Please read Revenge or Vengeance before this chapter, I am uploading a bunch of chapters.

Chapter Eighteen: So Tired

Daniel was tired, of this world and the crazy crap that always seemed to happen to them no matter where they were. He was almost choked to death by the man he'd been in love with for several years, the man he had two children with and they would have no way od knowing that Jack was really Jack until that curse was eradicated from his mind.

If it even could be done, that is.

"Daniel, I just heard, are you okay?" Sam asked as she opened the door. He knew he should have locked it but apparently he wanted to be comforted. He sat up and double checked that the twins were both still good in their bassinets which they were. Quietly playing with her toes, Zada was gurgling happily now that stressed Daddy Daniel wasn't touching her and Zale was still napping. He'd checked Zale when he first came into the bedroom; the little boy accepted a clean diaper and smiled up at Daniel for a few seconds before he settled into sleep once more.

He moved over in the big bed and Sam came over and snuck onto the mattress and tucked her head against his shoulder, not close enough to make either uncomfortable but it was a motion born of a sibling love for each other over the last couple years. Sam just tapped her finger on his chest in an indecipherable rhythm while Daniel stayed silent and still.

Soon, as she knew he would, Daniel decided to talk. "Do you ever want to go home Sam?" he asked.

"Of course, it was home for us all. We had families and lives, goals and a pretty big calling to go through the Gate. Now ask me if I'm happy here?"

"Are you?" Daniel returned.

"Yes," she responded easily with a sigh, "Back home I could have never acted on my feelings for Teal'c because I believe that I could never compete with his first wife, a warrior and mother in her right. I also believed that I wanted Colonel O'Neill that we were only flirting around until there would be a day when fraternization regulations wouldn't be in our way. Mostly I just wanted to stay close to all of you, which meant all of my feelings got screwed up. I love my son so much, I love my husband and what we can do here with these people."

"If we got to go home?"

"Then we would go, but if we couldn't retain our relationships and team then I think we would all have to make a decision together."

"As we are, couples now, it would be more difficult to go home," Daniel started, rubbing at Sam's back absently. "Jack would receive a dishonorable discharge. Our children would be science projects, they couldn't actually leave these people because they were given those stupid Magis and Zarkina and her husband are the only ones who can help the twins as they grow up. Our new lives and the drama of the magic has just as effectively trapped us as not having the Gate to travel through."

Sam sat up and glared down at Daniel in shock, "Are you unhappy with the twins and Jack?"

"I am unhappy with the chaos we are in for, that we cannot go a day without running into another magical problem, and if that's not bad enough, Jack goes and finds another. He's as bad as I am and yet I am the one at fault. I cannot take care of anyone, let alone Jack and the kids."

"He doesn't think that," Sam responded, crossing her arms in anger. Daniel jerked up into a sitting position and wrapped his arms around his legs when he pulled them up to his chest.

"Sam, I have had a tumultuous relationship with Jack since the beginning, we are too different sometimes and here in this place it is even more apparent. I cannot do what must be done to protect my husband and children. This is not a place for us, we should renew our efforts to go home."

"You don't want to be with me?" Jack demanded from the door. Daniel frowned at the man, who was holding his head and chest pitifully. Sam excused herself quickly, slipping out of the room, claiming to have heard Jacob crying which he wasn't. And Teal'c was with him.

"Jack," Daniel sighed.

"No Daniel, we need to talk about this. What is going on with you?"

"You left me Jack, how am I supposed to interpret that as anything besides you not wanting to be with me or me not being enough for you!"

Jack came as sat down on the bed, holding his hand out to Daniel but the younger man ignored the hand, pacing at the side of the bed. "Daniel, I need you to understand that when I left that morning it was because I believed that I could never be enough for you, that I could never be someone other than your 'wife' as it were. Please understand that when I was attacked and cursed, I left the island because I didn't know how to come home to you without hurting you or the people who protect us. I couldn't do that to you and the twins. I need you to understand that I am blessed and grateful for your love. I love you more than I could ever love another, I love you with all my heart and I need you to understand that would still be true if we weren't here but at home, I wouldn't have had the strength to tell you."

"We wouldn't be together if we weren't sent here?" Daniel asked for clarity.

Jack nodded sheepishly, "No Daniel, I am a military man and I would be kicked out for this if we were there which means Zada and Zale wouldn't exist and we wouldn't be together."

Daniel paused in his pacing for a second before starting up again, "I know that, I really do. I guess I don't understand how I am 'better' than you in any way. This is a warrior society and I don't know how to take care of us. If you go again, how do I survive without you?"

"Danny," Jack sighed. This time when he reached a hand out to Daniel, the scientist took it and felt the little thrill at the touch. He sat down on the other side of the bed and looked down at their joined hands which the Colonel jiggled a little as he spoke. "Look at me," when Daniel did Jack continued. "If you need to learn more about this world, the fighting and the magic then do it. I have gone out and found I can survive alone for a time. We can make this life work, for us and for the children. Its true that with their magical creatures that we are stuck here but we can make it work. This is just a hard time, believe it or not, even at home we would have had hard times. Is what we have, between the two of us and with Zale and Zada, is it worth it?"

Daniel smiled a little, the moisture slipping down off his lashes as he scooted closer to Jack, "Of course Jack, being with you had always been more deepest desire. I love you, I'm just worried to be without you, especially now because our children will have a chaotic and nowhere near normal existence."

Jack tucked an arm around Daniel's shoulder gently and pulled the young man closer, "I know love, and we can figure it out. I mean you are really really smart."

Daniel laughed at that, "What? And you're not?"

"Not as smart as you, smarty-pants."

Daniel smiled, leaned close and kissed Jack gently on the lips. Daniel felt as Jack's hand gripped the back of his head and pulled Daniel in for a deeper kiss. Daniel's arms wrapped around Jack's neck and climbed gently into Jack's lap. Daniel didn't plan anything really carnal, he just wanted to be close to Jack after all the time and drama of the past couple of days. Plus the babies had been asleep for a while.

As if on command, Zale started fussing then Zada followed his lead. The two dads extracted themselves from each other slowly, enjoying the closeness but Jack pulled Daniel to a stop, "I love you Daniel Jackson."

"I love you to Colonel Jack. Now get your daughter, I want Zale."

Jack rolled his eyes, Daniel could get whoever he wanted, he'd been a single dad for over a week and Jack would do whatever he needed to try to make up for the fear Daniel now lived with.