SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! I NEEDED TIME TO THINK

WELL HERE IT IS!

JACOBS POV (BEFORE)

Oh

My

God.

I have never really been in Seth's house. I've been in the back yard for Harry's funeral service but that's about it. It was mainly because Seth's mom was so freaked about people ruining her furniture and getting mud on the carpet. Seth couldn't even go in unless he was spotless, so most of the time he would just crash at my place. I thought it was an OCD thing but I soon found out it was way worse

I've only been to church a few times when mom was a round. After she died we kind of fell out of the routine of going every Sunday. We never liked it any way and there wasn't anything new to learn about the Holly Father. I still remember what church looked liked and how it felt to be in a chapel; crosses every where along with pictures of Jesus and the last supper and you felt very uncomfortable because you were watching what you said and what you did. That's the main reason I never went again. I hated watching what I had to say.

Walking into Seth's house was like a flash back from when I went to church. I first noticed the strange tightness in my stomach then I saw the painting. Huge life like painting of Jesus, standing in front of a tree, with mountains and rivers behind him, and the sun above him making him glow. You knew right away it was Jesus 'cause of the typical beard and rags the Catholic people picture him with. It was placed right above the fire mantel in the main room which is around the corner when you walk in. My stomach knotted at the sight of it.

Seth must have seen my expression. "Yeah, mom's kind of a religion nut. I guess it's her new hobby or something since dad died. I gotta warn ya, it gets worse." Seth sounded sheepish, turning pink on his cheeks.

I shrugged trying to brush off the nausea. "No problem. It's not like crosses burn me or anything." I almost laughed at the irony. Crosses won't do anything to me, but to a certain coven down the way it should burn them down to ashes. "Just hope you don't have sliver bullets."

Seth cracked a smile. We headed through the kitchen and up the stairs to Leah's room. I averted my eyes to the floor while walking through the house. Crosses and pictures and lines from the bible covered the walls making my stomach churn more heavily. I didn't like the feeling in my gut but couldn't do anything about it. I didn't blame Set either. It wasn't his fault his mom went crazy after her husband died, nor was it his fault I get sick at the sight of one cross. Walking through the Clearwater's house made me realize how unattached I became to my religion. The realization wasn't strong enough to go back to services but maybe to rethink the whole every thing that is holy is deadly thing.

Seth stopped at a closed door, music blaring from the other side, which was the only thing that seemed normal in the house.

"She's in there." He nodded towards the door.

I glared at him. He was close to me popping him on the head but I knew he wanted this to be over with just as much as I wanted it to be. I took a breath and banged on the door.

"I told you to leave me alone, mom!" Leah's voice rang over the music.

I smiled lightly. She's such a bitch. "You never told me." I didn't have to yell over the music, she could hear me just fine.

A few seconds later the music died down. The door opened a crack with a bitter profile staring me down. "What the hell are you doing here?"

I glanced at Seth briefly then shrugged. "You looked kind of troubled. Thought I can help sort out something."

"Oh you know perfectly well what I want you to do, you big ass…" she stopped herself. She took long even breaths, trying to calm her anger before it took over. I noticed her hands shaking by her side, only subsiding when she calmed down. "Look, Jacob, I don't want to talk, ok? I just wanna be left alone for a while, to have all my thoughts to myself. You understand, right?"

I did fully understand. I had the same issue last year when everything went into chaos. No where was safe for me to have all of my thoughts to myself and that's what I needed the most; privacy. Every where I turned I found myself being prodded in the head; weather it was my dad or the pack. The only solution was to get away, far away, and become one with my other half. I thought it was the best thing at the time but I soon found out that the longer I stayed detached the more animal I became. I mean, I didn't mind the hunting and the short to the point thoughts but what I did mind was the coarse hardship of the lonely nights; and the fact that when I did face my problems they seemed to have grown bigger. Leah is a tough chick; she has to be to put up with the rest of the pack. I just don't want her to figure out that being completely alone to herself is not the best solution. She needed to, dare I say it, talk to someone about her feelings and thoughts. I groaned because I realized that I was gonna be the person to listen.

She was waiting for me to leave but I stayed put. I could tell by the deadly silence that my life was hanging by threads and I was just standing there, practically mocking death…..figuratively.

She got the point that I wasn't leaving. She rolled her eyes and flung the door open. I didn't need any more of an invitation.

Her room…..oh God her room was worse then the rest of the house. Not a single cross or bible verse in sight, that was the plus, but my stomach did not ease one bit. You would think because she was a teen girl there would be posters of the latest heart throb covering her walls and make up lining her desk and dresser. But as usual, Leah has to be difficult and do the complete opposite. Instead of the heart throb on her walls pictures of distorted animals and people covered in grotesque bloody slime filled the white plywood. Her dresser held stuff animals with body parts missing; a teddy bear with one eye, a rabbit with out his other ear and a wolf that looked like it had been burned, cut, and beaten with a bat. That one was facing the other way then the others so you couldn't see its face. (Another twist in my gut.) I walked in further and saw more disturbing pictures but they were of her and her family. A framed family portrait sat peacefully at the edge of the desk, the glass cracked and the frame bent. Looking closer I saw that she scratched out herself, Seth, and Harry. The only persons left were her mom and Emily standing next to blank spots. A chill ran through me as if the cold affected me. This was no room, this was Hell surfacing. Suddenly I missed the crosses.

"Not into dark culture? It's hot in Europe; they call it 'Reborn into the Dark Times.'"

Leah sneered in a heavy voice. She flopped on the mattress by the only window in the room. "This is why I don't have friends over."

Funny, I would've thought it was because her mom's obsession to the Lord, or the fact she doesn't have any friends. Not anymore at least.

I picked up the photo frame and held it out to Leah. "Why?"

She glanced at it then quickly looked away. "Why what? Why is the glass broken or why did I scratch out Harry, Seth, and myself?"

I looked at her pointedly.

She sighed and sat up straighter. "Because it seemed right to erase my dad, Seth, and myself."

"What do you mean?" I sat against the desk crossing my legs.

"You know how we probably wont be able to die and whatever because we'll live forever if we keep changing?"

I noded

"In the bible it says that only the damned can live forever so I figured if Seth and I are damned then we're not really apart of this family. So I crossed out the people that are gone, leaving only my mom and Emily."

I just stared at her taking in what she had said. This chick is seriously screwed up. I mean I see where's she's coming from, I kinda feel that way sometimes, but she takes it to a new level. I would never think about being damned and then saying half of your family is the same. Seth was right, Leah does need some help, I just don't know if I can help her.

The minutes droned on in silence. I tossed the picture aside not worrying about her fleeting sanity and settled down on the ground, resting my head on my arms and stretched out my legs. The sun out side her window was low and setting quickly. It reminded me how much sleep I've gotten which calculates to zero. I haven't gotten a wink of sleep since the other day. I'm weighted down with exhaustion; I swear I couldn't even think about lifting my leg without hurting. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and slip into a complete disturbance free sleep. But I couldn't, not until this whole thing with Leah is resolved. I could tell she wanted to sleep to, or be left alone to her fucked up room, and I was happy to oblige.

"Listen Leah," I let out a yawn "I don't want to be here and you don't want me here. So just say what I need you to say so Seth can get off my back." I meant it was a smart ass joke but the look on her face said she took it differently.

Her face holds a mixture of pain and defeat. "How do you know I don't want you here?"

I shrug avoiding her eyes. She was scaring me, looking like a lost puppy. I've never seen her vulnerable, she always had this guard up protecting her inner emotions with a tough, don't-give-a-shit attitude. For the first time since we all became aware of the were- wolf thing I saw who she truly was, a hurt defensive less girl who desperately needed someone to confide in. I cursed inwardly for realizing I practically volunteered for being that person.

"You know what, fuck it. I want you out now, Jacob." She climbs over me and stands by the door. So much for her guard being down.

I make a big show of trying to get up but in the end flop back down with exaggerated frustration. "Aw wish I can but looks like I'm fresh out of gas." Truth be told I had enough strength to get up and walk to Seth's room to catch a few Zz's but seeing how confused and lost Leah is made me want try to help out. What kind of leader would I be if I'm not sensitive about my packs feelings?

Leah knew I was lying, obviously, and starts to get upset. Her hands start shaking by her side even though she tried hard to hide it. I needed her to calm down.

I pat her bed "Come here and let's talk, seriously. I want to know what's going on. I'm being honest."

Something gleamed in her eye and then vanished. She throws up her hands. "You wanna talk? Fine," she plops back on her bed "lets talk."

We end up just staring at each other. I wasn't sure how to begin. I'm not at all good with this kind of stuff. Never really been the go to guy for a huge touchy, touchy talk. I give it short and to the point so maybe that's how I should handle this. But it's not me who starts up.

"You shouldn't bother even trying to talk to me or understand me. You have no idea what I'm going through."

Typical teen girl angst; thinking no one has gone through hard times. I just roll my eyes. "Like I don't know how losing a parent feels or getting set up into shit you don't want to be involved in, or losing the only love of your life. Yeah, Leah, you're the only one going through shit and no one gets it." I started to get aggravated. Listening to Leah made me think of my life which I've been avoiding since my mom died. I realized that I run away from my issues. Shit, I'm probably more fucked up then her. I know I am so listening to this pisses me off.

She's pissed off too. "Don't give me that shit. I know you've gone through a lot but I'm not you. I don't deal like you. I'm trying to do what you do, block it off and ignore it but it's not fucking working! I'm trapped Jacob, walled in. I can't get out" Tears are starting to form. Crap not what I wanted. My defenses went down and I started to feel sympathy.

I sigh. "Okay, okay calm down. I don't want you to start crying."

It doesn't work. Her tears spilled over and she had to grab a tissue to whip them away.

I'm worried. I'm actually worried about her. I haul myself off the ground and sit next to her on the bed. Not close enough to feel awkward but enough so she knows I'm gonna be there for her.

She blows her nose in the tissue and tossed it aside. "That's not even the worst part." She puts her head in her hands.

Great, I thought but quickly stop. I'm being supportive. I attentively pat her on her shoulder not know how she would react to this gesture. She's so vulnerable that she didn't push me away. "It's not that bad." I said trying not to sound like a parent. I figure that I do. "Okay it's pretty screwed up."

She managed a laugh. "Tell me about." She looked up me; her puffing red eyes looked innocent and confused. I didn't know why but I liked her looking like this. It stirred something inside me that I haven't felt in a while. I looked back at her hazel eyes forgetting how I can't stand her and thinking how tempting she looks. What? How tempting she looks? What am I thinking? I never thought that about someone, not even Bella. I never thought of Bella as someone to have sex with or any of that; just someone to love. But Leah made me feel like that, just for a bit until I snapped out of it. That's dangerous waters to cross and I don't even want to, or do I? Do I? No, no I don't…I'm sure I don't. I was confused with all the emotions going through the room and my lack of sleep. I needed to get out of there but when I tried to a look of panic crossed her face.

"Don't leave! Please don't Jake; I don't want to be alone tonight. Crash here, the floor's all yours." She jumped up and kicked aside some junk to make room on the floor. She then went to her closet and pulled out a pillow and a blanket. She threw them on the floor and gestured for me to lie down. "Please, I know I don't deserve your company after the crap I made you go through but humor me. Just stay over night so I can calm down then I'll kick you out in the morning. Deal?"

She's gone crazy. Completely insane. I thought that's what she wanted all along, to be alone. Now all of a sudden she craved company; my company above all else. We can't stand each other, or at least we couldn't. I can't tell anymore. But I could tell that I was beyond exhaustion and I wasn't gonna make it home with out passing out.

Without a word I slumped to the floor and crawled to the make shift bed, trying hard not to think about anything. Not Leah, not what might happen, not Bella, not anything. I settled down with an empty head I figured if she didn't let me leave then I could sleep a few hours and sneak out with out her noticing. Good a plan as any.

Leah maneuvered around me and as she stepped right above me my heart sped up. No! Not gonna think about anything just my breathing. She slipped back into her bed and before she turned off the light she looked at me. "Sorry about this. I know I'm the last person you want to be with," I roll my eyes, not knowing if right at that moment she was the last person I wanted to be with. She continued, "But it's nice of you for doing this. I mean it; though I might not tomorrow, so don't make me repeat this…Thank you." She quickly flipped the switch and hid under the covers.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I gave up trying to block my thoughts from anything; I thought about Bella and her new life without me, I thought about the pack and how I'm suppose to be this strong leader but really all I want to do is crawl in some hole and cry, and lastly I thought about Leah and her new softness towards me. I thought about how this would have never happened if I didn't see her dream and her freaking about it. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise; maybe this might dissolve the hatred that we have among us. But if I don't hate her, then how would I feel about her? I wouldn't think about then, just how much I needed sleep. Before I gave into the sweet temptation of sleep I remembered what we were discussing minutes before.

"Wait," I mumbled fighting to stay awake for a few more seconds "You never told me what the worst part was."

She groaned and waved me off. "Tell ya tomorrow, maybe."

I couldn't fight it off any longer and fell into the darkness to be embraced with the dream I saw Leah dreaming hours earlier.

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