*** This story contains some mild language, suspense, romance, and some frightening images and situations—13 and older, please.

In the Grip of Twilight

By:

Olivia Tannis Moore

Chapter Fifty Five:

Implosion

I stayed in my room for the remainder of the day, reading the translated pages; or so I tried…

My mind kept wandering, creating scenarios in which I'd tell Edward what I'd done to save us all. How much could I tell him without hurting him? That was the question I kept coming back to: just how much of the truth could he stand?

And what about me…how would I hold up to the questions he would ask? I didn't know how I felt about anything when it came to Demetri; I'd been avoiding that subject for sometime now. I knew I wanted to stay friends. But was that impossible now that we'd crossed the boundaries of friendship?

My stomach was nauseous and my heart raced in panic. I'd had no choice! No choice at all. Aro most likely would've destroyed all the vampires that could possible know the truth: the Cullens, me, Demetri…just like he destroyed Thaddeus. After all, the Cullens had been perilously close to the truth for years, with their dietary and social habits. Their souls were coming alive. How long would Aro have sat back and let that go on without intervening?

I paced the floor, no longer able to sit—everything I'd refused to think about in the past weeks was swelling inside me—if I didn't move, I would explode.

If I had been Demetri's lover in some past life, it was cruel to awaken me now to the fact. Isabeau was long-dead, cut down in her youth—I grabbed the crystal water glass from my bedside and hurled it against the wall. The shattering glass was a release—I could no longer hold the anguish in—and I screamed: "Let her rest in peace and let me have whatever happiness I can snatch from this life!"

I crumbled to the floor, fragmented like the countless shards of glass before me. I couldn't lose him. Edward was my life. That was what the little voice in my head was trying to tell me when I'd kissed Demetri…that little warning voice, not even a voice really, but might as well have been.

I put my hand in my jeans pocket and pulled the lower half of Edward's letter out. My hands shook like the first day I'd read it; only now, they shook for a different reason.

The words jumped out at me with an accusing finger pointing straight to my heart:

Carlisle once told me that there comes a time in every soulmate bond where one must make a leap of faith, sometimes a giant one. Because taking that leap will take us to higher ground, but denying it will only stifle the breath from our souls. I look to Carlisle and Esme and the passion they share for one another and I know this to be true—and I want that for us.

You've asked me to allow you to stand on your own…I am now taking that leap of faith. I'm taking it for us.

I closed my eyes tightly. His words had cracked me open and the honesty was spilling out across the floor; time to face reality and stop dancing around it. It was fire. It was going to burn. Get it over with.

It wasn't the kiss that had the potential to destroy us. Oh, no, we could easily survive something like that, especially under the circumstances. It was the knowing that could splinter us into a million little pieces… knowing that I had once belonged to Demetri, and that there was still the ghost of that love living inside me…

How could I tell him that?

How could I not?

Are you okay? Demetri's voice whispered in my head. I opened my eyes to stare at the shattered glass on the floor; my voice must have carried through the entire castle.

I sighed. Yes.

Do you want me to—

No, I said curtly.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

You know where to find me if you need me… and then he was gone.

I curled onto my side, the blue carpets plush and soothing under my cheek…and wondered why the tears would not come. They were there, right behind my eyes; I felt the pressure. I wanted them to flow and release this ache—I wanted them to come and make me feel hollow.

**

I counted down the hours until Edward's return by staring out the window in my room. I'd found some measure of peace by looking out and watching the sun rise and set overhead, as I took out every memory Edward and I had made together as if it were a photo album or a box of home movies that needed to be revisited. This was the life I knew…and this was the life I would cling to.

There would be no need in confessions right away. This was the time to prove that I loved him and wanted only him. I'd clear everything else from my mind, and not let anything get in the way of our reunion.

I closed my eyes and Edward's face appeared, his crooked smile tugging at my heart and making my breath ragged. I've missed you, I whispered. No one knows how much I've missed you…

**

Bella? Demetri's voice wafted through my thoughts. The Cullens are on their way from the airport. Do you want to go with me to meet them under the clock tower?

I startled awake. The room was dark. It had seemed like only minutes since the sun had set and I'd closed my eyes and daydreamed. I'd fallen asleep…which surprised me since I'd not slept, or felt the need to, in days.

My voice was low and raspy from sleep; the hard edge I'd taken with Demetri from the day before was gone. No. Actually, I'd prefer to meet them alone…if you don't mind?

If that's what you want to do… he replied softly.

It is.

He sighed. I'm not going to get in your way, Bella.

I didn't think you would…not on purpose. It was hard talking about this—with Edward on his way, and my progress with focusing on his return—I couldn't think about it, not now.

His sigh was louder. What's that supposed to mean?...not on purpose?

My voice hovered near hysterics. It means it's not your fault. It's mine. I take full responsibility.

Bella…calm down. He sounded worried, as if he were trying to talk me down from a skyscraper ledge. Everything will be okay—you'll see.

I've got to go… I said, and then I took a page out of Demetri's book of mental tricks, and I built a wall around my mind.

I went into the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water. For all the stress I'd been under, it didn't show on my face. But my eyes looked haunted…

"We'll be okay." I told my reflection. "We have to be."

And then I hurried out the door to meet Edward.

***

(Forgive any mistakes—life is hectic right now. Thanks for all the comments and reviews. I really appreciate them. And, as always, thanks for reading. I'll update again on Wednesday. OTM)