Lush
Chapter five:
[Renji]
My eyes opened to the beamed ray of sun that peered through my window. I sighed to myself. It's now becoming a habit. A bad habit. My hand touched the right of my bed. I never thought a small amount of space on my bed would upset me. Maybe because it always looks like this space belongs to someone else. Like someone is meant to lie beside me.
Of course, the first person that comes to find would be Rukia… But I already know that my thoughts were just, thoughts.
It's painful to think that way but that's the way it seems nowadays.
I hate feeling this way. I never thought that I would turn out this way. All because I didn't like the way Rukia reacted to my feelings.
"She didn't even give me a real response." I said to myself.
What now? Am I going to lay here and worry about this?
Or am I going to be a man and get over this? Ughh, I don't know anything anymore! I need a sign… A sign on what the hell I need to do.
Strangely enough, there was a light knock on my door. Without thinking, I hopped out of my bed and reached for the door.
"I'm sorry to wake you up so early in the morning."
I clenched my jaw. This isn't what I was asking for. But she must be here for a reason.
"Morning, Rukia." I said, opening the door a bit winder for her to enter.
Suddenly, my stomach decided to do some flips. Why am I freaking out? Am I going to behave this way every time I see her?
I watched her as she sat herself on my bed. She not once looked in my eyes. I do not like this already. Her face is telling me something. I'm not sure what, but it's nothing good. I just know it.
"So, what's on your mind? Rukia?" I stood over her, as she finally looks me in the eye. Well, for a moment.
"I wanted to first… say sorry for my behavior a while back. I was… overwhelmed."
"So was I."
A nervous smile appears on her face for she lowers her eyes to the floor. "Listen to me, Renji… I'm not… in love with you…"
That's was all I needed to here. But I continued to listen.
"You were family… from the beginning. And… I don't want things to feel out of place. I want to keep you… by my side… But not the way you want it to be…" Her hand reaches for mine. "I'm sorry."
Her tiny hand held mines tightly. I kept my eyes on our hands. I felt so right… But this isn't what I wanted. It's what she wanted. In a way, she wanted to see me suffer. She wanted me by her side… but not to be there because of love… But because of friendship.
And I'm so sick of it.
I pulled my hand away from her hands. "Thanks… You can go now. Rukia."
I didn't look at her while I was speaking to her. I just wanted her to go. I didn't even want to see her face.
I know I shouldn't be so upset but… it can't be helped. I've been holding on so long that felt like she was the one who betrayed me.
ButI'm wrong. I'm just letting my emotions get to me.
"Renji—"
"Please, Rukia. Leave me alone. Please."
She rose from my bed and stared at me for a good second before leaving me in my room.
For a moment, I thought I was gonna cry. I don't ever recall actually crying. I never found an actual reason to cry. Or to even think about what the word, cry, had even meant. But now that I'm standing here in my room, I know that I will always wake up wanting to cry… because now I know that the space on the left side of my bed will… always be empty.
It will never be Rukia by my side. No matter how she wants me to be by her side, it feels like I need to simply leave her alone. She was indeed like family but… my thoughts are so messed up right now, I'm not sure if my head is on straight.
I can't move. I can't. I don't know what to do. What am I going to do? Why can't I think straight? Why… Do I feel so alone?"
"I'm going to make sure you tell Rukia EVERYTHING."
I can hear Rangiku's voice in my head. She was so supportive. She was always there for me.
She was there to make me feel… so much better.
Rangiku…
My head shot up, the thought of her made me feel differently. She wasn't here to tell me that everything was going to be all right… I can hear her saying right now. It was quite frightening, actually.
Because… I found myself opening my door, to go find her. To go and find the one girl that can understand me completely. Rangiku.
A/N: Short, but sweet. Reviews please. And is it me or does the last two chapter of Rangiku's POV, kind of seemed a tad repetitive? See, this is what happens when you lose your originals. You lose track of what the hell you wrote. Sigh, oh well. I will make sure that the next chapter will make you feel all warm and fuzzy :)