A/N: A little piece here. Care to guess whose POV? And I wrote this because I don't care how normal they're acting. This would still suck. And what's with bringing Owain Yeoman's real life wife to the show this week? First fictional Tiffany, now real Lucy. Are they trying to shove as many women in the path of our ship that aren't Grace? Beat it, non-Graces!
Proximity
Do you people have any idea how bad this has gotten?
Do you know how hard it is to work with someone you've seen naked? More importantly, how fucking fantastic they look naked and how many laws should be passed barring them from wearing clothes? Have you ever looked at their face and known that it went so much better with more bare skin than it ever did with a shirt and jacket?
Do you know how hard it is to walk behind them and catch their scent in the air? That scent that used to fill your nose as you lay in their arms? That elusive, addictive essence that settled so wonderfully into your house? Or into your sheets? Or after the fact, when it mocks you and makes you feel so alone that you wash your bedding three times to make sure it's out? But you swear that you can still smell it anyway? And it leaks into your dreams and tortures you there too? You wake up for a fraction of a second convinced that they're sound asleep next to you?
What about touch? I mean, really. Think about the most amazing lover you've ever had. Now imagine your best friend. Now imagine a gorgeous underwear model. Twist all three into one person and imagine they used to outright purr when they got to touch you. Can you imagine the thrill you get from their tactile explorations? Can you imagine the shock of not only you touching them, but them wanting to touch you? Dying to touch you? Is it possible for your ego to orgasm as well as your body? I'm pretty sure it can, knowing what I know now.
I guess what I want to know is, would you want the constant reminder of all that stuff? Would you want daily proof that this person is still beautiful? Still kind and thoughtful? Still so damn sexy that you don't understand where your resistance comes from? And not just every day, but every second? They're right next to you, did I mention that? Like, two desks away. Every key they type, every call they make or receive, every single move they make, it's all right there. For your viewing pleasure. All day, every day.
The visual, olfactory, tactile, even audio memories—the mind-blowing, heartrending memories—are kept fresh by these smaller, lesser examples. Teasers, I guess. But teasing is supposed to be pleasant. These are more like death by a thousand cuts. Each small and stinging on its own, agony when thrown at you simultaneously.
I need space. That's the answer. I need distance.
Precisely the thing that started this whole mess.
I can't have distance.
For the sake of the job, I have to stay close.