Authors Note- I'd appreciate if all of notes at the end of the chapter will be read. Thank you.

Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.

August 3rd

Sunday

EPOV

The week afterwards was difficult to say in the least.

My father went home to resume work, and my mother stayed with Bella and I to help out around the house. She was a god send, I have no idea how I could ever repay her for all that she has done already. Alice had flown in here last Friday, and she also has been staying with us, keeping Esme and Bella on their toes with her excitement of being in New York.

Bella has taken a leave of absence from work for the time being, she still is in the healing process from surgery, and I am slowly trying to get myself back into my schedule, trying to try and heal in my own way after the loss of our baby.

Bella is doing okay, I thank god every damn day for her being able to accept what has happened, and not go into downfall depression. They said PTSD was very common with miscarriage, especially four months into the pregnancy. It wasn't that Bella was happy about it, I could see it in her eyes that she was sad. I could also see though, that she was dealing with it the best she could and trying to get on.

She told me that her scar would forever remind her, but that maybe it was just gods way of telling us that we weren't ready, that maybe that wasn't our chance to try. Maybe all of the obstacles were put in our way because of that.

We had Declan Edward Cullen buried in the small garden cemetary at the hospital four days later.

The first week, we were all just trying to have everything sink in, after the burial everything seemed too real. We didn't hear from Renee, but Charlie called everyday to talk to Bella or I, seeing how everything was going. Even if it was five minutes, it meant alot to us.

I resumed work, and applied for my classes.

I talked to Bella about this, and we agreed that once I was finished with pre-law, I would apply for Law schools in Chicago and we could go home, and Bella could find a job downtown and settle in there. Since I would have to do two years of law after four years of Pre-Law, Bella and I would be graduated from this college, and we could move.

It was easy to talk naturally about planning our lives, knowing we would end up together. Already we shared the apartment, and we both thought it would be stupid at this point to find seperate apartments again.

Bella had gotten her classes all set up, she was three weeks into healing, and probably had another week or two. Which was great because school started up again the eighteenth, a Monday. And she would be healed.

I pulled up to the house, after a long day at work. I was exhausted, and I was glad to be back in school soon, only, I would be working even more. I knew that I wouldn't have much working time coming up, but our income was good.

My parents were paying for all my school expenses, and I knew Bella's father said he would put some money away for Bella every month and send it to us. Charlie had been very present in our lives recently.

When I walked in, I got a big whiff of garlic.

Have I mentioned how much my mom has helped out the past few weeks. Alice I think was also enjoying the cooking.

I knew that on Tuesday she was leaving, and Alice was going along with her, but I really wanted to give my mom something, to thank her for all that she has done. And Alice, for being there emotionally for Bella. This week she really has been bringing her positive attitude in the apartment. I went into the kitchen, taking my jacket off. I basically have to wear a suit to work now, to keep up a professional image.

" Hey, mom. How are you?" I asked.

She turned around from the stove, still stirring a pot of homemade spaghetti.

" Hi, sweetheart. I'm okay. How was work?"

" Good. Where's Bella? Laying down?"

" In the bath!" Alice chirped from the couch, flipping though a fashion magazine.

I sighed, " Thank you mom, and you too Alice. For being here for Bella, and Mom for just cooking and everything. How about you guys just go out tonight

" Oh, no that's fine."

I slid over a Visa gift card, one for them to share between them. " Go have fun, both of you. I insist. Here, take the Volvo."

" Edward!"

" Shh, just go have fun. I know you've been wanting to, and I want you to."

She ran around the island and wrapped her arms around me. " Your a good, kid. You've dealt with so much more than anybody I know."

Alice squealed and hopped off the couch, running towards me and wrapping her arms around me. Her happiness was vibrating off of her.

" Now go have fun."

After my mother excitedly bounced out of the house with an equally as happy Alice beside her, I headed upstairs to see my Bella. I opened up the bedroom door, putting my jacket on the bed, along with my tie and shirt. I took my shoes and socks off, heading for the bathroom in only my boxers and suit pants.

I knocked on the door before opening it.

Bella was in the bath, bubbles all around her with her chocolate colored hair piled ontop of her head with a few pieces hanging around her tucked behind her ear. She was staring at the water, gently moving her hands around in the bubbles

" Hello, love." I said quietly, kneeling by the side of the bathtub to give her a kiss.

She kissed me back chastely and I pulled away.

" Hi." she whispered.

I ran my hand over her cheek and she smiled slightly, leaning into my touch.

" Can I join you?"

Bella looked surprised for a moment, but she nodded. I stripped off the rest of my clothing, taking notice that she was infact watching me. I got into the bath next to her. The bath was wide, and pretty long. Just enough to fit us both. She laid against me, her head resting on my shoulder.

" How are you feeling today?"

" Okay."

" Your stomach?"

" The muscles are getting stronger, still hurts but it's not as bad."

I wrapped my arms around her upper body, pulling her against me.

" How are you?" I asked her.

She turned her head and looked at me. " I won't lie and tell you I'm feeling perfect. I'm okay though, and I just...I'm trying to get better. Everyday it gets easier. But I just...I still can't believe it happened."

I pressed my lips against her jaw. " Everything will be okay. I have those days where it's just a shock. And some where I hope that I'm dreaming and I'll wake up with you beside me with everything how it was."

" I can't shake the feeling." she whispered.

I ran my hands over her hips and gently up the side of her waist. The water was hot, and I really just wanted to lay here with her and disappear for awhile. I curled Bella's body into me, and she relaxed, letting her body unwind.

" I love you."

" I love you, too."

For a while longer we laid in the warm bubbly water, that is, until it grew cold. I got out first, wrapping a towel around my waist and helped ease Bella up. I wrapped a towel around her, and she leaned into me. I wrapped my arms around her, rubbing her back.

We went into the bedroom and changed into our sleep clothes. Bella and I went downstairs to have some dinner, and then relaxed on the couch infront of the television. At around nine, Alice and my mom were still out shopping, and I carried an asleep Bella upstairs for sleep.

I gently set her on the mattress, covering her up with the comforter. I smiled against her neck, laying on my side. She still couldn't really lay in her normal sleep position, but soon she would be. I knew it bugged her having to sleep on her back.

" We'll be okay." I whispered quietly in her ear

" I know."

She slightly startled me, I thought she'd been asleep. I gently rubbed her arm, placing small kisses all over her neck.

" Do you forgive me?" I heard her whisper quietly.

I looked at her, confused.

" Forgive you for what, beloved?"

" For everything. For basically...just...letting the stress take over me and have this outcome."

" Bella, it's not your fault!...The stress of everything is what triggered it, and nobody could have expected you to handle everything at once. I've never blamed you for anything that has happened. never has a thought like that crossed my mind."

" I just think that if I would have sucked it up, everything would have been great."

I wrapped her up in my arms, trying to soothe her.

" No, Bella. That wouldn't be you, and it's not honest. Losing the baby was not your fault. Everything around you caused the stress, and you just couldn't handle all of it. Love, it was never your fault."

Bella nodded against my chest, and I rubbed her ribs gently.

" I know it might not be enough to hear me say it Bella, but I never blamed you for anything. I blame everything that was put in your path to make everything hard on you."

" It's just like...everything was being thrown at me left and right and I didn't know how to handle it, and where to put the stress. I just didn't know how to take it all at once and..."

Her soft sobs took over, making her body quake, I held her, kissing her temple and trying to help her calm down. I wiped her tears, and kissed them away. Her hand gripped mine tightly, hanging on for dear life.

" It will be okay, Bella. Everything will fall into place for us, I promise."

I let Bella get everything out of her system, hoping that it would make her feel better if she let out her pent up emotions. It was around eleven when she had calmed down, and we both fell asleep soon after we heard our front door close, signalling my mother and Alice home.

The next few days without my mother I had to say, were really hard. I knew we couldn't keep her forever though, my father was probably already as lonely as it is. Bella's happiness faltered a bit when both my mother and Alice left, but I tried my best to keep her spirits up.

She was able to get around the house better now, but I still didn't like coming home and seeing her cleaning. I'd taken her to the doctor, and they said that she could go back to her normal everyday schedule, as school was now only a week away. They adjusted my hours this week, so I was getting home early, but I still took evening shifts if anyone needed it.

Bella started going back to work for a little while, but most nights we were together. I tried to make sure that dinner was taken care of, not wanting her to have to deal with it. I would either bring home some chinese, or something from a resturaunt, or I would stop by the grocery store to get some chicken or meat to make something nice for her.

Of course, that was thrown into my face later on when I came home with yet another nice dinner.

" I CAN COOK, EDWARD! I am not disabled!"

" I'm just trying make things easier on yo-"

" Just shut up! I'm fine, nothing in my life is hard enough to have you make it easier! Can you please stop doing all this. I am SICK of you shutting me down when I say I can make dinner, or saying that you'll clean up the house and vacuum. And I am SICK of you asking me every second of the day how I am feeling. I feel suffocated! So can you back the fuck off for five seconds so I can breathe."

Angry, I set dinner down on the table and threw my jacket on the couch harshly.

" Well FUCK me for trying. I'm running around trying to support us, making sure that your not going into downfall depression and trying to make things easier for you!" I yelled back at her.

" This isn't even about the miscarriage, Edward. I do-"

" IT ISN'T? Oh, really. Everything is about that! And I'm sorry for trying to make sure your okay. just because your my fucking girlfriend now doesn't mean I give less of a shit then I used to."

" Yeah, like you were a very dedicated friend like what? Two years ago?"

I glared hard at her, pissed at her for trying to take a stab at me like that. She knew that I felt terrible for treating her so poorly for the years I dated Tanya. She fucking knew that.

" Low blow, way to rub salt in the wounds!"

" Oh, please. Don't be such a baby about it."

" You know what. I don't fucking need this...I have done so much for us this past couple months. Have you ever maybe stopped to consider that? While you were stressed out about the pregnancy, I was there for you and made sure you were okay. I was the one who called my dad and asked him to help us look for an apartment for us, and the one who took care of all the bills when you had to cut back hours. I've given up a goddamn good part of my life for us."

" Given up YOUR life. What changes have you possibly made?"

" I'm nineteen! Fuck, Bella. I am the Manager of a resturaunt, already living with my girlfriend who I plan on marrying. I've basically been a dad already, and I am paying the bills for everything. How many nineteen year olds do you see doing all that?"

" I've done all you've done!"

" Well, lets make it a fucking competition. I bought dinner, but go ahead and throw it out and make your own, since your so partial to that."

I walked up the stairs and to the bedroom, slamming the door shut harshly. I took my tie off, throwing it at the floor angrily.

She was so infuriating. I try to do a few nice things and I get yelled at. Fuck that.

I grabbed my cigarette's from the side drawer and headed back downstairs, out of the front door. I leaned against it and slid down, taking a cigarette out of the package and lighting one. I took one long drag and sighed. It was good, and it relaxed my body so easily.

After smoking two, I sat outside for awhile. The air was chilled, but I was glad for a moment to think and calm myself down.

Was it too big a wish to want to go back to before Bella and I started having regular sex?

I would have never imagined I would be at this point in my life. I never thought I would be in a situation like this. Never did I see myself as the struggling boyfriend who just dealt with his girlfriends miscarriage.

Before I could even try and control myself I started crying, not even caring if I was acting like a girl, or a little kid that just got his toy stolen. I was losing myself in this mess that I call my life.

I wished that I could just repeat highschool, knowing what not to do and stop fucking everything up. If I never got Bella pregnant in the first place, this would have never happened. None of this shit.

And if I opened my eyes more, I would have seen years ago how much she loved me, and now how badly depressed she was during the whole pregnancy. I should have paid more attention, done something.

I heard a small knock on the door, and I looked up, seeing Bella standing behind the glass door. I moved down a step, letting her come out. It was fucking cold, and she was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, my old football t-shirt.

Her eyes were bloodshot, and she'd clearly been crying. She sat down next to me, staring up at me with watery eyes.

" I'm so sorry, Edward." she whispered.

I wrapped my arm around her, holding her tightly against my side. I could feel her slowly breaking down against me, her tears soaking through my shirt with her hands clutching the fabric. I rested my cheek ontop of her head, letting my own tears fall down my face.

" It's okay." I replied.

" It's not. This isn't us. We don't fight like this. We are best friends. I love you. I never thought that would ruin us."

" We aren't ruined, Bella." I said, rubbing her arm.

She nodded her head, disagreeing with me and still crying into my shirt. I adjusted her to hold her in my arms, wanting to go in the house. I carried her in, locking the front door behind me. When I set her on the couch, she still hung onto me.

" I didn't mean it, Edward. I appreciate everything you've done to make things easy on me. And I didn't mean it when I said you weren't a good friend."

I reached over the back of the couch for her blanket, draping it over her body and mine as I laid us down. Bella wiped her tears, and I gazed down at her, brushing my hand over her cheek.

" Bella, I don't want us to fight. I just thought that by helping out and taking over a few things, life would be a little more easier."

" I want to make dinner for you, clean the house. It makes me feel like I am getting my normal life back. And as much as I wish these past few weeks were a dream, I need to get back to the normal schedule and keep busy, or else this will tear me into pieces."

" But are you okay Bella?"

She closed her eyes. " I'm okay. I am doing the best that I can."

" I love you." I told her.

" I love you, too."

I wrapped her up in my arms, and Bella rested her face close to my neck, pressing her lips briefly to my collarbone. I moved away from her for a moment, taking my belt off and tossing it on the floor. I tried to reach down to the zipper of my pants, but bumped Bella's lower stomach. It was still a little tender, and she winced.

" Damn, Bella, are yo-"

" I'm okay. Here."

She helped me unzip my pants, and I kicked them the rest of the way off as she unbuttoned my shirt, tossing it on the floor carelessly before laying against my bare chest. I rubbed her back gently, whispering how much I loved her in her ear.

I didn't want to fight with her about dinner, or about who pays most of the bills for what. It didn't fucking matter, Bella and I were going to be just fine. We would get through the trauma of the miscarriage, we would be okay, and as Bella said, a normal schedule. We both needed to get back to our normal life, or atleast find a way to get back to it.

" I just want to lay in your arms forever." she murmured, rubbing her hand in circles on my chest.

" Can we?"

Bella laughed quietly. " I wish."

I leaned down, placing kisses on her neck. She let out a content sigh, closing her eyes and leaning into the pillow. I kissed up her jaw and pressed my lips to hers. I could honestly say we haven't just been us, or shared a nice kiss, in a damn long time.

Bella kissed me back slowly, and I revelled in the feeling of her soft lips on mine. I wrapped both of my arms around her, sighing into her mouth. She pulled away from me after a moment, giving me a chaste kiss.

" We should go upstairs, unless you want to wake up with a backache."

I yawned. " Yeah, come on."

Keeping the blanket wrapped around her, I lifted her up into my arms and carried her upstairs to our bedroom. I sat down on the edge of the bed, Bella curled up against my chest. After scooting around, we laid tangled up together under the covers.

" What do you think it would be like, you and I, with a baby." Bella asked quietly

" I'd probably be crying from lack of sleep." I said, laughing.

She smiled, brushing strands of hair out of my face. " We all know Edward Cullen needs his beauty sleep."

" I think you would been a great mother, Bella. Despite the circumstances."

Bella looked up at me. " Sure about that?"

I ran my hand down her back, fiddling with the hem of the football jersey and slipping my hand under the fabric, gently rubbing her back.

" Yes, I am. Your a wonderful best friend, and a just as good girlfriend. I couldn't ask for better."

Authors Note- Really wanted to get this out to you all, if you follow me on twitter you know all the struggles of not having so much time to write as I used to. For that I apologize, but follow me to know what's going on. Link is in my profile.

Also.

I got a few people asking me why I put up a poll, if I was going to end it up with a miscarriage, all I have to really say about that, is that I said that not everything is as the they seem. Which in the end, came out as true.

Review if you'd like.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!