Disclaimer: Hana Yori Dango is the property of Kamio Yoko. No monetary gains are received on borrowing her story and characters.

Diluted Stories
Jan 6, 2011: overheard in the newsroom

At 0135, it was reported to news centers in Tokyo, that a vehicle registered under the Domoyoji Financial Group was sighted careening at breakneck speed to the nearest Emergency Department. Nobody could verify which individual was being rushed to the hospital, but everyone assumed it was a very important person. Nobody could verify the reason, but everyone assumed the worst. The staff who took care of the mysterious patient kept valiantly mum in the face of generous monetary offers in exchange for the minutest information.

However, only a four-year-old's guileless comment was picked up by the media, as a young couple was leaving with him from the ER. The only problem was this: the little boy was brought to the hospital after tripping over his jammies and falling on his face. With his front teeth all out, everyone heard him differently.

"Tsukasa!" cried out Mimasaka Akira as he screeched to a stop in the Domyoji's living room. "What were you thinking bringing home a baby bear? Of course, even a beast like you will get chewed up by the mother!"

The shadowed leader of the Mimasaka trading group heard from his underground connections that the old F4 leader had attempted to capture a baby black bear from the wild, and had to be flown to Japan for extensive plastic surgery after he was stabilized in a Canadian hospital.

Nishikado Sojiro arrived just minutes after him, half running in spite of himself. "That idiot," he muttered. "What sort of sane person would get a spatula stuck down his throat? That Tsukasa needs to get his face punched in! Maybe he'll become more normal after."

The man of fine tastes in women, the master of the Nishikado school of the tea ceremony was both exasperated and beside himself when he heard from his current fling that his impossible friend had swallowed a spatula by accident and needed to have it removed from his throat by a specialist under sedation. Apparently, he was trying to feed his son, had put the spoon in his mouth while trying to get the child positioned better, and had panicked when the baby spat up.

"Nishikado-san!" came the alarmed voice of Matsuoka Yuki. "Is it true? I heard Dai-chan was running a 42 degree fever. I came as fast as I can."

Actually, that was the most plausible story they all heard so far, but it wasn't always the most plausible that turned out to be true when it came to one Domyouji Tsukasa.

"Oh my God, Tsukishi-chan!" they heard the hysterical voice of Ookawahara Shigeru even before they even reached Tsukasa's rooms. "I am so sorry! I can't believe Tsukasa was silly enough to think reindeers really fly. How many bones did he fracture, really? Don't spare me. Is he going to be a vegan all his life now?"

"Rest assured, Shigeru-chan," Sakurako interrupted. It sounded like she was conferencing on the call from elsewhere. "He'll still be a handsome corpse."

"Oh, don't say that, Sakurako! I'm flying out first thing in the morning. Oooh, of all the times for Papa to use the Concord!"

They opened the door to the disinterested face of Hanazawa Rui, who was footing his cellphone farther from where he was sprawled.

"Rui!" the two other members of the Flower 4 exclaimed in unison. "How's Tsukasa?"

Rui gestured vaguely. "See for your selves," he said. "I'll tell you this much: he wasn't skewered by a dozen reindeers nor is he now cryogenically preserved."

Mollified by the lack of panic in their friend (though a little weirded out by what the other two girls apparently heard), they made their way to Domyoji's bedroom.

"Oh, hi, everyone!" Tsukushi, looking very well and bouncing her healthy-looking child on her knees, greeted them when they came in. "It's nice that everyone's visiting," she said, somewhat confused. "Just a little late in the day… but I suppose it's normal for you rich bastards. And Yuki?" The weed girl raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you decide you weren't going to be 'friends' with Nishkado-san, anymore?"

Yuki flushed but ignored this. "I heard Dai-chan was having seizures from a very high fever," she said earnestly. "He's better now, right?"

"Dai-chan had a slight fever yesterday. It's probably from teething."

"Tsukasa didn't try to steal a baby bear from the wild?" Akira said.

"He would do that, wouldn't he?" murmured Tsukushi with a frown. "But nope. Not today."

"Let me guess," Soujirou said unenthusiastically. "He swallowed a spoon."

"Well, yeah."

The two men groaned.

"He managed to cough it up though. It wasn't pretty."

Everyone but Tsukushi and Rui, who had just entered to room and took the child from his mother, exchanged confused looks.

"So," Yuki said. "What happened to Domyouji-san then?"

"He sprained his ankle," Rui said with a sigh, he walked past them and opened the door to the adjoining room. "See? He's not dead."

Tsukasa was sulking in his gargantuan bed, propped up in pillows. His splinted leg was elevated by folded blankets, while on his head was a bag of ice. He merely glowered in ill-humor at his visitors.

"He has a bump from hitting his head on the high chair, and 1st degree burns on his chest, where the porridge dripped," Rui continued.

Tsukushi had to leave the room at this point. For some reason, she couldn't stop snickering.

"I don't see what's so funny, woman!" her husband burst out indignantly. "Can't you see the bread-whiner is out of omission for the next few days?"

"You weren't eaten by a bear?" Akira sounded just a tad deflated.

"He tripped on a teddy bear," Rui supplied, as the teddy bear's owner chewed on his arm.

"And why did your SPs have to cover your head?"

"Oh, the reindeer-head paper mache got stuck on his head."

"Rui!" his best friend warned dangerously.

"He was trying to get Dai-chan to eat so he put Shigeru's reindeer head-that costume thing she sent all of us last year-over his. He couldn't see, so he tripped and fell. They had to cut the thing out of him in the hospital."

"I like the swallowed-a-spatula story better," Soujiro announced, now bored. He took his godchild from Rui and walked him to the window for more interesting sights.

"What kind of an uncool loser do you think I am?" Tsukasa demanded. "Of course, nothing like that will happen."

"Tsukushi just said it did."

"… MAKINO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN MAKING UP, YOU LITTLE-!"

"And I thought you were mauled by a bear," Akira said, cutting off his friend's outburst. "Tsukushi didn't seem surprised when I suggested it. Don't tell me you've tried to get a real live bear for Dai-chan before."

"What? Who made up that—Well, so what? The great son of the great one has to have the best of everything!"

Yuki just shook her head and left the boys to their fun. She went out to her friend who had fallen asleep on her rocking chair. Yuki laughed to herself and draped a blanket over the exhausted mother and wife.

"The tabloids will never do your crazy life justice, will they, Tsukushi?"

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