*** This story contains some mild language, suspense, romance, and some frightening images and situations—13 and older, please.
In the Grip of Twilight
By:
Olivia Tannis Moore
Chapter Thirty Seven:
Pain
I took the vial of Edward's venom to my room as Demetri followed, sullen and quiet. He locked the adjoining door behind us and tossed the key on the dresser. I could practically feel his bitter disappointment.
We both knew now that I was using him, and I felt rotten for it. Especially knowing he was helping us despite the risk to his own existence.
Things weren't supposed to get this complicated. I had hoped that he'd get over this infatuation and we could be friends. I truly liked him; he appealed to me on a level that I rarely experienced. And, if I were brutally honest with myself, I could admit that I was even attracted to him. He'd opened himself up to me and shown me a side he'd never shown anyone else since he'd become a vampire; the side that was still human and vulnerable, and very much in love. I cared about him and I regretted that I was hurting him, yet I could do nothing about it.
The silence was deafening. He went to the window and looked down over the deserted streets, while I wrapped the vial in one of my shirts and put it beneath my pillow. Then I sat at the foot of the bed with my legs tucked under me and waited for him to say something, as the silence stretched on.
"I tried to tell you it wasn't what you thought," I finally said. My voice was husky and remorseful to my ears.
"Yes," he said. "What an idiot I am for thinking I could make you care for me like you once did. That was so long ago…and you've had several lifetimes to forget about me. But Isabeau…we shared something so special and timeless. If only you would try to remember…"
There was that name again. I shook my head sadly, "I'm not Isabeau, no matter how much you wish I was her. I'm Isabella."
He leaned his forehead against the glass pane and closed his eyes. "And you know the worst part?…what hurts the most?…is that you'll take the memories of this lifetime with you as you change over…while I still hold on to mine. I just can't seem to forget you, no matter how much time goes by."
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "If things were different…"
He spun around to face me, his face a combination of anger and hurt. "What…if things were different, what? You'd try to remember what we meant to each other? How we lived for one another? I love you. That's never going to change. These memories I have are for-ever."
His eyes pleaded with me. "I told myself I wouldn't pursue you while Edward was locked away; it didn't seem honest. I wanted to win you over on equal ground, as a fair man, not the monster I've been for almost a thousand years. I'm asking you to give me a chance."
His pain was tangible, and I knew I was responsible for it. For the second time that night I swallowed the tears, and the lump in my throat that wouldn't seem to go away. It was impossible. I couldn't give him what he wanted.
"I can't give you a chance to win something that I've already given away," I tried to explain gently. "I love Edward."
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Don't say that. Don't look at me with her face and tell me that."
I turned away. But I had to press my point, "Even if I was Isabeau, that was many lifetimes ago, as you said. This is my lifetime to be with Edward."
"Isabeau…Bella," he corrected himself. "Be fair not only to me, but to yourself and try to remember. We both deserve to remember. Do this, and I will respect any decision you make, as long as you don't make it right now."
"Right now… six weeks from now…nothing is going to change."
"Fate changes everything," he said. "You forget that I loved you first." His eyes were looking into that far away place again as he turned away. And then in a blur he was gone, but his whisper still lingered in his wake, "Good night, Bella."
***
(Let me say—before I get a bazillion email messages complaining about poor Edward—that I am Team Edward. But I do like love triangles. I've always thought that Bella needed someone a little older rather than younger, as Jacob was, to give Edward serious competition and keep things fresh and passionate between them. I couldn't resist the temptation to take a minor character like Demetri and give him a backstory or history, and a life of his own. I'm now more than a little attached to him. So, good or bad, he'll probably show up in future stories. Also, I hope you've noticed that Bella is making a transition through the novel as well. She's coming into her own strength and abilities and leaving the wimpy Bella in the past. It bothered me a little that Bella didn't think she deserved Edward, and that he saved her from a lonely, dull life—I loved it when a reader pointed that out earlier in the story. Thanks for the reviews! And thanks for reading. See you tomorrow. OTM)