Lush
Chapter 11:
[Abarai]
So that's it...
No more tension. Right?
"I always wanted to do this."Rangiku commented, steeping in the grass barefooted. For the past four days, I have watched her even more, My duty to watch over her has grown stronger. My desire to keep my eye on her is greater than ever.
I smiled as I watched wander around the dark garden.
If it wasn't for the massive amount of lighting from the moon, I wouldn't have gotten to see this- Rangiku at her best. Eyes bright with enjoyment, and a vibe as strong as the heart that lies in her chest. I only get poetic when I'm lost for words.
"You should try it. The grass feels wonderful."Rangiku offers, reaching for me. "I'll pass. I'd rather lay in the grass than taking my shoes off-"
"Good then. I need to speak with you anyway."She tugged at my arm, forcing the both of us on the damped ground. The only thing I am able to look at now is the sky. But I can still feel her presence beside me.
"It's been a good while since we have asked each other what's going on in our minds."She began, laying comfortably beside me.
"It's true. It was the only things we spoke about in the beginning... But now that we have placed our sadness behind us, we don't really find the need to look for a shoulder to cry on."
Rangiku responds with a short sigh. As if she was saddened that we had rid the issues in our lives. "It's funny you should say that..."Again, she sighs, "My dreams of Gin... They have returned."
She didn't sound upset. There was more of exhaustion in her tone. I looked at her as she stared out. I didn't know what to say, actually. Rangiku turns her eyes to me then offers me a smile. "It seems that Gin still has a grasp on me. Somehow... It feels like I failed myself..."
"It feels like I failed YOU... Renji."
"How?"
"All of those words of encouragement and strength coming form you seems like such a waste now."
It must be discouraging. To have someone like Ichimaru to haunt her mind once again. I wanted to comfort her but I wasn't sure if it would help. "You didn't fail me, Rangiku."
I reached for her arm but she doesn't respond. In that case, I sat up and embraced her, tightly. "You have been surviving this for so long. You can't let him take you away now."
"You amaze me... Renji... Even in times like this... You always try to see the better side of everything. And for that I thank you."
I react with a smile.
Rangiku is strong. I'm sure she can overcome this. I'm sure of it.
As I held her, she rests her head comfortably on my shoulder. It was... very comfortable. I found the sudden urge to kiss the top of her head... For comfort...
So, I did.
Before she got a chance to react awkwardly, I spoke up. "So... What are these dreams like ?"I finally asked.
"They're... surprisingly pleasant."
"Pleasant?"I repeated.
Pleasant, she says. No wonder she doesn't seems as disturbed as before. She might not have told me much about those previous dreams, but still. "It's as if Gin somehow found out that I don't really need him... And that he's begging for my attention."
There was some slight humor in her voice. Flattered tone even.
She turns her head to me once more again. "He wants to take me away from you."
How life would be without Rangiku... It would be absolutely awful. I can't even imagine it. To not wake up and feel good because of her existence... To feel trapped where so few understood you... Rangiku is... Everything to me.
"He can try."I said, still holding her. "You're not going anywhere. You'll remain here, in my arms."
I could feel her stare on me. My eyes back at her quickly. "You got that?"
Her eye were full of surprise. But in a good way. Eventually, she smile and nods in agreement. "Yeah, I got it."
"Good then."
At that moment, it was then Rangiku and I stared at each other for the longest. Her eyes didn't pull away from mines. It's as if it was the first time we had seen each other for a very long time. "What are you thinking about?"I finally asked, still locking my eyes with hers.
"You."She admitted. "I'm very lucky to have you."
She rests her head on me again before eventually drifting off into a deep sleep...
...I wanted to say so much to her...
Things that I shouldn't say to her. Things that you only say to people that you... love.
I sigh in frustration, wondering what the hell is going on with me. Why do I feel this way?
"If you're so sleepy, you should just head back to the barracks."I spoke. She doesn't reply. I'll assume that she couldn't hear a word I was saying.
"Rangiku."I spoke softly.
She stirs slightly but my voice wasn't getting to her.
I brushed her hair from her face before staring her down again. "I wish I had fallen in love with you... Rangiku Matsumoto... Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have been so emotional with everything... I wouldn't have been so messed up with Rukia. And if I was a bit lucky... You would have at least let me down a bit easier..."
I wanted to say so much more... So much more...
After leaving Rangiku to her room, I decided to give myself the time to think. To REALLY think. Things have been so confusing lately. It's mostly because I'm the one making things difficult. For the both of us.
Now the question is...
What exactly am I looking for in my good friend, Rangiku. She's smart. beautiful. Strong. Funny. She's really... Everything.
Do I love her?
DO I?
Now's not the time to lie to myself. If I do love her, then I do. If otherwise, okay.
"Do I love her?"I spoke to myself.
Even if I do, will she accept me?
The thought of getting turned down feared me. It would hurt me more if she was to do so...
Then it must be true. I am in love with Rangiku. But for one thing, I can't tell her. For the sake of our friendship. Then it's decided. "I am in love with Matsumoto Rangiku."
Just saying it gives me the chills. It was exciting. I felt... good. I felt my lips tug into a smile.
I must have loved her for a while if I feel like this.
A/N: Aww, isn't that sweet? Who would have thought that OUR Renji would be the first to fall in love? I keep picturing Renji as this hopeless romantic. **aww Renji!**
HAHA but yeah. I must say I'm sorry. If I could, I would bow down for forgiveness for being such an awful author. My spring semester began and started to kick my ass early in the game. So, I apologize (again) if I'm updating slow AND that I like to jump around in my stories. Sorry guys! I love you all. I'll try my best to update more. Need reviews people!