Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for a crazy mind.
A/N: Thank you so much for the responses! Here it is, and this took on a mind of its own! I don't know why, but Mark didn't get much of a say in this, or at least that's how I feel. Let me know what you think, please! (:
Mark noticed the panicked expression on Lexie's face and watched as she quickly turned to face the steel doors in front of them. She hadn't realized it was him standing in the elevator, and as a result, they were standing quite close together. If he stretched out his hand, he'd be able to touch hers. He could hold her hand in his and comfort her. He could…Mark stopped himself. What he wanted to do classified as inappropriate behavior in a professional environment.
Mark felt his stomach drop at the thought.
He wanted to touch her, to reach out and reassure her when it was obvious something was going on in her mind. But he couldn't. He couldn't mix his work with his personal life. He couldn't get involved with her problems at work because if he did, it would consume him. He knew it would be all he thought about and when at work, when he was doing what he loved, he had to remain focused. He owed it to the people that came to him in hope.
He couldn't think about Lexie at work, he had to think about Dr. Grey instead.
Mark glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, wondering what she was thinking about. Was her heart racing like his? Was she feeling nervous? Was she okay? Mark was contemplating asking her how she was, when Lexie's soft voice floated to him.
"I was on my way to find you, Dr. Sloan." Her voice was quite, but held a definite strength to it. "Dr. Yang put me on your services today."
Mark nodded his head, silently doing something he never thought he would – thanking Cristina for helping him for once. "Alright," he said, his voice just as low as hers. "I haven't got anything yet."
Lexie nodded, her nerves heightening. Without a case, it would leave them with nothing to do. Nothing to do…but talk. Lexie stopped herself. No. He didn't want to talk when at work; she would need to constantly remind herself of that. Licking her lips nervously, Lexie continued with their conversation. "Okay…Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me that you're okay. "Yes."
Lexie let out a steady breath and turned to look up at him. "Yes?"
Mark looked down at her, his eyes softening at the sight of her. Her big eyes were looking up at him expectantly, and yet he could see the worry behind those beautiful eyes. It was taking him all of his strength to not pull her body to his. "You could tell me what's going on."
Lexie blinked at him and hurriedly turned away. She glanced at the illuminated numbers and held her breath. "Nothing's going on, Dr. Sloan."
"I don't believe you."
Lexie shrugged. "That's up to you. I…I don't need to convince you. You can believe what you want."
Mark shook his head and before he knew what he was doing; his hand flew out and slapped the red button. The elevator came to a thudding stop and Lexie gasped slightly. Her eyes flew to his and he looked at her, his arms folded against his chest. "Tell me what's happened."
Lexie opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't speak. She snapped shut her mouth and glared at the steel doors. A sudden burst of anger flared up inside of her, how dare he stop the elevator and force her to speak. If she wanted to tell him what was going on, if she wanted to tell him her feelings, she wouldn't do it now. She was only following the rules he had set up. He had no right to try and get her to talk now.
Her voice was steady and harsh when she spoke next. "I'm not telling you anything." She turned to look at him, her eyes sparkling with anger, and she added, "Dr. Sloan."
Mark stared at her, the realization hitting him. So this was why she was acting so strange with him. Professionalism. He should have known she would react in this way. "Lexie," he said, his voice low. He took a step towards her and sighed when she took a step back. "Lexie, please."
"Stay away from me." Her voice was strong and she continued to walk backwards until her back hit the wall. "Stay the Hell away from me."
Mark continued to move and now he stood in front of her, so close that if he moved slightly, their bodies would collide. "Lexie," he whispered. "Come on."
It was hard for Lexie to regulate her breathing with him so near to her but she managed to keep calm. Almost. "Dr. Sloan…if…if you do not move away from me…I'll…I'll–"
"You'll what?" Mark asked, his hand moving to gently touch hers. His finger brushed against her hand and he noted her sharp intake of breath. He leaned in slightly, his breath whispering against her skin. "You'll what?"
She wanted to come up with a smart response, something that would show him that she was annoyed with him, that she was only doing what he wanted and that it was his all his fault. That was what Lexie wanted to say. However her brain couldn't form those words due to the fact his proximity was encasing her, robbing her of all her senses. Instead of shouting at him – instead of pushing him back – Lexie whispered, "I don't know…"
Mark sighed, his hands moving up her arms slowly. At the back of his mind, a voice was telling him that he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be touching her, not after last night, not after he told her that what he wanted wasn't important. He had to ignore his feelings, the desires that flared up inside him – raw and passionate – every time he saw her. This wasn't what she needed. She needed a friend, someone that cared, not someone that was ruled by their other brain.
Mark knew this, he knew what he should be doing, but instead he was adamant on continuing with what he wanted – needed – to do.
They both wanted this, ever since last night. How could he deny it? How could he stop the instinct that shot through him at the sight of her?
At the sound of Lexie's small sigh, Mark leaned closer, his face inches away from hers. Her eyes were lowered and he carefully placed a kiss on her cheek. When she didn't raise her eyes, he kissed her again, slowly dragging his lips over her cheek, dangerously close to her parted lips. "Look at me," he whispered, his voice rough, raw, heavenly. "Lexie…"
"Dr. Sloan…"
The strength that her voice once held was lost under the spell of his being. No matter how hard she tried, Lexie couldn't resist his advances. Looking up at him, her heart clenched at the sight of his steel blue eyes. They shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't–
His mouth crashed into hers and Lexie found herself intake sharply at the feel of his lips gliding across hers. Her mouth open, his tongue tracing along her lips, Lexie felt the fire of him burn her. It felt good.
His hands went to either side of her face, gently holding onto her smooth skin, and Mark found himself move closer to her. His hips pressing against hers. This was what he wanted, this is what they needed. It didn't matter who they were, where they were, or what was going on in their lives. Them, alone, together in the way that was right – that was all that mattered.
Breaking apart, Mark swallowed when he felt Lexie's hands, which had been gripping onto his shoulders; move down his chest, snaking around his waist under his white coat. His white coat. The realization that they were standing, pressed up against an elevator wall, in Seattle Grace dawned on Mark. It should have made him pull away from her and restart the elevator, but it didn't. It didn't seem to have an effect on him. Instead, Mark traced his finger across her lips, staring into her eyes, watching for a change that would indicate she didn't want this.
Lexie stared at him, her mind racing, trying to figure out what was happening. He hadn't wanted this. He told her that what he wanted didn't matter. He told her that at the hospital, she was just an intern and he was her attending. They shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be allowed to say something and then do something else. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. Did he not care about her feelings? Did he not realize that by doing this, he was just screwing with her mind?
Suddenly, Lexie tore her hands away from him and shoved him away. Caught off guard, Mark stumbled back slightly and frowned at her. "What the–"
"No. No." Lexie said, as she pointed a finger at him. "You…You don't get to talk. Not, not after that."
"What are–?"
"Don't!"
Her shout echoed in the small space and her chest heaved as she gave up hope of keeping composed. He didn't deserve her understanding; he didn't deserve a calm Lexie Grey. Lexie shook her head at the confused expression on Mark's face. How could he be so oblivious as to why she was angry?
She shook her head, suddenly disgusted that she let herself fall. Disgusted that she allowed herself to be taken over by this man. Her eyes burned into his and Lexie tried to keep the sadness from creeping into her voice. She refused to sound weak.
"Why are doing this to me? Why…Why do you think you're allowed to push me away one moment and then…and then kiss me the next?" Lexie shook her head, the rage bubbling under her skin. "You can't do that! You're not allowed to do this to me!"
Mark opened his mouth the reply, but was cut off by Lexie's raised voice. "You said you would ignore your feelings! You said that I was just an intern!" Her chest heaved as she took a step forward, her hands clenched at her side. "If I was just an intern why are you doing this to me?"
She was closer to him now, in the position to reach out and touch him – punch him – if necessary. Her sudden shout vibrated in the small space, "What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to you?"
Her body was shaking slightly and Mark instinctively reached out to settle her. His hands flew to her arms and immediately he found himself fighting to keep his grip, Lexie trying to slip through his hold. "Lexie," he said soothingly. "Lexie, stop it."
"No!" Lexie shouted, and shoved him back. She pointed her finger at him, and he thought dryly that it would have been more effective if her hand wasn't shaking so much.
"You…You stop it! Stop saying one thing and doing another. Stop acting as if you care about me because you don't!" Tears threatened the corners of Lexie's eyes and she felt herself well up at the thought of him not caring, of him simply using her.
Shaking her head, Lexie ran a hand through her hair. She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to regain composure, before turning to look at him. His face showed little emotion, however his eyes, his pale blue eyes which had always amazed her, spoke louder than words ever could. The hurt, the pain, the worry – it all showed.
It wasn't enough. It wouldn't repair the damage he had caused to her heart, to her mind. She wouldn't allow him to sweep this away like he had done to everything else.
In a shout that Lexie never knew she was capable of, her words came out stony and clear. "If you cared about me, Dr. Sloan, you wouldn't treat me this way! You wouldn't do this! You wouldn't hurt me!"
Hurt her? That was the last thing he wanted to do. Trying not to rush forward and hold her, Mark's words came out fast and desperate, his composure lost. "I never meant to hurt you! Damn it, Lexie, I don't know what I'm doing!"
"If you don't know, then why are you still doing it? Why are you still doing this to me?"
Mark sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I don't know." He shook his head, trying to move through all the thoughts rushing through his mind. "I do care about you. I want to help you. I want you. And I don't want to hide my feelings." He shook his head, whispering to himself, "That's not who I am."
Lexie shook her head, the emotion tearing through her. "You can't keep doing this to me," she whispered. The tears she had tried so hard to keep under control began to fall, snaking their way down her cheeks. Lexie stared at the ceiling and wished that she hadn't taken the elevator. The stairs. She should have taken the stairs; she was a doctor, she should have known the exercise would have benefitted her more than an elevator ride.
Lexie didn't know what to do. All the emotion, from their situation and her upset over Sadie, had built up and now she had released everything. All the hurt and worry and insecurities that had been holding her back, that had been held back by the rational part of her brain, it was all being lashed out against Mark. And one part of Lexie was glad. He deserved this. He deserved this after what he's put her through.
Fighting back the tears, Lexie refused to look at him, instead began to count the ceiling tiles. "Why are you doing this to me?"
Her voice was like a forbidden plea to his ears. He didn't have an answer. "I don't know."
His stoic voice ripped through Lexie's heart and she felt the pain surge through her veins. "Why can't you just stop? Why can't you just stay my attending?"
His answer was instant, the answer obvious. "Because I care too much."
Lexie let out a small, feeble laugh. "Stop saying that."
Mark watched as a tear slipped down her pale cheek, curving downwards, falling onto her long neck. It was taking all his will power to not go over and wipe away the tear, the hurt, every little pain she felt. "I can't deny the truth. I won't."
"You don't mean it."
"I do."
"You don't."
"I do."
Lexie slowly lowered her head to look at him, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the sincere look on his face. How could she believe him when he had gone back on everything he said so far? He was just like her father. He says one thing, and does another. He promises one thing, and goes it against it as soon as he gets the chance.
The anger quickly flashed behind Lexie's eyes and she shook her head in disgust. "Why can't you stop? Stop saying you care about me, because you don't. You say one thing and do another. Do you think that's fair? Do you just see me as some…some play thing?"
The hurt showed immediately on Mark's face and he replied defensively, "Of course not!"
"Then what am I?" Lexie shouted. "What am I to you? Am I just an intern? Am I just Meredith's little sister? The one no one cares about? The insignificant Little Grey?"
Unable to keep still, Lexie stormed in front of him, the rage displayed demanding answers. "Or am I just the pathetic abused girl that you can use to feel important? Does it make you feel needed to think I'm so weak that I can't defend myself? Am I just the girl you think can feed your hero complex? Huh? Tell me! Tell me!"
"No!" Mark shouted. "No. You aren't that. I don't see you like that!"
He ran his hand through his hair and turned away from her. Where was this coming from? This sudden outburst of anger and disgust. This wasn't Lexie, Lexie wouldn't behave like this. Mark shook his head, trying to remain the calm one in the situation but found himself loosing grip on the reality. He couldn't do this; he couldn't stand here and take her hits. How could she think he was using her? He wasn't, her genuinely cared about her. He had feelings, real, solid feelings that tore through him whenever he saw her.
She wasn't just an intern. She wasn't just Little Grey.
She definitely wasn't just a victim.
She was beautiful. She was kind-hearted and neurotic. She was a good doctor, and would make an even better surgeon. She was confident and shy at the same time. She was everything that he wasn't.
Why couldn't she believe in him? In herself? Why couldn't she understand that he was confused too? He didn't know what to do, but the one thing he did know was that he liked her more than a teacher should for their intern. Why couldn't she trust him?
Heaving slightly, Mark felt the anger rise inside of him. He didn't know whether he was angry with her or this situation. All he did know was that it wasn't a wise decision on Lexie's part when she decided to round him and stand in front of him.
Now trapped between him and the wall, Lexie stared at him and noticed the annoyance in his cold blue eyes. She wouldn't stop. They were trapped in here, they would be trapped together for the rest of today, and she didn't give up. She never gave up. Her voice was low, laced with silent resentment, when she spoke next. "Tell me, Dr. Sloan, what am I to you? Who am I?"
He looked down at her, and he gritted his teeth. "Lexie. Lexie Grey."
"I know that!" Lexie exploded. "Who am I to you? Tell me!"
Matching her tone of voice, Mark replied with the same fury. "What do you want me to say, Lexie? Do you want me to tell you that yes, you are an intern. Yes, you are Meredith's sister. Yes, you are Little fucking Grey."
He leaned in, one arm pressed against the wall behind her. "What do you want me to tell you? Because you are an intern, you are Meredith's sister and you are Little Grey and you are an abused woman! What else should I tell you? What do you want to hear, Lexie?"
"I don't know!" Lexie shouted, her eyes burning with tears. Everything was happening too fast for her, the emotions slamming into her, her common sense lost. Her sobs broke out a moment later, unable to contain themselves, and her shoulders slumped against the wall. "Tell me you want me! I don't know! Tell me I'm not just the pathetic woman that I feel like! Just tell me you want me!"
His arm dropped to her shoulder and Mark slowly wrapped his arms around her small frame. Pulling her against his chest, Mark sighed when he felt her clutch onto him. "I want you. I want you and that will never change. I won't let it. I want you." Soothingly, Mark stroked her hair with his free hand, reassuringly pressing light kisses on her head.
Slowly taking his arm from her waist, Mark pressed the red button on the wall behind them. As the elevator jolted into motion, Mark whispered against her hair, "I care about you more than I should."