Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for a crazy mind.
A/N: I am so sorry this has taken me ages to update, but starting a degree has just taken up all my time lately so I'm sorry, but here we go. I know it's stupidly short but only one more chapter and an epilogue after this. Wow, that sounded weird. I hope this okay. Anyway, please let me know what you think! (:
Once Mark had left the cubicle, Lexie watched Meredith with curious eyes. They stared at each other, neither knowing where to begin, Meredith's apology still hanging in the strained air between them, silently taunting them.
It was Lexie who broke the silence first.
With a delicate cough, Lexie shuffled in her bed and began to twirl the bed sheet between her fingers. "So, you're…" She began carefully, her voice barely audible.
Meredith didn't need any more encouragement because suddenly, as if someone had punched her and forced the words out of her, everything tumbled out in a stream of hurried letters and sounds.
"I'm so sorry, Lexie," she said, her voice trembling ever so slightly. If Lexie wasn't so attentive, she would have missed the shine in Meredith's eye when she said lowly, "If I knew…If I was a better sister…God, I'm so sorry, Lexie…I'm so–"
"You didn't know," Lexie interrupted. "I-It's not your fault because I…" The remorse is evident in her eyes as she regarded her older sister. "I-It's my fault, If I could have just told you…"
Meredith swallowed nervously; neither of them daring to think of what would have happened if Lexie had told Meredith the full truth. "You tried to," Meredith whispered, the shame unbearable as she remembered the night she had called Lexie to take Thatcher from the bar. It seemed so long ago but now, the image of Lexie wincing at her father's shout, his touch, her nervous gaze and shaky words…
"I shouldn't have made you take him home that night from the bar, Lexie." She shook her head in dismay. "If I knew…" Her eyes were steady on Lexie's, bright and perfectly honest. "If I knew what he was doing to you, I swear to God I wouldn't have let him anywhere near you, Lexie."
Lexie nodded her head, her breathing becoming slower as she tried to calm herself as images of that came flashing back into her mind. It had worked out fine in the end, she reminded herself, that night was the night she had told Mark and…If that hadn't had happened, Lexie didn't know what she would have done with herself. The only thing she could hold onto at the moment was that at least Mark had known, at least someone had known, and because he knew, Mark saved her. In the end, he saved her, and right now, that's all that mattered.
"It's fine," Lexie repeated, the words coming easily to her as they had done throughout this ordeal. Everything was fine, she was fine, her relationship with Thatcher was fine…
Meredith shook her head, she couldn't believe Lexie's submissive attitude. This wasn't right, what had he done to her? This wasn't Lexie; this wasn't the Grey attitude to life. No-one should have been able to push her around or tell Lexie what to think. No-one should have abused her or taken away her strength and confidence and voice. Just the thought of what he had done to her caused Meredith to swell with anger. "No, Lexie, it isn't fine," Meredith said, her voice laced with annoyance at the man she used to call her father.
Meredith sighed heavily and moved closer to Lexie, moving so that she could sit down next to her. Slowly, hesitantly, Meredith reached out and placed her hand on top of Lexie's. The motion caused a spark of warmth to spread from Lexie's hand straight to her heart as she watched this woman, the woman who had ignored her for so long, openly show her regret and care for her.
Lexie's eyes welled with repressed tears as Meredith breathed in deeply before whispering, "Nothing…nothing about this is fine. You're safe now; you'll always be safe now, but…" Her eyes shone brightly with emotion as she squeezed Lexie's hand. "It's not fine…You're allowed to not be fine, Lex."
And with those whispered words, Lexie broke, the tears flowing, her small body shaking with so much despair and relief that Meredith enveloped her against her own body, and silently made a promise to herself that she would never let her little sister go again.
Bracing himself, Mark stopped in front of Lexie's cubicle, his shaking hands firmly placed in the pockets of his jeans. He could do this, he reminded himself as he felt the eyes of Callie and Derek on his back. He needed to apologize to Lexie, to let her know that if he had known sooner, if he hadn't been so selfish and childish then…
Stopping short, Mark took a large breath before slowly opening the curtains. The sight that he witnessed shocked him. On the small bed, Lexie was curled up against Meredith, her head resting on the older woman's chest as Meredith spoke quietly to her, and although Mark wasn't paying full attention, he caught the words "dog," "Christmas," and "George."
Looking between the two women, Mark blinked, thinking the scene would evaporate from sight if he did so. Instead, the scene remained, causing him to let out a strangled sort of voice as a response. Meredith looked up at him, and quirked an eyebrow expectantly, "Yes, Mark?"
Lexie titled her head slightly so she could look at him, and smiled brightly at the sight of his wide eyes. Stretching out a delicate hand, Lexie said quietly, "You came back."
There was a hint of embarrassment clouding her words and Mark smiled slightly at her. "Of course I did," he responded before pointing a finger between the two of them, slightly accusing. "Am I the only one that finds this scene weird?"
Meredith scoffed in response. "There is nothing 'weird' about me retelling stories to Lexie."
"But…" Mark stopped and frowned. "The…touching…"
Lexie laughed delicately and sighed against Meredith. "Is nice," she muttered, a small smile on her face. Closing her eyes, Lexie draped an arm over Meredith, her scars openly showing, catching the gaze of both Meredith and Mark and bringing the weight of today back to them.
"Right," Mark replied slowly as he stared at Meredith. "Well, this certainly is a nice change," he said, catching Meredith's eye. She stared at him and a slight smile formed on her thin lips. It was at that moment, Mark just knew Meredith was serious about changing, about forming a relationship with Lexie. No words were spoken between the pair but in that glance, they knew – Lexie would be okay as long as she had the pair of them looking out for her.
Looking down at Lexie, Meredith nudged her gently. "Come on then, looks like Sloan's itching to say something and I think it's private."
Lexie smiled as she moved off Meredith. There was an edge of nerves to her voice as she asked, "You're coming to see me later, right?"
Meredith nodded instantly. "I'll be upstairs; I'll come see you with Derek later." Moving off the bed, Meredith moved past Mark and once she had left, Mark exhaled heavily. He watched Lexie for a moment before commenting, "That was nice to see. Weird, but nice."
Lexie laughed slightly as she nodded. "I know. She's…She's trying."
The smile that took over Lexie's previously pale face was all Mark needed to believe that Lexie and Meredith's relationship was on the road to recovery. He nodded as he approached Lexie. "Good," he said as he looked down at her. She looked so tiny in the bed that it caused Mark's heart to seize in pain. The shades of color that were painted on her didn't belong and Mark wished he could erase them but instead, he was bitterly reminded that in fact, he caused them. If he had just gone to her sooner…
"Lexie," he began. Mark's eyes darted to the side nervously, causing Lexie to reach out and take his hand in her smaller one. Looking at their intertwined hands, Mark wanted to feel happiness, he wanted to feel content and relief that at least he still had her with him, but the feel of the jagged cuts on her palm brushing against his skin caused him to exhale deeply, the slow burn of anger igniting in him once again.
"You're allowed to be angry," Lexie whispered. Her words caused Mark to look up at her, his gaze questioning, but Lexie didn't allow him to speak. Instead she continued, "You're allowed to be angry with him, and me, and this whole situation, Mark."
"I'm not angry with you, Lex." The thought alone was madness to him. He could never be angry at her.
"I know, but…" Lexie sighed and looked away from him. "I didn't tell anyone, Mark. I placed everything, all the stories and pain and everything on you, and that was unfair, I know that." When Lexie looked back at him, he was frowning, but she continued. She needed to say this. "When I was speaking to Meredith, and I saw how upset she was and how sorry she was…I should have told her. I should have told her and Derek and if I had, none of this would have happened."
Her breathing is heavy as she shook her head, her annoyance clear in her voice. "I should never have placed all that on you, it was wrong and I regret it. I regret not telling Meredith, I regret not telling people sooner and thinking that everything was fine, because it isn't fine. I-It isn't right–" Lexie stopped and looked at Mark, her eyes sparking with determination as she announced, "It wasn't my fault. He…He made me think that I wasn't worth anything, he made me think people wouldn't care, he is the one that hurt me and I know that things aren't fine but…they're going to be, eventually."
Hearing her say the words caused Mark to close his eyes in relief. She was right. It wasn't her fault, and neither was it his fault. But…
"Lexie," Mark began, his voice rough. "It isn't your fault. He hurt you. But…I should have known." Opening his eyes, he stared at her, his eyes sorrowful. "I thought you were ignoring me, when you didn't answer my calls, I didn't think that he could have been there and–" In a rush, the words flow out of him in a stream. "I'm sorry, Lexie, I should have been there. It never should have happened and if I could–"
Lexie cut him off with a firm squeeze of his hand. "Shut up, Sloan." The edge in her voice caught him by surprise and in a different situation, Mark would have smirked at her words, but now he stared at glaring eyes. "It is not your fault. Are you psychic?"
When he didn't reply, Lexie raised an eyebrow and Mark shook his head in response. No, he wasn't psychic, though at times, he wished he was.
"Well then, you couldn't have known." The logic was simple, but of course, Mark didn't want to accept it and when he opened his mouth to object, Lexie held up her free hand. "I don't want to hear it, Mark. You couldn't have known, and…I don't want you to blame yourself."
"But I do."
His words are cracked with emotion and in that moment, he looked so vulnerable that Lexie felt her heart break slightly. "Mark…"
Sitting down next to her on the bed, Mark raised her hand to his mouth, and gently ran his lips over the cuts on her palm. "I'm sorry," he whispered against her skin, the words falling from his mouth and seeping into her skin. "If I had–"
If I had lost you…
He didn't need to say the words, Lexie knew, she knew him far too well. "You didn't," she whispered, her voice becoming heavy with emotion. "A-And, you're never going to lose me, okay?"
His blue eyes burned into hers as everything clicked into place. She was here, in front of him, and nothing could take that away from him, from them. "It's over," he muttered, his voice wavering ever so slightly as the emotion gripped his throat. "It's really…"
Lexie nodded and before she could think, she reached forward, uncaring of her sore body and pressed herself against Mark. His arms wrapped around her small frame instantly, and he squeezed her body to his, tighter than ever before. They didn't need to say anything more because having their bodies tangled within each other like this would always be enough.