*** This story contains some mild language, suspense, romance, and some frightening images and situations—13 and older, please.

** This chapter contains brief references to sexuality.

In the Grip of Twilight

By:

Olivia Tannis Moore

Chapter Sixty Nine:

Confessions of a Lifetime

Demetri followed me back out to the living room where the Cullens were gathered around Muriel. A quick glance told me that the Cullens were enraptured by this woman as they listened to her retell the Vampire and Lycan history—they didn't even look up as Demetri and I swept past them on our way out to the front porch.

"There was no other way, Bella," Demetri told me as soon as the door closed behind us. "You don't know how lucky we are that I had enough of Edward's venom stored away…"

But I shook my head. That wasn't what I wanted to discuss with him. He didn't know it yet, but I was going back to the castle with him to look for Alice. "No, your idea was ingenious…I guess I was just in shock. I forget how resilient you guys are…" I sat down on the wooden plank floor. "So, when are you going back to give Aro his proof?"

He sat down beside me, yet at a respectable distance. "Sundown. If I go back too early Aro will have me mapping war strategies again…and I'm through with that."

I turned to look at him, surprised by this announcement. "Through with it? But you're Captain of the Guard—isn't that kind of a permanent position?"

He shrugged. "I've no heart for it anymore…seems pointless now anyway. The Lycans have to put the Volturi down for good if we hope to live past the war. Besides, I'm tired of pretending to be something that I'm not. I'm going to officially step down and covertly work with the Lycans—at least I know where I stand with them."

Fear crept into my voice. "Won't Aro come after you for desertion? Won't he consider it personal?"

"I don't know or care. After the war, I'm going home anyway."

Demetri smiled at my loss for words. Then he shook his head slowly as if he couldn't believe it either. "Don't look so surprised. It all started with you anyway…my allegiance was to you first…but things slowly changed… I changed."

He looked over at me, his eyes as earnest as I'd ever seen them. "To love you is to love all that is good in this world—there's no half-assed second guessing—and by doing those things to protect you, I lost all the apathy that I'd fought to hold on to—" His laugh was sudden and ironic. "—What took me almost a millennia to perfect, you tore down in a matter of weeks. And for that reason alone, I can't stay here…"

He sighed and tilted his head back to rest against the house. "Home to England is the obvious choice. But the question remains: How can I possibly live without you for a second time? I don't know that I can…"

My heart was breaking in half. I'd thought it impossible to love anyone other than Edward, but when I'd walked into the bedroom and seen him, I had wondered the same thing…how could I leave him behind? My future was with Edward, but this man had carved his own love from my past and my present. I loved him—I knew that now. I had loved him ages ago—and I still loved him now. And although those old feelings had surfaced and complicated things, ultimately I knew what would have to be done.

"I can't encourage you…" I told him bluntly. "I will leave when the time comes."

He leaned over crossing the space, that imaginary line drawn between us. His face was hopeful. "But you're not discouraging me either, is that it?"

His nearness made my breath catch in the back of my throat. "I'm saying that my plans haven't changed. I'm leaving with Edward—but I'm no longer able to deny these feelings I have for you. I know what you once meant to me." And then I told him about the flashback I'd had just that morning.

He was silent. His hands shook, and it appeared as if he didn't know what to do with them, so he gripped his thighs.

Minutes went by with just the leaves overhead rustling with the breeze.

Then he closed his eyes and said, "You can't turn your back on us—not now that you know how much we loved one another. There's no way. I refuse to believe it."

I sighed. "You say that knowing that Edward and I have bonded…"

"You and I were once bonded in the flesh," he replied. "Or didn't you see that in your trip to the past?"

I flushed. "I didn't see that—but I know we did. I felt the intimacy between us." I looked out into the forest. "Can we talk about something else?"

But he wasn't quite ready to let it go.

"I don't care that you took Edward's venom," he whispered. "It bothered me at first, I won't lie. But I've watched too many vampires give it away on a whim to place too much value in it. Venom is just a hideous reminder of what we are…immortality is perhaps the best thing about it, and that's debatable…but there are other gifts I'd prefer to give."

His confession caught me off-guard; the curling tendrils of warmth spread through my body and my breath became shallow as I thought of the gifts he was no doubt referring to. My eyes were drawn to his mouth, remembering for a split second how it felt against mine…the taste of him… I looked off into the trees and tried to dissolve my wicked thoughts. Yet, I gave in to the burning question in my mind. "You've never given your venom away?"

He snorted softly. "No."

His answer brought the warmth back to my belly. He had been more than willing to transform me with his own venom. "Really? Why?"

"Mostly, it was selfishness. For a long time after I was turned, I raged against the world. Everything had been taken from me—and in its place I was given this ugly thing that craved the blood of that which was stolen from me. Do unto others what has been done to you…" he said grimly. "So I took…I took a lot. I became so good at taking that I put the monster on the pedestal and refused to share him with anyone."

"You never seemed vicious to me," I admitted to him. "Not even at the first."

"That's because there was no room for both you and the monster on the pedestal. So the monster had to go…" He half-smiled. "The lady slew the dragon."

"Not with a sword, I didn't."

He laughed, knowing I was thinking about my first encounter with the Lycans and my thoroughly embarrassing handling of his sword. "No, not with a sword," he agreed.

I feel silent then. The reminder of our adventures together made me unbearably sad. We had made memories that we could now talk and laugh over, but soon that would end. I don't know how not to hurt you…

And I didn't even realize I'd actually projected the thought to him until he turned to me and said, That's simple… stay with me.

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