writing this summer.
Also, Terry popped up for the first time in YEARS! I was writing his section and realized how callous the Terry/Hermione relationship is.