EVIL BEWARE, WE HAVE UPDATE.
Chapter 3: Mulan
Mulan: Beastboy
Friend No.1: Raven
Friend No.2: Jinx
Friend No. 3: Terra
General: Starfire
Father: Cyborg
Mother: Robin
Dragon: Slade
Cricket: Trigon
Horse: Blackfire
Hun Army: Billy Numerous
Beastboy: Dude! I can't be Mulan! I'm a guy! If I'm her then I'll be a guy pretending to be a girl to be a guy!
Raven: Well, at least this time my role is relatively normal.
Jinx: Think again. (points to Terra still stuck in a rock)
Raven: …
Jinx: …
Terra: …
Trigon: Well at least you're not a cricket! (twitches feelers in his cricket costume)
Beastboy: Dude! (laughing) And I thought my role was bad.
Trigon: SILENCE MORTAL! (roars)
Beastboy: MEEP (hides behind statue of Terra)
Me: (comes out and zaps everyone) Muahaha. Thanks to my new super cool ray gun, your powers will be temporarily gone. Now, let the story begin!
(screen shows Mulan sitting in a corner of the garden very sad, sighing because she had been rejected by all the men in the country, and several giant pandas. Aww.)
"I am so sad because I have been rejected by every single guy and giant panda! Boohoohoo!" Mulan wailed.
But suddenly, the sound of horses were heard from a distance!
(screen shows general and other soldiers stopping at Mulan's residence and speaking to Mulan's father)
"Please, we require your assistance in the battle against the barbarians who are invading our territory. Will you accept?" the general said in a very feminine voice.
"Yes, I accept" the father said, acting macho.
"NO YOU CAN'T!" A very high pitched girly voice was heard. A green girl with blond hair resembling goldilocks was seen running towards her father.
"Dude you're too old! Your enemies will take one look at you and laugh their head off!" Mulan screeched.
"What? I'm not old! I'm perfectly fit!" her father shouted back.
"Don't act all cool and macho, dude. No one will blame you if you're too old," Mulan replied.
"I'm telling you I'm perfectly fine!"
"No you're not! It's all the meat you've been eating!"
"Meat? What does this have to do with meat?"
"It's bad for you!"
"Yeah, right! That coming from someone who lookd like a constipated Barbie doll! Hey Goldilocks! Where's your three bears?"
And the badly thought out puns continue. Meanwhile, over to the general. She – I mean he, seems to be having fun with mulan's mother, talking and… flirting?
HEY!
"Sorry."
Anyway, to cut a long story short, Mulan dressed up as her father to enlist in the army instead of him. She also cut off her hair and dyed it brown, so now she looked liked sewage water and… never mind.
Nevertheless, she had three companions. They were a horse, a small dragon, and an extra small cricket. Talk about lonely.
Still, Mulan felt confused and doubted whether her plan would work. Fortunately, her good friends were there to give her advice.
"You should turn back," the dragon said in a deep, dark, spooky voice. "Join me, and we will be unstoppable!"
"Err…"
"I disagree. You should go to the campsite as a spy and find out the general's weakness. Then, obliterate her! Muahaha!" the horse cackled.
"Okay…"
"Silence! Mulan, let your conscience be your guide. BURN THE PLACE DOWN! DESTROY EVERYTHING!"
"…"
Thankfully, Mulan had a can of cricket, horse and dragon spray with her.
A few minutes later, Mulan had reached the campsite and had signed in without anyone figuring out who she really was.
Beastboy: Well duh. I am a guy after all.
Me: Shut up or I'll zap you again.
Anyway, during the course of the army's training, our heroine had made friends. 3 of them in fact. Shocking, isn't it?
Beastboy: What's so shocking about me getting–
ZAP
The 4 of them were inseparable and formed a strong team. Mulan and two of her friends were the attackers, while the 3rd friend acted as their shield! How united the team was!
Even the general had begun to take notice of said group, and felt an unusual attraction to a particular soldier in question.
"You! Boy with the green skin! Your extraordinary fighting skills have made me full of joy! Come, let us now go to defeat the enemies that threaten our home planet!"
"You mean China," Mulan said.
So away they went, toward the Hun army base. However, when they reached there, they found the place littered with the bodies of… the Hun Army?
Billy Numerous: …Yo man, this ain't in the script… (collapses)
"Muahaha! Those fools didn't stand a chance against ME! The most powerful being in the galaxy!"
Hearing the evil cackling, Mulan and the army turned around to see…
Nothing.
"I'M DOWN HERE!
They looked down.
"Foolish mortals. You have come against me unprepared. Prepare to face the wrath of ME! The evil conscience cricket! HAHAHA!"
O.O
"Yes, I see that you are stunned by my presence. I have come for my revenge against the fool, Mulan!"
At the sound of her name, Mulan recovered from her initial shock at seeing said bug and said the first thing that was on her mind.
"Dude. You're a cricket."
And that was all it took for the cricket to begin its furious shouts and yells that included threats, curses, and a whole variety of PG-13 swear words.
A few minutes later, almost everyone had recovered from their shock and was staring at the cricket who was still continuing its ramblings.
Some more minutes passed and everyone had begun to drift away in search of more entertaining things to do. Even the author of this story was beginning to feel bored.
Mulan however, had strolled up to the cricket and-
Hey that's mine!
ZAP
The ramblings stopped, and there was peace and quiet again! Yay!
Everyone crowded around to congratulate Mulan but suddenly, she collapsed from the injury she sustained!
"Ow! I… err… hurt myself firing that ray gun thingy…" Mulan grunted with pain.
"…Wimp," muttered Friend No. 2.
While examining Mulan's wound, she was revealed to have GREEN SKIN!
Oh wait we knew that already.
"You… You are a guy!" gasped the general.
"Err…okay… Isn't that what I'm supposed to be?"
"Not in the all-GIRLS army you're not," said Friend No. 1.
"…" said Friend No. 3.
"I agree! Get him!" Friend No. 2 said with glowing pink eyes.
And thus the story ended. Mulan was beat up by the general, and Friends No. 1 and 2. Friend No. 3 just rolled over him a few times.
THE END.
Beastboy: That was the most messed up, warped version of a story ever! I mean first of all, what's with the girl army and the bug thing and-
Me: (rolls eyes)
ZAP
Heehee.