To say I was shocked was probably the fucking understatement of the year. A term like horrified, petrified seems more appropriate here. But that wasn't because I was looking at the man that was more… broken, then anybody I'd ever met.
And I had my fair share of crazy people. Thanks.
It was because I couldn't believe anyone could be such a fucking bastard and the biggest god damned idiot in the entire universe to break a person like that, let alone my.. I mean, Adam.

My fingers were curled around a cup of tea. It was some kind of disgusting herbal stuff, but I didn't really care, I wasn't drinking it anyway. I just needed the distraction of the warmth. It was like he'd read my thoughts when he asked if I wanted some. It had been a strange morning, covered in a slight haze of sunlight, cuddles, secrets and after-sex glow.

It was probably not the best policy to stay silent. To let him revert to his own facts or let him ponder on what I was thinking.
But he seemed to accept the fact that I needed a little time to think.
Now that on itself wasn't exactly my strongest point, but right now my thoughts were beyond confused. In a good way and a very bad one.

Outwardly, he was so cool and in-control. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he would be dependant on someone, like he'd been with that man, Drake.
My fingers tightened around the poor cup in my hands and I angrily whipped my hair out of my face.
I really had to cut it some time in the future.
Yeah, cutting was good.

The point was, though, that I wasn't scared shitless of him, as he'd predicted, or anything remotely to feeling negative about anything.
Nope. Actually, I was feeling pretty damn ecstatic. I was warm, still a little stuck in the afterglow of what we'd done yesterday, covered in fluffy material, curled up with a cup of tea beside the person that my world had revolved around for the past couple of days. The person that I had finally had gotten to trust me. I knew what was going on in his head.
All it had cost me was a little sex.
I still felt uncomfortable about that, but it had been worth it. It had been so worth it.

I found out that he was sensitive, beneath the mask of playboy. Caring too, for he did love his friends a lot, even though I he hit Cassidy straight in the face just yesterday. He told me how much he adored them, even though he didn't show it.
And he loved the club, it was his essence. And the club was already awesome.
He was a kind person, a good person. I didn't get why he didn't think so, or why people were scared of him. I couldn't even see the fucking mask right now. I didn't see the Adam Lambert, the sly and dangerous owner of club glam.
It was just Adam. Adam and his fucking beautiful soul.

Jesse McCartney, Tommy, really?

My point; he was beautiful, on the inside. I wanted that soul, that mind.
Don't get me started about the body. That would be embarrassing for the both of us.

At that moment, his hair was tiredly hanging in his face as he was hunched over some paperwork.
I was vaguely able to see his eyes moving quickly back and forth over the sheets and I could see the tension in his shoulders. But his hair was silky soft, his eyes were a deep blue and his shoulders had been the one I'd been hugging last night. The only thing that annoyed me were the papers involved.

It was kind of early, on a goddamned Tuesday morning. How important could those stupid papers possibly be? I almost felt jealous that he was giving them attention. I felt like a greedy, selfish cat. But that was fine. Someone had to be.
But seriously, he had things perfectly in hand, didn't he? The club could handle itself even if he didn't do that and yet, here he was. Working his fucking ass of after telling the most painful story of his life to me.
Perfection. My. Ass.

Well to here and no further. This had to stop, he was killing himself.
He had to see that he didn't have to be perfect. That he was good just the way he fucking was. That bastard of a lying creep hadn't been right at all. I was so sick of him trying to live for other people. He didn't have to.
But how to convince him of that?

I shifted and his eyes flickered up to me for a second. My face lit up when our eyes locked and miraculously, he smiled back; a small glimpse of perfect teeth that didn't quite reach his eyes, but was pretty on itself.

I was whipped.

Looking away, I took a sip of my tea, managed not to gag and then slumped deeper into the chair I was half lying on. Curled up like the cat I felt like, covered with what was Adam's fluffy bathrobe.
It was way too big on me and it was, of course, black, but none the less it was still fluffy, long and slightly shimmery.
I would've teased him with it, had I not been the one wearing it.

Adam himself was dressed already. He'd left me in the bed after a long while just lying in the rising sun like in some disgusting romantic-comedy or something.
It had been amazing, because I wasn't used to another person's body-warmth, or the scent that was basically suffocating me. Adam's bed smelled heavenly for some reason or another.
It also smelled like sex and I liked that with a small part of my mind. It made me feel sexy. Freshly fucked.

I just wanted him to feel what I was feeling right now. I was shocked, but content.
I knew that he would probably get his mask back out in a couple of hours, or minutes even and I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay this way. With me. Sharing happy thoughts.
Fuck, because I liked this! For once I actually really liked something, even though I'd been through a load of shit to get to this point.

"That's it." I said and I stared at him as his head snapped up. He watched me shed the robe (yes, I was wearing fucking underwear) with saddened, but unsurprised eyes. I knew what he was thinking, but he was thinking wrong.
I stalked towards the bedroom, glared at the pants and shoes I'd worn last night, but grabbed the shirt.
I did like sparkly things, after all.

I tried not to think about anything when I bravely just grabbed one of the tight pants in Adam's walk-in closet and used it as kind of loose ones on myself. I would have to live with the remaining make-up.
Knowing Cassidy and Cheeks a little by now, it would probably turn out to be un-washable anyway.

The white socks were the least of my problems.

I walked back into the living-area, where Adam was still looking at me with what was now a slightly con, but also be-mused expression.

"Wha…" He started, but I cut him off with a wave that I wincingly recognised as something Cheeks would've done.
"You," I pointed to him. "Are coming with me," I pointed to myself, just for emphasis. "And we're going to do something that does not involve this fucking club or you, working."

It was bold, probably stupid and most likely something I would thoroughly enjoy if I managed to get away with it.

He raised an eyebrow and then smirked as I grabbed his hand, knowing he had to agree for this to work, since I was still not quite as tall as he was.

I pulled on it. "Come on."

And he complied. I felt a brilliant smile break through on my face and tried to hide it as best as I could as I dragged him towards the door.

"Don't you need shoes?" Came his only observation.

Once more I dismissed his statement, pulling him down the stairs; "We'll most likely run into Allison, because she'll be all ears the rest of the day so find out what happened and with her come Cheeks and/or Cassidy, I'll steal theirs."

I still didn't care. They would most likely be more then happy to comply anyhow.

I had had no clue as to where we'd been heading, but we ended up at starbucks.
Why was it I always ended up at starbucks? Not that it mattered, because Starbucks was on my side and would help me this time around too, but I felt like it was no coincidence that my decision to go for Adam was made at exactly the same starbucks we ended up in.

"Tommy?"

I turned around to face the man behind me in the line.

"Yeah?"

"Why are we at starbucks?" He questioned, looking around with a vague and slightly disgusted expression.
This made me glare at him for barely a glimpse of time, for no-one ridiculed my starbucks.
Then I remembered the go-happy attitude and positive yada that I was trying to uphold and smiled. "Because starbucks is an epic win." End of discussion.

I didn't know if coffee was going to help much, for Adam drank more then enough of it, but I was convinced it was a good thing to do.
And I was going with my gut here, sue me.

"This is interesting…" Adam muttered when we sat down, sipping his latté. He was now actively scanning the shop, much the same as he would scan the crowd in the club.

"It is. Enjoy it." I raised my hand to his cheek and touched it for a second, immediately making him focus on just me. I held up my own cup of black coffee and flicked the hair out of my face.

I still didn't quite get why my gut decided to drag us here, for all the guitar-gods sake, and I didn't get why he actually came with me, but the soft content expression on his face when he took another gulp was absolutely worth it.

"Come on." I said, rising from my seat and laughing at his surprised expression. "Coffee's better when you're walking."

"It's just fucking coffee…" He muttered again.

"That's why the walking part is involved." I told him and got him to snicker with me.

He walked up beside me and I automatically adjusted to his pace. This time letting him take the lead. Without him noticing, mind you.

I was glad Katy Allen had thrown the scarf over my shoulder at one point. She'd been the only one that had been able to do anything but stare.
It was still quite early in the morning and a little chilly, for this time of year, but I could also use the grey scarf (that matched Cheeks' shoes, unfortunately) to glimpse at Adam every once in a while. Read; every chance I got.

I think he noticed, for a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
I didn't think I'd seen him smile this much in the small week I'd known him.

We kept walking, his one hand in his pocket, the other still holding the latté. My coffee was long gone and I kept my hands in my, technically his, pockets as well.
It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was rather strange. There was such a deep connection between us already that it was okay to just walk like this.

Eventually, we ended up at a park. It wasn't central park by far, but it was slightly large. Large enough for some dog-owners to be here to give their puppies some exercise.

I was going to walk on, but noticed Adam suddenly stiffening.

I stared at him for a second, immediately sensing that something important had happened. I was as sure of it as I was of the fact that my bass didn't like it when I randomly plucked her strings.
Yeah, that sure.

"What's wrong?"

He just bit the air for a few seconds, before reacting with the worst possible answer. "Nothing, I just don't really like this place."

I narrowed my eyes at him, cocking my head to the side. The only thing keeping me from putting my hand on my hip was the actual irritation.

"Why not?" My voice was softer then I intended it to be. But I was still slightly on my toes with him. His mood swings had been unpredictable before he'd trusted me with his biggest secret. I didn't exactly want to test them now.

"We used to come here." Adam said, his voice stable.
I immediately loosened up and walked the few feet towards him, grabbing his hands again.

"It's okay." I whispered. "Its fine, come on, let's go in."
Once more he complied. He fucking gave in and I was ecstatic again.

He was still tense, looking at places and probably at memories I didn't know of. Things had happened here. Things between Adam and Drake. Things between lovers, most certainly.
And now he was back, once again haunted by the memories he was trying to block out.
He shouldn't. But I knew I couldn't change that.

Maybe I should give him new memories.

"Favourite colour?" I asked randomly, throwing a glance to the side, feeling the gesture being returned immediately, with surprise and slight amusement.
His step haltered for a minute at a park bench, before he threw his cup in the container. I grabbed the hand he had now hanging loose. Courageous, I know, but the tension went flying. He smiled, again.

"It's black and yours...?"

It was weird how much I enjoyed talking to Adam. I normally didn't like chatter at all, let alone random '20 questions' kind of talking.
But there had to be a first fucking time for everything, right?

We spend the entire morning at the park, going from 'Favourite colour?' to 'I think the best memory I have of them is Cheeks dressing Cass up as a sparkly bunny. Not because of the rabbit-ears, but because everyone was having so much fun. There was no club, no stupid relationships, just us, having fun.'

I sort of figured this to be a major stop forward.

But all good things came to an end, because at the far end of the park, Adam noticed a Prada store and remarked; "I haven't been to one of those in ages… I miss shopping."
This statement, of course, made me go all fishy eyed and I gaped at him like a crazy person, but eventually, thanks to another kick in my guts, dragged him into the store.
This resolved in a shopping spree.
I repeat; I normally don't like… scratch that, I absolutely loathe those, but Adam's eventual enthusiasm once again made it worth it. Observing him was more entertaining then the clothes were.
We also went to a fancy restaurant for lunch and got more coffee, which made up for carrying a dolce and gabbana bag too.

"Tommy?" The question came while we were resting some place random, while I wiggled my feet, admiring my new (and shiny) shoes Adam had insisted on buying me.

I looked up, smiling. "Yeah?"

"Why are you doing this?" He asked, his eyes a deep blue, making me momentarily loose focus, before I snapped back to full understanding of what he was asking.

"Because I like being with you."

The answer had him thinking, for a long while. But I didn't mind. I didn't like chatter anyway.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did you put up with me doing this?"

He was silent for the shortest moments, before he caressed my cheek for a second and pushed my annoying bang out of my face.

"Because you make me want to sing again."

I'd like to tell you we impulsively went to a karaoke bar and had the night of our lives. Or that he serenaded me there, telling me how he wanted to keep me and never loose me or something.
That didn't happen.

Instead, we went to McDonalds for dinner and roamed the streets as it got darker and darker, this time just having fun instead of trying to pry each other's souls open. We listened to a blind man play the guitar. We listened to the music in a random electronics shop. We even ridiculed the guy who won the season of American Idol Adam had entered. Some idiot named Danny Monkey or something. I let him listen to Manson, he made me listen GaGa.

And it was fine that way, because his hand was holding mine the entire time.
My little one in his.
It looked absolutely ridiculous.
Insert gooey smile here please.

yay for Tommy! Everybody leave somelove for him!

sigh, I know, don't even start about the lateness. It's he back to schoooooooool blueees!

Part two hopefully coming soon, let me know what you think.
Much rawrs for my dreamers! It means I love you in dinosaur!