Title: Sewn Clouds
Published: March 5, 2013
Author: Ribbon
Target: Yukimura Seiichi
Default Name: Honjou Chiharu
Author's Note: Feedback is always appreciated! Though if you just want to hound me into updating other stories, I'm okay with that too. All messages go to the Ribbon Won't Die of Writers' Block Fund, LOL.
But all things come to an end.
You wake to the morning;
the sunlight; the clouds.
The curtains are moving
like Spanish dancers.
You grasp for your dreams,
but they are filed away in a cabinet,
protected by the shadows of the unconsciousness.
/
She's met Sanada before, many times. They aren't close, but they're friends—have been ever since elementary school, where Sanada and Seiichi first became friends. She likes how she can confide her worries for Seiichi in him, and he keeps it a secret for her, because they know how much Seiichi hates people talking about him behind his back.
When she goes to visit Seiichi one day, she discovers that Sanada is there. Neither of them see her, and she is glad for it; she can hear the shouting, and she doesn't want to walk in on something that doesn't involve her.
She doesn't mean to eavesdrop, but she can't help it. She can't help hearing Sanada mention tennis, and Seiichi shouting at him to leave. There is room for shock, because Seiichi doesn't shout. He could never do it properly when they were on the bridge.
From afar, she watches as the door opens and Sanada backs out into the corridor, deciding it was perhaps beneficial to leave Seiichi to his last moments of piece. When Sanada turns and sees her, she opens her mouth to explain why she is there, but he puts a finger to his lips and motions for her to walk away with him.
The corridor is silent.
When they are far enough away, she asks, "Is Seiichi okay?"
He gives her a long look. 'He is in a bad way."
"Do you think I should—"
He shakes his head. She could never quite get over how easily Sanada could read her. "For now, all I think he needs is peace."
And he looks at her.
"The surgery has a fifty percent success rate."
And she looks back. "I know. He thinks he won't make it."
"I know."
They are both anxious for the outcome, but neither of them want to voice their conscious fears for the worst, even though the worst is quite easily possible. They don't want to jinx the success rate, touch wood. Yet spoken or unspoken, the worst outcome is still there. It still holds weight.
The thought of Seiichi never coming out of surgery suddenly becomes real to her, and she fears it. She is afraid that Seiichi's lack of faith will not pull him through this. She is afraid that he wants to die—not because he is enamored by death, but because he wants to see what it's like to disappear and he wants to see if anyone cares.
She feels like crying, but she knows that it won't solve anyone's problems, so she holds them back. She feels the passive build up in her chest, but it's better not to let it out. It's better this way. "I don't want to Seiichi to die."
Sanada stares straight ahead. "None of us do."
For a moment, she thinks he drops his defenses. She thinks she sees the Sanada that might become real if Seiichi doesn't make it.
She is praying that Seiichi can make it, even if she doesn't believe in God, and even if she doesn't have any words to say. She doesn't want to see a sad Sanada. She doesn't want to be sad herself.
A world without Seiichi would be sad.
Princo & Ribbon
April 14, 2014.