Ori was in his corner sketching again when Nori dropped beside him and handed him a mug. "Dori's occupied for the moment," he said without preamble, "and I thought we could have a talk." His words were friendly enough, but there was steel in his tone.
"I should hit you," Ori replied evenly as he continued to sketch. Tonight, it was Bilbo. The Hobbit's face was beginning to take shape on the parchment and Nori admired it for a moment before Ori spoke again. "I know it was you who took that drawing."
"That's what I want to talk to you about, Ori. The sketches." Nori didn't look at his brother, not directly, but he could still see Ori's reactions. "I saw them, little brother. ALL of them."
Ori didn't react visibly but Nori could feel him tense. "No, you didn't. Or you wouldn't be so calm."
Nori's eyebrow raised. "I don't think I want to know about the others, then." He watched Bofur through the flames of the fire, knowing Ori would notice but say nothing. And no one else would notice, certainly. No one cared what interested a thief.
"Probably not." Ori put down his quill for a moment, rubbing his hand, and still didn't look directly at Nori. "You should talk to him," he said bluntly.
So much for his little brother remaining silent. "What? Why?"
"Because you're both miserable. Because we'll be leaving soon, and it's dangerous out there. Something might – might happen, and you'd never know what might have been." Ori was more than a little sad. For all his words, he'd never say anything to Dwalin, not on his own. And not just for fear of causing Dori fits. He was too afraid his feelings wouldn't be returned.
"I can't give him what he wants, Ori." Nori's voice was soft. He'd been through all this with himself and it hurt just as much talking with Ori about it. "I can't. It isn't in me. I can't share that much of myself with anyone. I WON'T."
"I don't think he'd care that he didn't have all of you." The words were soft but there was steel in them. "He cares about you. I think he would be happy to have anything you could give him. Anything." His eyes cut to Dwalin for only a moment.
"Much like you, Ori?" Nori hated seeing the boy this way. If he'd had any inkling this was the way he felt, he'd have taken steps a long time ago. Such as NOT arguing with Dori about him being old enough for this quest, as dangerous as it had looked even then. But he had, and this was the result. "So willing to accept crumbs when what you want is the feast?" He didn't know where all this was coming from, but it was helping him a bit as well. He still didn't understand. But he thought he might be a bit closer to it. "He's not right for you, though. He's probably never even held a book, much less read one. You wouldn't have anything to talk about."
"Just like Bofur is wrong for you." Ori did look at him then. "You don't understand why he loves you, but he does. He's a miner, you're a thief. He's respectable, you're not. I know all about the differences, Nori. And I don't care about them. Why do you?"
"I – don't know." Nori watched his miner for a moment more. Why did it matter? "Draw him for me, Ori. Please." Give me something to remember him by if something does happen. This was not going at all the way he'd imagined. He had thought he was going to warn Ori off the warrior, and instead he was getting a little more insight into his miner. It was – strange. "But I'm not talking about him right now."
"Yes, we are. Just like we're talking about Dwalin." Ori looked around for a moment to make sure Dori wasn't near. "Love doesn't make sense, brother." He got a fresh scrap of parchment and raised his quill. "I'll draw him for you every night, if you like. Just like I do Dwalin. But you need to talk to him."
"I'll talk to him if you talk to Dwalin." Nori hadn't known he was going to say it but on reflection, it seemed fairly safe. Ori was shy. He'd never take action on his own.
Ori dropped his quill and placed the sketches he'd already done carefully into the book, and then closed it and set it with his things. Nori blinked when he rose and made his way around the fire toward the warrior and his mouth went dry. Ori was going to do it.
"Mister Dwalin? I wonder if I might have a word."
Dwalin looked up and smiled slightly. "What's on yer mind, lad?" he rumbled evenly.
"I've a bit of a dilemma," Ori said softly as he settled down on the ground next to the big Dwarf. "My sling is apparently not as dangerous a weapon as I might need out here. I wonder if you might teach me to use this a bit better?" He showed Dwalin his knife, scabbard and all.
Nori groaned. The lad was smart, very smart. There was nothing in this Dori could possibly object to. He'd obviously given it a great deal of thought. But how would Dwalin respond?
The burly Dwarf took the little blade and inspected it carefully, obviously giving the request due consideration. "Aye, I could teach ye," he said slowly. "But this might not be much better. Too small." He reached into his pack and produced a larger, wicked looking dagger. "This'll be better, if yer serious."
Ori took it and looked it over, holding it lightly and then reading the runes on the hilt. A small smile touched his lips. "Dumâl," he murmured as he turned it over carefully. "The bleeder. A good name for a blade."
"It's yers if ye want to learn," Dwalin said simply. "We can start tomorrow. You should get some sleep, though, Ori. It's gettin late. And trainin with me won't be easy."
Kíli's head snapped up and Fíli choked a little on his smoke as they overheard, but they wisely kept their mouths shut. Nori simply groaned under his breath and slunk away, trying to think of how to talk to Bofur. He'd promised Ori, after all.
Ori rose, thanked Dwalin properly, collected his book, and went to his bedroll where he let the smile escape. Dwalin had called him by name.
It was a start.
(Later that night)
Nori went to the glade Bofur had loved him in, wanting a little peace. He'd promised Ori he would talk to his miner, but he had no idea what to say.
He knew Bofur loved him. It was obvious, if you knew where to look, and of course he'd had occasion to experience it as well. But he didn't know how to accept it. He wanted Bofur, wanted him with a need that scared him to the depths of his soul, but he didn't want the emotions. He wanted to be free.
He sat down in the grass and filled his pipe. Maybe here, in the quiet, surrounded by memories of that last night with Bofur, he could figure out what to do. And at least he could remember.
He could remember the sheer decadence of the experience, the way Bofur had worked him so expertly, so LOVINGLY, making everything just that much more explosive. The way he had wanted to wrap his miner up and hold him close after, to hold him and not let go. The way he had joked about how much coin Bofur would be worth and his overreaction to the miner's return jest.
He could still feel Bofur beneath him, straining upward, RESPONDING to his admittedly jealous and possessive kiss. The thought of him with anyone else tore at Nori and the words he had said to Bofur, claiming him so openly, Mahal, they sounded like the worst sort of obsession.
But what would it hurt? Bofur wanted to be with him. Bofur was the kindest, gentlest Dwarf he'd ever encountered, and if it gave him pleasure to be with Nori, why deny that? He had his own pleasure in this arrangement as well. His miner was amazing.
He was still considering his options when Bofur appeared at the edge of the clearing.
"I'll go," Bofur said quickly. He didn't want Nori to think he'd followed him out here.
"No, wait." Nori rose to meet him, one hand outstretched. "We need to talk."
Bofur looked at the ground then and Nori sighed heavily. "I didn't think talk was what ye wanted, Nori," he said quietly as he settled to the ground, bringing out his pipe. He couldn't look at Nori, though. He wanted to, he wanted to touch his one, to hold him close and listen to his heartbeat, he wanted to bring him whatever pleasure he desired, and he couldn't. Nori wouldn't allow it.
Nori settled to the ground next to him and Bofur winced inwardly. This was torture. Nori had walked away, no longer wanted him, but it seemed it wasn't completely over. But his words weren't what Bofur expected to hear.
"I'm sorry." Nori heard Bofur's gasp, but said nothing of it. Had he really hurt his lover that badly? It seemed so. And he was about to do it again. The thought disturbed him. "I can't give you what you want, Bofur. I don't – I don't love you." Did he? He didn't know and he didn't want to find out. Freedom, he had to think of his freedom, he didn't want any strings in his life.
"I know." Bofur felt wretched. He loved, he wanted, and he couldn't have. It was over. Nori was putting the mortar on the tomb. But his thief could still come back to him, so he wouldn't allow himself to lose hope. "But I love you. And if you want me, I'm yers." He couldn't forget how Nori had claimed him outright, right here, in this very spot. "However ye want me. Friend, lover, whatever it is ye want. An if ye want me t'leave ye alone, I'll do that, too." His voice was full of pain.
"I don't want you to leave me alone." Nori was speaking slowly, feeling his way along. "I don't want entanglements, all right? It's just good sex. Friendship, maybe. But for good or ill, Bofur, I claimed you as mine, and I meant it. Doesn't mean we have to be all sappy and love each other. Or at least I don't. But if you still follow the rules, we can be together."
Bofur nodded, his eyes downcast, and then he faced Nori squarely, letting the thief see his pain. "Ye hurt me, Nori. Ye gave everything back. Even this." He touched his earring. "I thought it meant ye were done with me. It hurt."
"I never meant to hurt you." Nori had to look away. If this was what Ori meant by love, he wanted no part of it. Caring more for another person than himself was foreign to him, and it hurt. "And I'll probably hurt you again. But if we stick to the rules, we can still be together. And I promise to TRY not to hurt you. As long as you accept that I don't love you we're fine."
Bofur touched Nori's face, his fingers gentle and loving. "Aye, I can accept that. But I'm asking ye to accept somethin, too." He held Nori's chin for a moment. "I love ye, Nori. You're my One. I'll wait forever fer ye. But ye have t'accept that love. Don't push me away any more. Next time, One or not, love ye or no, I might not come back."
Nori couldn't look away. He wanted to. He wanted to hide from what he saw in his lover's face, that naked emotion, the love he saw there. Bofur didn't just want him. He wanted to be EVERYTHING for Nori. He didn't even care if Nori loved him back. He just wanted to share the love HE felt with Nori, and that made Nori very, very frightened. It also made him feel very, very warm, deep inside, and he didn't understand it.
He didn't understand anything he was feeling. It had always been about him. He'd never cared much about what other people thought, or felt. And he was finding now that hurting Bofur hurt HIM and he didn't understand why. He didn't understand this NEED he had to claim his miner, to keep him from others who might love him in return. He was extremely possessive and that was also something new.
If it was love, he hated it.
But he would endure it. Maybe it would change. Maybe he could go back to how things were, when it was only his needs and desires he was responsible for. Or maybe... maybe it would get easier to want to do things for Bofur's sake. He was already thinking how to make it up to his lover for hurting him in the first place. And the simplest thing, the first step, was to accept Bofur's one demand.
"I know you love me," he began slowly. "And I don't know why. But I won't stop you from saying it, and I won't stop you from showing it. Just – just be discreet. I don't want you fawning all over me in camp. That rule still stands. Nobody else can know." But Ori knew. And Dori. Didn't that mean he should end this? Confusion whirled in his head again before settling down. He was the one making the rules. As long as no one else found out, it would be okay. Dori would say nothing more on the subject unless Nori REALLY mistreated Bofur, and that wasn't going to happen. And Ori? Ori would keep silent just so Nori didn't tell Dori about the sketches and the crush he had on Dwalin.
He let his hands frame Bofur's face and kissed him, gently this time. Mahal help him, it felt right. "You're mine, Bofur, whatever else happens. Whether I love you or not, you're mine. I'm not letting you go." And then he stepped back, gave Bofur a searing glance, full of need and possessiveness. One hand caressed Bofur's cheek and then he was gone again, melting into the darkness around them without a trace.