There was another job for them to do one state over in Colorado; vampire nest that was demolishing half the town's teenage population. Sam wondered how much longer he could force Dean to continue his bed rest; he could tell he was starting to get agitated. His big brother sure did like giving as much hell to the evil that continually threatened the world, even if he had died once or twice in the process. Lirael still didn't show her face the whole way there, but Castiel popped in about an hour into the drive to offer his assistance. As usual, the angel was his chatty self.
"You spoken with Lirael yet, Cas?" Dean asked, turning his head to the back seat. "Sam said he made her mad."
A smile spread across Castiel's face and he caught Sam's eye in the rear view mirror. "I may have teased her a little myself."
"Oh that's just peachy; she'll never fix me now."
"Who won't?" a female voice said, as Lirael appeared inside the car behind Dean. She was smiling gently, avoiding Castiel's gaze.
Sam glanced at Dean, and saw a flash of relief cross his features. What the hell was going on with them two?
Lirael touched Sam on the shoulder. "I found another piece, when we find a place of rest I would like to restore it as soon as possible." As she spoke, a different message was being transmitted into Sam's head. 'I am running out of places to look and there is much of Dean's soul missing.'
Sam glanced at her, trying to keep his eye on the road at the same time. "Yeah, sure. Just let me know what you need."
When they reached The Sunshine Motel of Blue River, Colorado, Dean's stomach was doing somersaults. He knew what was coming. Even though he knew it was always a good thing when Lirael found a new part of his soul scattered across the country, he knew he was going to have to lay all of his cards on the table again. Every time she restored a new piece, put another bit of him back together, he knew that she could see everything. I mean, she had to touch his soul to fix it. And that scared him.
She knew everything. Every scar, every wound…every scream.
He had never had to be like that with anyone. He liked being aloof, nobody knowing all his business. Being honest with people tended just to get you hurt. That's why he cracked the jokes and chased after every woman he could get his hands on. Dean didn't want to think about his past or the things he'd done, and if distracting himself with boobs and punch lines was gonna help him do that, then hell, that's what he was gonna do.
At least until Michael used him as a vessel and left him with a guardian angel that was intent on making him face up to what he was.
As they entered the room, Dean through his pack on the bed and pursed his lips together in an attempt to control the tension that had spread through his body like a cold fire. He felt her presence behind him and he shivered. Clearing his throat, he turned around and rubbed the stubble on his face with his hand.
She looked at him with these bright, excited eyes and he wondered what the hell she was getting out of this.
"Let's get this the hell over with." Dean told her curtly.
A smile passed her lips and she leaned forward to breath in his ear, "I bet you say that to all the girls…"
Dean's eyes widened. Jeez, this woman was going to kill him. He didn't know if she did it on purpose, but not only was she smoking hot, she had to come out with these lines in a way that…well in a way that definitely set his cogs a'turning. He shifted his weight to the other foot in an attempt to rearrange himself.
Lirael let out a quiet laugh before grabbing his hand. "Come and sit with me." She said, pulling him down to sit on the floor. She reached for the vial she carried around her neck and pulled it over her head. The vial was glowing brightly as it always did when its contents were so pure. Dean took a deep breath and braced himself. He reached out and took the vial from Lirael, his fingers briefly touching hers. His heart was beating so fast he thought it was gonna burst. Lirael smiled. "It's okay, Dean." She told him, taking his spare hand in hers and interlocking their fingers. "We won't have to do this for much longer." A part of him felt saddened by that thought. In a twisted way, he sorta liked sharing this with someone. She never treated him any differently, no matter what memories invaded their minds during the process of reconnecting each part back to him.
Dean let out a short sigh, lifted the vial to his lips and tipped it back. The sparkling fluid stung his tongue like it always did, but Lirael squeezed his hand and he forgot all about the pain. The vial dropped to the floor and Dean clutched his chest as the pain intensified. Lirael pressed her hand against his, over his heart. He heard her speak the words of the ritual, but his mind was racing too fast to really hear her. The flashes and visions of the past zoomed in and out of his head, and at that point he knew that she was inside there with him. These memories seemed to be all about his teenage years, and they whirled through his head like a hurricane.
Suddenly, there was a clear image. Truman High School. The image moved to a guy and a girl arguing in the corridor. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but he knew the conversation. He'd played it over and over in his mind enough times to know that what Amanda was saying. "I was wrong. You spend so much time trying to convince people that you're cool, but it's just an act. We both know that you're just a sad, lonely little kid. And I feel sorry for you, Dean."
Dean's stomach churned as he heard his teenage self shout back, "Don't feel sorry for me. You know nothing about me. I save lives. I'm a hero. A hero!". He had felt humiliated, guilty, exposed and more than anything, angry. Feeling Lirael's presence there with him only made it more degrading.
A few other images and sounds took over, and he found himself squirming against Lirael's hand. And then it was over and he fell backwards, breathless and exhausted.
Dean opened his eyes, and they were met with the blue ones of his guardian angel. She smiled at him gently, stroked his face and disapparated from the room. He took a few moments to be alone and still with his thoughts, and got up to take a shower to clear his head.
~~~~~***
"Is there a reason you're staring at me, beautiful?"
Lirael blinked a few times and refocused her gaze onto Dean's eyes. She heard Sam chuckle from behind her. "I…um…you have an aesthetically pleasing face."
"Sadly, restoring my soul has not given me a better vocabulary so I don't know what means." Dean said, taking a few steps towards her. He was not long out of the shower, and had nothing on but a towel around his waist. Lirael absently licked her lips as her eyes wandered across his toned body. He whistled. "Eyes up here, sweetheart; you're making me feel cheap." He joked, a cheeky smile crossing his lips.
She tilted her head to one side. "Sorry. Since being allowed to feel again…There are many things that I have had to suppress…to forget…and you are…handsome. For a mortal." Lirael saw him give a smug little nod. He was becoming increasingly arrogant; a trait that he had held in abundance before becoming a vessel, according to Castiel. At least that meant their work together was still helping him.
Sam laughed again, and left the motel room to settle the bill and pack up the car.
Lirael crossed the remaining distance between herself and Dean Winchester. His scent made her heart beat quicken, and that sickly feeling returned to her stomach. He recoiled slightly, but then stood up straighter, pulling the towel tighter around his waist. Her heightened hearing told her that his heart rate had also accelerated, and she had no doubt where that blood was going to. He was nothing if not a hot-blooded male.
"You're pretty freaking scary you know." He was looking at her intensely, looking into her eyes as if searching for something inside of them.
"I apologise. I will not look at you again." Lirael took half a step backwards and moved her gaze to the floor, but Dean closed the space between them regardless.
"No, that's not what I mean. Stare at the goods as much as you want. What I mean is…there's something about you…that scares me." He struggled to find the words he wanted, and this frustrated him, causing his eyebrows to furrow in a frown. "Like the power you have over me…you've picked up nearly every piece of me that exploded when Michael left my body. How do I know you won't take it all back?"
She smiled, raising the back of her hand to his cheek. The warmth of his skin was simply delicious to her, but she took an even breath to try to calm herself down. "I would never harm you or cause you any discomfort. I like helping you. I like knowing things about you that nobody else does. Nobody else sees your beauty but me." Lirael said softly, stroking his cheek.
She saw him gulp and a flash of confusion moved across his features. He looked away from her, cleared his throat, and took her hand away from his face. "That's 'cause there's none there. We both know the things I've done." Dean let go of Lirael's hand and hung his head.
The angel felt a pang of pain jolt through her. She could not stand seeing him suffer. Not after everything he had been through, everything he had seen…If only she could heal him, truly heal him…
Lirael cupped Dean's face with both hands, ignored the angered look in his eyes and pressed her lips softly to his. With all of her might she wished for Dean to be healed, for his pain to go away and his suffering to end. A bright white light encompassed the room as Lirael moved her lips against Dean's as she felt him respond to her kiss. His hand moved to the small of her back and he pulled her closer to his hips. A rejuvenating sensation spread through her body, into Dean's and she felt it expanding to the rest of the motel room.
"Dean! Dean, you ok?" Sam yelled, bursting through the door. The interruption gave Lirael a shock and she transported herself from the room as fast as possible leaving Dean to tumble forward. The younger Winchester caught his brother before he fell. "Dean, what did she do to you? You ok? Talk to me!"
Dean took a deep breath and stood up straight, shaking his brother's arm from him. "I'm fine, you pansy, stop getting girly all on me. Soon you'll be wanting us to share our feelings, have a pyjama party and discuss who's the hottest Backstreet Boy." He looked down at himself and spotted the towel at his feet. "Huh."